Haelan’s Desire (Walk Through Shadows Book Four)

In the morning Em woke just as the bedroom door closed. Her eyes cracked open a tiny bit, then immediately closed as blinding sunshine smacked her right in the face. She groaned as her head throbbed. It seemed that the spirit of a dwarf had come home with her to stomp all over her brain. Very slowly, she pushed the blanket away from the lower half of her face and tried to open her eyes again. She kept them open for a second.

“Oh dear god,” she muttered, then took a deep breath and rolled onto her side. After a moment, she pushed herself up to her elbow. A wave of nausea rolled through her stomach. “Uhhh.” Her free hand settled on her forehead and she tried to rub away the throb. “Definitely not changing my mind about mushrooms.” She opened her eyes slightly and spotted the glass of water Haelan had left on the nightstand. Because she was almost in the middle of the bed, it was out of reach. She rolled onto her stomach, swallowed another wave of nausea, used her elbows to wiggle closer to the edge of the bed, and reached out for it. Her fingertips brushed the side of the glass. “Come on.” She dropped her head for a second, then scooted a few inches closer and got her fingers around it. She lifted it to her mouth, sputtered as it splashed her in the face, then gulped down a mouthful. After she took another swig, she set the glass down with a sigh and rested her forehead on the bed.

A minute later the door opened, and Haelan breezed into the room. Em turned her head and watched as he closed the door. He was showered and dressed, in dark green trousers and a beige shirt that laced up the front. His golden blonde hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail. All that was missing were his boots.

“Good morning, lass,” he said as he moved over to the bed and set a steaming mug on the nightstand.

Em’s nose wrinkled as the steam from the mug wafted over to her. “What’s good about it?” she grumbled.

“The sun is shining, it’s a beautiful day—”

“I’m dying.”

Haelan laughed under his breath. “You’re not dying.”

“Yes, I am,” Em said in a groan, then smooshed her face into the bed.

“I brought you some tea—”

“No, thank you.”

“It will help, I promise.” He gingerly lowered himself onto the edge of the bed near her waist and smoothed her back.

“Everything hurts.”

“Your head?”

“And everything else.” She took a deep breath. “I’m dying.”

“You’re having a terrible start to your day,” he said softly, through lips that twitched with the effort of keeping his grin under control. “Drink the tea.”

“I can’t, it smells gross.”

“Hold your breath and try it.” He shifted around, then tugged the blanket away from her lower body.

“What are you doing?” She lifted her head and squinted at him over her shoulder.

“Checking your injuries.”

“It’s just a few scrapes,” she said as she tried to pull the blanket back into place.

He stuffed the blanket under his butt and grabbed her hip as she attempted to roll away from him. “Be still, stubborn human,” he murmured.

She sucked in a breath as his fingers grazed the side of her thigh just below her pajama bottoms. “Careful, bossy faerie.”

He hummed under his breath. “Very colourful, but not life threatening.” His fingertip traced the edges of the red and purple splotches. “The scrapes aren’t bad.” He leaned closer. She shivered as his breath caressed the back of her thigh. “I have a salve that will keep them from becoming infected.” He straightened and pulled the blanket back over her. “I’ll leave it out for you in the washroom. Drink your tea, have a shower, and put it on. You’ll feel better.”

She rolled onto her side. “I don’t think I can.”

He brushed her hair from her forehead as he leaned over, then pressed a gentle kiss above her eyebrow. “Yes, you can.” He straightened. “I’m going to delay our departure so you have more time to recover before I subject you to the flight to my estate.”

“Thank you,” she said with a smile. “When are we leaving?”

“This afternoon. I have a feeling you weren’t the only one that took advantage of our free time last night.” He rubbed her back one more time, then stood and picked up the mug from the nightstand. “This will help with your pain and the nausea you are no doubt experiencing.” She sighed as he held it out to her. The encouraging smile he flashed at her prompted her to push herself up to her elbow, reach out, and accept it from him.

“What’s in it?”

“Willow bark and ginger root.” He moved around the bed to the armoire, shoved his feet into his boots, watched her take an experimental sip, and smiled at the horrified look on her face. “You need to swallow for it to be effective.” Her eyes pleaded with him. “Go on.” She closed her eyes as she forced it down. “Good, now keep going.” He bent over, tied his boots, then straightened, and looked at her again. She sighed forcefully, then took another mouthful. After she swallowed it, he turned away to go to the washroom. He dug through the basket of toiletries under the sink, pulled out a little brown jar, set it next to her toothbrush, and went back into the bedroom. “The salve is on the counter. You’ll only need a small amount, just enough to cover the wounds.”

