Mortal Magic: Broken

Everything was dark. The light of the mid afternoon sun had disappeared and in its place was the cold light of the blood moon, in the middle of the day outside of its cycle. There was nothing natural about that blood moon shining down on the world and yet it was the same as all the rest. It made my body create mana indefinitely, with no hope of release from this act, but this time it felt natural. Gone was the discomfort of being so full of mana that I was about to explode; gone was feeling of sickness that came with holding so much mana inside me without using it. With all this mana, for the first time in my life, I felt free.

Power was nothing new to me. I knew that I was considered powerful despite all the weaknesses in my powers, but now they were gone and I felt like I could do anything with them. I felt I could control even the most unpredictable sides of my magic, let them roam free from my control and do what I ask of them. But even now I was trapped in my emotions, the one thing I could never escape from. I was empty except for the hunger for revenge that consumed me. There was no sense of identity left in me, no sense of familiarity with anything around me. Everything was foreign to my eyes and mind as I couldn’t even find myself in all this burning anger.

However there was one thing I recognized. The man that had taken something from me mere moments ago was still out there. And I could find him if that was my wish to do so. And I wanted to find him; I wanted to make him suffer. I wanted to hear him scream in pain, begging for mercy as I cut him. And when he did ask for my mercy I would give none. I had none.

Taking panting breaths I let go of the dead body in my hands and got up on my feet. I still felt the wind of mana around me as it was terrorizing everyone to stay away from me as I moved slowly in the same direction the man had left running. I felt with my mind around me to find the ripples he was creating in the mana around him and I found him leaning with his back on a wall just in the next street. He didn’t even bother to run far away and that would be his undoing.

Ever so slowly I walked like a broken man to the backstreet he was hiding himself in and when I took the turn in the corner I saw him sitting there smiling and laughing. That sound was making me lose myself in my rage even more. He was laughing in my face. Right after he killed a man that was so important to me like he was nothing at all. As I walked closer he finally heard my footsteps and turned to look at me losing all the color in his face. His feet were trembling and he was taking small steps to the other end of the street before he started running away miserably.

I wasn’t about to let him get away with the murder he committed. Using just a fraction of my ever expanding reserves of mana I projected enough swords and spears to make a wall in front of him, trapping him in this street with me. He turned around and he was trembling even more but he didn’t even try to attack me. He was just standing there waiting as his demise was approaching him. Just as I was only a few feet away from him it finally dawned on him that he had magic as well but he was useless with it against me.

I felt the mana around him being sucked inside him as he created a mirror image of himself to confuse me. It was the perfect optical illusion; there was no way of telling which the real man is just by looking. But like every type of magic there was always a way to counter it. What he neglected to realize was that while his magic made me unable to see the real him, it didn’t take away my ability to hear his real breathing, his squeals of fear as they escaped his mouth. So I ignored both the men that I was seeing and directed my attention to the real thing trying to slip behind my back that I couldn’t even see. I grabbed the man by the neck with my blood stained right hand and pushed him against the wall by which point he had lost focus and his magic trick collapsed around us.

Finally able to see him, a grin found its way to my lips as I dragged the man out of the backstreet to have more space. The moment that happened we found ourselves in the presence of everyone that bore witness to the murder. I pushed him to one of the walls of the main street still holding him by his throat and I saw terror in his eyes. And I reveled in his terror. There was no measure of words to describe how much I enjoyed seeing this expression in his eyes and knowing that I was the one to cause it made my heart burst with pleasure.

The more he tried to break free from my hold the more I tightened my hand around his throat and pushed him harder into the wall. I was breathing heavier than he would be if I released him but I didn’t care, like I didn’t care who saw me do what. Just then I projected the same knife he used to pierce my father’s heart and stabbed him in his right lap and as I heard him scream in pain I twisted the knife and pushed inside more. And as he screamed more I changed the angle in which the knife was inside him as if I was digging in his flesh. I could hear the scared people around me and I still didn’t care as long as he lived a nightmare in my hands that would take his last breath away from the pain.

I felt a big hand on my shoulder trying to pull me back and I used the mana inside me to create a powerful gale around me as a shield that pushed everyone before he could even touch me, not even arrows could reach me like this. I let the knife inside the man and then I created one more and this time I jabbed it in his waist and as he was trying to scream even louder I did the same as the last one. When I pulled my hand from the second knife to create another the man was crying from the pain, disgusting me even more. I moved closer to him until my mouth was almost at his ear and spoke. “Now you are beginning to understand how I felt when you took him away from me”.

