Mortal Magic: Broken

I still had no idea where everything was in this castle even though I was supposed to have lived here for seven years. It was a miracle that I actually found the exit to a huge garden by accident while running in the hallways like I was being haunted. I was sure that many people I passed by were wondering what I was doing and not a single one of them knew who I am since I wasn’t seen by anyone before here, but most of them would probably think I broke in or something similar.

The garden was huge and there were rose bushes all over the place along with other plants but I didn’t care about the sight right now. So I continued along until I reached the end of the garden and I found a stairway along the walls. I took it without thought hoping that it led somewhere isolated and no one would search for me there.

As I was following the stairway it became apparent that my destination was a part of the sea. When I descended the last step I found myself on a private part of the beach, completely isolated from the rest of the city and there was very little chance someone could see me all the way out here. I looked around for a while and I found a place on the beach that resembled an open cavern at the far right side of the wall. It was like the wall was built specifically over the rocks for the cavern to remain. That was also the most covered place in this whole secret getaway from the world.

I decided to go hide there but when I got close enough I saw that the cavern’s floor was submerged under the water by at least one meter, not that it mattered really. It just meant I would have to get a bit wet. I got to the edge of the water and let the waves engulf my feet. The somewhat cold water was refreshing for me, it calmed me in ways that other people couldn’t begin to imagine. It was like I belonged there, it was familiar and calming, like every time I used to be upset I ended up in the water.

I got deeper into the water until it covered me up to my waist and then after taking a deep breath I closed my eyes and dived in. I immediately felt comforted in the hands of the cold and the water’s embrace. Like always it never failed to calm me down, even now. I opened my eyes and after the initial sting from the seawater in my eyes I saw the life under the crystal clear waters. Small fish were everywhere you looked and they didn’t even seem bothered by my presence. Seashells were abundant here and coral was formed further away from the beach where other creatures lived their peaceful lives, surviving their natural enemies only.

A smile crept on my lips and as I swam deeper and explored to my breath’s limits before I got back up and to the surface. I figured I had gotten deep enough for my feet to not touch the silky sand bellow me and I was right in my assumption. Contempt with my time swimming I got back to the shore and to the cavern where I sat on the sand with the water coming up to my waist as I sat there with my back on the right scaled wall. It seemed that time and the elements had molded the walls here and made them smooth and gave them also this scaly texture. The stone was pure red and brown color and stalactites and stalagmites were evident here and there. The cavern itself must reach a few meters inside the walls of Starkhaven but light was not sparse here.

The sun was about to set in an hour and it was still bright here. That was when I shifted my focus to the sea again and I was left breathless. I never imagined I would actually see these waters again. I remembered from when I was still here that I used to like this place because of its waters. It was my favorite spot in the house as I liked to think about the castle back then but now I don’t remember any of it. The crystal waters that reflected the light green and blue color of the reef bellow. That color that I still find heavenly and irreplaceable.

I never entered the cavern before; I stayed on the beach obeying directions for my safety. I used to come here all the time to play and swim and have fun but I always stayed for the sunset when I did. That was clearly the best place to watch the sunset. You had the sun in front of you to watch unhindered, the orange light of the sun illuminating the sea and turning the once light green and blue color to a bright orange and making the sea look like it was on fire as the waves were moving. And here in this cavern you had the perfect view of all of that, and you felt one with the ocean at the same time.

Just then a memory came rushing back to me. I came to this beach alone one night during the summer. I was upset because I wanted something but I couldn’t remember what so I run away just like I did this time too. It was a miracle that no one caught up to a six year old kid but still I made it here. I got in the water and I stayed there sitting on the soft sand angry and frustrated and crying until I heard someone coming close to me. It was Atreus that had come to talk to me. But I was too stubborn to hear a word and so I turned my back to him when he sat right next to me.