“Okay,” she said as she watched him go to the door. “Where are you going?”

“To the barracks to speak with my guards.” He opened the door. “Then to breakfast. Perhaps I’ll see you there?”

She waved the mug in his direction. “If I’m still alive in half an hour, I’ll be there.”

He grinned at her. “You can’t die.” She arched an eyebrow up. “It’s customary for a male to be accompanied by a female to these kinds of events. You wouldn’t want me to have to go alone, would you?”

She sat all the way up and looked at him. “I’m not allowed to die because you need a date for your son’s wedding?”

“Exactly,” he said with a wink.

Em blinked as he disappeared through the doorway. Despite the phantom dwarf kicking the back of her head, she smiled. It twisted into a frown as she lifted the mug, and the scent of ginger and wet wood assaulted her nostrils. She took a big breath and held it as she raised it higher, then tilted it. Her mouth filled with the overpowering taste of warm ginger that no amount of breath holding would help with. She gulped it down, then let the air out of her lungs with a little groan and quickly drew in another. The next mouthful was just as bad as the previous one. She swallowed it, then cautiously peeked into the mug. All that was left was a few dregs at the bottom. She shot it back with a grimace. Her smile returned at half its usual wattage.

She leaned back and set the mug down on the nightstand with a heavy sigh, slid her legs off the side of the bed. Her breath caught as the ache in her hip howled down to her toes. She grabbed for the edge of the bed as the dwarf’s tempo increased for a few seconds before settling back into a much slower thump. A long groan rumbled through her chest.

She sat there for a few minutes, taking big calming breaths, her hands alternating between gripping and releasing the sheet. Until it seemed like the dwarf had worn himself out or decided breaking her skull wasn’t worth the effort and flopped down to wait for another chance to take a crack at her. She got to her feet carefully. The pain in her hip had receded enough that she could stand up, so she took a step forward.

“Well, he didn’t lie,” she mumbled, then padded to the washroom. The scent of Haelan’s body wash hung in the air of the smaller room. It wrapped around her, drew her toward the shower where it was concentrated. She smiled as she leaned her head against the cool tile that bordered the enclosure.

The thought of hurting Haelan had weighed on her heart with more pressure than she was willing to admit to anyone, including herself. Thankfully, her whiskey soaked brain had retained chunks of what had happened after they’d returned to the castle. Relief lifted her spirits even as the sensible side of her tried to remind her of all her previously stated misgivings.

She took another breath, drawing in the familiar scent deep into her lungs, and grinned. In her memories of the night before was a brief flash of warm velvety skin and soft hair that tickled her fingertips. She frowned as she remembered Haelan’s hand closing around her wrist and lifting it away from his body.

“Where did I—” She looked at her reflection and giggled. “You pushy bitch.” Her eyes closed as it came back to her.

After he changed into his nightclothes, Haelan had entered the bedroom and found Em flopped on the bed. He’d coaxed her under the blanket, turned out the light, and got in next to her. Then Em, under the guise of seeking the warmth of his body, snuggled up to his side, and nothing was amiss for a few brief minutes. Em’s hand, which had been innocently draped over his stomach, inched lower until it encountered the waistband of his pajama bottoms. Haelan caught a hold of her upper arm, but her fingers pressed down and slipped past that flimsy barrier.

“Lass,” he whispered. “Molesting me will not change my mind.”

Her fingers swept through the downy hair leading to the treasure she was seeking. “Are you sure?” she asked with a breathy giggle.

“I am,” he answered as his fingers curled around her wrist and pulled her hand up to his chest. “I want more than a moment of pleasure with you.”

“We could do it twice,” she said with a silly grin.

He chuckled, which only made her smile grow wide. “More than that.”

She snuggled closer to his side. “What do you want?”

“Your heart,” he mumbled.

She giggled. “But you can’t own a person’s heart.”

“Of course not.” He turned onto his side, tucked her hand against his chest, and wrapped his arm around her. “I want to exist in your heart.” His hand smoothed her back. He pressed his lips against her hair then murmured, “as you exist in mine.”

Em’s laughter died as those words rattled around inside her head.

As you exist in mine.

Her eyelashes fluttered, and her heart stuttered for a second, then thumped hard. The butterflies that had been quiet until then came alive in a fantastic display, shimmering and dancing around her abdomen. When her gaze settled on her reflection, she caught the side of her bottom lip between her teeth. The other side lifted in a shy smile.

He thought you were too drunk to remember. The reckless half of her whispered.