I wasn’t about to stop just because he was begging me to or he was in pain he couldn’t handle. I would stop only when he drew his last breath in my hands. “Please… I’m begging you, show mercy”. Mercy? He wanted me to show him mercy? He didn’t understand that I was already showing him mercy in my way. “Every single breath you take is mercy from me. In their hands you are going to wish you were dead while in mine you will die before I can do what I want. In their hands, death is going to be an act of kindness”.

My voice still sounded like it was nothing of this world. I sounded like a demon and that was one of the things that scared the man even more. But the possibility of what the others would do to him was more reason to be afraid. With that I pushed another knife in him, this time at his right shoulder right where bone met bone and twisted it again very slowly eliciting another round of screams from him. At this point he was almost out of it, the pain too much for him to bear and was about to pass out and possibly die before he wakes. I took hold of my mana and fed a big amount of it into his body, giving him a shock that woke him entirely, a shock stronger than the adrenaline of battle.

“How? How did you do that”? He was crying as he was asking me how I got him back from the clutches of sleep that would be his salvation. I smiled at him and told him what he wanted. “There is no way I’m going to let you fade into unconsciousness like this. I fueled your body with enough mana to make it go into a slight shock to wake you up, and that didn’t even graze the top of what I have, not even combined with the immense amounts this wind of mana requires from me. This is the greatest of my artes. A world where I can create as much mana as I want to keep it alive and do whatever the fuck I want at the same time without dying. In this realm I’m unstoppable”.

I couldn’t believe that this is what it took for me to achieve the greatest aspect of magecraft. It came at a too high a cost for me because I didn’t have the time to do it properly. Then all of a sudden I heard a voice in the crowd that I would recognize anywhere calling my name. I froze and turned around to see Maia standing closer than the others and my shield didn’t push her away. My grip on the man loosened but I still held him to the wall as Maia came closer taking cautious steps and still looking directly in my eyes. I could see worry in her, sadness but no fear. She wasn’t afraid of me like all the rest around us. With every step she took closer I found myself losing that one part of me that kept me going, my anger was diminishing, leaving me a mental wreck.

I felt her hand coming closer before I felt it on the skin of my neck. It felt good and comforting and I couldn’t stop myself from relaxing in her hand. I let go of the man’s throat and he crumbled to the dirt beside us as I closed my again watering eyes and let her hand travel to my face where it cupped my cheek tenderly. “It’s alright Archer. I’m here, you’ll be fine”. Was I? Was I really going to be fine after this? All this was so unfair. I had lost more than anyone in my eighteen years of life. I’ve endured more than most and now I felt like I was never going to get back up again.

I let out a shaky breath and took her hand in mine and held it right where it was resting on my face. It brought me comfort to feel her touch now, to know that she at least was here. I felt all the mana I had created after the creation of the separate realm leave my body and mingle with the rest of the world. The warmth of the sun on my body returned and my shield crumbled as I kept my eyes closed tightly. I didn’t want to open them yet. I didn’t want to face reality like this again. But no matter what I did this wasn’t going away. This pain wasn’t going away. I allowed myself to rest my head on her shoulder for a moment, to feel her support and then I opened my eyes again.

I saw all the people having scared and sad expressions in their faces. Victor was there also and he seemed to be the saddest of the bunch but not only for his lord that died. I let go of Maia and slowly I moved back to my father’s body lying in the dirt with a few people still around it crying. There I saw Yuto too, kneeling beside him and holding his shoulder with his eyes closed. He was most likely thinking of all the memories they had together, all the good and bad experiences they shared and as I got closer I saw him wipe a tear from his face with the back of his hand.

I was numb to this now. I knew I was still in pain but this shock had made me numb to everything. I knew what I should be feeling but it never came now, as if it waited for a more appropriate moment when I would be alone and finally be able to grieve until I couldn’t cry anymore. I kneeled on the other side of the body and just stood there doing nothing until I felt like there was something that needed to be done. I turned my head to Victor while still looking at the ground and asked him. “After him who was the next in command”? He took a deep breath and waited for a bit before he gave me an answer. “That would be me before, but now that you are here you are the crowned prince. You are the next in line to the throne hence you are the next in command”.

I didn’t even hesitate before I said what I said. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want this and I couldn’t have this. I had no right to the throne even if he had given it to me. “I renounce my claim to the throne”. The words came out of my mouth faster than I could draw breath and many people around me gasped in surprise, Victor included. No one said anything to oppose my desire to not take my place in the throne for a while but later Victor let out a sigh and spoke. “Then it falls into my hands I suppose. Should you change your mind however the seat is always yours and I will gladly give it up for you”.

