The Alpha's Daydream

“The things I want to do to you,” he murmurs, his eyes scorching my body. When they meet mine, I shiver at the red flecks that glow in his obsidian irises. It is so otherworldly, so foreign, and my breath catches in my throat as my lungs seize.

I am pressed up against the wall in the foyer of the Alpha’s mansion, and the evening shadows creep in from the corners and recesses of space. My heart pounds in my chest, reverberating in my ears, and I am sure Malachi can sense my fear as his lips lift in a crooked grin.

“You are all mine,” his fingers tighten on the back of my neck as he pulls me closer, and his other hand trails from my mark to my throat, then down my chest in a sensual manner.

When he caresses me and uncomfortable shivers snake down my spine, I finally find my voice. “I may be yours, but you are just as much mine. And as your Luna, I order you to take your hands off my body.” I don’t know where the strength in my voice has come from, but I thank God for it. I’ve been tense all day, so on edge after witnessing Malachi murdering a man this morning, and I don’t know what to think.

A part of me hates that he could do that, that such evil and rage consumes him. But another part of me remembers the tenderness I’ve seen in his azure blue eyes, and the gentle way he holds and comforts me after I awake from nightmares. Now, my darkest nightmare is standing in front of me, his flesh real and his heart beating with icy, lustful blood.

Malachi’s eyes flicker to mine, so dark and red I can hardly stifle the gasp it causes in me. Such desire radiates from every swirl in his eyes, such a passion for me that the weight of it is nearly crushing.

Then his fingers release me. “Of course, my Love. I will go along with your little game for now.” He smirks and steps back a foot, and my body involuntarily eases in relief. Then when he next speaks, his voice is dripping with molten desire. “But you want me just as much. Soon you will be begging for me. You will scream my name. Screaming for my hands to touch you in places—“

His words are cut off with a loud smack, and his head snaps to the side. My body trembles as I stare at my stinging hand and realise I have slapped him.

“Don’t ever talk to me like that again,” I tell him through clenched teeth, seething. The anger his words caused has built up to a breaking point inside me, and I will not let him speak such disrespect to me.

“Ariella?”

This time when he raises his head and pins me with his gaze, the anger melts from my face. Staring at me with pain are crystal blue eyes.

Dark blue, admittedly; but blue nonetheless.

“Malachi?” I reach out to take his hand but he steps back.

“Ari, are you alright?” Even his voice is back to normal; lighter and not so sultry. Clean and not perverted.

“I’m fine. How— how much do you remember?” My heart rate slows down, thumping irregularly as it eases back from the adrenaline spike of fear and uncertainty.

My mate swallows hard, as if wishing he didn’t have to say what he does. “Everything. Ariella, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to touch you like that....” his face twists with internal anguish, as if the regret is eating up his words.

And then he turns and runs. Down the corridor his steps echo as he retreats without any further words.

“Malachi!” But he doesn’t hear. He is too far away. “Why do always run when you need me?” My whispered words echo in the silence and ring in my ears as my heart throbs for my mate.

Sliding down the wall at my back, I sink to my knees and feel tears prick my eyes. I cover my face with my hands and stifle the sob that breaks from my chest. I concentrate on taking even breaths, my heart still racing from what just happened. I remember back to the few times I have seen those crimson flecks in his eyes, to the dreams I’ve had and wonder if they’re one and the same. All this time I thought Malachi was safe, was okay.

When now, I can no longer deny, there truly is a devil inside him. A dark and twisted passion creeping in his veins, flowing from some hidden place in his heart.

He said he’d never hurt me. So what was this just about? What was he going to do if I hadn’t snapped him out of his lustful haze? Would he ever take me against my will? Would he disregard my consent and do whatever he pleases while breaking me?

“Hullo, anyone home?”

I jump nearly out of my skin at the call echoing through the front door I left open. Beta Knight accompanies it with a couple of knocks on the heavy timber frame as he steps through it.

“I’m not here,” I mumble between my fingers that cover the tear streaks on my face.