You know what he meant though, right? The other side asked.

She nodded at her reflection.

Isn’t it too soon?

Both sides of her fell silent. She grabbed her toothbrush off the counter. Her fingers fidgeted with it. After a minute she took a big breath then let it out slowly.

It doesn’t mean you’re replacing Balthazar.

“I know,” she whispered as she tapped the end of the toothbrush against the counter in a quick beat.

Haelan has been alone for so long.

“Over a century.”

He has such a big heart.

“It’s massive.”

You care about him.

“Of course I do.” Her gaze slid from the brush in her hand to the little brown jar, then to the door. Her empty hand lifted, her fingertips brushed her chest above the swell of her breast.

You’re attracted to him. How can you not be with those eyes, that smile?

She sighed. “It’s more than that.” Her fingers strayed to the centre of her chest. “He’s already there.”

So tell him.

Haelan rested his hand on the door for a moment and imagined Em sitting where he’d left her. The blanket bunched around her hips, hair a tangled cloud clinging to her head, leftover mascara and eyeliner dark smudges under her eyes. A comical yet heartwarming picture of the woman he loved.

As he stood there, he wondered how much of the previous night her poor hung over brain could recall. He turned away before he decided whether he hoped it was more that little snippets of his impulsive declarations.

By the time he got to the nearest stairwell and unfurled his wings, he was smiling. What did it matter if he’d revealed more that he had intended? Em had spent the evening trying to drink away her belief that she’d hurt him. It was obvious she had been upset with the idea of not being able to kiss him again. That, coupled with what she’d attempted to do when they were cuddled up together, showed a clear desire for their relationship to change.

He exited the castle and banked around it to head for the barracks with a big smile on his face. His attempt at holding the magic back as her fingers had caressed his skin had been successful, difficult but still a success. With a few more days of practice, he might even be able to be intimate with her without scaring her half to death and losing her trust in the process. Even the pleasure of having her lovely long legs wrapped around him wouldn’t be worth that.

Several guards greeted him as he glided to a stop in front of the barracks. He nodded to them then made his way inside, bypassed the sleeping quarters to go to the dining hall in the back of the long building. The room was occupied mostly by several members of the night watch, the morning watch having been served an hour earlier, and a table of his own guards in one corner.

Beamard Wildthorn, who was the first to spot his prince, set his coffee aside with a nod in Haelan’s direction and moved to stand. Haelan motioned for him to stay seated as he got closer. Both Beamard and his younger brother Elmas, who was sitting to Beamard’s left, were sporting bloodshot eyes that suggested they’d had a very late night and not much sleep. Sable, who was next to Elmas, looked better but not by much. Drem Elmbell, who was across from Beamard listlessly picking at the food on his plate, had a decidedly green cast to his usually tanned skin.

Haelan swallowed a chuckle as he clapped a hand on Drem’s shoulder. “Get yourself some willow bark tea. Ask the healer to add some ginger,” he said.

“She won’t treat hangovers,” Drem muttered. “Said something about ‘you did this to yourself so you should suffer the consequences’ nonsense.”

“Go see Gracie,” Haelan replied. “Then get a few hours of sleep.”

“I thought you wanted to leave mid morning,” Taveon Firecrystal said.

“That was my original plan but, as Sable can attest to, Emmeline tried Harrigan’s offerings last night and is in much the same state as—” Haelan nodded toward Drem. “So I’ve decided to let her rest a little longer.” Everyone seated at the table relaxed. “We’ll leave at the afternoon change over, with no stops, we’ll arrive before moonrise.”

“Is Em going to be alright with mid air transfers?” Sable asked. The others turned their gazes on him. He shrugged at their questioning looks.

“I’ll speak with her,” Haelan said. “She may be more comfortable if she’s only passed between those of us she knows.” Sable nodded. “We should talk about yesterday.”

“Yes, your highness,” Sable said softly.

“What did you do?” Elmas asked under his breath.

Sable’s cheeks flushed. He ducked his head, then pushed his half empty plate away. “Nothing you need to be concerned with.”

“Leave him alone,” Beamard said and knocked his shoulder into his brother’s.

“The rest of you finish up,” Haelan said as he took a step back. “I would suggest electing one of you to make that visit to Gracie. She’s not fond of having so many of you under foot.” Taveon chuckled. “Don’t pester the maids.” He levelled a stern look at Taveon. “At least wait till they’re done with their work,” he finished with a wink.

“Yes, your highness,” the guards said in almost perfect unison.

“Rest up. I want you at your best on this excursion,” Haelan said.

