Would You Rather: A Novel

Mia shut herself in her room and had remained there for two hours. She knew from the slam of the front door Noah had left, but for some reason she still hadn’t come out.

She currently lay faceup on her bed, staring at nothing, unable to see anything except Noah’s naked body.

And it wasn’t just a body. It was a sculpted, beautiful specimen of divine workmanship. Rivulets of water had streamed down the ridges and valleys of his chest and abs, and below…and all she’d been able to do was stand there, flushed and in awe, staring at him like a complete perv.

She could say two things with one hundred percent certainty.

One: she’d never been as attracted to another human being as she was to Noah Agnew.

Two: their friendship was officially ruined.

She covered her face with her hand and let out a groan. Why hadn’t she just kept walking? She hadn’t meant to glance into the bathroom as she passed, but she figured maybe he’d just turned the water on and hadn’t gotten undressed yet. Neither of them had ever showered with the door open since moving in together. And for good reason—she could guarantee if he’d done that before, she’d have found some way to slide into his bed well before now.

She was climbing out of her skin with the desire to touch him. Run her hands over that smooth, taut skin. Trail her lips and tongue across his tattoos.

The look on his face, though. He’d been mortified. She wished she’d popped off with some funny comment to make them both laugh and lighten the moment, but no. After one look at his face, and realizing she’d just breached his privacy like a total creeper, she’d gotten the hell out of there.

How? How would they ever come back from this?

She had to apologize, explain she hadn’t meant to see him. Or stare. Or ogle…however one wanted to describe it. Just as she decided to woman up and move to the living room to wait for him to return, her phone buzzed with an incoming text.

Graham: You’re probably gonna need to come get your man. Don’t think he’s in any condition to drive.

Mia: Where is he?

Graham: We’re at The Blue Lion.

Mia: I’m on my way.

She jumped out of bed, grabbed her purse, and headed to the pub. Guilt ate at her the entire drive, knowing he was so upset by what happened he’d gone somewhere to drink.

Noah rarely drank, and when he had more than one, it was usually because something was bothering him.

She wove through the dimly lit establishment, finally spotting him at a table near the back.

She’d know Noah’s large form anywhere.

Instead of his usual confident stature, his shoulders slumped forward. His head was bent, forehead resting in his palm, his other hand wrapped around a glass tumbler.

Graham gave her a small smile when she walked up.

“Noah?”

He straightened and twisted around at the sound of her voice. His eyes were a little unfocused, but he looked nothing like Graham’s message had led her to believe. She’d expected him to be half passed-out drunk.

“What are you doing here?” He didn’t say it rudely. He seemed surprised to see her.

“Graham texted me.”

Noah shot his friend a look and Graham shrugged unapologetically. “Seemed like y’all needed to talk something out.” He stood and waved a hand across his empty chair. “All yours, milady.” With a laugh and a wink, he disappeared into the crowd at the bar.

Mia looked at the chair, then back at Noah. “May I?”

“If you want.”

Butterflies swarmed aggressively as she sat. She folded her hands in her lap, trying not to think about what he looked like under his jeans and T-shirt. “Noah, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mea—”

“Don’t worry about it,” he interrupted. His cheeks were pink, and he wouldn’t meet her eyes.

Shit. She’d really messed things up.

“Let me say this, please,” she said, raising her voice when the track changed and a loud song blared through the overhead speakers.

He shook his head. “Not here.”

“Let’s go outside, then.” She stood and held her hand out to him. He locked eyes with her, and she got the sense he wanted to decline. “Please.”

He downed the rest of his drink and rose to his feet but didn’t take her hand. He gestured for her to lead the way.

The cool evening air swept across her face as they exited the pub, and she kept walking, taking a few steps between two buildings where it was quiet and still.

“Please don’t say anything. Just listen.”

His jaw flexed, and he tucked his hands into his pockets. He gave her a curt nod.

