Would You Rather: A Novel

“Noah, come in.”

Noah stepped into the office of James McKinley, senior principal and part owner of Agnew Design Group. The man who’d mentored him, supported his dad’s decision to hire him, and treated him the same as any intern right out of school. Noah respected the hell out of him, which made what he was about to do all the more distasteful. There was only one reason James would have called him into his office today.

He closed the door and sat in the available chair. James’s office was twice the size of his, with two walls of floor-to-ceiling windows. An old-school drafting table was in one corner and a large bookcase took up another wall, full of model cars and airplanes, one of James’s favorite hobbies. A bright red sports car caught Noah’s eye.

“Is the Charger new?”

James leaned back in his burgundy leather chair. “Just put the finishing touches on her this weekend.”

Noah nodded slowly, drawing out the mindless conversation. “Ever drive one of those?”

“I wish. Closest I ever got was a 1963 Corvette when I was in my forties.” He let out a low whistle. “She was a Stingray with three-sixty horsepower and fuel injection. Handled like a dream.”

“You’ve got a Corvette up there somewhere, don’t you?”

“I do.” James crossed his arms over his chest and regarded Noah steadily. “Let’s stop talking about my toys and get down to business. I’ll be announcing Tanya’s promotion tomorrow, which means a junior principal position will be opening. I wanted to personally say I hope you’ll consider the position.”

Noah flicked his gaze to the bookcase once more, psyching himself up.

This is for Mia.

Noah turned his attention to James. “I’m honored you thought to discuss it with me. I sort of thought David might be a shoo-in for it, though.”

James’s eyebrows rose. “You did?”

Noah nodded. “Don’t you agree he’s a good candidate?”

“Are you telling me you’re not interested in the position yourself?”

Noah tightened his jaw. Mia was right. It was annoying when someone answered a question with another question.

“I haven’t decided,” he hedged.

James leaned forward and steepled his fingers. “I see.” He said nothing more, and Noah felt his neck prickle with sweat. His dad taught him the skills of patience and silence, and the art of managing a conversation with aplomb. You won’t believe how much people say if you just give them time to say it. Noah was naturally quiet and had taken well to the advice, while Nathan had always struggled with it, jumping in and interrupting others in excitement and impatience.

The only person who did the silent stare better than Noah’s dad was James. Noah broke under the weight of his intelligent gaze.

“I’m not sure I’m ready. I’ve only been out of school for eight years. David has been around longer, and it only makes sense he should be a top contender.”

“You were paired with David on a couple of projects last year. After working with him, you have no concerns about his workmanship? Attention to detail or ability to meet deadlines?”

They’d worked on two projects together, to be exact. Both times Noah had been required to redo several of David’s designs because he hadn’t paid attention to what the client wanted, and they’d been unable to finish either of them on time.

“I’m not saying he won’t need some coaching,” Noah said, acid burning his throat. It felt unethical, not only to lie to James, but also to pretend David was a strong professional candidate who deserved the position. “But I think with your leadership he could get there. He has potential.”

“Potential,” James repeated.

“Yes.”

James tilted his head, his styled gray hair not moving an inch. “I wish you could hear yourself. It sounded the same as if you were predicting the Denver Wildcats will win the Stanley Cup.”

The Wildcats had ended last season dead last.

You’re not selling it. Mia’s face appeared in his mind, her beautiful eyes lit up with joy as she’d floated through the front door after her first day of class. She deserved this, and he’d do everything he could to give it to her.

“Did you see the museum he finished last month? That project was complicated with the lighting and exhibit designs. It turned out great.”

Julia had had a heavy hand in that project.

James nodded slightly. “It was impressive.”

“The nontraditional window panels were David’s idea.” That part was actually true. The guy wasn’t completely worthless, or else his dad would have never hired him. “And he’s currently working on a high school field house and press box that sounds cool. It’s a bigger challenge than anything I’ve worked on to date.” Also true, much as he hated to admit it.

James stroked his chin with his thumb and forefinger. “I see. Maybe I should wait and see how that project turns out.”

Unease prickled down Noah’s spine. Something told him a delay in the promotion would raise David’s ire. “Why wait? My dad’s gone in two months.”

“Are you telling me you’re not interested in the position at all?” James asked. “Or are you just asking me to consider my options?”

Noah swallowed. “It’s been suggested I’ve received special treatment since I’m an Agnew.”

James straightened. “I haven’t cut you any slack, Noah.”

