Haelan’s Desire (Walk Through Shadows Book Four)

After leaving Haelan and Deamol, Em rushed along the fence, down the short side, around the corner, and stopped. It was a suitable spot to collapse, safely out of earshot of the pair still on the gallery, and as far as her wobbly legs were willing to go. Her hands gripped the wood as she peeked through the slats. There wasn’t much room, but she could see Haelan’s profile. Her heart squeezed as he lifted his hands and ran his fingers through his hair. For someone like him, always so calm and composed, the gesture spoke volumes to the person watching it.

He’s in pain. One side of her whispered.

Maybe Roldan got a good shot in. The other said in a hopeful tone.

You’re looking for anything that takes the blame out of your hands so you can kiss him again.

How could he be hurt by a kiss?

“Magic,” she whispered out loud as she turned away from the training area and leaned back against the rough wood. Her breath caught at the sound of Haelan’s and Deamol’s wings. The whooshing flap turned toward her for a moment. She relaxed as the sound turned and faded quickly. “Belle said there’s some kind of magic in the elf thing.” She pushed away from the fence and started walking toward the trees. Her hands gathered her hair at the back of her head and pulled the elastic from her wrist around it. “He couldn’t use his magic on you.” She moved faster as she picked her way through the trees. “What if whatever is in you isn’t compatible with what’s in him?” Her hand clenched into fists as she jogged around the trunks.

It won’t matter if you’re ready.

It won’t matter if you can love him.

She came out of the trees into a clear area, and her pace sped up. Long grass whipped her legs as her feet pounded the ground. Her breath hiccupped and her eyes swam with tears. Her legs pumped harder.

You’ll hurt him.

After everything, he’s done for you.

You hurt him.

Those three words looped through her brain. Repeated themselves over and over, chasing her as she sprinted through the open space.

She didn’t see the apple sized rock lurking in the tall grass. Her foot caught the edge. That ankle bent at an awkward angle. Her other foot hit the ground hard as she tried to catch her balance. Her efforts failed. She threw her hands out as she stumbled. Her hip hit the ground first, with a tooth rattling bang. She collapsed onto her hands with a choked sob and stayed there, gulping down big breaths of air, swallowing back tears. A minute later her breathing was settling into a more normal rhythm when she heard the flap of large wings above her.

She pushed herself onto her butt and wiped her eyes quickly. There was a thump behind her and then the sound of feet moving through the grass. Judging by the noise the wings had made, she expected to turn and see Alasdair. The sun was at the person’s back so she couldn’t make out their face.

“Where are you going, little thief?” A deep voice asked.

She sniffed. “What?” She blinked against the glare of the sun that his massive wings didn’t block out.

He ignored her question. “How did a mixed breed thief make it this far south without detection?”

She blinked a few times. “Who are you?” she asked.

He stepped closer and bent down to look at her. “The one who caught you.”

“I’m not a thief.” He grabbed her arm and hauled her upright. She twisted to face him and her heart froze as she fell into one of her nightmares. Her free hand tightened into a fist and with a blast of panic she swung. He grunted as that fist connected with the corner of one sparkling silver eye. She yanked at the arm being held in an iron grip. “Let me go!” When her arm didn’t pull free of his grasp, she swung the other one again. He moved to grab it. She evaded his hand for a second. Then he snatched it out of the air, pulled it against his chest, and his knees bent. Even in the haze of fear that clouded her brain, she recognized what that meant. Her body did what came naturally and slammed her knee upward. His grip eased for a moment as he made a sound somewhere between a painful groan and an angry growl. He shifted his hips back to take her target out of range. Em stumbled back as she pulled free of his hold. “Fucking hybrid werewolf asshole!” she cried. He reached for her again. She turned and took off toward the trees.

“Filthy thief.” He leapt up, snapped his wings open, and chased after her.

Terror gave Em the speed to race across the clearing and the strength to ignore the burning pain in her hip. She got within ten feet of the cover the trees would have provided her when an arm wrapped around her midsection and the ground fell away from her feet. “No!” She kicked her feet, the rubber soles of her sneakers bounced off his shins. “Not again! You can’t do this! I don’t belong to you! Put me down!”

His other arm snaked around her as they gained altitude. “A stay in the cells will calm you down,” he muttered.

“The cells?” She kicked again. That didn’t make sense. Why would he take her to the faerie jail attached to the barracks? “No!” His arm tightened around her painfully. “Go to the castle. They’ll tell you who I am.”

He snorted. “You expect me to believe a mixed breed knows the royal family.”

“Alasdair is married to my cousin,” she shouted over her shoulder. “I know all of them.” She kicked him again. His chuckle rumbled against her back. “Take me to Haelan, he’ll tell you. If he doesn’t kick your ass first.”

