Tales of Midbar: Secret Priest

“What the fornication are you doing here?” asked Nudas. “You look awful but I heard what happened in the park.”

I’d arrived on the doorstep of his house. I knew where it was because his wife was one of Mum’s friends. Dwendra wasn’t sure if this was a good idea but I thought it best to put an honest cop onto what had happened at the temple. We’d left Miandri there but didn’t think anything bad would happen to her before she woke up.

“I think you’re a good cop who doesn’t like Benai Nibeyim,” I said.

“That’s probably why they removed me from the investigation of whatever happened at your house and the serial rape case, although we’d figured out it had nothing to do with you. They probably figured out we’d questioned you about it.”

“I don’t remember that!”

“No. Benai Nibeyim forbid us to investigate you so after questioning you, we used a date rape spell on you.”

“So that’s why I had a date rape spell put on me! You mean I wasn’t actually ..?”

“Not unless it happened between you leaving the station and coming round but that should only have been a few minutes.”

I hadn’t realized it was important before but it would only take a few minutes to walk from the police station to Tianamet Lane.

“That’s a relief although that was rather traumatic, like the worst experience of my life until ... never mind!”

“Well we found out the rapes had nothing to do with you, although you were the obvious suspect.”

“That isn’t exactly true, that they had nothing to do with me. It was being done by those boys from my school who were killed in Valley Park, they were working on orders from Master Kiard, who’s a member of Benai Nibeyim, and raping girls who I had a chance of having sex with.”

“I think that’s highly unlikely although it would explain why the other cops ignored the fact they were all found to have date rape magic residue on them when we checked the boys from your school and they’re being very quick to chalk that up to an unfortunate magic accident. Any idea why they don’t want you to have sex, it sounds weird even for them?”

“I think they believe I’m a Yohoist priest and therefore can only marry a virgin psychic. There’s obviously a bit more to it than that. I think one group is less fussy than another lot so the more fussy group is having girls they don’t approve of, which is basically all of them, raped so the less fussy group won’t accept them.”

“Aren’t you a Trulist? All the Yohoists are dead and you’re not allowed to have sex with a psychic?”

“I think there’s one surviving Yohoist. The Yohoist priesthood was hereditary so I think Benai Nibeyim believe I’m descended from them. I haven’t had any priest training or anything. Anyway, I suggest if you go to the temple and check the Kindras room, you’ll find something interesting.”

“What?”

“I’m an anav! I have some ability to foresee the future!”

I re-joined Dwendra who was waiting in the street. We’d gone back in time to about half an hour before the mass suicide to get alibis.

“Now I suggest a good place is the Arts Cafe,” I said. “It’s very popular and has live acts pretty much all the time. Tonight they’ve got an open stage so we can tell a few jokes or something.”

“I art a good singer,” said Dwendra.

“As long as people remember us.”

“How art thou and thou’s father different?”

I thought that was an odd question and said, “Well apart from the obvious, he was born in Ermish and I was born here in Laraget.”

“Thou art a firstborn son?”

“Yes.”

“Is thou’s father also?”

“No, he’s his parents’ second son.”

“Hast his elder brother had a successful career?”

“No, he died when he was six months old.”

“Art Miandri’s father a firstborn?”

“I don’t know.”

“Firstborn belongeth unto Yoho but shouldst be redeemed. That may be why Benai Nibeyim considereth you to be a priest but not your father although that art a distortion of the law.”

The Arts Cafe was a hexagonal building, with a pointed roof and the walls mostly made of geodeserine. It was unusually crowded and my immediate reaction was to go somewhere where we’d be more conspicuous.

“I will miss your smile,” said a female voice over the loudspeakers.

There was a system of microphones and speakers, probably composed of ancient components but I didn’t really know. I’d tried asking the staff about this but they didn’t seem to know anything except not to let people examine it.

“I will miss your hugs.”

Vadran came up and poked me and then Dwenda. He was a hipsick who went to my school. Rather a Kreldi, not really a bully, he liked to make others look silly but didn’t seem to target particular people and was often kind. Dwendra gave him a very cross look.

“I don’t believe it!” said Vadran. “You’ve got a date!”

“I will miss your voice.”

“We art merely friends,” said Dwendra.

“That’s what they all say!” said Vadran. He turned back to a group of teenagers who were mostly from my school. “Hey Clindar’s got a date!”

“I will miss your kisses.”

“This is no time for humor,” one of his companions said.

Looking round, I saw most the people there were from my school. Then I saw the stage!

“I will miss having you inside me,” said Pendina. “Most of all I will miss you.”

She was sitting in the middle of the stage holding a sheet of paper, typically in a way that showed off her fingers, and looking very sad. Around her were five large photographs of Jedris, Orblas, Goflakh, Utnisdian and Sned.

“Are you from Yoho Temple Academy?” asked a waitress. “You look awfully pale, this must be hard for you.”

“Yes,” I said.

“We seem to be having an ad-hoc memorial thing. It seems they were good athletes and very popular. What would you like to drink?”

We ordered drinks and food and sat down. A lot of people seemed to be looking at us and whispering. For once I didn’t mind as I wanted everybody to know we were here.

“Have you noticed,” I said, “how whenever a teenager dies people always say they were good athletes and very popular. It’s like if they were psychic nobody would care.”

“It wert different in my time,” said Dwendra. “They wouldst say how devout they were in their religion. Heretics never seemed to die.”

Dwendra went to use the toilet.

“I have been warned thou art a rapist,” said Dwendra when she returned. “I didst tell them I didst not believeth that and they didst say girls who thou liketh keep getting raped.”

The captain of the bounceball team was saying what great players the rapists had been.

“How am I supposed to get a girlfriend,” I said, “if I’m blamed for what those pools of diarrhea did! The police aren’t allowed to investigate me so they can’t officially say I’m innocent. Apparently they’re writing this off as a magic accident..”

“I didst telleth them I didst not believeth them for we hath been alone together and thou didst not violateth me. I seeth not how we canst tell the truth without incriminating ourselves in other issues.”

“I wonder if we could link that camera up to their PA system, they have a screen.”

“That wouldst greatly dishonoreth the victims.”

“Why, they didn’t do anything wrong?”

“I doth not understandeth but I knoweth ist how people doth thinketh.”