Hunter's Secret

Hunter’s POV

Raine is tying my tie because my hands are too shaky to do it myself. I just want to crawl back into bed and stay there forever. I don’t want to go.

“Hey, you need to breathe. I can feel you getting all worked up. You don’t have to do this by yourself. You don’t have to be strong right now. You just need to show up. Your pack needs to see you. Emma needs to see you. His parents need to see you,” she says, smoothing down my suit.

‘I know,’ I respond to her over mind-link, knowing that if I try to talk right now, I will start crying again.

She briefly laughs to herself, and I give her a quizzical glance, ‘I am still not used to hearing your voice in my head.’

I slightly smile, ‘Thank you.’

‘For what?’

‘For being here for me, Raine.’

‘Always. You are my mate.’

Always. I am not used to those words coming from anyone other than Cameron. I blink back the tears that are forming and take a deep breath. She gently takes my hand and leads me out of our bedroom and outside. We walk hand-in-hand to the town hall, which has been set up for Cameron’s funeral. I stop in front of the doors.

‘I can’t do this.’

‘Yes, you can Hunter. I am right here. He would want you here.’

Without giving me more time to panic, she pushes open the doors to the town hall and we enter. Raine immediately goes over to Ash who wraps her in a tight hug. I slowly make my way over to Cameron’s parents and as soon as Emery hugs me, tears start falling from both of us.

Releasing her, I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand before extending it out for Ryan to shake. He shakes my hand but pulls me in for a quick hug too. I can feel him sigh against me and I gently pat his back.

“Thank you, Alpha,” Emery whispers, and I release Ryan to look at her.

“I am not sure I deserve your thanks,” I reply, my voice sounding not like my own.

“You do. You were always there for our son. He loves you very much, you know that? And yes, I said loves and not loved. He may not be here physically anymore, but he is still here. He is still with you, Alpha.”

“I love him too. I am sorry I couldn’t do more. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to make my rounds with other pack members.”

“Of course, Alpha,” Ryan and Emery respond in unison.

As I make my way around the hall, I intentionally avoid the front. I don’t want to see his casket. Not now. Honestly, not ever. But I know I will have to face it when I give my speech. Thankfully, his parents and Emma opted for a closed casket. The hours seem to fly by as condolences and hugs are offered to me and Cameron’s family by the pack members. I notice that there is not a single person here who has dry eyes. Everyone is feeling the loss of their Beta. The grief is palpable and hangs heavy in the air.

‘You are doing a good job. Just a little while longer,’ Raine tells me, and I search the crowd to find her. She is standing next to Emma. I start to approach but even though Emma’s back is turned to me, I see her whole body stiffen as I get closer. Raine shoots me a look that tells me to stay away, and I follow her silent instruction.

My parents offer me reassurances over mind-link as well and I thank them. Cameron was like a son to them, so I know his loss is personal for them too.

‘Alpha, it’s time. Will you make your way to the front?’ Ryan asks over mind-link, his eyes finding mine, and I give him a curt nod.

I slowly made my way to the front, continuing to avoid looking at his casket. Raine joins me at the front even though she doesn’t have to and stands confidently beside me. I gently tap on the microphone and everyone’s attention is turned to me as they take their seats. I take a deep breath in, hold it for a few seconds, and release it before starting.

“Good evening, everyone. I want to thank you all for coming. Your support means the world to me and Cameron’s family. Cameron’s father asked me to do a speech instead of him and I agreed. I can’t promise I will be able to say all the words, but I will try my best. He deserves that.”

The entire pack is silent aside from the occasional sniffle and sigh, so I pull the piece of paper out of my suit pocket and unfold it. Raine suggested I write my speech down and I am so glad she did because there is no possible way I would have been able to even remember where to start.

“Today we are gathered to celebrate the life of Cameron Pierce. I am not going to stand up here and go on and on about how wonderful Cameron was or how much he cared about the pack. Instead, I am going to tell you about what he means to me.”

I take another deep breath and Raine places her hand on my arm in silent support.

“When someone loses their parents, they are called an orphan. When someone loses their mate, they are called a widow. But there are no words to describe someone who loses their Cameron. I didn’t just lose my Beta. I lost my best friend. I lost my brother. Words cannot convey how much he truly meant to me. I can’t pretend that I am fine. In fact, I won’t pretend that I am fine because I am not. And I shouldn’t be. And that is normal and okay. You shouldn’t pretend that you are fine either. I know every single person in here can feel the intensity of his loss. You felt it when his bond to us broke, and you feel right now as you sit here and think about him.”

“Cameron Pierce was one of a kind and he will be deeply missed by everyone. Let us all have increased patience and encouragement of one another during this difficult time. Please know that the infirmary will be open 24/7 for the next few weeks if you find yourself needing additional support. All you have to do is walk up to the desk and say the code word, ‘always,’ and someone will be there to support you as soon as possible.”