“Believe me, I know,” Noah said with a humorless laugh. “But this company is important to me, and I intend to be here for the long haul. It doesn’t look good for me to be promoted before someone with more experience. I don’t want to create an environment where I—or you—lose the respect of other employees. Some might say seniority is more important than productivity—”

“I’m not one of those people.”

“But it’s not unreasonable to consider.”

“I get the feeling there’s something you’re not telling me,” James said. “But I’ll make you a deal. I’ll consider David, and I mean seriously consider him, as long as you put in for the position, too.”

Noah released a long exhale, unsure how that would go over, but he didn’t think he had a choice.

“Okay. It’s a deal.”

Noah left work in a terrible mood, and Mia picked up on it immediately.

“What’s wrong?”

She sat in the passenger seat of his Subaru as they wove through traffic to meet Graham and Claire for dinner. Coming home to Mia had been one of the best ways to bring him back to himself after a hard day, but her calming presence hadn’t had the usual effect today. He could usually talk through what had upset him, but that wasn’t an option this time and he’d been on edge waiting for her to ask.

He kept his eyes trained on the road. “Nothing serious. Just thinking about a deadline.”

“I wish I was there to pull a prank on you and brighten your day.”

He chuckled. “I don’t think that would help. Remember the time you put duct tape around my chair? It took me an hour to get it off before I could get any work done.”

“Bet it made you smile, though.”

“Yeah, but mostly because I started planning my revenge.”

“What was your revenge that time?”

He squinted. “I honestly don’t know. I lost track over the years.” He glanced over at her and found her smiling. “I really loved working with you.”

Her eyes were uncertain as she tucked her thick hair behind one ear. “Me too. So much that sometimes I want to forget this whole thing and come back.”

He slowed to a stop at a red light and kept his gaze on her.

“It’s not so bad because we’re living together, but what about when I finish school and move out? When will I see you?”

He didn’t like thinking about that. He was shit at distancing himself from her, as evidenced by the failure rate of his attempts at dating other women. So far none had been comfortable with his and Mia’s friendship long-term, and he couldn’t blame them.

“We’ll always be in each other’s lives,” he said.

“We’d better be,” she said. “I refuse to accept anything different.”

“Good.”

The light turned green and they continued on, remaining silent until they arrived at the restaurant.

Noah ordered a beer, knowing it would be the only one he drank but wanting something to take the edge off.

After they’d placed their food order, conversation flowed easily around the table. Graham relived scoring a date when he went with the fire crew for a grocery store run; Claire told a story about a patient who came to the hospital with a glass beer bottle somewhere one should never go.

Noah let his own beer sit for a few minutes after that, eyeing the bottle critically. He zoned out and missed the next few minutes of conversation, not realizing until Mia pointed it out. She was in a great mood, laughing and commenting animatedly. Occasionally she gestured with her arms and it sent a stream of her vanilla scent his way.

Just as he was considering the pros and cons of sitting beside her rather than across from her (pros: the incredible way she smelled and the occasional brush of their arms or thighs; con: he couldn’t stare at her without looking like an imbecile), she asked how it had been going since Graham moved in with Claire and Reagan last week.

“Awesome,” Graham said.

“Terrible,” Claire said.

Both looked at the other.

“How has it been terrible?” Graham asked. “I’m an excellent roommate.”

“I’m not talking about you. When we agreed on this arrangement, you failed to mention you were bringing Satan’s minion with you.”

Graham gasped. “Are you talking about Gertrude?”

Noah couldn’t help but interject. He shot Graham an incredulous look. “You didn’t tell her you had a dog?”

“It’s not a dog,” Claire disputed.

“How did you not know about Gertrude?” Mia asked. “Graham talks about her all the time.”

Claire waved a dismissive hand. “I knew about her, but he didn’t say he was bringing her. I thought maybe he’d get rid of her.”

“Get rid of her? I’d sooner give up my left testicle.”

“That’s quite the sacrifice,” Noah noted.

Claire made a face. “It’s perfect to illustrate his obsession with that little terror. I’ve never met such a mean dog.”

“She’s not mean,” Graham defended. “She doesn’t like change. She’ll come around.”

“She pooped in my shoe,” Claire growled. “She tries to bite me whenever you’re not home. And she’s torn up two of my throw pillows. So far.”

“What does Reagan think of her?” Mia asked, her lips pursed as if struggling to contain a smile.

He’d failed that endeavor as soon as Claire called Graham’s dog Satan’s minion.

“She loves her,” Graham said. “Claire’s the only one who has a problem with her.”

“That bitch started it.”

“Her name is Gertrude. Or Gertie, depending on her mood.”

Claire cupped her hands around her mouth and whisper-yelled across the table, “Help me.”

