Haelan’s Desire (Walk Through Shadows Book Four)

Ching, ching, ching. The coins in the pouch in Em’s hand clinked together as it shook with her steps. Her feet picked up speed as her chosen destination, Harrigan’s Inn, came into view.

As more people had left the lake, Tyrus and Bria had packed up their stuff and announced their intention to return to the castle. Em had declared a desire to stay right where she was, watch the sunset, and a longing to go to Harrigan’s but lamented the fact that she’d left her purse at the castle.

Tyrus, who was always so quiet and perceptive, didn’t probe for her reasons for not going back to have dinner with the rest of the family. While he was sliding papers into his folder, he turned so Bria couldn’t see what he was doing, reached into his pocket, pulled his coin pouch free, and pressed it into Em’s hand.

“Have a drink on me,” he murmured with a smile.

“You don’t have to do that,” she whispered. “I’m sure he’ll let me bring the money in later.”

“He might not be there or have extra help if it’s busy, someone who doesn’t know you.” He closed her hand over the pouch. “Just return the pouch before you leave tomorrow.”

She smiled at him. “You’re such a sweet guy.” She patted his hand. “Thank you.”

“We’ll let Haelan know you stayed behind.” Bria said as she walked over to them.

“Thanks,” Em said with a glance at Tyrus. “I’ll see you at breakfast.”

Em watched the pair leave, then turned back to look out at the water. She had to admit Isabelle had been right; it had been better for her to be around people than to wander off on her own. Watching everyone play in the water and the air, listening to children laughing, seeing the adults smiling and hugging those children, was a great distraction from the argument that was happening in her head. But at the end of the day, when everyone was heading off to their homes, she still wasn’t ready to see Haelan yet.

A loud rumble from her stomach convinced her to get to her feet and start walking to town. She wound her way through the trees and came out on the road leading to the inn. As she went, she listened to snippets of conversation that drifted to her from open windows of the homes she passed.

The atmosphere was so different from her home in the human realm. Life seemed slower and the people friendlier.

Maybe Belle is onto something. She thought as she jingled the coins in the pouch.

The windows of the first floor of the inn were bright with lamplight, and she could see that the dining room was filled with people. When she opened the door several heads turned, at least a dozen pairs of eyes ran over her. She hitched her chin a little higher and stepped inside.

Right away she noticed Tobyn hurrying off to the kitchen, his rust-coloured hair swinging between his wings. Harrigan was behind the bar. Em smiled as his big booming laugh rang out. He spotted her as she moved farther into the room.

“Emmeline!” he called out loudly. She gave him a wave over the heads of the males sitting in a line on stools in front of the well-worn wood of the bar. He made his way down to the far end and motioned for her to come closer. She weaved her way through the crowd to meet him, then planted her hands on the wood countertop and pushed her herself up as Harrigan leaned toward her so they could hear each other over the noise in the room. “How are you, lass?”

“Hungry,” she said with a pout. “Please tell me you have stew left.”

“Of course,” he said. “Most of this lot is here for the dwarven whiskey I got in the other day.” He winked at her. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

She slid back to the floor and turned to look down the bar as she waited. There were all manner of males there. Some guards, in their creamy tan shirts and brown leather breeches. Some regular townspeople, their outfits much the same except the more colourful shirts. A few of them had dark trousers rather than breeches.

Em smiled as she caught a few interested glances. That was nothing new to her, not because she was vain, she’d been working around inebriated men long enough to expect the flirtatious looks that came with a good amount of alcohol. She turned to survey the rest of the room, looking for a spot where she could tuck herself away and have her dinner. She saw one possibility, but it already had an occupant.

Lord Darkbrair was sitting at a table near the back wall. The other stools around the table were empty, which seemed odd since all the other tables in the room were filled. He was a picture of solitude amongst a sea of bodies.

There was a thud behind her as Harrigan set the bowl down on the bar. She turned back and quickly shook a coin from the leather pouch on the counter. “Can I try that whiskey?” she asked as she slid the coin toward him, then tucked the pouch into her waistband.

