Sentilia

“Kleio! What are you doing here?” I demanded, eyes wide with shock and confusion. Had I just felt love for the first time, for Kleio?

“She’s fine,” he told Elis, rolling his eyes and turning back to me, “you’re welcome sweetie, by the way.”

“Don’t call her like that. Maxine, are you okay?”

Kleio rolled his eyes again and retorted: “Elis, if she didn’t like it, she’d have told me herself. She doesn’t need your protection. Well, the little bit you can give her, that is,” he didn’t hide his irritation.

I saw pain flash across Elis’s face, and I intervened: “Guys, stop it. I’m fine...Kleio, he’s right, please stop calling me sweetie,” I couldn’t take Kleio hurting Elis even if he had just saved my life. So whether I cared or not if he called me sweetie didn’t matter; what mattered was wiping the guilt off of Elis’ face.

But I instantly regretted it when I realized I had upset Kleio instead. He put me down on the sand, got up and said: “Whatever.”

I tried to change the subject, making my tone as pleasant as possible: “Kleio, what are you doing here?”

“I decided I’d come to the beach after dinner to relax a little and watch the sunset. I was walking along the water when I heard Elis shouting like a maniac, so I started running towards him and I saw you thrashing in the water. I didn’t hesitate, I just got to you as fast as I could, but I didn’t get a chance until now to tell this genius, here,” he gave Elis a furious look, “what a stupid mistake he had done. Letting you jump in the ocean like that when you don’t know how to swim...especially here, where the waters are known to be turbulent. What the hell were you thinking, Elis? If I wouldn’t have decided to come to the beach, if I would have left a few minutes earlier, she would have drowned. She would have died."

Then he turned towards me and added with a scolding tone: “Maybe you shouldn’t come here after all!”

“What?” Did he mean, maybe I shouldn’t have come here, at the beach?

Then, as if I’d gone back in time, Kleio was in the middle of his previous speech, “If I wouldn’t have decided to come to the beach, if I would have left a few minutes earlier, she would have drowned. She would have died."

I shook my head side to side, as if it would help me refocus, and waited for Kleio to repeat what he’d just said, to make sure I’d heard right. But he didn’t. He just repeated: “She would have died.”

I let it go. I turned towards William.

I expected him to explode with furry, indignation, but instead pain marked his face when he turned to me and said: “I know... I’m so stupid... I’m so sorry, Maxine. I didn’t think... I just wanted to joke around a little. I never thought you would really go in. I swear, I never wanted you to be in danger. I’m sorry. I know sorry doesn’t cut it, but I don’t know what I could say to make you see I never indented this. My parents...” he wasn’t able to finish.

I was torn between the two of them for a moment. I knew Elis didn’t want to hurt me, and I didn’t want him to have any kind of guilt. But I had also just made Kleio upset and I didn’t want to make is worse.

Suddenly, Kleio spoke, his tone a lot calmer than before: “Hey, man...what happened to your parents is not your fault. She’s fine, ok? Nothing happened; let’s just move on.” He continued in an even softer tone, “Don’t let this drag you to that place again.”

I looked at K, relieved that he’d turned around. He looked at me then and darted his eyes towards Elis with a slight head tilt. He wanted me to chime in.

“Elis, I was the one to still go into the water when you warned me it was dangerous. It was stupid of me, it’s my fault,” I hesitantly laid my hand on his cheek, “don’t worry about it anymore, nothing happened...Kleio was there and everything is fine now.”

Oops. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned Kleio. Elis looked at me and his eyes were getting watery, his face was red, he removed my hand: “Exactly. Nothing happened because Kleio was there.”

It seemed obvious to me that Elis would have gotten to me if Kleio hadn’t gotten there first. But something about his pleading and apologetic expression made me picture another alternative: “But... you would have come in to get me, right?” Maybe Elis didn’t want to risk his life to save me. Kleio had.

“Of course, Max,” I exhaled deeply, “I would have gone in after you; I was already halfway there when Kleio appeared. It’s just...I’m terrified of going into the ocean. It probably would have taken too long me to get to you.” He looked away.

“Oh,” now I understood what his torment was about. “I’m sorry Elis. I’m sorry for all of this.” I got up with Kleio’s help, and said in a low voice, looking deep into his eyes: “I’m sorry K. Thank you for saving me, really. I owe you one.” He kept his face straight for a moment, his eyes as intense as mine, and I wondered if he would accept my apology. But a second later he chuckled and his voice was cheerful again when he said: “That’s perfect, because you’re coming with me on a picnic tomorrow.” He smiled a wide grin.