Their forward momentum slowed. He brought his wings to a stop, and they glided toward the yard in front of the barracks. When they landed, he set her down roughly and spun her around. “What is your name?”

“What business is it of yours?” she asked with a glare. His eyebrows lowered, casting those sparkling eyes in shadow. “Are you going to let me go?”

“My decision depends on your answer.”

She took a breath and narrowed her eyes. “Emmeline Carter,” she said through her teeth.

His eyebrows went up. “Faerwald said you’re human, but I can see that you’re not.”

She stared at his eyes. They weren’t actually glowing as she’d originally thought. The iris’ were silver, not light grey but a shiny silver. At least that’s how they appeared in the bright sunlight. “I’m mostly human with a tiny bit of star elf.” Her hands flopped at her sides. “What the hell are you? Not a werewolf otherwise you’d be dragging me off somewhere.”

He smirked. “They said you have spirit.”

“They?”

He let go of her arms and took a step back. “Faine and Faerwald.”

“You know the twins?”

He nodded, then held out his hand. “I apologize for—” He jerked his head toward the trees they had just flown over. “I was not expecting to see a mixed breed in this area—you appeared to be running from something—I assumed you were a thief.”

“You scared the hell out of me.” She planted her hands on her hips. “Who are you?”

He reached his hand farther. She looked at it for a second, sighed, then slid her fingers across his palm. “My name is Caernach Darkbrair.” He dipped his head while he lifted her hand to press his lips to her fingers. “Lord Darkbriar. I’m to be part of your escort to the Elven province.” He looked up from her hand with a brief smile. And she could finally look away from his eyes and see the rest of him.

He was a big guy. So big that she had to tilt her head back to look up at his face. His very dark brown hair had tiny streaks of pure white running through it in places. It was cut shorter than most males she’d met, and just barely brushed his collar. He had at least a day’s worth of facial hair, but rather than make him look scruffy, it gave him a sort of rakish air. Put that together with the straight, perfectly proportioned nose, high cheekbones, and full lips made him a very handsome male.

“You’re going with us?”

“At prince Haelan’s request.”

Her eyebrows went up, and she eased her hand from his. “I guess I’ll see you later then,” she said as she turned away from him. Her breath hissed as her weight shifted and the hip that smacked the ground took her weight. She hopped onto her other foot.

“I was on my way to the castle when I accosted you. If you’d like—”

“You’ll give me a lift?” she said over her shoulder. “We just met—”

“I’m a member of prince Haelan’s guard. He would be disappointed if I left you to limp back to the castle,” he said as he stepped closer. “Especially exposed as you are.” He glanced down.

Em twisted her hips and looked down. The side of her leggings, from just above her knee almost to the waistband, was torn open. A good portion of her leg, along with her flaming red panties, was exposed. “Shit.” She looked up at him. “These were really comfortable.” She sighed. “I suppose I shouldn’t be walking around with my butt hanging out.” He raised his eyebrows. “I guess I’ll take you up on that offer.”

Caernach bent and caught her knees with an arm as the other one tucked her against his chest. She just threw her hand around his neck before they were back in the air. They arrived at the castle in two minutes, thanks to his huge dark chocolate brown wings. He breezed through a doorway to a staircase.

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. “Third floor please,” she murmured.

“As you command, my lady.”

“It wasn’t—” She looked at his face. He was grinning. “I’m not a lady.” He swept through the open space to land on the third floor. “I’m a commoner.”

He set her down, turned, and leapt into the stairwell to hover there. “No Emmeline, you are anything but common.”

Em blinked as he smiled widely. With a few beats of those large wings, he disappeared up the stairwell. She stood there staring at the empty space for a moment, then turned to walk down the hallway. She was almost at the door to Haelan’s room when Isabelle came storming down the hall.

“Emmeline Carter!”

“Isabelle MacDonald,” Em said Isabelle’s new surname in a bewildered tone.

“Who’s arms were you just in?”

“First of all, why are you yelling at me?” Em threw her hands up. “And second, what the hell are you talking about?”

“I saw you while I was on the balcony. Who flew you to the castle?”

“Oh, that. His name is Lord Darkbrair,” Em said with a shrug. “He’s one of Haelan’s guards.” She opened the door. “I need to change.” She turned so Isabelle could see the tear in her leggings, then stepped inside.

“Did he do that?” Isabelle asked loudly as she followed Em.

“No, I went for a run and tripped over a rock.” Em walked over to the armoire with a little groan. “I think I bruised my ass.” She yanked open the door, bent down, grabbed another pair of leggings, kicked off her shoes, and turned back to Isabelle. “What bug got up your ass?”

