Mortal Magic: Broken

The rest of the days were much quieter than that first one. I wasn’t so worked up about Atreus and he seemed to not give mind to what happened between us. On the contrary he was purposefully avoiding the subject and focused on my training which turned from physical to one fit to train the mind and my powers. He claimed that I had issues I needed to deal with before my magic let me access its full potential and I knew exactly what he was referring to.

He thought that the issue was my anger towards him, but in truth that wasn’t the case at all. I had gotten over my anger for him and his past actions. I had not forgiven him since he could never be redeemed for his past, but I didn’t hold it against him either. I accepted that it was the way things unfolded and quite frankly had no right to make him a villain because he did something he thought would protect his children. I couldn’t understand why he chose to give us away instead of fighting, but he did it because he thought it was the right thing to do.

We still used the same hall for the training although we didn’t fight in it. He was making me understand my magic. How it worked and what it wanted from me. The way it was affected by my emotions and how they affected my state of mind once I was overcome by anger like all these times before. In two long days I learned that whenever I was furious or in too much pain my magic took over and in the first case suppressed all rational thought and let my anger run its course. However when I was in pain, mostly emotional since physical I could handle pretty well, my magic was isolating me from everything, keeping everyone around me far away using the same mana waves I emitted four times already. It was protecting me from everything but what I truly wanted, my pain, which I had to deal with myself.

That however I learnt myself. The rest only knew about my anger since the only time I was in that much pain was years ago. And I never even saw what my magic did the first time I realized I had killed someone. When I had returned to my cell that day I couldn’t feel the waves in that small space and people thought of them as nothing more than a breeze. Years later the realization hit me when I connected the dots from the anger.

I learned to control the flow of my mana as it run through my body to strengthen myself without using magic and keeping myself healthier. I learned how to channel magic to the rest of the world faster when I needed to unload the excess mana that was making me sick and also how to create more, faster and keep more mana inside me without getting weak or sick.

After these two days I came to the conclusion that my magic was more a part of me than I thought. It was tied to my emotions and it was more like breathing than a means to an end unlike Yuto’s magic. However I was still unable to make myself use the master arte, even though I had managed to stop my body from degenerating fast. My hair hadn’t turned whiter since the night I spent with Maia like I did every night since then. She moved to my room for as long I was here and no one said anything, in fact I suspected they wanted this to happen and that was irritating, but I wasn’t about to complain about it now.

In fact even if I wanted to do so I couldn’t because I was supposed to be concentrating here. My task for today was to focus my mind to see the mana around, feel it and recognize the way it moves. I wasn’t sure if this skill was essential to me but Atreus had reassured me that I needed to understand mana as well as my powers to be a master magus. To tell the truth it wasn’t that hard to feel mana, I did it for a long time. And neither was to understand it, its purpose to give life and maintain it no matter the cost. What was hard was my task to see through it instead of my eyesight.

But I was nowhere near that goal since my mind kept returning to Maia who today was so cheerful that it was strange to me. I woke up to find her getting dressed and running off after she told me that Atreus had decided to train me in something new. “Focus Archer. To see through mana you need a clear and set mind”. The annoying part was that he knew every time my mind drifted away from my task and he had given me and was quick to lecture me about it.

I let out an exasperated sigh and ignored him this time by opening my eyes. He was still sitting there in front of me cross-legged like me and he too had lost his shirt like me. It was the first time I was seeing him without a shirt and I had to admit for his age I expected him to be out of shape, but his muscles really rivaled those of Yuto, and he had plenty of them. He was watching me all the time and I felt his eyes on me when I had my own closed. I wiped the sweat on my forehead with the back of my hand and then straightened my back that felt sore from the three hours I was still. Even my legs had started to feel numb at some point and we had to stop since I could not focus on anything else. “You know feeling your eyes on me and hearing you chiding me every time I lose focus is not helping that much”.