“It’s very strong,” Harrigan said with an arched eyebrow.

She smiled at him. “I can handle it.”

“If you’re sure,” he murmured and set a glass on the bar. He pulled a dark brown jug from a shelf under the bar and poured the liquid into the glass. “It sneaks up on a person,” he cautioned as he slid the glass to her.

“Noted.” She picked up the glass and took a little sip. Her head tilted and she let the cool liquid coat her tongue for a moment. The whiskey had a seductive smoky flavour, and a tang of something she couldn’t place. She winked at Harrigan, who was watching her closely, along with several others that had seen him pour the drink, and then swallowed. Somehow she managed not to cough as it hit the back of her throat with a puff of fire. She smiled as the males cheered for her. “Good stuff,” she said to Harrigan, then picked up her bowl and glass and turned away to wind through the crowd. Lord Darkbriar looked up from his own bowl as she stopped at his table. “Do you mind if I join you?”

His gaze swept past her for a moment, then settled on her face. “No, but are you sure you want to do that?”

“Yep,” she said as she set her bowl down in front of the stool next to him. She sat down with a happy sigh, took another sip of whiskey, then set the glass down, and picked up the spoon in the bowl. “So, how was your meeting?”

He glanced around, then leaned closer to her. “Did prince Haelan send you?”

“No, I haven’t seen him since this morning.” She took a bite of stew. “Why do you think that?” She turned her head and followed the direction of his gaze. Two males at the table next to them looked away quickly. “What’s that about? Do you have a reputation for hating humans or something?”

“I’d never met one till today,” he said as he looked down at his bowl.

“Then what is it?”

“You don’t see it?” He picked up his glass of ale and tilted it at the crowd.

She swung her gaze toward the people around them, narrowed her eyes for a second, then turned back to him. He was looking at her again and she could see the people reflected in his eyes. They were all casting dark looks in his direction. “Why are they doing that?”

“I’m a mixed breed,” he mumbled.

She stared at him for a moment, then she smiled. “That’s where you got the funky eyes.” His lips twisted into a frown. “I’ll admit they were unsettling in the light, probably cause you reminded me of a bad guy, but I know some humans that would pay good money to get eyes like that.” The frown flattened, then, after a second, turned up at the corners. “And,, I’m a mixed breed too, so—” She shrugged. “You’re in good company or I am. Maybe we both are?” He chuckled. She waved her empty spoon at him. “So, how was your meeting?”

He took a bite of stew, watched her do the same, then look at him with an arched eyebrow. “It was good.”

“I’m guessing you guys devised a plan to keep the precious package safe,” she said with a little snicker.

“Precious package?”

“Me.” She grinned at him.

“There was some discussion of your security,” he said with a nod. “House Wynbell lands are in the northern part of the province, so it’s not likely that any wood elves will take the risk of trying to infiltrate the festivities.” He picked up his glass. “Prince Haelan assigned a personal guard to you, though.”

“Guess he wanted a break.” She set her spoon down and rested her hands on the table. “And who drew the short straw?” His brow furrowed. “Got stuck with me?”

“The honour went to me my lady.”

She snorted, then smiled at him. “I told you I’m not a lady.”

“My apologies, Emmeline.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.” She waved her hand, then picked up her spoon and glanced at him through her lashes. “My friends call me Em.”

He smiled. “Sable.”

“What?”

“It’s what my friends call me.” He shrugged. “A nickname my father gave me after my wings grew in.”

She cocked her head as she looked him over. “Ya, I see it.” She nodded. “I mean, I’ve only ever been face to face with a real fur coat once. I’m pretty sure it was sable, which is all kinds of heartbreaking, but it wouldn’t surprise me considering who was wearing it.” She leaned closer to him. “My cousin’s mother-in-law.” He smiled at her tone. “I was amazed that ice queen could raise such a gentle dreamer like John.”

“Your cousin’s first mate?”

She nodded with a sad smile. “He was a sweetheart, treated her like a princess.”

“As any mate should be,” he murmured.