“That’s disgusting,” Isabelle muttered. Em tilted her head and widened her eyes. “I don’t have a bug anywhere. It’s just—”

Em shimmied her ruined leggings down, tossed them into the dirty clothes basket, and leaned over to inspect her skin. There were a couple of scratches and a few blotches of red. She sighed, then went to the washroom to wipe her injuries down with a damp washcloth. When she came back out, Isabelle was still standing by the door. “What?” She pulled the unblemished leggings on the elastic from her hair and shook it out. “Something’s upset you, just spit it out.”

“He’s a stranger—” Isabelle took a little step closer. “I was worried.”

“We’re surrounded by faerie warriors. Which, by the way, Lord Darkbriar is,” Em said with a wave. “This is the safest place in the realm.” She scooped her shoes off the floor. “He only scared me for a minute. But otherwise—”

“What happened?” Isabelle came around the bed and grabbed Em’s arms.

“Just a little mistaken identity,” Em said. “He saw me running and thought I was a thief. I thought he was a werewolf hybrid.”

“Jesus,” Isabelle said.

“He’s not, thank god, but the way the light hit his eyes made it look like he was.”

“You should stay away from him.”

Em swallowed a laugh. “That’s going to be difficult considering—”

“Considering what?”

“He’s going to the bonding ceremony with us.”

“You’re kidding,” Isabelle said as she let go of Em’s arms and stepped back. “Come on.” She walked to the door and swung it open.

“Where are we going?” Em asked as she trailed after her.

“Apparently, since it a day of leisure, some of the family is going to the lake.” Em pulled the door closed and Isabelle grabbed a hold of her wrist to drag her down the hallway to her room. “Alasdair should be done getting Celene ready. You’re going to hang out with us.”

“This should be fun,” Em said under her breath.

“Celene misses you.”

“Really? Did she tell you that?”

“A mother knows these things,” Isabelle said with a glance over her shoulder. “It will be better for you to be with family then sneaking off with gorgeous strangers.”

”He does have unusual eyes,” Em said with a smirk.

“No, Em,” Isabelle said as she came to a stop. “Please keep your hands off the beautiful dark-haired faerie. He’s not for you.”

Em batted her eyelashes and gave her an innocent smile. As soon as Isabelle turned away to continue down the hall, the smile faded.

Don’t worry. I already want someone I can’t have. I don’t need any more complications.

“Your brother’s an idiot,” Isabelle announced as she strode into the parlour where Alasdair was sitting.

They’d returned from the lake after a few hours of basking in the sunshine and watching the townspeople do the same. Isabelle had reluctantly left Em with Tyrus and Bria while she and Alasdair brought Celene back to the castle for a nap.

Alasdair had set up the baby monitor for her while she fed Celene, then gone upstairs to see if Haelan had finished discussing plans with his guards. Isabelle got Celene settled in the crib, waited a few minutes, checked to make sure there was a clear image on the monitor, then set off to find her mate.

She hadn’t brought up Lord Darkbriar while they were at the lake because there had been too many people around. But she was determined to convince Alasdair to counsel Haelan to choose another guard. She’d been walking down the corridor and spotted Alasdair in one of the parlours.

“Which brother?” Alasdair asked as she got closer.

“Haelan,” she said. Her eyebrows furrowed as he leaned over in his seat and directed his gaze behind her. She spun around.

Haelan was standing at a side table, pouring himself a glass of what looked to be sweet tea. “That was hurtful,” he said as he set the carafe down. Her face flushed a deep pink. “What have I done to cause such a disparaging judgment of my intellect?”

Isabelle turned around and handed Alasdair the monitor. When she turned back to Haelan, she put her hands on her hips. “You can’t take Lord Darkbriar on your trip.”

“Why not?” Haelan asked as he moved around her to take a seat across from Alasdair.

“Em has a tendency to—” She waved her hands as she searched for the right word.

“Make poor decisions when she’s in pain?” Haelan asked, then lifted his glass to his lips and took a sip.

“How do you know that?” Isabelle asked as she stepped closer to him.

“She mentioned it last night.” He smiled at her. “That doesn’t answer my question, though. Why do you think I’m an idiot?”

“Lord Darkbriar is her type,” Isabelle said, then looked at Alasdair. “Have you met him?” Alasdair shook his head. “He’s almost as handsome as you are.” Alasdair smirked at her tact. Isabelle’s gaze swung back to Haelan. “You can’t put someone like that in front of her when you’re the one she’s supposed to be with.” She opened her hands in front of her. “Pick someone who, if he was in the human realm, wouldn’t be offered a freaking modelling contract if any pro photographer on the planet spotted him from across a crowded room.” Alasdair snickered.

Haelan sighed, then turned, set his drink down on a small table next to his seat, and waved at the stool next to him. “Lass, I care for you, and as grateful as I am for having you in my family, you are trying my patience.” He held up a hand as she opened her mouth. Once her lips had closed, he pointed at the stool. “I asked you to stop pushing her and yet you have spent the last week teasing her about me.” Isabelle looked at Alasdair but he shook his head.