“He gave his life for me and your Luna that day and I will forever be grateful for his sacrifice. He leaves behind myself, his parents, Ryan and Emery Pierce, his mate, Emma Pierce, and his two unborn children. Let us not ever forget the sacrifice he made for this pack. For you. For your protection. Just his immediate family will be allowed at the burial site. I hope you can respect this decision and allow them to have time to say their final goodbyes. A marker for him will be placed by the lake and all of you are free to visit it at any time. For now, please start a line to say your goodbyes. Thank you all for coming.”

Slowly the pack members rise from their seats and form a line to place their hand on the top of his casket, to say goodbye. I know it will be a while before everyone makes it through the line, so I excuse myself from Ryan and Emery and make my way outside. I need some fresh air. Raine trails behind me, intertwining her fingers with mine as I deeply inhale the crisp evening air.

“You did it, Hunter. You got through the whole thing. I am really proud of you.”

The only response I can muster is a nod of my head. I am so close to breaking down, but I just need to keep it together for a little while longer. I stand with Raine as my thoughts drift to Cameron. Damn, I miss him so much. Raine pulls me out of my thoughts by kissing the top of my knuckles before leading me back inside. Most of the pack members have left and the last few are saying their goodbyes and offering their condolences. I glance at Emma, and she looks away, tears streaming down her face again. Emery wraps her in a tight but soft hug, rubbing her back as Emma sobs. I make my way to where Ryan, Chris, Keegan, my father, and Rebecca stand. We are the six who will carry his casket to the burial spot, located in the pack cemetery.

Now that the remaining pack members are gone, I look to Ryan who gives a nod of his head and the six of us move over to lift his casket. We solemnly carry him to the cemetery, our mates following behind us. Once we arrive, we gently set him down on the faux green that has been placed over the already dug hole. We all go over to our mates for support except for me. Raine tells me she is standing with Emma.

“You may all stay as long as you wish to say your goodbyes. I will stay until the very end and will let the funeral director know when we have all left,” my voice announces, sounding weary and flat.

Rebecca and Keegan are the first to leave after they place their hands and flowers on top of the casket. Chris and Elle are next. My parents follow them. My mother cries as she places her flowers down and my heart clenches in my chest. Cameron’s parents and Raine leave next. Raine tells me she will be with Cameron’s parents until I am done. Now, it is just Emma and me. I know what she is thinking because I am thinking it too. This is goodbye. Forever.

She walks over to his casket, trailing her fingers over the wood grains before setting her flowers down. She whimpers in pain as more tears fall down her face. I slightly move toward her, and she doesn’t move away so I take another step closer. She spins around and I expect to see fury in her eyes, but I only see sadness. The kind of sadness that breaks you. She raises her fist to my chest, and I expect her to hit me. However, when her hand makes contact with me, it is soft. She grabs ahold of my shirt and pushes herself into my arms. I quickly wrap my arms around her, making sure to not hold her too tightly.

I hold her as she sobs into my chest. I let my own tears fall this time as she wails with indescribable grief. Her sadness has soaked through my shirt, but I don’t mind. I would much rather her cry on me than shut me out, which is what she has been doing since Cameron died. Her sobs turn to hiccups and coughs before she is quiet in my arms. I continue to hold her until I feel her start to get weak on her feet and then I sit her down on the ground and move to sit next to her. She leans into my side, and I throw my arm over her shoulder, pulling her into me. I don’t like this, and I desperately wish Cameron were here to growl at me to get my hands off of his mate. But he is gone, and she needs comfort. The kind of comfort that can only come from someone who is grieving like she is. I let her lean on me until her breaths started to become steadier and more even.

“It wasn’t your fault….” She says taking a breath, “I don’t blame you anymore.”

“You should blame me. It was my fault. It is my fault,” I tell her, my voice pained and breaking with emotion.

“It wasn’t. It isn’t. He would have done it again if it meant saving your life. You would have done the same thing for him if the situation was reversed.”

“I know but I still feel guilty.”

“I think we all do. Like you said, everyone is feeling this. He was a good man. I can only hope now that his children will grow up to be even a sliver of the person he was.”

“I’m sorry he won’t get to meet them,” I apologize, feeling my face heat up with emotions again.

“Me too. But I want them to know him,” she takes another deep breath, “But I can’t live in your house anymore. It is too much. I am moving in with Ryan and Emery. They already offered to help with the twins when they are born too.”

“I understand. Just promise me that Raine and I can come visit?”

“I promise. Thank you, Hunter.”

“Thank you for forgiving me.”

She hums in agreement and sighs. I feel her slightly relax under my arm and I know she felt bad about blaming me.

‘Locks, I don’t know if you can hear me or not but I promise I will take care of Emma and your children.’

The little part of me that hoped he would just spring out of his casket and say ‘gotcha!’ disappears when I am met with complete silence over the mind-link. I know he is really gone.

Emma slightly groans as she shifts, and I realize we have been on the ground for a long time, so I stand up and then gently help her to her feet. She brushes my hand off her and goes to place a gentle kiss on the top of his casket. I lay my flowers down as well before turning back to Emma, offering her the crook of my arm to walk back to Ryan and Emery’s house, which she takes. I send out a link telling the funeral director we are finished in the cemetery now so they can bury his body. I look back one more time and send out one more link, knowing it won’t be received.

‘I miss you, Locks. I love you. Goodbye.’