XOXO (An XOXO Novel)

It’s dusk by the time we arrive at the center of camp and service staff are wheeling out large grills for the barbecue. Since it doesn’t start for another half hour, we separate, heading off to our respective houses. I try not to feel resentful of my short time with Jaewoo, especially when Nathaniel enters the camp at the same time as us, soaking wet, having apparently returned from white-water rafting, tackles Jaewoo in a hug, and they go off laughing together.

Back at our house, a distinctly dry-looking Angela is sitting on the blankets, laying out two dresses.

“It’s like you and Nathaniel participated in two entirely different activities,” I say.

“Most of us didn’t get wet,” Angela says, deciding on the yellow dress, “besides a few splashes here and there. Nathaniel just fell overboard.”

Angela wants to take a nap, so Sori and I walk over to the communal showers and quickly wash up, then head back to our house to use Sori’s hairdryer, which I’m realizing was actually brilliant of her to bring. The other girls ask to borrow it after us, even bargaining with other items they’ve brought from Seoul—sheet masks, blister Band-Aids, mosquito repellant. Even Jina asks to borrow it. I expect awesome levels of petty from Sori but she hands the hairdryer over without a blink.

I must look surprised because she says, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” in English.

I put on one of the dresses I brought from home. Then I borrow mosquito repellent from one of our classmates and spray my bare legs so I smell kind of like medicinal oranges.

Afterward, Sori wants to do Angela’s makeup, so after applying eyeliner and tint to my lips, I head out to explore the folk village a bit more. I glance through doorways into courtyards that are a lot like the one assigned to our class, boys and girls sitting on platforms chatting and practicing their acts for the talent show.

I’m walking by a hanok at the back of the village when I hear a familiar shout. I glance through the doorway to see Nathaniel and a few boys from our class kicking a ball around.

They’re all shirtless.

Nathaniel’s the first to spot me. “Boys!” he shouts. “We have an audience! Cover yourselves.”

They all start to yell and run around in circles.

“Like she wants to see that.” I hear Jaewoo before I see him, appearing from the side. He’s zipping up his windbreaker but not before I catch a glimpse of his toned stomach and chest.

“Wait,” I say, pretending to push him aside when he blocks my view. “I haven’t seen everything I wanted to yet.”

He scowls. “Everything you need to see is right in front of you.”

I lean back, giving him a slow once-over. He doesn’t break a sweat. He knows he looks good. Well, I don’t look half bad myself. I flick my hair over my shoulder and watch as his eyes follow the movement.

“Aren’t you going to dinner?” I ask.

“Soon,” he says, though his attention seems to have shifted. Slowly he reaches out a hand. I go still, heart racing, as he brushes a strand of hair from my face.

“Jaewoo?” one of the boys calls out behind him.

He steps back. “Save me a seat?” Then he’s turning back into the courtyard.

“What were you doing with Jenny?” I overhear the same boy ask, curious.

“She was just letting us know dinner’s about to start,” he says, casually.

I walk away, touching my face where Jaewoo’s fingers had brushed my hair, my stomach all aflutter. I’m on cloud nine as I round a corner.

“At least it makes sense now, why you never texted me.” I jerk my head around. Ian’s leaning against the wall. “I mean, I get it. Why bother with a nobody when you could be with a K-pop star?”

There’s a smile on his face, but his words have a cold edge to them.

“So,” he says, “what are you, like, a super XOXO fan?” He laughs.

“What’s wrong with that?” I ask.

His smile drops, “Jenny, are you serious? You said you wanted to go to the Manhattan School of Music.”

“I do. And?”

“They only accept the best, people who are serious about their music, and now you’re saying you’re an XOXO fan?”

“Wow,” I cut him off, “I didn’t take you for a music snob.”

He scoffs, “It’s not being a music snob. It’s having taste.”

“Is this even about music?” I ask, channeling Sori at her most biting. “It sounds like you’re just upset that I’m not into you.”

He flinches and I don’t care. He’s a judgmental jerk.

“Whatever, Jenny,” he says. “Have fun wasting your time on a fantasy.”

With that he leaves, taking the last word with him. I’m so mad, but I refuse to let him ruin my night.

“Where’d you go?” Sori asks when I join her and Angela in the line for barbecue. She’s looking gorgeous, as usual, in a silky sheath dress.

“Nowhere,” I answer. “What’s for dinner? It smells good.” I peek up ahead to see cooks standing behind the grills as they turn over strips of galbi—marinated short ribs—as well as pork, and chicken, plus a variety of grilled vegetables. On the side is a banchan station, and beside that, huge industrial-sized rice cookers.