I didn’t say anything to that. I couldn’t think of a future where I would want the throne of this city for myself. I turned back to my father’s corpse and I took it in my arms. He was too heavy to carry without help but I wanted to be the one to carry him back to the castle where they would prepare for his burial or whatever they did here. So to make up for the strength of at least another person I pulled on my mana and reinforced my body while whispering the arte to myself. “Mana Burst”. I got on my feet with the body in my arms and slowly walked back to the castle with Yuto, Maia and Victor following me along with a few guards. I saw that one of them was dragging the murderer with him as well and I smiled a little inside. He was going to get what he deserved.

The people around us made way for us to pass with their heads facing the ground, maybe in fear, or maybe in grief. I didn’t care enough right now to make the distinction. And to be honest, I was afraid myself. Afraid of what I had become. Back when I was torturing the man I wasn’t myself, I was like a rapid animal and it scared me that I could lose myself like that again. And I feared that it wouldn’t be long before that happened.

It took us longer than I would have expected to reach the castle with our slow pace and by then I was starting to lose my grip on what I was feeling. Memories were starting to claw their way into my mind. Memories of when I lived here, when he was the father I knew him to be. And then the memories of what I told him since the day he came to my cell came too. I was cruel to him. More than he deserved I realized now. He did try to say he was more than sorry and that he suffered from what he did and I didn’t listen. He tried to help me and make up for leaving us and I still was keeping myself from allowing him to do so. And then he never heard that in his last moments I truly did forgive him. He had drawn his last breath before I could tell him that he had done enough, before I could thank him for now. And now I would never have the chance to do so again.

I felt the sting of the tears as they were forming in my eyes and I tried to blink them away for now. We were almost there and I needed myself to be composed in front of the others. I would only allow myself my turn to break down when I was finally alone, away from everyone else. When we passed the front gate of the castle two guards came to take the body from my hands for who knows what and I let them do so without protesting. I had brought him here; it wasn’t my place to do the rest.

Then I felt a big hand on my shoulder and I didn’t need to turn my head to know that it was Yuto’s. He squeezed my shoulder gently but I could feel that there was more to it than the gesture. I felt everyone’s eyes on me and it was unnerving and too much for me to handle. I brushed his hand away and tried to look unemotional as I made my way to the corridors and to the room I had taken, but I was sure that my hands were trembling the whole time they were clenched into fists.

I moved in the corridors like a ghost and there was no one there to see it. I was glad for it. I reached my room a minute later and I shut the door behind me, waiting for that burst of emotions I knew was coming. I walked to the mirror and I saw that I truly looked like a wreck. I had lost most of my color and even though my eyes were just as pale you couldn’t miss the fact that I still looked like I was crying all night long. And then I saw my hair, completely silver and almost falling over my eyes. I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror without the guilt haunting me and it was making me furious.

I punched the mirror in front of me and it broke, tiny pieces of the glass cutting my hand and getting under my flesh. And yet the pain fleeting and little as it was felt right. I punched again with the same wounded hand, this time the wooden surface the mirror was fitted on and I felt the sting from the glass in my hand. I punched again and again and I watched as the wood was being stained by my blood which I felt dripping from my skin to the floor every time I clenched my fist harder.

I broke the wooden part of the mirror but that had done nothing to quench my anger, my need. I moved to the table and tossed it across the room with all the enhanced strength I could muster and its legs broke as they hit the floor again. I threw the wardrobe to the floor and left it there as I moved to the desk and threw everything that was on it, papers, feathers, ink, and books everything. I threw the desk across the room too and then I broke everything I could find. And yet it did nothing to appease my anger.

All the time I was thrashing the things around me I was silent. No screams of anger, no tears, no yells. When there was nothing else to break I kneeled to the ground tired and just stood there as my eyes filled with tears and I watched my bloodied hands on my laps. Panting and gasping for breath as I was I never heard the door open and I never saw the person enter until I felt her hands on mine. I raised my head and through the tears I saw Maia with a pained expression that could rival my own. I was glad it was her and not someone else. If it was anyone else I wasn’t so sure I wouldn’t snap, but with her it was different. She was the only one I wanted close to me at this moment.

She moved us to the remains of the bed that I had destroyed and we lay with our backs on the headpiece that was mostly intact by some miracle. She put her hands around me and held me close the whole time I kept wailing in her arms and after a while it started to feel better. The everlasting anger was fading away and the pain was back. I could deal with pain in time, but right now I knew I needed it. It was what was keeping me from losing my mind and I would gladly let it eat away at me if it meant I could still be me. And in her arms it felt better, not as painful but in the contrary, more manageable. I felt safe in her arms, like I used to feel in his when I was a kid.

It was funny actually. I kept telling myself that the kid I once was, was long dead. But it seems I will always be that frail and weak kid that I hate so much. And that kid wanted to be held, nothing more. And that is what she did, she held me without saying anything, because nothing needed to be told.