“I’m so sorry for what happened earlier. I hadn’t been like, standing there for a while or anything. I didn’t mean to look—I mean, I didn’t think you’d be—” She clamped her eyes shut, which only served to provide her a mental image of his full frontal, and pried them open again. “I completely invaded your privacy and I’m sorry.”

He remained quiet for several beats, shifting on his feet.

“I was just surprised, I guess,” she added.

Why, why had she said that?

His eyes snapped to hers. “What do you mean?”

Blood rushed through her veins, making her skin feel tight, and she couldn’t seem to stop herself from telling the truth. Putting it all out there to see how he’d respond. “If I accidentally saw anyone else naked—Claire, Graham, anyone—I would have immediately turned the other way. But with you, I felt drawn in.” She gripped her hands in front of her body. “This isn’t coming out like I wanted. I just… I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling things. Lately. I’ve thought about you in a different way than ever before. And when I saw you, my reaction wasn’t to run away. I—I wanted to take off my clothes and get in there with you.”

Something flared in his eyes before he twisted around and turned his back to her, running a hand through his hair. “Dammit.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you that.” Shame spread through her. “Obviously you don’t feel the same, or else you wouldn’t have come here. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I just hoped, maybe—”

Suddenly he was in front of her, and she took a step back. He followed her movement, only leaving a few inches between them. “Do you know why I never drink when I know I’ll be around you?”

He was standing so close, it was hard to focus on what he said, much less string words together. It shouldn’t have been a big deal—they’d been this close dozens of times. Maybe even hundreds. Hugs. Sitting next to each other, shoulders touching. They’d kissed, even if it was for show. But for some reason, the way he held his body so taut, heat coming off his skin in waves, made this feel different.

“Why?”

His usually bright eyes were hidden in the darkness. “Because I might say something I mean.”

She tilted her head. What the hell did that mean? “Like what?”

He just looked at her for a few seconds, as if he stared hard enough, he’d be able to read her mind. Or see into her soul. She wasn’t sure which.

He swayed toward her, his gaze dropping to her lips. “This.”

His mouth came down on hers so hard and fast she gasped, sucking his breath into her lungs. He took a step into her body and her back hit the brick wall. His hand was behind her head—when had he done that?—to absorb the impact, fingers delving into her hair.

Her knees wobbled, and she scrambled to find purchase somewhere on his body. She was scrambling to do anything useful with her body, in fact, because her brain seemed to only be focused on her lips, and everything that was going on there.

And there was a lot going on. This was more than just a kiss.

This was a statement. A declaration. A punishment.

Of what and for what, she didn’t quite know.

All she knew was this kiss was different. Wonderfully different. And she’d never accept anything less from him ever again.

This wasn’t for show. No one was around. This was her and Noah, hidden from the world, but no longer hiding from each other.

There was no slow build. His tongue delved deep, claiming her mouth with passion and possession. Yet somehow the hand that cradled her face remained gentle, his thumb tracing her cheekbone with such care it was as if he worried she might break.

Her hands found their way to his neck and shoulders, one sliding down his back, her fingertips following the ridge of his spine, bracketed on either side by toned muscles. The other traveled up his neck and into his hair. As her thumb passed over the shell of his ear, a tremor ran through him.

“Fuck,” he groaned. He stopped kissing her and put his forehead against hers, his heavy breath brushing across her face.

“Um,” was all she could manage.

“Fuck,” he said again. “I’m sorry.” He stepped back and her arms dropped to her sides. “I don’t—I didn’t mean…”

She shook her head. “No.” She waited for him to stop and focus on her before she continued. “You absolutely meant that. Don’t you dare pretend otherwise.”

His throat worked. “You’re right.”

Her hands trembled, and her heart thrashed at his admission. She’d been the one to say it first, but she hadn’t expected him to agree so readily. “I am? You—you want me?”

He looked at her like she’d just asked if he liked to climb mountains. “Of course I do.”

“For how long?”

“For forever.”

She blinked as her mind raced to process what that meant. “Like, since that night in college?”

