FULL NOVELXO Chapter She's The Only One That Doesn't Think I'm an Animal
“I choose not to because you break my heart.”
The words were crushing. “I do not do it apurpose.”
“I know that. It makes it worse.” She murmured. After a prolonged silence she asked. “S-sit with me?” Scooting to make room on the edge of the bed. Sure, to give enough space he wouldn’t bump her.
So careful to avoid my touch.
Which was why I had to steal that kiss tonight. After a thoughtful moment, he sat resignedly. Eyes falling to his hands in his lap.
“Is it really so much to ask?” She queried brokenly.
“You know it is not.”
This conversation is painful. Awful. He was utterly still. Other than his thumb massaging the palm of his opposite hand.
Sensing his pain, she dropped her hands to his shoulders. Tugging lightly.
He reflexively leaned back until his neck and head landed on the curve of her waist. He sighed comfortably. Catching her sent enveloping him and feeling at peace for the first time in a long time. Since this war with her began, I suppose.
“I just want you to talk to me. Tell me what you feel. What you think!”
“I don’t know how.” He said haltingly.
“It’s just talking, Jax.”
“Talking has never come easily for me.”
“How would you know?” She cried. “You were always punished for speaking!”
“Chavias didn’t punish me.”
“But neither of you talked much.”
“We didn’t need to.” Savage sighed. “We were two animals of a breed. We understood each other as best as anyone could.”
“Did he love you like you love him?”
“I don’t know if I’m capable of love. I don’t know if he is.” He said thoughtfully. “I’m not sure what it feels like. I think he probably did. As much as anyone could…I’m hard to love.” He turned his head to look at her pointedly.
“You’re not hard for me to love.” She reached to caress the blonde hair near his forehead endearingly.
“You use the word so flagrantly.”
“Only in reference to you.”
“That’s not how you act in Winter's Haven.” He murmured.
“I have to protect myself!”
“No, you don’t.” He looked forward again. Stating it as fact.
“Because you do?” Her voice rose.
He looked at her again, unblinkingly. Long dark lashes silhouetting eyes most perceived as icy.
“What about when you’re gone?”
“Has anyone ever hurt you?”
“No.” She admitted.
He stared again. Motionless. The unnerving, piercing gaze that could cut right through an enemy.
Dimurah wriggled under the intensity of it. “You speak of me behaving differently in the alehouse!”
“I do.”
“What about you?” She changed the subject.
To have something to fight about.
I was making her uncomfortable. It happened often.
I unnerve people. Even when trying to bond with them. It was just in his nature.
“I am what I am.” He shrugged.
“You pretend to be someone else.” She countered.
“I don’t pretend, Murah. When I’m around other animals I am the most vicious.”
“Then why are you so different with me?”
“You’re no animal.”
There was a long silence before she blurted. “Why did you cut off Joe’s hand?”
He slumped but his chin lifted as he gave her a reprimanding look. Any answer will start a fight.