The Wolf Of Penshaw Lake

I didn’t leave the hospital for another week. A week in which I was questioned and gruelled, prodded and poked and by the time my discharge papers were signed I was about ready to leap out of the dreary hospital room window. Since awakening, I had been transferred from the ICU to a recovery ward and sharing a room with several other unwell strangers was on high on my ‘fuck this, never again’ list.

“Bye Bye honey, you take it easy now,” came a frail voice from the bed opposite mine, the seemingly permanent residence of little, old, Val who had fallen a couple of months ago, but wasn’t well enough to leave the care of hospital. She was one of the only people whom I could tolerate on this ward and I would miss her.

“Bye Val, I’m going to miss our four pm tipping point reruns,” I smiled at her, outwardly gleeful to be leaving as Mason wrapped my jacket around my shoulders.

“Oh me too, but I’ll just wrangle the next poor sod who ends up in your bed,” she gave me a cheeky wink and I couldn’t help but let out a small giggle. Val had all her wits about her, but her body just couldn’t keep up. Mason squeezed my hand gently, pulling me back into the present and I covered his hand with my own to reassure him that I was coming.

“Just let me check I have everything,” I murmured, letting go of his hand as I checked around the bed for anything I had left behind.

“I’ve got it all babe, come on, I think Isaac is waiting outside with the car.”

I nodded, “Sure, but I need the toilet first.”

I headed out towards the ward toilets and locked myself in a cubicle when the reality suddenly hit me. I was really, really stalling. I didn’t even need to wee, so why was I in here? I wanted to leave, I had never been so bored or drained in my life and I couldn’t eat another plate of hospital food, so why was it taking so long for me to actually leave the ward? I shook my head and ran my hands through my hair, taking a long deep breath before standing up and flushing to pretend I had actually been.

I washed my hands thoroughly, staring at myself in the mirror. In all honestly, I hadn’t changed much. I was still the same old Heidi, long brunette hair that needed a bit of a cut, brown eyes that perhaps had lost a bit of their sparkle, generally plain body thatmaybewas a little bit skinnier than it was before. I took another look and suddenly, I morphed before my very eyes. My hair was haphazardly cut, shorter on one side than the other with bits of baby hair tufting out at every possibly angle. My eyes were rimmed with dark, yellowed bruises and my eyes were dull...like mud. I wasn’t just a little bit skinny, my clothes hung off my frame and I felt dwarfed by my jacket that once clung to my curves.

I couldn’t leave like this. Let everyone know what happened to me? Show them how awful I looked? How could I leave the safety and comfort of the ward and back outside where every person I looked at could be hiding a deep and terrible persona? Anyone I looked at could be an abuser or a psychopath.

Or a wolf.

Of course, most of the lycans I knew were lovely, but I didn’t even suspect Dan was anything other than human. Evil yes, but still human. I took a shuddery breath and tried to stop the tears from leaking, I caught a couple before they could escape down my cheeks but the damage had already been done, my eyes were now tinged with red and the wolf just outside would smell the salt of my tears. I thought I was over it, but deep down I knew that a week would never be long enough to recover mentally. Physically I was almost healed, but mentally I wasn’t sure my psyche could ever bounce back.

I closed my eyes and took a few calming breaths like the nurse showed me a few days ago. “In through your nose,” I whispered, “Out through your mouth.”

“You can do this,” I told myself. “You got rid of Dan. He’s dead and you’re not. You won.”

“You won.”

“You won.”

I wiped my tears with the thin one-ply paper towel and threw it in the bin. I went to look in the mirror again, but fearing another moment, I decided to simply ignore that it was even there and pushed the door back open onto the ward.

“You ok?” Mason was stood inches from the door like I knew he would be, itching to get inside and check if I was alright. The mate bond, I suppose. I still hadn’t had a whole lot of time to get fully used to that aspect of my life either.

“I just needed a moment,” I replied honestly, there was no use in lying to Mason, he could see right through me.

“We can always ask the nurses if you can stay another day? Tell them you’re not feeling well?”

I shook my head, “Someone else will be needing that bed more than me,” I said, putting a brave smile on my face. “I’m all better.”

Mason smiled, but it never reached his eyes. “Alright honey, we’ll take it at your pace. You want to stop and we stop.”

“Yep,” I replied, taking a rucksack from Mason’s hand, ignoring his protest, and hoisting it up onto my shoulder.

“Are you going?” Came a cheery voice from my left hand side. “Oh Heidi, good luck with everything.”

I turned to see Alina, the nurse from the ICU smiling at me, her hands clasped in front of her. She looked as though she was about to give me a hug, but restraining herself.

“Thankyou for everything,” I gave her a warm smile and I truly meant it, feeling the smile hit my eyes for the first time in a while.

The other nurses on the ward came over to say their goodbyes and wish me luck and I couldn’t help but lean over and give Alina a quick hug, almost an apology for how I lashed out at her a week ago. It was brief, but it helped and I could see Alina’s eyes shine with unshod tears. She must have been told everything that I endured and she was always careful to never bring anything up that could potentially upset me. Still, I still had the memories swirling around in my mind as clear as if they happened an hour ago. So, maybe I wouldn’t have even bat an eyelid if they did talk in detail to me.

I wasn’t sure how I’d react to anything anymore.

But one thing I did know, was that Mason’s presence was still just as comforting as it was when I first met him and I found myself subconsciously leaning into him, as if just feeling his psychical self against mine would help me heal. He wrapped his arm around me and rubbed my shoulder as I said my final goodbyes and turned around to head down the hall and out of the ward.

As we stepped outside, the sun was blazing brightly and I blinked as the sudden brightness hurt my eyes, after being so used to the white, artificial lights of the hospital. True to his word, Isaac was waiting just down the road from the hospital so as not to accrue a parking charge. As we reached the car, I realised just how tightly my hand was squeezing Mason’s and I let go suddenly, apologising.

“No need, go on get in,” He assured me, glancing over at Isaac as they shared a look I couldn’t quite comprehend. I ducked down and stepped into the back of the car, strapping myself in and leaning back against the seat. I had been ignoring most of my messages and calls, but as a message from our group chat pinged through, I decided to reply.

′On my way home. See you girls soon x′

Dee was quick to reply, ′omg, can’t wait!′

Followed by a heart emoji from Josie and just a quick ′Love you.′

As Mason hopped into the car, Kate, who had made her move to Will’s pack in the week I was in hospital, replied too. After hearing what happened to me, Will was taking no chances and whisked her away to be with him as soon as he could.

′Miss you heaps. If you need me, I can travel down asap, love ya.′

I couldn’t help but genuinely smile at the love pouring through the phone. Despite my tortured hair and damaged psyche, I felt lucky to have met such amazing people.

‘Love you guys’I replied and set my phone to the side as we set off back to Penshaw Lake. I settled into Mason’s side as he wrapped me into a hug and kissed me on the side of head.

If I could have stayed here forever, I would.

But reality was waiting and I just wasn’t sure how I was going to handle it.