By that time a cold breeze had raised and I was getting cold since most of my small body was soaked. He saw me trying to hide my slight uncomfortable trembling and he put his cloak on my shoulders and brought me closer to his chest. I had to admit that then it felt good to be there. I felt safe and that someone cared for me but now it was an alien feeling to me. Still the point was that he didn’t actually try to talk to me. Rather he was there with me for as long as I wanted to stay in the beach, and I ended up sleeping in his arms before he carried me back.

The memory receded to the back of my mind after it made its point and I was left there more confused than ever. Why did I have to remember this now? What was the point of remembering this particular moment?

I was holding my knees and watching the sun set when I heard someone coming down from the stairway. I didn’t bother turning my head as the person came closer slowly, dragging his feet on the dry sand before he stepped to the wet part. He was coming closer but suddenly the movements stopped and I knew the person was standing still and I felt his eyes on me.

I stayed still watching the sun set after his long journey on the sky but after a few minutes the person came closer. Soon I could see him from the corner of my eyes, only it wasn’t a man at all. It was Maia who had come after me and she looked sad and worried. She came and sat next to me in the water but said nothing and I was glad for that. I wasn’t ready to do this yet.

It was a good hour in the night when I felt Maia’s hand on my bare shoulder. The touch itself was making my body numb and my head dizzy at this point, it was almost unbearable to feel. “It’s alright to be angry at him. He doesn’t blame you for what you did, he blames himself”. Was it alright though? I was losing control of myself more and more with every passing second. If I hadn’t stopped he would be dead and I would have been lost. But it felt so good. It felt right to do all that but it wasn’t what I wanted.

“You know it felt right to kill him. It felt like it was the one thing he truly deserved from me and my magic wanted to give me exactly that. I could feel it”. My voice sounded broken and filled with the confusion that I knew was shown on my face. But I was mostly angry after all. And I didn’t even know why. I was pathetic.

I felt her coming closer and wrapping her arm around me in a half hug and I turned my head towards hers. She appeared calm and collected but I knew she was nothing but. I could see it in her eyes, darkened by the absence of proper light and the emotion inside them. It was hurting her somehow, all this. “But was that what you wanted for yourself? Your magic may want you to kill him for what he did but what do you want to do”?

Where was that question coming from? How could I answer that when I myself did not know the answer? What did I want from him? Did I want his suffering? If I did I already have that. Did I want him to pay? According to him he already did pay with a life full of anguish and regret and sorrow. Did I want to kill him? How could I kill the man who I wanted…? That was when the answer became clear. I didn’t want him to die, not him. As much as I wanted to deny it I needed him more than I thought at first. Not only was he the only one who could help me, but I wanted him to do it. “What I want from him isn’t to forgive him. He will never have that. What I want him to do is to be here for me now that I need him again. I want him to be the father that I barely remember him to be again”.

The truth was harder to voice than I could ever imagine it to be. It pained me to admit that I wanted that from him now when before I wanted nothing to do with him. It was selfish and weak but it was what I wanted. He was the only family I had left if I couldn’t make it and it would break me to lose Ashe. I no longer held the same conviction as before. I had allowed myself to feel surrounded by people I trusted and in this short journey I became attached again. “It’s not wrong to want something selfish for once. We all do”.

“But it’s not that it’s selfish to want that. It’s that I can’t lose anything else right now Maia. The next time it happens I know that I’ll break and this time there is no coming back from it”. I took a deep shaky breath and closed my eyes resting my head on my knees. “I lasted this long because I distanced myself from everything in order to reach my goal. But now I find myself caring for others and if I lose one of them then I won’t be able to handle it”. It was true that I had learnt how to care again while I was traveling with them, but also managed to break myself even more than before. I used to be fearless and confident in myself and now I fear the worst all the time and it’s tearing me apart.

I felt her arms wrapping around me harder but still gently and for a brief moment I felt free of all this stress and fear. I felt safe here with her where we were alone and no one could hurt us. That was when I heard her humming in my ear that melody I loved so much. For some reason I knew she was doing it for me, every single time since the first time I heard her sing like that. She knew that it calmed me down and she did it every time without me asking her to do it or even needing her to do so. But this time I did need it, and she had already answered that need before I could even confess it to myself. It was like she knew me better than I knew myself.