He shook his head and then let it hang in frustration. He was losing patience and so was I for that matter. “I’m doing this for your own good. If you don’t concentrate then you won’t be able to do this”. I glared at him and tried not to let this annoy me more but he was making it so hard for me that I decided to let myself go. “And how may I ask teaching me to see with my eyes closed help me live by using the master arte”? He didn’t answer to that but instead he turned his head elsewhere. “Just like I thought”.

I closed my eyes again and focused on the mana around me. Observing it, studying it, watching the way it moved whenever something else moved. Every time I drew breath the mana directly around my body moved closer to me but it never entered my body, while every time Atreus did he took mana inside him. I tried moving my hands a bit in front of me and I saw that the mana was acting more like water than I thought at first. It was like I was swimming in it along with everything else and my every move created ripples inside that sea of mana.

I focused on the ripples and created more by moving my hands more. My hypothesis was correct and so I turned my head to where Atreus should be. He was now standing and pacing back and forth a few feet away from me but in front of me. I saw what I assumed was his figure inside the mana as it rippled around him and adapted to his body. He turned his head towards me and stopped moving for a bit before he turned his whole body to me and came a bit closer but still out of my reach.

Since he wasn’t so interesting to watch I looked around the room and I saw that this new way of seeing wasn’t limited by objects and walls. The walls looked like glass that I could just see right through it as did everything else. I could see the ripples in the distance but I could not read them so I concentrated on those closer to me. I saw people walking and in the corridor outside and the guards standing at the door like watchdogs. And right then one man came walking fast to the door where they bowed their heads to him and went for the door. “Someone’s coming”.

I saw Atreus turn his head to the door and he had his arms crossed at the moment. The man entered the hall and the doors closed behind him immediately. He came closer but he stopped halfway and bowed. “My lord if I may, I hope I’m not interrupting something important”. The man’s voice sounded old but not old enough to be close to Atreus’. “Don’t worry Victor you are not interrupting. What is it that you want”?

The man named Victor hesitated for more than a few moments and I was sure he was looking at me thinking about something. “Pardon me my lord but while the matter can wait it would be best if only trusted individuals know about it”. So I was not trusted here. Not that it was of any surprise to me. I was after all a hated person for attempting the murder of a master magus, the freak that killed the beast in the arena by impaling every inch of its body with weapons I made out of thin air, and now I was kept here in the castle after my crime was legally forgotten. All that sure seemed enough to not trust me for anything. “Don’t worry Victor. That man is my son that I thought dead, if I don’t trust him then I don’t trust anyone. Besides he is the one who saw you at the door before it even opened”.

“That’s Archer? The one we all thought dead? Wasn’t he the one ordered for execution that butchered the lion”? His voice changed from cautious to curious and was also laced with disbelief. I opened my eyes and looked at the man for the first time using my eyes. He looked somewhat tall even crouched as he was. His skin had a light brown tone and his hair was short and black like the night. His eyes a golden yellow that darkened to bronze in the center. I was sure that I had seen that man before, and that was before I came here five days ago.

“I take it from your tone and words that this isn’t the first time we meet”. I got up on my feet and generally ignored the man dressed in too fancy cloths to be just anyone. I supposed he had a rank close to Atreus but that was it. And although his face did seem familiar it didn’t trigger any memories so if I did meet him before he wasn’t that important to me. “Of course this isn’t the first time. You and my daughter used to be inseparable, it was often that when we couldn’t find you that you had sneaked off the maid’s care to go and find her. She became a maid here in the castle, she would be very happy to see you again after what we all thought happened to you”.

“There is no need for something like that, I won’t be staying. I’ll leave in two days at best, I don’t have the time”. I kept my tone uninterested and distant and that didn’t go unnoticed. The man got on his feet and was giving me a weird look and he was trying to figure out something. That was when Atreus spoke again. “He doesn’t remember his life from before. He barely remembered me and that was because he hates me. He doesn’t remember you or Nora”. That name, Nora. It brought certain emotions with it when I heard it. It brought the joy and happiness of a kid that didn’t have a care in the world if he was being sought after as long as he had fun with his one friend. I pushed the memory back and let it fade away as I focused on anything else.

