The Many Faces of Tully

Mine and Jace’s relationship hasn’t changed that much. We can just do what we’ve been wanting to do for a couple of months now. I’m allowed to sit right up against him and let him drape his arm over my shoulder. I can hold his hand when we walk down the hallway together. I can lean my head on his shoulder when I’m getting tired. And we can finally kiss.

We have a completely open relationship too. We tell each other everything, including past relationships. Neither of us have much to tell, but we do.

“So Jack was your first kiss?” He looks up at me from my lap. I’m running my hands through his hair and leaning up against my bedroom wall.

“How could you tell?” I smile down at him.

“Well, normally you mention your first kiss when listing past relationships.” His laptop is on his stomach but he’s not paying attention to it anymore.

“Is that so?” I study his face even though I already have it memorized.

“I’ve found it to be true, but please, continue.” His gray eyes look up at me expectantly.

I clear my throat jokingly. “So yes, Jack, my first kiss, my first boyfriend. He was smart enough, I mean, nowhere compared to you, but for a sixteen year old he wasn’t that bad. He played football, a running back, and I, of course, thought we were going to be high school sweethearts. That’s how that one was.” My first boyfriend. My first kill. The start of my horrific powers.

I didn’t realize I started staring off into space until Jace is flicking my shark tooth necklace. I look down at him quickly. “Sorry, umm, next was Carl. I met him in an 18 and under club. I was just trying to seem normal then. I was a seventeen year old living by herself in a new town. I started getting friends and one of them introduced me to Carl, whom I thought, at the time, was a total babe. Tatted, pierced, total bad boy look.” I smirk, realizing how shallow I sort of sound.

Jace starts laughing. “So of course you went for him. Good girls always go for the bad boys.”

I smack his head playfully. “Yeah, but this cliché relationship did not end like the other ones. This time the good girl burned the bad boy. But it honestly was the typical relationship. He was a jerk. A hypocritical jerk too.” Yes, he was a jerk, but he didn’t deserve to die.

Jace’s face is grim. “So next was Peter. You met him at Ms. Anna’s, right?” He jumps to the next topic. I just nod. He keeps staring at me so I know I have to tell him. I close my eyes and try to be the strong person he thinks I am. I let the feeling of Jace’s safety wash over me and fill me up. He will always make me feel safe.

“Yes, at Ms. Anna’s. I moved to that town and decided to go out for breakfast one day. I had heard great reviews of that place so I decided to go there. Besides, who doesn’t like waffle houses?” We both chuckle together. “Anyways, he was there. And he came up to me, seeming confident and shy all at the same time, asking me to eat with him. He ordered the peanut butter jelly waffle sandwiches just like you ordered the steak and potatoes. I instantly developed a crush on him.” Tears are starting to form in my eyes. I blink them away as I relive the memory.

I walk into Ms. Anna’s and I am immediately overwhelmed. There are stations of waffles where you can serve yourself or you can order from the chef to make a specialty order. There are so many things here that I am confused. I don’t know where to go or what to do.

“You’re new, aren’t you?” I hear a male voice ask me. I turn to find the owner of the voice and I freeze when I see him.

He is beautiful. He has curly, golden blonde hair that hangs in his eyes. His eyes are hazel and bright and filled with kindness. He has thin lips and a straight nose. His voice is smooth and clear and he looks around five foot ten or five foot eleven. He is smiling at me politely.

I smile back at him. “How could you tell?” He looks like a really nice person. One of those people who help people just to help them.

“I think it was the way your eyes sort of glassed over,” he says to me. “I know the best thing to get here. Would you care to join me?” He gestures to a random table.

“Sure.” I smile again. I have never really been asked out before. I follow him and sit down at a table. A waitress comes over to give us two menus but the guy waves them away.

“We’ll take two PB&J waffle sandwiches, and two chocolate milks,” he tells her. She writes down our order and walks away.

“Peanut butter and jelly waffle sandwiches?” I ask him.

“Yes. I hope you don’t have a peanut allergy because if you do I would feel like a total jerk.” He smiles, and I laugh. “Oh, I’m Peter by the way.” He holds his hand up over the table.

I take it with mine and shake it. “Nice to meet you, Peter. I’m Tully.” I wait for the usual, ‘that’s a weird name’ but I don’t get it.

“Nice to meet you too, Tully.” He stares me right in the eye and butterflies erupt in my stomach.

“He was one of the nicest guys I had met. He actually helped me a lot. Made me feel nice and sort of made me believe that I wasn’t a monster. I never told him of course. I mean, who would believe me if I did? I started living with him, and after I realized that I was in love with him, it took me a few months to round up the courage to tell him.” My nose and throat are starting to clog from snot.

“I went all out too. I made dinner, all of his favorite things. I had the house all spiffed out and everything. He was suspicious as soon as he came into the house, but he went with it.” This whole night is burned into my memory.

“Hi beautiful,” he says to me, smiling. He hung his jacket up and set his backpack on the floor.

“Hi. How was school?” I ask him, accepting his hug and kiss.

“Oh, it was good. Learned stuff.” He has his fingers looped through my belt loops. He sniffed around a second. “Are you cooking?”

“I cooked yeah. Come and see,” I say, grabbing his hand and pulling him through our apartment.

He smiles, seeing our table inlaid with our favorite foods. “What’s this for?”

I shrug. “I wanted to do something for you.”

He smiles at me. “Thank you. Let’s go pig out.” And we do. I’m getting stuffed before I finally decide I need to tell him.

My heart kicks up its pace and I look up at him nervously. “So…” I say slowly. He looks up from his plate at me. I reach across the table and brush aside his hair like I always do. It always hangs in his eyes, no matter what and I want to look him in the eye when I tell him.

“So… what?” he says finally.

I take a deep breath to try to calm my racing heart. “I did all this for a reason. I-I wanted to tell you something,” I finally choke out.

His face drops with shock. “What? What is it? Are you okay? Are you… You’re not… We didn’t… Um…” he stutters. I gasp at what he was implying.

“No! No, it’s not that. Oh god no. We’re good.” I laugh nervously. I’m breathing heavily though. I am so nervous.

“Oh. Okay. That’s good then. I guess. So, uh, what did you want to say to me?”

My stomach is in knots and my heart is beating furiously. “I wanted to tell you that I- That I’m- That-” I freeze. My chest is hurting so much from my racing heart and my ears are starting to ring.

“Oh no. Not again. No,” I groan and wrap my arms around my chest. I am going to explode again. I know it. This happens every time. I thought it only happened when someone is yelling at me though. I guess not.

“Tully what’s wrong?” Peter asks me, coming to stand next to me. I sink from my chair and huddle on the floor. I can’t explode. I don’t want to. I don’t want to kill Peter. I love him.

Sure enough the world goes silent again. I can feel Peter crouching next to me trying to see if I am okay. I hold my breath even though my lungs burn for air. I know that when I breathe out I will explode. I don’t want to. I don’t want him dead.

I try to hold my breath for as long as possible, but I can’t anymore. I start sobbing when I know I can’t hold it anymore and I explode, just like before. I crawl over to his lifeless, broken body and unearth him from the chaos. I sob over him and tell him that I love him. I tell him that I am sorry. Sorry can’t bring him back though. I ignore my packed bag and just sit there, crying over Peter for a while.

Tears don’t fail to come now, but I wipe them away hastily and try to ignore the frown on Jace’s face. I try to take a few breaths to steady myself but my voice still come out shaky. “So, yeah. Umm, can we talk about something else now?” And Jace gratefully complies.