Hunter's Secret

Hunter’s POV

After I dropped Emma off, Raine walked with me back to the pack house. I showered while she got ready for bed. Once we were both ready, we climbed into bed. She told me that I can sleep in the same bed as her now. She is wearing another one of my shirts to bed and if I had more energy, I would probably be turned on, but I am exhausted.

No one warns you how exhausting grief really is. It consumes every fiber of your being, stealing the energy from your cells. Making you too tired to even cry anymore. Too tired to eat. And sometimes too tired to even sleep. It plagues your thoughts, causing them to run haywire in your brain. It wants to push everyone away while also keeping everyone close. And for me, grief has kept River in silence.

I keep checking in on him, but he never responds. He hasn’t spoken to me since we marked Raine, which was almost a week ago. I haven’t shifted since then either. I just keep trying to connect with him. I know he is still there because I can feel him moving around sometimes but he never answers me. He is grieving too but it concerns me that he is not here right now. What if I need him?

“You need to go to sleep,” Raine mumbles more to herself than to me, turning over in bed. I turn over too, so I am spooning her, and she sighs in contentment. I let myself focus on the feeling of her body against mine and it brings me comfort, knowing she is right here. She holds my mark. She is mine. And with that thought, I am able to actually fall asleep.

When I wake up in the morning, the bed is empty. I immediately start panicking before I realize she is downstairs talking with someone. I hop out of bed, go to the bathroom quickly and run down the stairs. I peek my head around the corner and see Ash and Raine sitting on the couch.

“Good morning, sleepyhead. Or should I say, good afternoon?” Raine teases, without turning to face me.

“Afternoon? Really? What time is it?”

“Almost 2 p.m. Hunter,” Raine replies.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You needed the sleep. Ash came to keep my company this morning.”

“Hi, Ash,” I greet her, going to get myself a glass of water.

“Hey, Hunter. How are you doing?” Ash asks.

“Better. How is Titus?”

“Still in a coma but he is healing. Slowly but surely. The doctors think they may try to wake him up in a few days.”

I shake my head and blow out my breath, “I’m sorry, Ash.”

“Stop. You didn’t throw the punches. He will be okay. He is too stubborn to die on me like that.”

“Right…” my voice unintentionally trails off and Ash immediately apologizes.

I wave my hand in dismissal, “It’s fine. I am glad Titus is doing better. And I am glad Raine has been able to be with you while you sit with him too.”

She smiles at Raine, “Me too. But I needed a break from sitting in the room with him. Thanks for letting me hang out here for a while.”

“You are not bothering me, clearly. I was sleeping,” I reply and both women giggle at me. I shake my head at them and open the fridge to get something to eat.

‘There’s a premade sandwich for you in the drawer,’ Raine tells me, and I locate it and thank her with a smile as I come sit down on the chair next to the couch. I consume my sandwich while Raine and Ash talk some more. I zone out while they talk. Not on purpose but I am still waking up so I am not really paying attention.

“So, when am I going to get some grandbabies?” Ash pointedly asks and I choke on my food.

“Ash, we aren’t there yet,” Raine responds for me as I cough.

“Well, I was just asking. You marked each other. And you aren’t getting any younger, Raine.”

“Geez, thanks for that. I’m not that old!”

No longer coughing, I chuckle at Raine’s red face and Ash’s mischievous one.

“Raine is right, we aren’t there yet. Yes, we marked each other. But that is all. It hardly feels like the right time to start trying for a baby.”

‘Although, I think you would look pretty sexy carrying my pup, lovey.’

‘Shut it or you are sleeping down here!’ Raine replies and I wink at her.

“You are right. I am sorry for asking. That is private and between you two. When is Emma due?” Ash changes the subject, a slight hint of guilt in her voice.

“It’s okay, Ash. Emma will be full-term in two and half months, but twins seem to come early, at least in humans so I predict about two months or less,” Raine replies, sounding all doctor-y and hearing her talk like that plus our previous conversation topic makes me shift in my seat and I grab the pillow from behind me to place over my lap.

Raine glances over at me and I give her a forced smile, forgetting that she can feel how I am feeling. She raises her eyebrow at me before winking, and I feel heat prick the back of my neck. I quickly inhale the rest of my sandwich and stand up.

“I think I am going to go take a shower. Might help me wake up some. Nice to see you again, Ash. Keep me updated on Titus,” I say, waving goodbye to Ash.

‘You might need a cold shower, lover boy, if your emotions are anything to go on.’

I don’t give her the satisfaction of responding but she is not wrong; I need a very cold shower.

Raine’s POV

“What’s up with him?” Ash asks.

I respond, “His emotions are all over the place. Grief is complicated. And as much as he loves me, he is still getting used to the fact that I can feel his emotions now. He can’t hide them from me, and it makes him uncomfortable. He isn’t used to being vulnerable like that with someone.”

“You are very observant. How does it feel, feeling each other’s emotions? I don’t have that level of connection with your dad. Marks have always interested me. They are so unique.”

“It is kind of weird, but it is not bad. It does take some getting used to though. The hardest part is figuring out what emotions are yours and what emotions are your partner’s. We are working on it.”

“He is a good man, Raine. He loves you very much. How are you doing with everything that has been happening?” Ash asks me, concern in her voice.

