Remembering You

It is one in the morning and I am lying in bed thinking about all the reasons why I should not text you. Why I should not be thinking about you. Why I care about you? But only one comes to mind; you honestly do not care.

You do not care about a person who is here to listen. Or who is here to give you that love you have been craving. You do not care about being loved anymore. But the thing is I want to be there for you. Because even if you do not care, I do.

You see, I want to know how you are doing and if you have been feeling. I want to know if you are happy finally or just putting on a show. I want to know if you have been well enough to see all your friends or even if you have sobered up. I want to know if you have spoken to your mother about all the things that you said you would. Or if you have confronted that person who has been tormenting you.

I want to know what is going through that beautiful mind of yours. If you are crashing or need someone to talk to. I want to know if you thought I was a just a space filler for the girl you are in love with. But most of all I want to know if you thought I was worth it like you said I was.

Except, I cannot text or call you drunk or sober and ask you those things. I cannot do any of it because I am deathly afraid that you will not answer, or you do not give a shit anymore. I am afraid that you will tell me what my heart already has.

But you should know that I do not break my promises. I will still answer your calls or texts, because even you are worth it to me. Because I hope when all else fails you still want me to be there to make things better.

But hey, I just want the best for you. That is all I have ever wanted for you.

As things go on, I wish you could change the way you saw things. The way things hurt you more than you could imagine. As it would seem, you felt the world crashing down on you. You felt so much pain that you must do the drugs to escape your fate. As it would seem, you must drink your nights away in order to forget the memories that come flooding back.

But one day, you will grow past this. Or so I hope. So, remember the girl who comforted you while the one you love forgot you existed. Remember your way back to reality not back down the rabbit hole. Remember that everything was done in your life to teach you, to make you grow, to make you better. So, while you are lost, let that crazy feeling of hope lead you back to your home.