Sori looks like she wants to ask me more questions but then Gi Taek appears, looking chic in black. He must not have been in the courtyard with Nathaniel and Jaewoo, otherwise he would have come with them. A few of the students behind us grumble, but don’t protest a second person cutting in line.

“How was white-water rafting?” Sori asks.

“A disaster.” Gi Taek shudders. “Remind me never to go near a body of water with Nathaniel ever again. What about you two?”

“Our tour guide flirted with Jenny the whole time.”

“Nice.”

“We’re not talking about him,” I say sharply. Okay, so maybe I will say something.

I relay my conversation with Ian, how he said XOXO’s music wasn’t “real” music, and how I can’t be a serious musician if I like them.

“He should announce that to this crowd,” Angela says, nodding to indicate the hundreds of students from all the different music schools, many of whom are trainees or aspiring idols. “He won’t get far with his limbs intact.”

“Vicious, Angela,” Gi Taek says. “I approve.”

A thought strikes me and I feel the blood drain from my face. “Sori.” I grab her hand. “Do you think he’ll say something? About Jaewoo and me?”

I think back to earlier. What did he witness anyway? A bit of flirting, but it could just be one-sided on my part. It can’t be a scandal if it’s one-sided, right?

“You’re fine, Jenny,” Sori reassures me. “Ian’s just a flirt who didn’t get the girl for once. If he doesn’t think K-pop is real music he wouldn’t care about the life of idols either.”

I slump in relief, trusting Sori’s judgment.

“Why would he say anything about Jaewoo and you?” Gi Taek asks.

Whoops. Gi Taek’s eyes narrow.

“Because we”—I brace for their reactions—“sort of have a thing.”

“Jenny!” both Angela and Gi Taek shout.

Their voices carry and a few people turn to stare at us.

Lowering his head, Gi Taek hiss-whispers, “How? Why? Who?”

“What?!” Angela adds.

“Jaewoo confessed.” I say, then cover my face with my hands because it’s embarrassing.

“What?!” Gi Taek yells.

“That’s what I said!” Angela grins.

“I’ll take two of those, please,” Sori says.

I lower my hands from my face and we all look at her. She’s pointing to the sizzling galbi on the grill. Apparently we’ve reached the front of the line. The cook picks up two pieces of galbi with her tongs and places it on a paper plate, then hands it to Sori.

She glances over to find us all watching her. “What?”

We suspend discussion to choose what meats and vegetables we want from the grill, then move to the stand of side dishes to fill our plates with kimchi, green salad, braised potatoes, seasoned soybean sprouts, and spicy cucumber salad.

Angela manages to find us an empty picnic table. I thought I’d have a brief respite to enjoy my meal, but I underestimated Gi Taek.

“What does ‘a thing’ entail? Like hand-holding? Further than that? Hugs, kisses? What kind of kisses? Was there tongue?”

“Stop!” Angela covers her eyes.

“Your ears, Angela,” Sori says. “Cover your ears.” She picks up a slice of cucumber with her chopsticks and pops it into her mouth, then uses her same chopsticks to point to the edge of camp. “Oh, look. Lover boy.”

We all follow her gaze to where Jaewoo stands with Nathaniel, having just arrived. They’re both dressed now, in hoodies and sweats.

I wait for one or all of my friends to start teasing me relentlessly, but they immediately act super cool. Sori lowers her chopsticks, Gi Taek puts some of his food onto Angela’s plate, and Angela stuffs a pile of rice in her mouth.

My heart fills in gratitude and amusement. Not teasing me is their form of encouraging me.

Across the campsite, Nathaniel meets my gaze. He says something to Jaewoo who looks in my direction. A smile spreads across his face, warm and dazzling.

“Heol,” Gi Taek says in amazement.

“How can you not fall in love?” Angela sighs dreamily. “When he looks at you like that?”

Love? The word makes my heart tumble in my chest. That can’t be what I’m feeling. Not yet.

Nathaniel and Jaewoo get their plates of food. On the way to our table, however, a couple of fans intercept them, and by the time they arrive, they’re accompanied by a whole group of them. We’re quick to make room for everyone, and though I wish I could spend time with Jaewoo alone, to talk and flirt with him, I’m also happy to be here, surrounded by our friends, and the people who care about him. It just goes to show how wrong Ian is. Each person here is a musician, and their love of XOXO is real and, honestly, special.

The girl sitting next to me loves Jaewoo in particular because he wrote the song that she listened to over and over again when her brother passed away. I’m so moved by her that I share how music also helped me get through my grief. We exchange numbers to keep in contact after the field trip is over.