“Your ward will be safe with us,” Elmas said with a smirk.

Haelan glanced at Sable, who had a knowing smile on his face. He gave the mixed breed a little nod to acknowledge what he had discerned the night before. “Everyone is to be kept safe.”

“As always, your highness,” Drem said over his shoulder. Haelan reached over and gripped his shoulder. Drem groaned. Haelan caught Sable’s eye and inclined his head. The mixed breed slid from the bench and followed as Haelan turned and strode from the room.

Once the two of them had exited the building and gone about fifty feet from the nearest guard, Haelan stopped. Sable clasped his hands behind his back, under his wings. “What happened between the two of you yesterday?” Haelan asked.

Sable looked down. “I saw her running through the empty field on the other side of the trees.” He glanced over at the woods near the barracks. “At first I thought she was a mixed breed trying to escape someone.” He looked at Haelan. “A thief. I was about to give chase when she tripped over something. I landed near her and was going to take her to the cells. She fought back, quite viciously, called me a werewolf hybrid, and took off for the trees.” He smiled slightly. “When I caught her, she tried to wriggle out of my arms even though we were in the air.” His expression grew serious. “She was yelling about not again?”

Haelan nodded. “She was captured by a vampire werewolf hybrid,” he said softly. “Twice.”

Sable sighed. “It’s not surprising that I frightened her.”

“That was unfortunate, but you seemed to have salvaged the introduction.”

“I apologized and explained who I am,” Sable said. “As she mentioned, her clothes were damaged during her fall.” Haelan nodded. “I brought her back to the castle before anyone else saw her.”

“Thank you,” Haelan murmured as he lifted a hand and smoothed a few strands of hair away from his forehead. “She looks human, how did you know she’s a mixed breed?”

“There’s magic in her. Rare for a non faerie mixed breed, but once she mentioned having a star elf in her lineage, it made sense.”

Haelan’s gaze turned to the castle for a second, then back to Sable’s face. “You’re sure?”

“Very,” Sable answered. “I felt yours last night as well.”

Haelan smiled sheepishly. “I’ve been trying to control it.” Sable’s eyes narrowed. “I haven’t spoken to her about it yet.”

“I won’t say anything to her,” Sable said with a grin.

“I appreciate that.” Haelan snapped his wings open. “Go get some rest. I suspect Isabelle is going to demand to meet all of you before we leave.” Sable’s eyebrows went up. “She’s Em’s cousin and Alasdair’s mate. She worries about Em, and since she had a baby a month ago, it’s better to give in to her requests than to argue with her.” Sable grinned at him. “Tell the others to meet us in the main dining room before we leave. I’ll introduce everyone to Isabelle. If that doesn’t ease her worries, it’s Alasdair’s issue to deal with.”

“Yes, your highness,” Sable said with a quick nod. Haelan leapt up. Sable gave him a wave, then turned and went inside to relay the message to the other guards.

Haelan’s guess turned out to be accurate, much to Em’s chagrin. After a quiet breakfast with the twins, Alasdair, Isabelle, and Malin, Isabelle expressed an interest in being introduced to Lord Darkbriar. Haelan cast a brief glance at Alasdair, then announced that a meeting with all the guards he’d chosen for the trip had already been arranged.

Momentarily mollified, Isabelle talked Em and Haelan into going for a tour of the new library’s building site. The stone walls had been completed along the back portion of the structure. Isabelle pulled Em along as she explained the layout. Em listened with half an ear as she exclaimed over the queen’s agreement to add multipurpose rooms for the school children to use for all kinds of fun activities. She even suggested Em could teach a few dance classes if she asked to be allowed to live there. Em shrugged with a noncommittal sigh and kept walking.

By the time they were done wandering through the construction site, Celene had fallen asleep in her daddy’s arms and Em thought the little girl had a great idea. Em sat down on a partially finished wall and watched Isabelle and Alasdair fly back to the castle.

Haelan sat next to her. “You look like you could use a nap too.” Em nodded as she covered a yawn. “How is your leg feeling? I could get you more tea if you need it.”

She shook her head. “God no, that stuff was awful. I think I have ibuprofen in my purse. But thank you anyway.” She yawned again.

“Come on, I’ll take you back.” He stood and held out his hand to her.

She got up from the wall and wrapped her arms around his neck. He bent and caught her knees with his arm. “I should apologize for what happened last night,” she said as he leapt up.

“You were very drunk.”

“That’s no excuse for groping you.” She shook her head. “If you’d done that to me—”

“I wouldn’t.”

“Even if you were drunk?”