He released an incredulous laugh, though his expression remained serious. “Yes. And every night after.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“You said you just wanted to be friends.”

She stumbled over the words. “So did you.”

“I lied,” he said simply.

One breath. Then two. “So did I.”

“Well, then.” His eyes burned like fire. “Let’s go home.”

Noah’s palm caressed her thigh the entire drive home, and it was a wonder she stayed on the road. Or didn’t get pulled over for suspected drunk driving.

Which reminded her of the text Graham sent, and how much of a stretch it had been. Noah might have been buzzed enough to loosen his tongue, but he wasn’t drunk.

She’d have to thank Graham.

Later, though. She had a husband to deal with tonight.

When they stepped inside and the front door clicked shut, they both paused. They stood on a precipice, about to leap into the unknown. It was terrifying and it was thrilling, and Mia searched his face, looking for any sign of uncertainty. But he just looked at her in that steady way he so often did.

Quiet, fierce, and determined.

He took two steps toward her, his stride purposeful and his eyes full of intent, at the same time she launched herself at him. He caught her in his arms and immediately hoisted her up, her legs wrapping around his waist. He didn’t falter for a second and kept moving down the hallway, tilting his face up. Without a word she found his lips, eager and waiting. The second their mouths molded together, sparks popped beneath her skin. Noah knew how to kiss, and awe mixed with a feeling of right flowed through her veins, liquid sensations that had her mind and heart tripping over one another.

Her hands gripped the back of his head, angling his face just right. She sucked his full bottom lip into her mouth, instantly feeling crazed and out of control, and he groaned, the vibrations from his chest spurring her on even more.

In an instant they were in his bedroom, and her back hit the mattress.

His hands landed beside her head and he stretched above her, his lips insistent and everywhere. One of his palms worked down the side of her ribs, hips, and to her thigh, hitching her leg around his waist. He pressed his body into her and she sucked in a breath, fire exploding in her belly, flames licking through every nerve ending.

“Oh my gosh,” she breathed. “I wanted this so bad. In the cabin.”

“Me too.” His lips moved to her ear, his breath hot on her neck as he rasped, “You’re my wife. My wife.” He pressed an open-mouthed kiss to her skin. “Mine.”

A thrill of satisfaction bloomed through her core at the possessiveness in his tone, so different than the way he usually spoke to her.

She wanted more.

His tongue traced the shell of her ear at the same time his large hand slid beneath her hips, bringing her even closer. She arched her neck with a moan, her hands sliding down his back to grasp at his shirt. His lips left her only long enough to reach behind his back and yank it over his head.

She kissed him again and his tongue dipped into her mouth, along with the faint taste of bourbon. Her hands roamed the hard muscles of his bare shoulders and slid along the smooth skin of his arms and back, cataloging in her mind each tattooed image her fingers passed over. Each one a beautiful reminder of who this man was.

They kissed feverishly for several moments, and she wiggled a little farther up the bed. She wove her arms between them to grasp the hem of her own shirt, sliding it off.

His lips came back to hers with a kiss that was so full of passion she released some sort of raw, muffled noise into his mouth. She meant to say his name, but couldn’t quite find the brain cells to string the correct syllables together. Her hand slid to his waistband and inched lower.

Suddenly Noah was gone, and in her hazy state, it took her a minute to find him standing at the foot of the bed, his chest heaving and his eyes filled with fire.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her own breath coming fast. He was magnificent, standing there in just his jeans, abs rippling and tattooed arms tense by his sides. If he was having second thoughts and didn’t want to do this…not only would her body burst into flame, but her heart would burn to ashes.

He gripped the back of his neck with one hand, his eyes wide like he was just realizing what was happening. His hair was sticking out in all directions. Because of her hands.

“I just, I just need…” He shook his head a little, his lips parted. “I want to slow this down.”

Her heart still raced, and all she knew was she wanted the weight of him back on her. “Slow this down,” she repeated on an exhale.

