The Brightest Light of Sunshine

Three and counting. That’s how many times my ovaries have exploded in the past five minutes alone.

The first explosion happens right as Cal opens the door with his sister clinging to his long leg like a baby koala.

Same, Maddie, same.

Wait, what?

“Miss Grace!” The little girl greets me with the biggest smile. “Sammy is making nuggets. How many do you want?”

Cal chuckles and pushes the door open for me. “She isn’t even inside yet, princess. Calm down.”

Princess.

He calls her princess.

Oh, god.

I know for sure I’m not going to survive this night as my ovaries explode again.

“I think I’ll have a bunch,” I tell Maddie. “I’m quite hungry.”

And then he hauls her up with one freaking arm—a very muscular, very tattooed arm—and sets her on his hip like she weighs nothing as he lets me in.

Ovaries: shattered again.

I don’t know what I expected of Cal’s place, but his apartment may have just become my newest favorite place on Earth. It smells clean, the appliances and touches look modern, it’s spacious with big windows, and the decoration fits him so well. He’s got three skateboards mounted in one of the living room walls, as well as a gaming setup in one corner and a big shelf full of figurines, and some comic books.

For some reason, getting a glimpse of his personality through his home makes my insides all warm.

“Miss Grace.” Maddie tugs on the pink TDP sweatshirt I threw on before I took an Uber to come here. “Do you like ketchup on your nuggets? ‘Cause we’ve got ketchup, but we don’t have mustard ‘cause Sammy doesn’t like it.”

I smile down at her. “Ketchup would be great, Maddie. And you don’t have to call me Miss Grace when we aren’t in class. Grace or Gracie is more than okay.”

She blushes. “Okay.”

I follow her to the open-concept kitchen overlooking the living room and find Cal already heating up the air fryer. “So, you hate mustard, huh?” I tease him.

He makes a face. “It’s disgusting. Sorry I have taste.”

“I’m your friend after all, so you do have some taste. Just not when it comes to food, apparently.”

He pinches my side, making me squeal. Maddie tugs on Cal’s t-shirt just like she did with me earlier. “Can I put the nuggets in the fryer? Pretty please?”

“All right, but do it gently.”

He hauls her up and she starts picking up and tossing the frozen nuggets into the fryer with her small fingers. Watching them interact in such a domestic way feels overwhelmingly intimate. Cal’s whole face relaxes when he looks at his sister, his voice softens, and his eyes hold a kind of love that I’ve only seen before when my dads and Aaron look at me.

I clear my throat and grab my phone, suddenly needing a distraction from the lump forming in my throat.

“All set,” Cal announces as he places Maddie back on the ground. “Go change into your PJs, peanut. Dinner will be ready soon, yeah?”

“Yeah!” She holds her little hand out to high five him, and then she turns around so she can do the same with me. I chuckle as our palms connect.

“She’s such a bubbly kid,” I say once Maddie leaves for what I assume is her bedroom. Wait, “Does she have a bedroom here?”

Cal busies himself with taking a few plates and glasses out, not meeting my eyes. “Yeah. She… She stays here sometimes.”

There’s an edge, something, to his voice as he says it, but I brush it off. It’s probably nothing.

“She has school tomorrow though, right?”

He nods. “I’ll drop her off. I brought her backpack with us.”

When he doesn’t add anything else, I can’t help but think it’s a bit odd, but I’m not one to push. We might be friends, but we aren’t that close. The tightness in his voice he’s trying so hard to mask tells me there’s more to it, maybe the true reason her sister has a whole bedroom at his place. But I haven’t exactly opened up to him about my personal issues, so I refuse to get upset about this. It wouldn’t be fair.

As I sit on one of the kitchen stools after Cal leaves to change, my mind drifts off to the not-so-unlikely-anymore scenario in which I tell him what happened to me all those years ago. And it’s a shocking realization, really, since some of my family members aren’t even aware of what went down, and Em is my only friend who knows.

So why do I feel this nagging ache to open up to him? And why am I not panicking over it?

My derailed train of thought is interrupted by Maddie entering the kitchen with a monkey plushie on her grip. Her yellow pajama bottoms and long-sleeved white shirt with a huge sunflower right in the middle are both oversized, and she looks like the most adorable doll.