The man lowered his eyes that seemed sad and nodded in understanding. “How is little Ashe then. I take it she is here as well”? In that moment I lost all the calmness I had and I fired a dozen or so projections on the nearest wall. When the last one had penetrated the stone and faded I took deep breaths avoiding the question. But someone else answered in my place. “It’s better if we talk about this alone Victor, it’s a touchy subject. What is it that you wanted”?

Fortunately the subject of the conversation changed and I was left out of it for now. I was looking at the wall that I impaled with my magic and tried to tune out the words they were saying. It was some time later that I heard my name and turned around just in time to see my shirt being thrown at me and grabbed it. “Come, training is over for today. There is a matter I must attend to and I want you to accompany me”. I put on my shirt as Atreus was already heading for the door fully clothed and followed behind him.

I didn’t understand why he wanted me to go with him. I knew nothing of the politics he encountered every day and I would be of no help to him. Besides I needed to cast a spell to survive in the long run. We walked through the corridors with the man Victor next to us. He was still studying me and taking in my appearance. He saw the scars I was sure of it, maybe he just couldn’t place them. “What”? He acted like he wasn’t observing me but he knew that I wasn’t a fool by now. Guilt and embarrassment were evident in his face as I waited for his reply. “Nothing. It’s just that I never imagined that you would turn out like this. Your body is scarred forever and your hair has turned silver from your power. Yes I know about the curse of the royal family, I’m basically the retainer of the current generations, yours and your father’s”.

He had a somewhat nostalgic and sad tone in his voice as he was talking. And it became clear when he talked about the cost of our power. It seemed like he felt sad about that. Maybe he was close with Atreus and he saw him slowly wither as he got older. Maybe all this was just a big tragedy, but it wasn’t my tragedy. “Don’t blame him. He tried to protect you”. There was that subject again. It had been, three days since the last time I last allowed myself to think about this. And I wanted it to stay that way but I just kept coming back to me. “I don’t blame him, I hold him responsible to it. There is a difference. He will never see forgiveness from me for that; there is just what he can do now that matters”.

I couldn’t say anything more without making it completely obvious that what I wanted from him was my father, just this once. I wanted him to figure it out on his own, and somehow I felt like he was really trying. And that was a good enough start for me. We kept walking until we reached the main doors of the castle and we crossed outside in the protected part of the castle before the houses in the rest of the city. It wasn’t much, just a big part of land cut off with a small wall and many guards that changed shifts regularly. There was no place in this outside part of the castle that wasn’t guarded day and night.

“Why am I coming with you again”? I never thought of asking before but now I was plain curious about it. I had the choice to stay behind I was certain but then again I followed them. Atreus smiled and looked at me from the corner of his eyes. “One day, after all this is over and I have managed to at least forge a bond with you, you will have to take my place here. Be the king of this city. Realize it or not you are the crowned prince of Starkhaven, and when I die you can take my place, or even before that if I chose to pass on the title”. He was expecting too much from me. I wasn’t fit to be a king, and I wasn’t a prince. Sure I was his son but that didn’t make me his heir, he would have to look elsewhere for that.

“I know it sound ridiculous at the moment, but after a while you will see that it is a good thing. But until then we have more pressing matters. I asked you to come with me so that you can see what the city looks like as we go to meet someone”. He was right it did sound ridiculous. No matter how much he dreamed of it I wasn’t going to take the throne. But this wasn’t the time to be arguing about it. Maybe after this is done I will tell him.

We were almost at the first line of houses when the people recognized the king. They made way for him politely and greeted him, they were smiling and waving and bowing. And then they looked at me and their smiles were lost in an instant. Most likely the act of treason I committed was what they saw in me. I paid no mind to the stares and whispered words that I happened to overhear as we walked further away from the castle.

It was then that one man came closer and with his head down he grasped Atreus’ hand and kissed his knuckles in an act of respect and loyalty I assumed. Atreus told him to rise and then the man pulled a knife out of his tunic and thrust it forward. I was shocked when I saw his face blank from expression and we both looked down to his chest and saw the knife protruding from it. The man smiled and run after that and no one chased after him as everyone was gathering and trying to see what happened. I caught Atreus and slowly lay him on the ground and everyone took a step back to allow him space. I watched as blood soaked his clothes and my hands as I was trying to stop the bleeding in vain.