She went up on her elbows and his eyes tracked down her body, pausing at a few key areas, then slid back up to connect with hers.

He swallowed. “I’ve wanted this for so long. It’s like I’m dreaming. But if this is real, and it’s actually happening, I’m taking my fucking time.”

She stared at him, noticing for the first time just how different he looked in this moment. He wasn’t the same Noah she’d always known. His eyes were mostly the same, but they looked back at her now with a heat and raw power she didn’t quite know what to do with. This wasn’t Noah, her best friend. The one who spent hours bent over his computer, who ordered the same thing at restaurants because he didn’t want to ruin a good thing, or who opened doors for her with a gentle hand on her back everywhere they went. This was a fierce, unrestrained Noah she’d never seen before.

They were at a tipping point. If they continued on, there was no going back. Noah and Mia would be forever changed, and for a split second, she wavered.

What if it’s not as good?

And then when his brow furrowed the slightest bit, and the corner of his full, bottom lip disappeared beneath white teeth, all hesitation fell away.

What if it’s better?

She’d loved this man for years.

Decades.

A lifetime.

She sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed, letting her feet touch the floor. “You can take as long as you want. Take forever. Just don’t stop.”

He trembled a little, like a shiver ran through him, and he came close again, sliding his fingers through her hair, and her mind went blank.

He loomed over her, looking down at her like she was the most precious, beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

It was almost painful to look at him while he looked at her like that. She didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve him. Her heart swelled, her breath catching in her throat. She tentatively touched him again, tracing the pads of her fingers up his stomach and across his chest.

He sucked in a deep breath, his eyes falling closed as she traced his skin. His hips rocked forward a little, so slight it seemed unintentional. A primal, unconscious desire taking control. When he opened his eyes again, both his hands came to her temples, slowly smoothing her hair back before moving his hands to the sides of her face. He curved over her, still on his feet while she sat on the bed, dipping his head and whispering her name just before his lips touched hers.

She slipped her bra off and scooted back, pulling him with her. She inhaled sharply at the feel of his chest against hers, with nothing between them. They kissed deeply for several minutes, his hands moving over every inch of exposed skin with a patience she’d never possess. Compared to his measured movements, she felt like a fumbling, hurried teenager, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself.

She just…wanted.

Tension wound tight within her, and she almost cried with relief when his hands went to the button on her jeans. He slid them down her legs, along with her underwear, and planted kisses along her thighs and ribs on the way back to her mouth.

This time when he rocked forward, her eyes almost rolled to the back of her head.

Somehow, she found her voice. “I’m completely naked and I’m gonna need you to meet me here.”

He murmured something against her neck before he lifted his hips to give her access.

He kicked off his jeans and slowly, carefully resumed his prior position. Her knees bent on either side of his hips and she arched upward, feeling all of him. He made a choking noise and went still, closing his eyes as if trying to maintain control. He took a deep breath, then another, as she ran her hands through his hair, over and over.

When he opened his eyes, he carefully lowered his body, his forearms pressing into the mattress on either side of her head. He lay his forehead against hers, his blue eyes locked on hers. He spoke, his lips brushing hers with each word. “I adore you. I always have.”

If she’d been standing, it would have brought her to her knees. As it was, she breathed the words in, pulling them deep inside her.

He kissed her softly and said it again, and the severity of emotion on his face was too much. Love and tenderness consumed her, filling her soul past the point of containment. Her eyes filled and a few tears escaped.

He didn’t say anything right away. Just traced the wet trail with his tongue and caught one with his lips. “Don’t do that.”

“I can’t help it,” she whispered, unable to muster any embarrassment. The moment was too perfect.

“All the times I’ve imagined making love to you, you were never crying.” A crooked grin tilted his lips. “Far from it.”

Her return smile was automatic. “Get on with it then,” she said, intending for it to be a challenge, but the slight whine in her tone belied the attempt.

“I’m taking my fucking time, remember?”

“Key word being f—”

His lips crashed against hers, swallowing any further conversation.