“Not even then.”

“Well, you’re a better man than I,” she said with a little smirk. “I am really sorry. You’d already said no and I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Thank you, lass,” he said, then landed on the balcony to their room. He set her down and took hold of her hands as he straightened. “I won’t hold it against you.” He lifted her hands to his face and brushed his lips against the back of each one.

“Thanks,” she murmured.

“Get some rest.” He released her hands and took a step back. “I’m going to make sure the twins are packing, though I wouldn’t be surprised if Faine has already finished.”

“Does Faerwald usually drag his feet?”

“From what Roldan has told me, he’s been acting strange lately,” he said with a frown. “Out of sorts.”

“This must be hard for him,” she said as she looked at the balcony to the right.

“I would imagine it is.” His gaze ran over her profile. “Some of us wait centuries to find our true mate. Sadly, some of us never find them.”

“He could take a chosen mate instead,” she said as she turned back to face him. “Like you did.”

“Which I will remind him of,” Haelan said.

“Maybe you should spend some time with him.”

“Are you trying to escape my clutches?” he asked with a devious smile.

“It’s not like I can get far,” she answered with a laugh. “I’m sure that Roldan is perfectly capable of handling him, though I wouldn’t know since he doesn’t spend much time around me, almost like he’s avoiding me—”

“Why would he avoid you?”

“It’s just a feeling I get sometimes,” she said with a shrug. “Anyway, while Roldan might be great at his job, whatever the hell that is, but you’re his dad and no one can take your place.” She waved her hand. “I still miss mine.” Her voice grew thick with tears. “It was his voice that got me out of that house—”

“You got yourself out the first time—”

“I know, but when I was about to lose my nerve, I could hear him encouraging me, like he always did.”

Haelan stepped closer and cupped her shoulders. “He would have been very proud of you.”

Em shuffled closer and leaned her forehead against his shoulder. Her arms slid around him. “I doubt it,” she whispered.

He pulled her closer and rested his cheek on the top of her head. “Agree to disagree?”

She laughed. “Always the diplomat, your highness?”

“Raising two boys taught me it is usually the better option,” he said.

“Well, one of them could use some time with dad,” she said as she jabbed him in the ribs.

He laughed. “Yes, lass.” He gave her a quick squeeze, then let her go as she pulled away to look up at him. “When we return from the ceremony, I’ll have him attend the meetings with the captain with me.”

“That doesn’t sound like fun,” she muttered. Her arms slid away from him as she moved back another step. “Oh, before I forget. Can you let Faine know I’ll do that thing?”

“What thing?”

She waved her hand. “That speech at the ceremony.”

“Lass, I’ve been to an elven bonding ceremony. What he was referring to is the mother’s blessing.” He leaned his hip against the balustrade. “Are you sure you want to do it?” She blinked a couple of times as she pressed her hands to her stomach.

That cheeky little brat. The sensible side of her whispered.

Her gaze swept over Haelan’s face. There was a trace of a smile on his lips. And a sparkle of hope in his eyes. She sucked in a breath, then nodded. “As long as you don’t mind. I mean it’s not my place—”

“Of anyone in my family I would have chosen you, if he’d asked my opinion,” he said with a nod.

“But you said it was inappropriate,” she said with a shrug.

“To just blurt it out the way he did, not for choosing you,” he said. “He had a good point, you are part elf—”

“And his dad’s date,” she added with a smirk.

“There is that,” he agreed. They smiled at each other for a moment. “And the twins adore you. They ask about you every time I come home.”

“They’ve been super sweet to me,” she said. “I like them.” Haelan straightened from the where he was leaning. “As long as you’re okay with it, I would love to give the blessing for Faine.”

“I’m more than okay with it, lass.” She ducked her head as her cheeks flushed with pleasure. He moved in front of her, cupped the sides of her head gently, and tilted her face up. When he didn’t move to lower his lips to hers, Em pushed herself up to kiss him softly. He kept the pressure very light, just barely tasting her soft lips, and when the mating magic flared to life in his chest, he imagined wrapping his hands around it quickly. The maneuver was a success. When he lifted his head half a minute later, the magic was still firmly in his chest and he could look her in the eyes without revealing what was happening in his body. “Now off you go. I’ll deliver your message.”

“Yes, your highness,” she said with a smile, then turned and opened the door. She stepped inside and practically floated through the room as she moved to the bed and kicked her shoes off.

He looked okay to me. The reckless half of her brain twittered.

“Yes, he did,” she murmured with a silly smile. She flopped onto the bed with a merry laugh. “He most certainly did.”