“Are you mated?” she asked as she picked up her glass and took a sip. “Is there a Mrs. Darkbrair and a passel of little Darkbriars waiting at home?”

He set his spoon in the nearly empty bowl in front of him, picked up his glass of ale, drained the remaining contents into his mouth, then set it down slowly. “There is not,” he murmured. His stool scraped the wood planks of the floor with a harsh squeal as he pushed it back. “It is unlikely there will ever be.”

Em sat back as he got up and moved around the table. From his tone she expected him to walk to the main door, but he veered off to the bar. Her gaze moved from his lustrous wings to the people who shied away from him. It could have been mistaken as a show of respect if a person ignored the looks tossed in his direction. The same thing happened on his return trip. When he reached the table, he set a glass down next to Em’s partially full glass, then took his seat. “Sable, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“It’s fine, lass.” He pushed his bowl away and set his glass down in its place.

“If it makes you feel any better, all I ever seem to do is hurt the people I care about,” she said as she looked down at her bowl.

“I doubt that,” he said. “Though, I appreciate your attempt to soothe my discomfort.”

“It’s true. Didn’t the twins give you all the gossip about me?”

“They only told me that prince Haelan had made an oath to protect a very beautiful human woman.” Her cheeks turned pink as he smiled at her. “And that he was in the human realm fulfilling that promise.”

“I don’t believe you,” she said with a laugh. “How did you know my name?”

“They must have mentioned it,” he said into his glass.

Em’s loud laugh gained the attention of several of their neighbours. She smiled at them, then turned her gaze back to Sable. “Knowing those two, it was more than just a mention.” She picked up her glass and tossed the last of the whiskey into her mouth. One of her eyes closed as she swallowed the fiery liquid and set that glass aside. “My god what is that stuff made from?”

Sable chuckled. “Mushrooms.” Her eyebrows went up. He nodded.

“I’m not usually a fan of fungus, but in this case I may need to change my mind.”

“Harrigan wouldn’t let me buy you another.”

“He thinks I can’t handle it because I’m a woman,” she said with a laugh. “Kinda sexist if you ask me.”

He laughed under his breath. “Em, why didn’t you dine at the castle with the others?”

She pushed her bowl away as her appetite vanished. “It’s easier to drink your feelings away in a bar.”

He nodded with an understanding look in his eyes. “You’re going to need this then,” he said, then reached out and pulled the glass he’d brought her closer to her hand.

Three hours after Em arrived at the inn, Haelan strode into the dining room. The crowd had thinned, but it took him a moment to spot her. She and Lord Darkbrair were sitting at a table laughing like a pair of old friends.

Haelan smiled at her as he approached the table. Em looked at him through a gaze clouded by alcohol. “You found me,” she said with a silly grin.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier, I was delayed,” Haelan said.

She waved her hand in front of her face so forcefully that she almost tipped backward off the stool. Sable grabbed her other arm to steady her. “Thanks,” she said to Sable. Her head swiveled as she looked up at Haelan. “It’s okay, you’re a busy guy.” She turned to Sable. “Sable, nice guy that he is, let me invade his dinner and then kept me company.”

“And let you have a lot of liquor, it seems,” Haelan said as he arched a brow in Sable’s direction.

“I’m a grown woman.” Em tossed a look at Haelan that was supposed to be fierce, but it came across as a goofy and pinched. “I make my own choices.”

Haelan swallowed a laugh, Sable cleared his throat. “She has discovered a taste for dwarven whiskey,” Sable said with a shrug.

“I only had two,” Em said and held up two fingers on each hand. Haelan snickered.

“It was only two,” Sable said as he leaned his elbows on the table. “And I was about to suggest we take our leave.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Haelan said and held a hand out to Em.

“Are you gonna be okay to fly?” she asked Sable. “Cause I don’t think he can carry us both.” She leaned over to look Haelan up and down. Haelan’s cheeks flushed. “I mean, he’s pretty strong, but—” Sable grabbed for her shoulder as she flipped her head to look at him and almost toppled off the side of the stool. “Thanks.” She squinted at him. “What was I saying? Oh, ya!” She pointed at him. “You’re kinda big.”