“He’s right, lass,” Alasdair murmured. Isabelle sat down on the stool.

“I know you love her, and I know you want her to be as happy as you are, but we cannot rush her through her healing process.” Haelan leaned forward and rested his forearms on his thighs.

“But you didn’t see the look on her face when he dropped her off. I think she likes him,” Isabelle said in a rush.

“I doubt that. He said they met, and he brought her to the castle. Besides that, I want her to like him,” Haelan said with a little smile. “He is as unique as she is, has also suffered a loss in his life, and I could not heal him.”

Isabelle stared at him for a second. “He was the boy—the one you mentioned that night in the parlour.”

Haelan nodded. “Because of his drow heritage, he has better night vision than any faerie I’ve ever seen. And from the faerie side of his family, he received an ability to sense magic. He will be invaluable on this journey.” Haelan straightened in his seat. “He was my first choice when Em agreed to come with us.”

“I didn’t realize,” she mumbled.

“Which is why I’m not angry about your incorrect appraisal of my intelligence,” he said with a smile. “This journey is not without risk. I love her and I will do everything I can to ensure her safety.”

“I know,” Isabelle said as she slid forward on her stool and turned to face him. “I’m sorry. It’s just that—”

“You worry for her—”

“Not just her,” Isabelle said as she leaned forward and patted his knee. “You know that, don’t you?”

Haelan smiled as he smoothed her hand. “I do.” He looked down for a second as Isabelle straightened. “You may not see it, but I am working toward that goal, for both of us.” He looked over at Alasdair. “That was why I delayed your mate’s return.”

“You’re helping him with something?” she asked as she looked at Alasdair. He grinned. “What’s going on?”

“Magic lass,” Alasdair said.

Her head swiveled, and her angry stare threatened to knock Haelan off his stool. “You’re not—”

“Even if I could, I would never do that to her,” Haelan said with a wave of his hand. “I need help learning to control mating magic.” She tilted her head in question. “Earlier today we had a moment.” Her eyes narrowed. “I kissed her.” His eyes closed. “The magic took hold of me and it was so strong that I almost mated with her right there in the training area.”

Isabelle’s eyes went wide. “But you didn’t though, right?”

“No,” he said as he opened his eyes. “I stopped it before it was too late.”

“Thanks the stars,” Alasdair murmured.

“Agreed,” Haelan said.

“Did she kiss you back?” she asked, and the shy smile that curved his lips almost made her jump up with excitement. “So now you can pursue her.”

“Slow down my love,” Alasdair said.

“I have to learn to hold the magic at bay until she agrees to mate with me,” Haelan smiled sadly. “If she agrees to mate with me.”

“Of course she will,” Isabelle said.

“She won’t if I frighten her away.” He looked at Alasdair. “Em was abused by creatures with glowing eyes. She still hides from them in her dreams. Imagine what would happen if she saw that in the person she’s come to rely on to keep her safe.”

“But you can explain—”

“No lass,” Alasdair said as he leaned forward on his seat. “You know that isn’t done.” Isabelle sighed and clenched her hands in her lap.

“You need to be patient,” Haelan said as he reached over and squeezed her shoulder. “And have faith in my charm.”

“It’s not your charm that I’m concerned with,” she muttered.

“You think she’s going to become enamoured with Lord Darkbriar?” Haelan asked. Isabelle shrugged. “If she does, she’d be the first.”

“How is that possible?” Isabelle said with a laugh.

Haelan didn’t join in with her mirth. “You haven’t met him directly yet, have you?” She shook her head. “When you do, please try not to react. He suffers enough prejudice already.” He looked from Isabelle to Alasdair. “People have a tough time letting go of outdated beliefs.” Alasdair inclined his head with a look of understanding on his face. “He’s proven himself time and again, but—” He waved his hand.

“Because he’s part drow?” Isabelle asked.

“I think it will be helpful for him to get to know Em. Perhaps she’ll befriend him. She’s very open-minded.” He smiled and spread his hands open. “She fell in love with a vampire and accept having a faerie forced into her life.”

“She has a big heart,” Isabelle said with a smile. Alasdair straightened as the monitor emitted the sound of a little cry. “Here.” She held her hand out as she got to her feet. “I’ll go see what our itty bitty princess needs. You help your brother figure himself out.” She leaned over and planted a big kiss on his lips.

“I’ll be down soon,” Alasdair said.

“Take your time.” She flounced to the door, stopped, and turned back. “You know this would be a lot easier if you didn’t have to keep secrets like the way you mate. You should bring that up at your next meeting.” She pointed at Haelan with the monitor. “Celene could use some cousins her own age. They make the best playmates, you know.”

“Lass, believe me, I wish nothing more than to make that desire a reality,” Haelan said. Isabelle smiled at him, winked at Alasdair, then turned to hurry down the hallway.