“Sorry, I’m not falling for that joke,” he replies cheerily, in total contrast to the sullen pallor that stains the atmosphere. He flicks on the light switch, alighting the warm bulbs in the crystal chandelier fixtures, and immediately notices my huddled position in the foyer.

“Ariella! What happened? Are you alright?!”

I push myself up and brush my face with the back of my sleeves, praying he doesn’t notice the stubborn tears that keep leaking from my eyes. Why am I feeling so sorry for myself? Or maybe this emotion is sadness for my mate and the hopelessness I feel for our future.

“It’s nothing. I’m fine,” I turn my face away from him, covering myself in the lingering shadows.

“No, it’s not nothing. You’re crying. Tell me Seneca didn’t say something insensitive?” he lays a hand on my shoulder and is already jumping to conclusions. I have no idea how much he really knows about the Luna—the demon he has worked with so closely—but I don’t want to say anything. Malachi said to keep this particular fact to ourselves.

“Honestly, I’m okay. I’m just, uhhh…” Here comes the first lie. I sniff and flick the tear away from under my eye, “I’m on my period.”

Seriously? I’d smack myself in the face from embarrassment if I wasn’t still so nervous.

Knight takes a breath then exhales slowly. “Nope. That’s not it. I’ve seen hormonal emotions, and this isn’t what it looks like. Besides, I know you’re not on your period.” He lifts a reproachful eyebrow at me, making my stomach twist into tight knots.

“How…” I begin to ask, heat rising up my neck and burning my face.

He taps the side of his nose and smirks.

If my shame could get any worse, it just did.

“Come on, let’s get you some ice cream.” He slings am arm around my shoulder and all but drags me down the hall towards the kitchen. “I can see you don’t want to talk about it just yet. Maybe a sugar hit will fix things for a while.”

I try and argue that nothing is going to fix this, but Knight refuses to let me say anything until I’m seated in the living room with a tub of my favourite salted caramel ice cream in one hand and spoon in the other. He dishes himself a bowl and douses it with chocolate chips, then settles next to me on the couch.

“Okay, spill. Is Harlow giving you a hard time? Or did Hendrik try and steal a kiss under the tree by the swimming hole? Or… I know! The young guys challenged you to another fight and you’re scared of losing?”

I jolt up and smack him with my spoon. “I’m not afraid of a challenge! I’ve been training every day for over a month, and I bet I could take even you—“

I stop when I see Knight smirking, then grinning, before he bursts into laughter.

“There she is,” he says between boyish giggles. “Our favourite feisty Luna-in-training. Ari, I know you’d never back down from a fight,” he raises his hands in defence when I grab a cushion and start to whack him with it.

“You better know that!” I emphasise while boxing him with the pillow and and he half-heartedly blocks the blows, all the while laughing. Knight makes a few more jokes, and I keep hitting him. Once we calm down, I settle back into my seat and begin eating my ice cream. After the third delicious spoonful, I realise I’m smiling.

After such a traumatic day, I’m smiling and almost feel guilty for it.

But I’m grateful I can still feel this small amount of happiness amidst such madness.

“Thanks, Knight.”

“For what?” he looks over at me, his shoulder pressing against mine comfortingly.

“For cheering me up. You always seem to know how to lighten my dark moods. I honestly don’t know how I’d survive this place if you weren’t here.” I realise my words are pretty soppy, but don’t take them back. Of course I would survive without him, but it would be so much harder.

“Don’t mention it. I’m just doing my job,” he playfully nudges me.

“Is that all I am to you? A job?” I say in a mock angry voice and punch him back.

“You entirely misunderstand me, milady,” he laughs and puts on his most formal airs. “You are my friend, and as a friend it is my duty to help you through whatever it is that’s plaguing you. With such a beautiful laugh, is it any wonder I want to hear it and make you smile as often as possible? I’d be a cruel friend to let you feel so down all the time. Talk to me,” he leans back and fixes his gentle hazel eyes on me, and I can’t help relaxing in his warm and kind presence.