“I’ll be fine,” Sable said as he got to his feet. “The barracks aren’t far.”

“You’re not coming to the castle?” She looked at Haelan. “Aren’t lords supposed to stay at the castle?”

Haelan sighed as he moved around the table, grabbed one of her arms while Sable took hold of the other, and they both helped her onto her feet. “Lord Darkbrair stays with the guards.”

“Em, it’s my choice,” Sable said, then let go of her so Haelan could lead her around the table. He swallowed a laugh as her leg crashed into it.

“Jesus,” she muttered as she glared at the table. “At this rate I’m gonna break the damn thing.”

“The table?” Haelan asked as he got her on a straight path and pulled her forward.

“My leg,” she said. “I fell on it earlier—”

“And they let you keep drinking? I’m going to speak to Harrigan—” Haelan said as he looked toward the bar.

“No no no,” Em said and pulled him to a stop. “Earlier, earlier. Right before Sable and I got into a fi—” Sable poked her in the middle of her back. “Err, ah, scuffle. A little misunderstanding, really.”

Haelan turned and looked over her head at Sable. “You didn’t mention that at the meeting.”

“My apologizes your highness. I was already late and thought I’d have a moment after it ended, but prince Alasdair came, then you left before I could get your attention,” Sable said.

“It’s fine. He flew me back to the castle before anyone saw me with my pants torn up and my butt hanging out,” Em said with a giggle.

“Her pants were damaged during her fall,” Sable explained.

“Ya, he didn’t do it,” Em said as she pointed her thumb over her shoulder at Sable. “He’s just like the rest of you, so fucking honourable it hurts.” Sable smiled at the back of her head.

“We should discuss it tomorrow, when everyone has a clear head,” Haelan said as he started pulling Em toward the door.

“Yes, your highness,” Sable said in a contrite tone.

“Yes, your highness,” Em parroted in a considerably less contrite tone.

Haelan’s shoulders shook with the laughter he was trying to contain. He nodded to Harrigan as they made their way past the bar.

“Good night, lass,” Harrigan called. “Good luck, lads.”

The trio emerged into the darkness, and Em stopped so suddenly that Sable ran into her back. She stumbled into Haelan’s with a squeak. “Sorry,” she said and flipped her hand, then swayed to the side. “That just feels so good.” She sucked in a big breath and tilted her head back. “It was warm in there.” Haelan moved next to her and wrapped his arm around her waist. Em looked down with a frown.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Sable said then leapt up. His gaze moved over Haelan for a moment.

Em tipped her head back and her eyes squinted as she tried to make him out in the darkness. “Good night,” she called.

“Good night,” Sable called back to them.

“I should get you to bed,” Haelan said, then bent down, caught her knees, and lifted her against his chest. Her arms slid around his neck. She pulled herself up higher and buried her face in his hair. “Lass, what are you doing?”

She took a big breath. “You smell so good.” Her arms tightened for a second. “You have beautiful hair, so shiny and soft.”

“Thank you,” he murmured, then leapt up.

“You’re so sweet and kind and a great dad,” she whispered with a sniffle.

“Em?”

“Hmm?” She leaned away from him to look at his face.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said as she tried to look over her shoulder. “Can you put me down?”

“We’re almost there.” She sniffed again. “Lass, please tell me what’s bothering you.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Right,” he said as he landed on the balcony to their room. She practically leapt out of his arms. He caught her before she could smash through the doors. She grabbed for the knob, turned it, and if it hadn’t been for Haelan’s hand on her arm would have fallen into the room. “Em, you’re upset about something. Please tell me what it is.” She shook her head while she tried to brush his hand off. He helped her to the bed and let her plop herself down on the edge. He took his hand away and straightened. “Why didn’t you come back to the castle?” She dropped her head into her hands. “Why did you spend the evening getting drunk with Sable?”

She took a deep breath. “I didn’t want to face you after—” She shook her head. “After I hurt you.”