The moment she spots me, her little face lights up, and she tries to climb up the stool next to mine.

“Here, let me help you.” I lift her up so she’s sitting safely. She’s so tiny she barely reaches the island. “Who’s your little friend over here?”

She sets her monkey on the countertop. “This is Monkey.”

I blink. “Your monkey is called Monkey?”

She nods eagerly. “Yep. She’s a girl.”

My lips twitch. “Is she your favorite toy?”

Before she can answer, Cal’s voice echoes from somewhere behind us. “It tends to vary. Last week her favorite toy was that mermaid doll, Nessa.”

Maddie never takes her eyes off me. “Yes, but I like Monkey the most now.”

Cal comes up behind her and ruffles her hair, making her squeal. Soon the nuggets are done, and I help him set up the small table in the living room while Maddie washes her hands and puts Monkey on the couch, under a thick pink blanket.

“She’s watching the movie with us later,” she explains to me because duh, I’m new here so I wouldn’t know.

It feels nice being part of their routine, even if it’s only for tonight. I already knew Cal was a laid-back guy, but seeing him with Maddie solidifies my suspicions—he’s soft spoken but firm when he talks to her, gives her a lot of hair ruffles and light kisses, and his eyes fill with undying love every time he looks at her. It’s clear that she loves him, too.

And when she accidentally knocks her plastic cup full of water during dinner, Cal doesn’t make a fuss and instead hands her some paper towels so she can clean up after herself. Maddie never once complains.

When we finish dinner, I offer to do the dishes while Cal puts on the movie. He refuses at first, of course, but eventually I push him out of the kitchen and win the fight.

“What are we watching?” I ask as I plop down next to Maddie on the couch a few moments later. Cal is on her other side, tucking her in with her pink blanket. Monkey sits on her lap.

He gives me a side look full of agony. “A princess movie. Again.”

I chuckle. “You watch those a lot?”

“Every time she sleeps over.” He shakes his head as he says it, but even the darkness of the room can’t hide the small smile tugging at his lips. It’s kind of cute.

Not that I think Cal is cute.

Wait, are friends allowed to think each other are cute?

I’d have to Google that later.

“Movie! Movie!” Maddie squeals as Cal presses play. She’s sandwiched between us although the couch is quite big, but she seems so immersed in the opening scene that I don’t think she’s even noticed.

Not even a minute into the movie, my phone screen lights up with a text.

Cal: So…

I side-eye him and grin, my heart beating faster for some dumb reason.

Me: So…

Cal: Sorry for dragging you into movie night, you’ve probably seen this a million times

Me: What?! I wanted to come. And this is one of my favorite movies too

Cal: Don’t tell Maddie or she’ll pester you forever

Me: I think I can deal with both of you

Cal: Oh so I pester you?

Me: All the time

Cal: How?

Me: Let’s see. You pester me about the tattoo, for one

Cal: Shut up. You want to get that tattoo

Me: But you still pester me about it

He sends me a look over Maddie’s head, and I stifle a laugh.

Cal: Did anyone ever tell you that you’re a little shit?

Me: Don’t get all cocky on me now, Sammy. I still have your jacket, remember?

Cal: You can keep it

I frown at him, and he only shrugs.

Me: But it’s yours

Cal: And now it’s yours, congratulations

Me: It’s too big for me

Cal: That’s what she said

I snort out loud. For some reason, his text catches me off-guard.

Me: Ok Michael Scott

Cal: Is that supposed to be an insult?

Me: It could never

Cal: I don’t believe you, give me my jacket back

Me: No, now it’s mine

Cal: Brat

I’m about to write a snarky reply when I feel a heavy weight on my left arm. Cal looks over and whispers, “She fell asleep.”

Sure enough, Maddie is already snoring softly against me, Monkey gripped tight on her little hand. Cal stands up quietly and picks her up with such care I’m pretty sure my ovaries are going to explode again. I’ve lost count at this point.

“I’m putting her to bed,” he whispers, and I nod.

I pause the movie and when he comes back only a few moments later, I feel out of place all of a sudden. Now that Maddie’s gone to sleep and neither of us wanted to watch the movie anyway, doesn’t it make sense that I go home? It’s not too late, but—

“Wanna watch The Office for a bit?”