Taking a deep breath, I debate how much to say. “I’m just… I’m having a hard time getting along with Seneca. She doesn’t seem to want to have much to do with me, or accept me as her son’s mate.” I see him nod, and feel encouraged to go on. Surely he of all people understands her temperament and aloof mannerisms, her habit of remaining distant. “It’s just so hard to figure out exactly what she’s thinking, especially when she barely wants to talk to me.” And especially when her lips don’t speak what she projects into my mind.

“Yes, she can be difficult to understand at times, not unlike most women,” Knight says.

“I suppose you know a lot about women. No doubt you’ve had tons of girlfriends,” I comment, having seen the way the unmated shewolves interact with him, obviously enamoured by his good looks and fine physique.

“Oh yes, hundreds of girlfriends, all lining up to be with me,” he smooths his hair back with his fingers as he gives a smouldering look, and I laugh at his exaggerated actions.

“But seriously, you probably know Seneca better than anyone. Is she so distant with everyone, or is it just me she hates?” Choosing my words carefully, I prod for more information, hoping he can tell me something, anything, to help make sense of this puzzle I’ve found myself trapped in.

“Nah, don’t take anything personally. She likes to keep to herself, but she has been more outgoing and friendly since Alpha Dennison died. But still, she won’t even share with me how she’s feeling or what she wants. I guess she’s just been through so much, she can’t see much point in sharing her woes. I have to read her expressions for myself, trying to gauge what mood she’s in, if she’s had a bad night or not. She doesn’t want pity, not that many people have given it to her. She just wants respect.”

“I understand that. Being married to someone who walks all over you would be terrible. I guess now she can finally be herself and do what she wants.” As I speak, I shudder at the memory of her black eyes and even blacker soul, the soul of a demon. What does she actually want? And why is she not stopping her son from killing others in cold blood, unless that’s her plan for this pack? To take it over while hiding in the shadows and slowly murdering the wolves who still follow the dominating ideals of her dead husband?

Knight speaks, interrupting my train of thought. “It’s not just that. When Dennison met her in the forest at the western border, she was running from her family. She doesn’t like talking about it so obviously I don’t know the full story, but they had been hurting her and she barely escaped with her life. Dennison was her saviour. At least for a while,” he finishes with a grimace, as we both know how the story turned out.

“What?” This is new to me, how her relationship with Alpha Dennison began. Why would her family be hurting her? Do demons even have families? Obviously they can reproduce with other beings like wolves and have children, but I wonder now what family Seneca might have elsewhere, and why she would have to run from them.

“I can see this is a lot to take in,” Knight lays a hand on my arm, and I try and erase the puzzled expression from my face. I can’t let him know the extent of what I’m taking in, as he put it. Too many things I have found out today, and if my mind doesn’t melt down from the shock of it all, my heart with shatter from the pain it now feels.

“It’s okay. I’m okay,” I smile. “Let’s talk about something else.”

“Like my favourite tv show,” Knight picks up a remote off the coffee table, his eyes still looking at me warily as if to really make sure that I’m okay, before he presses a button and the screen comes to life. I’ve never really watched tv, preferring to read books and imagine the characters and stories in my head, in my own time, but tonight I really need a distraction.

We start watching a show, and Knight explains the plot and what’s happened so far in the season. His words go in and out of my ears, not making much sense. I just listen to the sound of his voice and the hum of the tv, watching the scenes come to life on screen. It turns out to be a suspenseful crime show that after a few minutes has me squirming and clutching the cushion protectively to my chest. Knight notices my discomfort, his keen perception surprising me again, and changes it to a romantic comedy that has me laughing and crying in all the right places. My emotions are heightened and I probably am making a fool of myself, but I don’t care. It feels good to just relax and forget about the world for a moment.

I think I forget about it so much that after what seems only a few minutes, Knight is shaking me gently and whispering my name.

“Did I fall asleep?” I mumble, and push myself up when I feel myself sagged against his firm body.

“I think you were dreaming about Malachi. You kept moaning his name and making kissy sounds with your lips.”

“I was not!” I raise my hand to smack him, fully awake now, but he grabs it with fast reflexes as a laugh escapes his chest.

“You are too much fun to tease, Ari.”