He squatted down in front of her. “When did you hurt me?”

“After the fight.” Her hands fell as she looked up at him. Tears shimmered along her lashes. “When you kissed me.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” he said softly.

“But I saw you—” Her eyes closed tightly. “You were in pain—”

“I wasn’t—”

Her eyes opened, and she tilted her head. “It was all over your face. And it was my fault. All my fault—”

“I swear to you—”

She reached out and cupped the sides of his face. “I didn’t mean to—I’d never want to hurt you, but that’s all I seem to do to everyone.”

He grabbed her hands and held them to her thighs. “I wasn’t hurt—”

“I’m so sorry—”

“I was overwhelmed.”

Her eyes went wide. “What?”

His thumbs smoothed the backs of her hands. “I wasn’t prepared for how it would feel. I’d thought about it, pictured it, dreamed of it so many times, but the reality was so much more than I’d imagined.”

She blinked twice. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better,” she whispered.

A slow smile curved his lips. “Lass, before you came into my life I was content to remain in my solitude, to forget what it felt like to hold a female I care for close, to share myself with her.”

“But all I’ve done this whole time is cry on your shoulder,” she said with a confused frown. “I hardly paid attention to your needs—”

“You accepted me into your life, guided me through your world, allowed me to see you at your most vulnerable. For some that is an impossible thing to do.” His hands tightened around hers then pulled them towards his face and planted a soft kiss on one then the other. “My life has become much brighter with you in it.”

“Haelan I—” She leaned forward. “I didn’t realize you felt that way.”

“I couldn’t tell you before.”

“Why now?”

“Because of the other night—”

“When I hugged you?”

“My heart has broken a hundred times since I met you. Each time you cried for Balthazar, the beast chased you through the night, when your body trembled with terror from your memories. But in that moment, when you reached out to comfort me, it was worth it to know that you’re healing.”

She shrugged. “I just wanted to help.”

“Could you have done that five months ago?” She shook her head. “You probably won’t remember much of this tomorrow—” One side of her lips curved up in a lopsided smile. “And that’s okay because I need time to figure out how to not let it overwhelm me again. One kiss was not enough, a thousand wouldn’t be enough, to quench my thirst for you.”

She laughed softly. “Can we start now?”

“I don’t think now is a good time for it.”

“Why not?” she asked with a pout.

“Because you’ve had a lot to drink,” he said as he placed her hands on her legs. She watched, wide eyed and with her mouth opened into an incredulous oh, as he straightened and went to the dresser. He pulled out pajamas for them both and came back to her. “I’ll give you some privacy.” He set her clothes next to her on the bed.

“Are you seriously turning me down? A drunk woman who you could easily have your way with? Who wants you to have your way with her?”

He stepped back and smiled. “I don’t want any memory you have of me to be a bad decision.” With that, he turned and walked to the washroom.

“How do you do it?” she called out.

“Do what?” he asked as he stopped in the doorway.

“Make the right choice all the time. Isn’t it ever hard?”

He turned to her with a sad smile. “I haven’t always made great choices, but I have learned from my poor decisions.” His hands gripped the clothes he held tight. “I can resist the incredible temptation that you are if it means I’ll have your respect when we wake up tomorrow.” He left her then, to stare at the closed door. His back hit the solid wood barrier with a soft thump as he leaned against it and took a deep breath. The mating magic throbbed in his chest, threatening to heat his blood again. In his mind he pictured pressing his hands around it, as Alasdair had suggested, and it shrank back. He pushed himself away from the door.

With some practice, this might work. He thought with a little sigh of relief. Thank the stars. He glanced at his reflection. Resisting a drunken suggestion is one thing, but what if she gets the nerve up to tempt me while she’s sober? His fingers gripped his amulet while he whispered the incantation. As soon as his wings were gone, he pulled his shirt off, checked his ribs for bruises, smirked when he didn’t see any, then pulled the clean shirt on.

“She’s a grown woman,” he whispered as he undid the laces on his trousers. “If she thinks she’s ready...”