My stomach jumps. “In the mood for some ‘that’s what she said’ jokes, huh?”

He smirks at me, and I melt like a foolish piece of chocolate on a hot summer day. “It’s your fault if you think about it. You called me Michael Scott.”

I roll my eyes playfully. “Mm-hmm, sure it is. Can we start on season four, though? It’s my favorite.”

“Your wish is my command.”

As he looks for the show on the TV, I throw one of Cal’s fluffy blankets over my legs and settle against the cushions, not bothering to move. He doesn’t move either, so there’s only a child-sized gap separating us when the first episode starts. I can feel his body heat through the fabric of my sweatshirt, through the blanket, through my skin, and for some reason it makes me shiver.

“Are you cold?” He notices right away. How the hell does he pick up on everything?

“Um, no. Just a random shiver.” It sounds stupid when I say it out loud, but luckily his attention goes back to the screen. Mine doesn’t.

It doesn’t take a genius to see that Cal is more of an introvert, even if he doesn’t go all hermit mode when he’s with me. I know he likes his space and to be alone. So why did he offer me to stay? Does this mean he’s comfortable around me?

Of course it does. You’re friends.

Two episodes later, my overanalyzing brain still doesn’t get it. Why would he want to spend time with me, of all people? I’ve seen him with friends, so I know he has them. As much as he likes his me-time, he’s not an antisocial man. I’m pretty sure the only reason he isn’t kicking me out right now is because he doesn’t know how to do it without looking like a jerk. He doesn’t want to be rude or make me feel bad. So he would rather sit through however many The Office episodes I want to watch until I take the hint and go home.

Okay, hint taken.

“I, um…” I start, my palms getting sweaty. I wipe them on the soft blanket. “It’s getting late. I better get going.”

He pauses the TV. “You sure? You can stay here for a bit longer if you want.”

Lies, lies, lies. He’s just being polite.

I shake my head in a useless attempt to make the self-destructive thoughts go away. “No, I just… I don’t want to bother you.”

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “You’re not bothering me, Grace. I invited you here. I wasn’t expecting you to leave as soon as you swallowed the last nugget.”

I stand up despite his words, folding the blanket neatly and placing it where it previously was as I look away. “You’re probably tired, and Maddie has school tomorrow, and—”

“Sunshine.”

It’s the nickname that makes our eyes meet again.

“Come here.”

Still unsure if he’s just being polite, I do as he says and sit back down, closer to him this time. When I feel the weight of his muscled, tattooed arm around my shoulders, my breath hitches.

“Is this okay?”

Taken aback by the question, I nod. It’s more than okay, I want to say, but I can’t.

“I know what’s going on in that chaotic head of yours right now, Grace, and I need you to understand that you’re not bothering me in any way. Yeah?”

I glance down at my lap. “Yeah.”

“And,” he squeezes my arm with his ridiculously big hand, “you’re my friend, and I want you to stay if that’s what you want as well.”

Okay, so maybe he’s not lying. Maybe it was all in my head after all.

“All right,” I say, releasing the breath I’d been holding for the past few minutes. “I’ll stay a bit longer.”

He grabs the remote and presses play again. “You have any classes tomorrow?”

“Not until noon.”

“Good.”

Steadying my breathing, I settle back into the comfort of the couch, and I notice that Cal’s arm is still around my shoulder at the same time he does. He starts to remove it, but then my mouth opens, and I can’t control the words that escape me.

“Leave it,” I say. His arm freezes on the spot. “It’s… You’re comfy.”

His chuckle relaxes me just barely, but he doesn’t fight back and puts his arm right back where I want it to be. I wasn’t kidding when I said he was comfortable—his body is so ridiculously large I could completely hide from view if he stood right in front of me. Despite his very obvious muscles, he’s surprisingly squishy and his body warmth feels nice against my side.

At some point during our fifth episode, his fingers start moving up and down my arm, leaving a trace of goosebumps in their wake. My brain must check out for the day because I snuggle closer to him and place my head against his chest. His breathing is even, relaxed, and it coaxes me like a spell.

The last thing I feel before my eyes close are his lips grazing the top of my head.