We stayed like that until the moon was shining down on us directly and when that happened I held her hands in mine and released their hold from around my body. She looked puzzled and sad from this action but I couldn’t stand it anymore. I spent days trying to resist and now I had finally reached my limits. I turned my body towards her and grabbed her chin with my thumb and pointer fingers and tilted slightly upwards. I was looking directly into her eyes like they were my air and was still lost in them when I heard her confused and hesitant voice. “Archer, what are you doing”?

I was breathing slowly and everything felt numb except for her as I closed the distance between us agonizingly slow for my liking but I couldn’t move faster if I wanted to. I felt weak and strong at the same time and she was taking every single ounce of hesitation I had in me for this. “Something I now realize I should have done days ago”. With that whispered answer I closed the rest of the gap between us and I closed my eyes the moment my lips touched hers.

I felt the soft skin on mine as I pressed softly on them. A sensation I had never before experienced as she slowly moved her lips in rhythm with mine in this dance we were having. I could taste the sweetness of her skin and feel the heat coming from her body as our lips were locked together. We were both breathing hard in between the kisses and I was starting to lose more of my control as I felt my body on fire. The water hugging us was a welcome reprieve from the heat I was experiencing but it didn’t take it away entirely.

Then Maia put her hands around my neck and held me there as she pushed harder into the kiss like she was starving, and I did the same thing. I was exploring her body with my hands like it was uncharted territory that I needed to understand. She started running her hands on my back and sometimes scratched me with her nails but that only served to fuel my state of what I now knew was desire. Just when I was getting more desperate she stopped us and removed her shirt all too hasty before she continued where she had left off.

All this was new to me so I didn’t know exactly what to do but let myself get lost in all these sensations and by the time I figured I had done that I was more animal than man. My mind had lost its usual perception of the rest of the world and was acting purely on instinct. I felt her breasts on my skin as our bodies were locked together and the friction was making me lose it even more. My pants were becoming tighter and tighter and soon I had to lose them too. Before that though Maia rolled us in the sand and got on top of me and did exactly that with her pants as I did the same with mine.

Both now naked in the water and utterly crazy from desire we continued the kissing and she climbed on top of me and I have never felt better before in my life. We were exploring each other as we moved in synch. I was holding her by her hips and she was running her hands on my chest and stomach at the outlines of my many scars.

We stopped the kiss to catch our breath but we kept moving and now moaning from the pleasure we were giving to each other. With most of my body under the water I felt the difference between the temperature of my surroundings and Maia’s body on top of mine and I was too lost to care that the water felt cold now with my body so warm.

Soon I was getting restless and I felt the need to move faster so I turned us around and now I was on top. I dove into her lips once more as she was drawing me closer with her hands and legs wrapped around me and we moaned into the kiss. I was overwhelmed by everything and in my primal state I started groaning and moving faster until the explosion of sensations happened and I slowly got back to the present.

We were both panting by the end of this and tired. I needed to rest so I moved from on top of her and lay down in the water beside her as we were catching our breaths. I saw her smiling brighter and wider than ever and she didn’t seem to care for anything since she was probably daydreaming at the moment. It was hard to believe this all lasted for way less than half an hour most likely and it was so exhausting at the same time, and most of all satisfying.

It took us a few minutes to come down form the clouds completely and then I turned to my side and kissed her again and she responded immediately. It made me happy that she never even thought different than me about this and I considered it a win from my part that she felt that way. “We should get back. We could catch a cold like this in the water and the winds are starting to blow”. For someone who could heal every illness and wound she was acting too protective but who was I to judge. I smiled to myself and got up and extended my hand to her. She took it and I helped her up and we put our soaked clothes back on before we headed for the stairs, and we didn’t talk about this on our way up at all.