Chapter I Am Anger
I’m not going to fight with you.
Recognizing he wouldn’t answer she persisted. “Why did you come to my hut?” She asked a bit acidly.
“You know why.” He examined his hands. Rubbing a cut on the back of one. “You just want to hear me say it so you can fight with me.”
She seethed quietly.
Because I’m right.
“You’re upset because you can’t control me.” His tone was quiet. Factual.
“No!”
“You are, Murah. You’ve had it tough and you think it’ll be safer to love me if you can control me. So, you can be reassured I’ll never hurt you.” He gave her a pointed look. “I will hurt you. It’s who I am.”
She gasped in outrage. “How can you say you’re mine but then, in the same breath, say you’ll hurt me?” She demanded.
“Are you talking about fidelity?” He shot her a dark look.
“You know I am!”
“It’s foolish for you to worry on that.”
“No, it’s not!”
“It is!” He hissed. Insulted. “When I said I was yours. I meant it!” He twisted onto his palms. Leaning to put his face into hers. “There’s no woman or man that will change that!”
“Do you lie with other women?”
Never.
He scoffed. “I don’t desire other women!” He felt his temperature rising.
I’m getting pissed.
“Don’t raise your voice to me!” She shot out. Leaning forward until her breath brushed against his lips.
She’s right. I don’t need to raise my voice to her. I’m only doing it because I want to be kissing her. He could practically taste her. Knew she’d be soft, pliable. If he kissed her, she’d fold under him and welcome him warmly.
Then hate me all the more tomorrow. It wasn’t a risk he was willing to take. He leaned away from her. Sitting again. The muscles in his arms jumping with his readiness to take action.
“I am faithful to you.”
“You’re a killer.”
We both know that.
“A cold blooded one.” He agreed tonelessly.
“You’re ruthless and brutal.”
When necessary.
“Without blinking.”
“You never listen.”
Not when I have good reason not to.
“No, I don’t.”
“You do whatever you want.”
I wish I had such freedom.
He tossed her another look. Profile outlined starkly in the darkness. “I do nothing I want. I do what I must.”
“Which is?”
Nothing I can tell you.
“Too complicated to explain.”
“Because I’m stupid?”
Never stupid.
“Far from. Because I can’t articulate my thoughts. Which is exactly why you hate me.”
“I don’t hate you.” She said softly. “It’s your refusal to tell me your thoughts, feelings and to trust in me to disclose your plans, that makes me angry with you.”
“Anger, hatred.” He gestured dismissively. “Very little difference.”
Different levels of the same emotion.
“Much difference.” She argued. “Anger is momentary. Hatred is forever.”
“Not true.” He gave her the burn of his stare again. “My anger has seethed forever. And will likely go on for an eternity.”
Anger is what I do best.