“I am okay. My foot is basically healed now that he has marked me. I am sad too. I miss Cameron. Not as much as everyone else but I miss his presence in the house. It feels too quiet without him and Emma here.”

“That is understandable. I was meaning, how are you doing with what happened to you?”

“Oh. I am okay enough, I guess. I don’t like thinking about it. That was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. But I feel worse for Hunter, he had to watch.”

“But it was your body. Not Hunter’s. Have you talked about it with him yet? Or with one of the therapists? You will need to work through this too. I am only bringing it up because it is really hard to work through this kind of thing by yourself.”

She is speaking like she is talking from her own experience, and her gaze is distant. Almost like she is remembering something.

“Ash? Are you okay?” I question, trying to get her attention back.

“Hmm? Yeah. Just some bad memories. But trust me, when I say, I know it is hard to try to do it by yourself. Don’t be like me. Talk to someone about it. I promise it will help you,” she quietly explains, looking down at her hands.

“I will talk to someone about it. I am sorry you had to go through that too.”

“It was a long time ago. I am okay now. Also, I should probably get back to your dad. Just in case he wakes up on his own,” she states, standing up and opening her arms up for a hug, which I quickly give her.

“I love you, Raine.”

“I love you too, Ash. Thank you for being my by-choice mom. It really means so much to me and I am sorry I don’t tell you that very often.”

“I would choose you and your dad over and over again if I had the opportunity to. You are my daughter in every way that matters to me,” she smiles, and I hug her again.

She leaves and I head upstairs, determined to talk to Hunter when he is out of the shower. I grab my book off the bedside table and lay down on my stomach to start reading while I wait on him. About five minutes after I lay down, he walks out. In just a towel. He is surprised to see me laying here but he winks at me, before he turns to grab some clothes out of his closet.

The towel is slung low on his hips and there are a few beads of water running down his back from his hair. I watch the muscles in his back flex and move as he grabs his clothes.

“Like what you see, lovey?” his voice surprises me.

“Maybe,” I reply, and I don’t have to see his face to know he is smirking.

“Well, my body is yours. So, look as much as you want to.”

I take a deep breath in, trying to settle the entire swarm of butterflies that have decided to explode in my stomach.

He comes out of the closet and winks at me again before disappearing into the bathroom to change. When he comes back out, I sit up and pat the bed next to me and he comes to sit down. I turn to him, folding my legs under me.

“We need to talk, Hunter.”

“Okay? What is going on? Is this about my comment earlier? I am sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable...” he rambles, and I place a finger over his lips to shush him. He blinks at me in surprise before he decides to dart his tongue out and lick my finger. I shake my head at him, earning a hearty chuckle from him, and wipe my finger on my shirt before I start the conversation.

“No, your comment was fine, but it got me thinking. I never really saw myself being a mom. The thought of being pregnant terrifies me. We haven’t talked about kids yet, so I don’t know how you feel about them.”

“I have always wanted to be a dad. To have at least one kid. But there are other ways to be a dad without me getting you pregnant. And if you never want to have kids, that is something I will have to get used to. I won’t make you be a mom if you really don’t want to be one,” he replies, looking at me with so much love that those pesky butterflies start up again.

“You are too perfect. How do you manage to say the right thing every time?”

“I’m not and I don’t. But I do love you. It is easy to be honest with you.”

“I love you too,” I respond, leaning forward to capture his lips in a kiss but he holds his hand out to stop me.

“What else did you want to talk to me about?”

Busted. I forgot he can feel all my emotions, including my hesitation. I bite my lip, feeling nervous and he just grabs my hand and holds it in silent support. I take a deep breath and say one word.

“Blaine.”

The mere mention of the rogue’s name causes Hunter to look guilty before his eyes start flickering between gold and green. He sets his jaw and clenches his fists, shaking his head like he is trying to shake out the bad memories. A low growl rumbles out from his chest.

“River, you can come out. It has been a while since I have seen you.”

Hunter shakes his head again, his eyes still flickering.

“Hunter, let River out.”

Those four words out are enough to allow Hunter to give up control enough for River to take it and cause Hunter to shift. Black fur sprouts from his skin as he lands on the floor on all fours. I blink and River is standing face to face with me. His normally calm eyes are raging and swirling with emotion. He growls again and I reach out my hand to touch him. I know he won’t hurt me.

“Shhh, River. It’s okay. I am safe. You are safe. It is just us here.”

River huffs but pushes his head against my hand, letting me pet him. He growls again and I scratch behind his ears, something I know he likes. I stroked the top of his head and kept reassuring him that he is okay and that I am okay until his eyes calmed down some. I then pat the bed and River hops up, circling a few times before he lays down. I snuggle into him, still amazed by how soft his fur is.

“I am okay, River. There is no danger here. You will protect me even if there is. You are a good boy,” I state and River lets out a….purr?

“Do you like being called a good boy?” I ask and River purrs again before Hunter’s voice fills my head.

‘We both do.’

I giggle into River’s fur, still petting him and he lets out a deep sigh. I could lay here forever. My head is resting on River’s chest as his tail is laid protectively over my legs. He let out another sigh and I reached up to ruffle his head before laying my head back down. I listen to the air fill and leave his lungs as he relaxes under my touch. The sparks will always be a comfort to me, and I am filled with peace for the first time since everything happened. Before I realize it, I am drifting off to sleep again, lulled by the sound of a strong heart beating under my head.