Shackled (The Lord Series) by Carlos

Rubbing the back of his neck, Jasper continues talking, "My demon is stronger than Rueben's. I have a Leviathan, while Rueben has a Belial." I don't understand demon ranking, but I don't interrupt Jasper. "But I let Rueben lead because it was my mistake that led to the death of Samir and Iago and I don't trust myself not to repeat the past. Besides, with my bad knee, I barely go on missions these days." He frowns. "What I wanted to say is that I have fallen into a routine where I let others make all the important decisions. I even trusted that Rueben would find a woman who would want to be with us. After my past experiences, I was content just to sit around and wait. Until this past Christmas, when I wanted to give Rueben a present."

"Me."

"Yes. I didn't know it was going to be you but a woman who would have no choice but to marry us."

"Because said woman would have become your property."

Jasper nods. "Yeah. I see how wrong that was. Even if it breaks me, I want you to know that you are free to go whenever you want."

My eyebrows inch up. "You are letting me go?"

"Yeah."

"What about the sex tapes?" I inquire.

"We will find another way to take down your father."

I take a step towards Jasper. "Why are you letting me go?"

"Because we hurt you."

They did but at the same time, they treated me better than I had been in years. "Why are *you* letting me go?"

"Because I failed you."

"Do you want to bond with me?"

I can tell my question takes Jasper by surprise. "More than anything in the world."

"Why?" I want to know.

"Because I'm falling in love with you."

It's a good answer but it's not enough to drop my panties for him. Or to bond with him.

"Love is not enough. Not anymore. Let's have breakfast," I say.

Several minutes later, Jasper and I enter the kitchen. The towel around my body has been replaced by a sweater and a pair of jeans that I chose without expecting Jasper or the others would do it for me. Was it hard? Fuck yeah, because I kept thinking that I would be hit if I chose the wrong color or something the guys didn't like. But then I reminded myself that I want to stand on my own feet. Choices are hard, but I have to start somewhere.

Ansel and Rueben are sitting at the table while Tyson is putting ice cream in a bowl and Mose is making hot cocoa.

"Is the table new?" I ask.

"Ansel broke the other one," Jasper chuckles.

"We needed firewood," Ansel mutters. Running his fingers through his hair, he adds, "Olly, we wanted to talk to you."

Then Ansel pats his knee. My body almost jerks itself to him, like an obedient dog, but I force myself to walk past Ansel and sit on a chair at the table. If I want to be respected, I need to respect myself first. The bond lets me know Ansel is not pleased with me right now. He can suck it up, I guess. "I'm all ears."

"We treated you like shit," Tyson says.

"No, you didn't." My breath is even. "It was more than that." My gaze goes to Jasper. "You made me think my only worth was my womb. The moment you learned I can't have children, you forgot about me until Mose said there are still ways for me to get pregnant." To Ansel, I say, "You broke my ribs and forced a bond on me." Mose is next. "Being spanked by you caused me more pain than any punishment I've received before that." I exhale loudly before saying to Tyson, "You are not worth my time." Reuben is last. "Your word means nothing to me. You promised promised me you would kill me. But you are forcing me to live with all this pain...." I take a deep breath. "Fair enough, I supposed. But I can't live like before because I will end up taking my own life or losing my mind. Something has to change."

Everyone is silent. I guess they didn't expect me to say all those things. Hell, I didn't expect it either. Not only that, but they didn't even interrupt me or punish me. I guess I can say what's on my mind whenever I want? Maybe I should not push my luck but they need to know what I really think about them.

"What can I do to help?" Ansel asks.

My first instinct is to say I can do this on my own, but not for what I have on my mind. "I need you to take me...shopping. But after breakfast."

Mose puts the mug with hot cocoa and marshmallows in front of me. "Is there a way to make it up to you?"

I take a sip from the mug. "Maybe there is."

"How can I show you that I care more about you than having children?" Jasper asks me next.

"By accepting the fact that I'll never have children," I say flatly. "I don't want any."

A heartbroken expression appears on Jasper's face, but instead of commenting something about IVF, he nods resignedly.

Tyson puts the bowl with ice cream next to the mug. "I know I have no right to tell you this, especially after what I did to you, but I love you, Olivia. I know you hate me. Rightfully so. But how do I love you, Olivia? How can I love you the right way?"

"You are wrong, Tyson. I don't hate you. You mean nothing to me. If you love me, that's your problem, not mine. Also, it's not my job to teach you how to love someone. But what I do know is that when you love someone, you don't call them whore or torture them for hours." Luckily, Rueben keeps quiet so I can enjoy my ice cream and hot cocoa without having to keep throwing in their face how horrible they are. Does it make me feel better calling them out? Not really. But it's satisfying as fuck to see their faces. When I'm done eating, I stand. "Ansel? Shopping?"

A crease forms between Ansel's brows. "Whatever you need, Honey."

A coat is on the back of a chair, and I grab it. "Don't wait for us," I say to the others. "Oh, and Rueben. We are taking Diva with us."