Victor was by his other side and he was trying to figure out what he could do. Then he grabbed one of the men around him and spoke to him. “Go to the castle and tell the guards to find a young woman named Maia. Tell them the king has been struck down. GO”. I barely saw the man running towards the castle as my eyes were focused on Atreus who was trying to breathe properly and he was holding my hand firmly. “Don’t you dare die you hear me”?

I saw fear in his eyes. A sense of terror that came with watching your death coming ever so closer to you to take you away into nothingness. But that fear soon was lost and there was sadness in them after. I could understand fear, he was dying. But I couldn’t understand why it gave way to sadness, not until he spoke with a low and labored voice. “Don’t worry son… I’ve made peace with my death the day I heard you and your sister were dead… I was going to die in a few years anyway so death is nothing I never expected”.

“Shut up. Don’t speak, Maia will be here any minute and she will heal you”. I tightened my grip on his hand and tried to make him not to speak and conserve his energy but the old fool wouldn’t listen to me. “It’s fine Archer… She won’t make it in time I know it… Just don’t hold it against her later… I’m proud of the man you have grown to be, even without me there to help you”.

“Stop talking. You can’t die now. I’ll kill you myself if you do you hear me”? I lost all reason in my mind. My voice was breaking and I was saying things that didn’t make sense. I couldn’t kill him if he died, but I would find a way to do so. I was desperate to make him hold on longer no matter what it took. Then I saw his eyes as they grew wary and tired and my threats turned to pleas. “No. Please, don’t die… Not now, not you too. I’m begging you I’ll do anything… I’ll forgive you just don’t die… Don’t leave me alone too, not again, please”.

I felt the tears leaving my eyes and running down my cheeks as his eyes closed and his grip on my hand came loose. I was breathing fast and clearly sobbing by then, holding his hand as tight as I could like it was the only way to keep him alive long enough. But it wasn’t enough. His head rolled to the side and just like that, life had left his body. Just like that I was holding his dead body close to me and I was feeling my sanity fading away as pain was clawing its way inside me. Desperation gave way to helplessness and then loneliness, which in turn gave rise to emptiness and the painful feeling of abandonment. There it was that same feeling as when I killed for the first time, only now it was relentless, driving me mad and plunging me into a never ending abyss of pain, sadness and despair.

I knew he was dead but I couldn’t believe it. I wouldn’t believe it. To admit it would be to make it real and I couldn’t deal with it now. I knew that if I lost someone else I would break, so I vowed to do anything to prevent it from happening. And yet here I was, having lost a person that I wanted to make myself believe I didn’t care about, when he was one of the most important people I had. The pain and guilt were so much that moments after he drew his last breath, I raised my head to the sky and screamed. It was the scream of pain that I had never let out, that I had never allowed to express how hopelessly in pain I was, and it resounded all around me like torture as everyone else was silent.

Just then I felt my body creating mana in tremendous amounts and that mana came out of me in waves coating the world around me in a darker and darker color until at some point the light started slowly turning a bright crimson red, enveloping everything in its cold embrace. As I was screaming my voice got altered, sounding like the time in the arena, and the waves coming off my body drew people away from me. It was like I was pushing everything with a mighty wind of mana I created.

I was left alone in a big empty circle as my scream began to fade and the tears were rolling uncontrolled. I had lost myself in my pain. There was nothing else, just the pain of loss that I was feeling. And soon that too faded away and all that was left was the memory of the man that had stabbed my father in the heart. That memory is all I could think about and so my anger took over. I replaced the victim that I had let myself be with mountains of pure untapped rage that I was holding back all these years. Hatred, anger, rage, and pain it was all the same to me now. There was only one thing in my derailed and out of joint mind. Vengeance. The need to make the man responsible pay for what he did, the need to draw blood and make him suffer was the single thought in my head. I had gone mad from this out of control thirst for vengeance and he was going to be the object of my retribution. He was going to pay.