“And you are too much trouble to bother with. I don’t know why Seneca keeps you around,” I say moodily, hating the blush that again stains my face. Getting up off the couch quickly, I grab the pot of ice cream and shove the lid on it.

“You love me, don’t deny it,” Knight stands also and helps me clear up and take the snacks back to the kitchen.

“Love is putting it strongly. I would say it’s more like, tolerate,” I put my hand on my hip and refuse to give in to his charming smile that is trying so hard to win me over.

“Fine,” he concedes with a dramatic sigh, hunching his shoulders forwards. “If you can only stand to tolerate me, I guess there’s not much point in me cheering you up when Seneca bothers you again.” He stares at the floor in dejection, his bottom lip jutting out, and I roll my eyes at the childish way he likes to behave.

“Alright, I admit. I more than tolerate. I like you. There, you happy now?”

His head whips up and he gives me a dazzling smile. “Sure. You know I’ll always be here for you, Luna,” he salutes me.

I roll my eyes again and they land on the clock behind him. “Goodness, it’s nearly midnight! Where on earth is Malachi? I didn’t feel him come back…” The fears and doubts instantly come crawling back into my veins, darkening the lightness that Knight had instilled in me. Since Malachi disappeared after treating me strangely earlier this evening, he hasn’t been far from my mind, though I’ve tried to put the questions aside and not let the anxiety eat me alive.

I watch Knight focus carefully, mindlinking someone, then he tells me. “He’s with Hamilton by the northern forests. I can’t imagine what they’re doing, because Hamilton wouldn’t say.”

Knight must be in the dark about this, but I know. The young Beta must be helping his Alpha control the blood thirsty urges that wrack his mind and body. Hamilton is there with Malachi, helping him regain his senses after nearly unleashing something dark on me.

And suddenly, I feel sick.

Why can’t I be the one Malachi turns to for support? I am his mate. I get that Hamilton is his best friend and has been since forever, but I am here now. I am meant to hold Malachi’s heart in my own and complete whatever is lacking in his soul. Why can’t he depend on me to pull him from this darkness?

Why can’t he trust me to be the light his black soul needs?

“Okay,” I murmur, wrapping my arms protectively around myself.

Knight clenches his jaw, perhaps holding back on saying something, then gives me a gentle look. “I can stay tonight if you want the company.”

Taking a deep breath, I weigh up his offer and dismiss the uneasy feeling it gives me. “No, it’s okay. I wouldn’t want to trouble you like that. I’m fine.”

He seems to understand my desire to be alone, and pats my shoulder reassuringly before backing out of the kitchen.

Truth is, I hate being alone. My heart longs to be wrapped in the comfort of my mate or at least my parents. But it’s just me in this empty house. I don’t feel Seneca in her room, though she could be here and that chills me even more. I want answers, but I realise I am too afraid to go searching for them.

After preparing for bed, I curl up under the covers and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to envision Malachi in my mind’s eye. But all I keep seeing is this hideous monster caped with black wings and a murderous expression on his face. Pale skin etched with cool veins, icy breath raking across my face as he leans in close and whispers my name in lust.

I keep praying that it’s not true, that Malachi is actually the angel who would rescue me every time I fall, catch me before I plummet to the hard earth. I feel in my heart that he is warm and has a body of hot blood that would only spill to save me, not harm me. That his muscular body is enhanced with powerful wings for flying above the heavens, not for slinking in shadows, lying in wait for me to trip and fall into his deadly clutches.

No matter how hard I pray, I dream of his death and finally awake to pale light peeking through the curtains. It dismisses the shadows, pushing them into the recesses of our room and banishing them to daylight.

I am weary, tired, my bones heavy as I drag myself from the bed after running a hand over the empty side where Malachi never lay last night.

“Is this how it’s always going to be?” I whisper to myself. “Always, this distance between us. These secrets and masks that we wear to hide the truth…”

“The truth is that I care for you.”

I whirl around, stunned by the heavy voice that speaks from near my right ear. My vision collides with bright blue chips of ice, framed by black brows and an even blacker fringe. Malachi stands so close, I could reach out and cup his face in my hands.

I slap him. “How can you say that?”

