XOXO (An XOXO Novel)

At ten thirty, one of the female teachers checks in on the girls to make sure we’re all accounted for, then leaves the courtyard, closing the doors behind her. At eleven there’s a loud thump by the wall and we all hurry outside to find Nathaniel on the ground, rubbing his backside. Then Gi Taek and the rest of the boys from our class climb over. Jaewoo’s last, apparently having drawn the short straw for lookout duty. While the others scramble into the house, I wait for him, watching as he nimbly leaps over, landing on his feet. Catching sight of me, he pulls me close.

I wrap my arms around him, leaning back so that I can look into his face. “Earlier tonight, at the table, you were trying to get my attention.” He nods, reaching out to pull a leaf from my hair. “Was it the same thing you wanted to tell me earlier, at the rest stop?”

“Yeah, I wanted to ask if we could talk. In private.”

A muffled shout and laughter come from the hanok.

“I think this is as private as we’re going to get.”

He smiles, looking into my eyes. “I wanted to ask you if you’d be my girlfriend.”

My heart swells. This feels momentous. I’ve never been anyone’s girlfriend before. And it’s Jaewoo, the boy I’ve practically been obsessed with since I first met him at my uncle’s karaoke bar. I know that since I’m eventually going back to America, there’s an expiration date on our relationship. And that even if there wasn’t, he’s an idol. His star is going to rise higher and higher. But still, I want to be with him here and now.

“Yes,” I say, and seal it with a kiss.

In the hanok, Gi Taek and Angela are unearthing the snacks they’d bought at the rest stop, dumping bags of chips, cookies, triangle gimbap, packaged sausages on sticks, teas, sodas, and energy drinks. After all that trouble claiming floor space earlier, our pallets are haphazardly pushed against the walls and doors.

Everyone sits around in a circle and chooses their food from the pile. Jaewoo and I sit together, with our knees touching. At one point he grabs a blanket from one of the bunched pallets and puts it over us, with most of it on my lap and the rest on his. We hold hands beneath the blanket. I think I’m being sneaky, but I catch Sori’s eye and she smiles before looking away.

It’s one of the best nights of my life. We play Korean “drinking” games that I’d never heard of, let alone played. In one game, we have to pass a playing card around with just our mouths. If you drop the card, you have to take a shot of an energy drink. It’s fun and ridiculous and I don’t drop the card, though Jaewoo does, just once, our lips brushing.

Everyone jeers and teases Jaewoo as he takes the shot, but I remain seated, my face bright red, my lips tingling from his inadvertent kiss.

At six in the morning, the boys climb back over the wall, so that they’ll be in their house in time to “wake up” in a half hour. It seems that we’re not the only ones who’ve had an active night as most of the students at breakfast are bleary-eyed and non-talkative. Afterward Jaewoo, Nathaniel, Sori, Gi Taek, Angela, and I all sign up for a walk on the nature trail, which really is just an excuse for us to find a secluded field and take a nap in a pile.

With our classmates too tired from the night before to take much of an interest in anything besides sleep, Jaewoo and I decide to risk sitting together on the bus ride back to Seoul. Sori bullies Angela into sitting next to her, which leaves Gi Taek with Nathaniel. They gab the whole way back to SAA in the seats directly behind Jaewoo and me. But we don’t mind, spending most of the bus ride slouched low and watching videos on my phone while sharing ear buds.

When we reach the academy, Jaewoo mouths, “I’ll contact you,” before heading over to XOXO’s waiting manager with Nathaniel and Youngmin, who spent the majority of the field trip swimming in the lake. I don’t exactly know how he’ll contact me, since as far as I know his phone is still being monitored, but I trust that he’ll figure out a way.

After spending so many hours with Jaewoo, I feel bereft. Sori has to strongarm me into going back to the dorms, where she insists we take “proper showers.” Unfortunately, most of the other girls have the same idea.

“I refuse to go to sleep without bathing,” Sori says eyeing the line of girls snaking all the way to the stairwell, and texts Angela. We meet up with her outside the dorms (she’s on the second floor), then head over to the street where Sori motions for a cab.

“Where are we going?” I ask.

“Bathhouse,” Sori replies.

While there are bathhouses in LA, I’ve never gone to one so I’m not entirely sure what to expect. But I quickly get into the fun of it as Sori, Angela, and I strip naked and take turns scrubbing each other’s backs in a spa setting, complete with showers and multiple bathing pools. Afterward, we head over to a communal lounge area, dressed in oversized pajama-like clothing provided by the bathhouse. We get cold noodles in the restaurant and cucumber sheet masks from the small store, placing them on our faces and lying in a bed of cool stones, giggling at every little thing because we’re functioning on very little sleep.

I don’t get back to the dorms until right before curfew, at which time my phone pings with a text message in English—Hey, it’s Jaewoo. I check the number and see that the text is from Nathaniel’s phone.

I quickly text back, Hi.

The message is marked “read,” then the little circles appear, signifying that he’s typing. Like our first and only ever text exchange, I recall that he’s a fast responder when he does have access to his phone. How was the rest of your day?

Good! I proceed to type out my first ever experience at a bathhouse, finally ending with: It was a lot of fun, though I think Angela and Sori have seen more of me than even my mom has in recent years. I send and then immediately regret my entire existence. Why oh why did I say that last part?

There’s a significant wait time in which I close my eyes and roll around on my bed. Finally, my phone pings. I peek one eye open.

I wish I could have been there.

Oh. My. God.

I type up several responses, including We should go together next time and Wish you were there too, but end up deleting them all, overcome with embarrassment. I settle with How was the rest of your day?

We text back and forth for a little longer. This week he has more free time, but starting the following week, XOXO will be promoting the second single off their album, which means he’ll be a lot busier. I feel a pinch of anxiety at the thought of things going back to the way they were, with Jaewoo ignoring me and me unsure about his feelings, but then quickly dismiss those worries. Things are good now, and that’s all that matters.

Good night. I send, then add, I miss you.

My phone pings immediately with his response. Night. I miss you too.

“Jenny!” Sori shouts from her side of the room. “I’m going to murder you if you don’t go to sleep right now!”