Mia grinned. “Speaking of Reagan, did anyone invite her tonight?”

“I did,” Graham said. “She had plans.”

Claire continued muttering under her breath about the offenses Gertrude had committed in the span of a few days, and Mia laughed quietly.

Their food arrived, and as everyone began eating, Graham looked up. “Hey, Noah, wanna go camping this weekend?”

“Camping?” Noah surreptitiously glanced at Mia sitting beside him in the booth. “Uh, nah. Not this weekend.”

“Why not?” Graham asked.

“Do you have something else going on?” Mia asked.

“Uh…” He scrambled to think of a plausible excuse that wasn’t I’m still scarred from your recent trip to the hospital and don’t want to leave you right now, which would no doubt piss her off.

“I have an idea,” Claire chimed in, waving her beer bottle excitedly in the air. “Let’s all go!”

All three of them turned identical surprised expressions on her.

“What?” she said, clearly affronted. “I can go camping.”

“In a tent?” Mia asked.

“Hell no. We can rent a cabin or something.”

Graham shook his head. “That’s not camping.”

“Sure it is.”

“No, it’s not,” Noah agreed.

“Snobs,” Mia coughed into her hand.

“Elitist,” Graham corrected.

“Okay fine,” Claire said. “Instead of camping, let’s all go spend the weekend in the mountains. In a cabin. With a bed and a shower.” She leveled a glare at Graham. “And without Gertie.”

Graham narrowed his eyes, considering, then shrugged and turned to Noah. “Well? How about it?”

He shifted in the booth. “Well, if everyone’s gonna go…”

“Yes!” Claire said. “We’re all going! This will be so fun. There’s hardly ever a weekend when Graham and I are both off work and we can do something as a group.”

“Hold on, I didn’t agree to this,” Mia said.

Noah nudged her foot. “Come on,” he urged. “It’ll be fun. The fall semester starts next week. When are you gonna have another weekend free from studying?”

“I guess that’s true.”

“Plus,” Graham said with a wag of his eyebrows. “Cabins in the mountains are supersexy. Isn’t that right, Claire?”

He leaned toward her and she stiff-armed him. “Nope.”

“Fine.” He gave Noah a head nod. “Looks like you’ll be the only one getting laid up there, man.”

“Only Noah?” Mia asked. “If he’s getting laid, I’d better be there, too.”

Graham barked out a laugh, and Noah smiled down at her. Claire fanned herself.

“True, true,” Graham conceded. “So we’re doing it then?”

“If we can find a cabin for a decent price,” Noah said.

Claire was already pulling out her phone. “I’m on it.”

Noah took Mia’s hand under the table. She entwined her fingers with his as if it were as natural as breathing. The PDA had been awkward at first, and he’d had to constantly remind himself to touch her. Not because he hadn’t wanted to before, but because he’d denied himself for so long.

It was hard to believe he was supposed to now. They’d both settled into it, and it was second nature by this point.

How would he ever go back?

“You sure you want to go?” he asked quietly while Claire and Graham hovered over Claire’s phone.

“Sure,” she said. “Why not? I don’t have anything else going on, and it’s been too long since I’ve been to the mountains. I only went with you once last year, and it was a bust.”

“Bringing Claire was our first mistake,” he said in a low tone. “She scared all the fish away.”

Mia laughed lightly.

“Remember that trip senior year?” he asked, bumping her shoulder with his.

She grinned. “Yeah. It’s one of my best memories of high school.”

At least a dozen of their high school friends, plus Nathan and several of his friends, had gone to Roosevelt National Forest. They’d spent two days hiking, fishing, enjoying nature, and hanging out around the bonfire. Noah and Mia were about to head off to college, and there had been a sense of excitement and possibility in the air. It wasn’t only his favorite high school memory, it was also one of his favorite memories of Nathan.

The familiar rush of guilt rose up like smoke, threatening to choke him. In his mind’s eye, he could see Rachel, Nathan’s fiancée, and her tear-streaked face as she ran from him at his brother’s funeral. His throat tightened and a stab of pain shot through his heart. Just as he was about to stand and excuse himself, Mia squeezed his hand.

He focused on her familiar face, which looked back at him with affection and a hint of concern. “Memories?” she whispered.

“Yeah,” he croaked.

She nodded and laid her head on his shoulder, allowing him to collect himself. How he deserved someone like her to be here and alive beside him, while his brother’s fiancée was living her life with half a heart was beyond comprehension.

But in this moment, he reveled in the feel of Mia’s warm breathing body pressed against him and didn’t question it.