He flinches, but doesn’t jump back. If anything, he angles his body even closer to me, his scent of toasted chestnuts enveloping me and calming me. “You wanted the truth.”

Despite how I’m feeling, his words seep into me and whisper sweetness to my heart. “I don’t believe that. You lied to me for so long. You kept telling me you were searching for the killer, and couldn’t find him. When all along, it was you. How could you keep something like that from me?” I curl my fingers into fists and glare at him, at the pained expression on his face, and convince myself that the pain in my heart is even stronger.

“I didn’t even realise what I was doing until Hamilton and I figured it out together. I told you, I didn’t remember, not at first.” He speaks slowly, quietly, never raising his voice in the stillness of the morning, unlike me.

I am feeling all these emotions rise up within me and I want to scream.

“So then, how long? How long will you have to keep fighting this? How long until you can control the murderous beast inside that not only wants to hurt your pack, but ruin whatever is between us?” I wave my hand, flinging my fingers in frantic motions that echo the floundering of my heart.

He reaches up and takes my hand, pressing his fingers gently between his own, and presses a kiss to the tips of them. The sparks that jump across his lips to my skin abruptly stop all motion, anchoring me, and even this simple touch has my body nearly surrendering to the calm presence of my mate. I hate that I want to run from him, yet fling myself in his arms and never let him go. “I don’t know. But I’m getting better. Hamilton is—”

“Hamilton. Of course. You can trust him with all your dark secrets, right.” I pull my hand free, instantly despising the cold shivers that now run over my bare skin.

“Ariella, it’s not—”

“No, I get it,” I turn away, needing to avert my eyes from the endless pleading in his blue depths before I lose myself in the peaceful storm of his eyes. “You need time. You asked this of me before. Just wait until after your birthday, when you turn twenty, then we can focus on us. I understand.” I speak in a harsher tone than I mean to, but I can’t take it back. I won’t cover the hurt I’m feeling.

“Yes. My birthday.” His gentle voice washes over me as he steps closer, his breath teasing the hairs on the back of my neck as it caresses me. I shiver as his fingers slide up my arms softly and come to rest on my shoulders. I lean back almost involuntarily, my body aching to close the proximity to his. “But right now, I’m going away. Just for a few days.”

“What?” I spin around and face him. “Why? Where… Who with?” The questions tumble about like the emotions I am once again feeling. All this confusion.

“Just to solve some pack matters. I can’t say where, as it would jeopardize the purpose of the mission.”

“Telling me would jeopardize it? Because I’m just a pup who doesn’t understand what’s going on? You’re just going to keep holding back things from me, keep hiding everything that’s happening like I’m not even anyone special to you—“

I’m cut off when his lips cover mine, kissing me deeply and imparting all the anguish he feels, and the strong emotions he has for me. The bond between us sparks and tingles, like electricity running from his veins to my own, in such a way neither of us can deny the destiny of ours, bound together. His warm hands are holding my face gently, the pads of his thumbs caressing my cheeks as his tongue tangles with mine.

Like the vortex of a cyclone, I am standing in the calm of him while the madness rages around us. For this brief moment, of just us, everything is okay and I feel comfortable, peaceful, calm. I belong.

Then he gently pulls away and whispers against my ear, still pressing his body to mine. “You are very important to me, the most special person I have ever needed in my life. And I’m still trying to understand how this all works. This bond between us. Please, Ariella...mate….just give me time. But I need to go now.”

Tears gather in my eyes as he draws further away, and I clutch the collar of his shirt, even if to delay him for only a moment longer. “Just tell me where? I need to know where you are. I hate not knowing.” I can already feel the loneliness creeping in, sapping me of any comfort I might have felt in his arms.

His jaw clenches. I recognise the action as one of decision, and hold my breath while he debates in his mind. What I would give to be able to read it.

Malachi finally loosens a sigh and takes my hand in his before pressing a final kiss to my palm. “Hamilton and I are going to Alpha Asa’s territory. He’s agreed to help us deal with a recurring problem since our enemy has also gone to him, seeking asylum.”

He reads the question in my eyes. Which enemy?

“A longtime enemy. A rogue called Zander.”