FULL NOVELXO Chapter Depth of Feeling
“I was thinking how beautiful you’ll look someday holding a fine child of your own in your arms.”
It’s true. She will.
She looked at him quizzically. “I merely found them adorable, Alazar. I don’t understand where this sadness comes from…”
“Neither do I.” He gave her a half-hearted smile. “Perhaps I’m admitting things to myself I’d rather avoid.”
“What?”
That all of this is temporary.
“When will you and Danbury have children?”
God choking those words out makes me want to wretch.
At her instant glare he felt a wash of relief and realized he was hoping for the argument.
To avoid this painful discussion.
“That was a hurtful thing to say.” She tossed the small outfit back in the basket viciously and stalked from the shop.
“I think it is high time we go back.” He caught her hand and started to pull her.
“But it’s early yet!” She wrenched her hand away and took a step from him.
“Riaura.”
Her lips tightened, and she glared at him. “I wanted to see more. There is so much.” She said softly.
And like the sucker he was, he melted. “We’ll come back tomorrow.” He relented. “Look it’s already beginning to frost.” He pointed upward.
She pouted. Whirling on her heel.
He was right. The closer they got to Nightway, the more frost coated the trees on both sides of the road. Her teeth chattered as she walked next to him. Rubbing her upper arms briskly, she struggled to get heat back into them.
“You fool Girl!” He cried tenderly. “Why would you not tell me you were freezing?”
“There’s frost everywhere now.” She gestured around wide eyed.
“Yes, but I cannot feel the cold. I forget.” He stepped behind her and wrapped his fur lined cloak around her shoulders before stepping back aside her.
“Alazar!” She proclaimed. “Did you just make it appear?”
“In a sense, I suppose.” He said slowly.
“Did you make it, then?”
I summoned it.
“No. I had it.”
“Not with you.”
“No. Not with me…I made it be here. Now.”
In my hands.
She gave him a quizzical look.
“It’s complicated to explain.”
I’m not good at explaining how it works. I’m not even wholly certain I understand how it works.
We discover new things daily.
“Well you need one too!” She pointed at his exposed arms.
No, I don’t. I’m fine.
“I don’t feel the cold.” He laughed.
“Do you not get frostbite? Does your skin not sunburn?”
Well, yes.
“It does.” He admitted.
“So, to keep from being harmed perhaps you should tend yourself as well.”
Fine. Groaning he gave her his back and when he faced her again, he shook out a longer cape which she quickly took from his hands and held out.
Shaking his head, he faced away so she could put it over his shoulders the same as he’d done for her.
Tending me now? He was vaguely amused.
“Happy?” He asked.
“Happier.”
Good. He gave a lopsided grin.
“Only when you get your way.”
She glowered.
It was closing in on evening as they drew close to Nightway. The sun lowered with dusky hues of yellow over the gleaming silver trees and the wet grass.
They walked a distance in silence.
His eyes fixated on her pretty profile. Her hair lit like gold coin in the faded light. Her eyes such a light green right now, they were nearly white. Her small short nose was red at the tip from the cold. And she licked lush lips.
Nearly enough to drive him mad with wanting to do the same. But his heart was heavy, and mind racing.
When he could take it no longer, he stopped walking and caught her elbow to spin her about. Descending on her, he caught her cheeks in his palms and pressed his nose to hers. Nearly touching foreheads. “Riaura I’ll never be the man that can give you all the things you will want.”
I can’t bear the idea of hurting you.
I don’t want to mislead you.
“What are you talking about?” Her face was utter shock at the sudden change in him.
She’s going to be very disappointed. He could feel it to his core.
“Something to fit into that baby finery you were eying.”
“What?” She squawked. “I thought it was adorable, Alazar. Nothing more. I’d no such longings.”
“You will. And I won’t ever be able to be that man.”
“Why not?” She looked pained at the realization of what he was saying.
Letting go of her he stepped back. Eyes roving the trees in the distance as he said so quietly, she barely heard him. “Because there are things I just can’t subject you to.”
“Alazar I don’t understand…”
I know. I’m sorry.
I never intended to cause you pain.
“I know.” He ached to tell her everything.
“Is this because you don’t love me?”
No. I-I…He didn’t know what to think.
When he only looked at her, she slowly added. “You told me you wouldn’t Alazar…” She took a few steps to circle around him. So, she could get a moment to gather her composure.
His eyes followed her like a starved animal. “You can’t begin to fathom the depth of feeling I have for you.” He shook his head and closed his eyes. “My conscience sickens me.”