Halfway through dinner, there’s a collective murmuring in the crowd as everyone turns their attention to where a boy and girl in color-coordinated outfits walk onto the stage.

“I’m Sung Minwoo,” the boy says, “a Second Year from Seoul Arts Academy.”

“And I’m Lee Yuri,” the girl says, “a Second Year from Yongsan Music School.”

“We’re your MCs for tonight’s talent show!” they say in unison.

An enthusiastic cheer erupts from the tables.

“We’ve taken the names on the sign-up sheet, cut them all out, and put them in this hat!”

The girl holds up a bucket hat. “We’ll be calling acts at random, so get ready!”

“Where’d Gi Taek go?” Angela asks suddenly.

“Nathaniel’s gone too,” Sori says, though with suspicion.

On the stage, the girl pulls a slip from the hat. “First up we have a duo . . . Drumroll please.” The boy taps the rhythm on his leg. “Year Three students from SAA! Hong Gi Taek and Lee Nathaniel!”

Angela screams and stands up on the bench. Sori groans and places a hand over her face, though she does shift slightly in the direction of the stage.

Fast-tempo music begins, blasting from speakers on either side of the stage. Nathaniel and Gi Taek run out and immediately start to dance in perfect synchronization, rolling their bodies and moving in step with each other.

I’m enthralled, and honestly, super impressed. When did they have time to practice? The track switches to XOXO’s “Don’t Look Back,” and the crowd goes wild.

They perform a whole medley of songs as they switch from one song to another and another. They even throw in a few classics, like BTS’s “Blood Sweat & Tears” and SNSD’s “Gee,” which are huge hits with the crowd, everyone knowing the iconic moves. Even though I’m not familiar with some of the songs, I still enjoy myself immensely and feel particularly proud when I recognize a few from when Uncle Jay plays K-pop at the karaoke bar.

I don’t know what could top a performance like that, but the next person pulled from the hat is an opera singer who belts out an epic power ballad that has people standing on their feet cheering. The rest of the night is a roster of amazing talent, of singers, musicians, and dancers. If this is a preview of the end-of-the-year showcase, it’s going to be incredible.

Toward the end of the night, I glance up to find Jaewoo trying to catch my attention. We’re sitting on opposite sides of the table with several people between us. Everyone’s chatting so I can’t hear him, though I can see his lips moving.

I shake my head, laughing. “I can’t hear you,” I mouth.

“Joo Jini?” The boy MC calls the final name in the hat.

“Joo Jini-ssi?” the girl repeats.

They lift their hands over their eyes, peering into the crowd.

“Did you go to bed already?” the girl sing-songs.

When no one approaches the stage, they look at each other, then shrug. “Well, that’s a bit of a letdown,” the boy says. “We have time for one more performance if anyone wants to close out the night? Anyone? Come on, friends. Don’t be shy.”

Jaewoo mouths more words at me, but I really can’t hear him.

He stands.

“Ah!” the boy MC exclaims. “We have a surprise volunteer!”

“Our last performer needs no introduction,” the girl says. “It’s SAA’s very own Bae Jaewoo!”

Jaewoo looks toward the stage, his expression one of surprise. The crowd laughs and then starts chanting his name. “Bae Jaewoo! Bae Jaewoo!”

When he starts moving toward the stage, a cheer goes up. On his way, someone hands him a guitar. And by the time he’s onstage, the MCs have set up a stool and mic.

The students quiet as he sits down, playing the opening chord of a song. Then it transitions into the melody of the first verse, and my heart goes still because it’s the song, the one from the karaoke bar.

“Gohae.”

“Confession.”

“How can I tell her the words I want to say?” Jaewoo croons, his sweet tenor drifting over the campgrounds.

“When the world is against me, how can I tell her?”

Dressed in a hoodie, he doesn’t look like the mega K-pop star that he is, but even so, his star power is undeniable; it’s in his raw talent, his impassioned voice.

He sings with such sincerity and vulnerability, as if he means every single word.

Looking around at the crowd, everyone is spellbound, some even mouthing the lyrics along with him, their bodies swaying. This is what he does, and what makes him such a good musician. He brings joy to people; he inspires them.

He inspires me. He makes me believe I can have it all. I can have a solo in the showcase. I can have friends who will support me and love me. I can have him.

The music rises to a crescendo leading into the peak of the ballad, the final chorus, his voice full and strong, as he sings, “Tell her, tell her, the words that I want to say, my confession. I love her.”