I didn’t want to say yes. But after all, I owed him big.

“A picnic?” I faked a smile and my brows lifted as I turned back towards Elis. “What’s a picnic? You sure know how to pick our activities!” I pretended to chuckle, but stopped when I noticed Elis wasn’t very happy.

Kleio didn’t seem phased: “Yep. We’re doing everything you haven’t done yet!” He smile grew impossibly wider. “A lunch in the middle of the forest.”

“Lunch in the forest? K, I’m really not sure —”

“Hey, I saved your life! You’re not going to refuse humoring me are you? Wait, don’t answer that. Can’t you at least wait until tomorrow to give me a hard time? Gosh, Max.”

“We’ll talk about this later.” I would say yes, but not in front of Elis.

He winked, took a few steps away, then sat on the ground and started inspecting his right foot. It was bleeding.

“OH MY GOSH! K!” It was the first time I ever saw so much blood, and I overreacted a bit; I threw myself on the ground beside him, examining the wound, looking frantically around us at the same time for something to clean it, repeating “oh my gosh, oh my gosh!” over and over again.

“Calm down, Max.” K looked at me like I was from another planet. “It’s just a little blood.”

“A little?” I retorted with a quavering voice.

Elis, who was still unmoving behind us, seemed to have snapped out of it. He gently pushed me aside and examined the cut. Right. He was the doctor. I must have looked like an idiot, doing nothing useful. But Kleio was staring at me, smiling peacefully; it was a strange look. Was it a look of affection? Tenderness? Love, maybe? I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t keep from blushing.

“Elis then took his usual serious, concerned voice and said: “It’s pretty deep, K. Seashell?” Kleio nodded, and shrugged.

“I’ll be back; I’m gonna get my first aid kit in the car.” He looked at me half a second with an insecure look.

“Don’t worry, doc, I’ll keep an eye on her.” Elis lifted his left brow, and he left, running.

“K laid down on the sand, and I got worried again, now that Elis was gone. I hovered over him, placed my shirt under his head, made sure he wasn’t cold, and placed a piece of driftwood under his feet. I knew K appreciated my concern even if he kept laughing and repeating he was fine. When I didn’t know what to do anymore, I just sat beside him and waited for Elis to come back.

“Elis is coming back.” I told him, to reassure him.

“I’m not feeling too good, Max, hold my hand.” K’s voice was strained, and I immediately took his hand in mine. “I think you should kiss me, it would make me feel so much better.” I stared at him in disbelief, and he started laughing out loud.

“Very funny!” I threw his hand at him and, at the same time, Elis sat down, opening his medical kit beside me.

Knowing Elis hadn’t heard what he’d just asked me to do, Kleio continued: “Would you have done it?”

I glanced back at Elis who was rinsing the sand off the cut with a bottle of water, but eyeing us furtively.

“No.” His face fell but he still tried to hide it with a fake chuckle.

After drenching the cut in a greenish liquid, Kleio asked Elis to seal the cut then and there because he didn’t want to “dirty the Lambo”. They both chuckled at the joke I didn’t get, and I made no effort to wipe the concern off of my face.

“Stop worrying, Max, the worst that could happen is that he passes out.” My eyes widened and they started laughing again.

I didn’t find anything amusing in the situation. I took K’s hand — not worrying about Elis and his newfound humour — and told him he was going to be okay. It was the first time I saw someone get really injured, and it had happened while saving my life. A bit too much drama for me.

K realized I was serious and stopped laughing. Elis looked at me intensely and comforted me, saying that K was seriously going to be absolutely fine.

I thought Elis would be bothered by my concern, by my hand holding K’s, but I kept seeing them exchange glances and trying to muffle their laughter.

He finally finished closing up the cut while I was still patting K’s hand. We returned to the car, and brought Kleio back to his house because he couldn’t drive without both his feet. Something about a standard transmission... So I sat between the pair, and listened to Elis give Kleio numerous instructions to care for his foot.

Kleio got out of the car. He then thanked Elis, and I thanked him. He told us both to take care, which we both repeated to him, more intensely, pointing towards his foot.

Elis took me back to his place. He was looking at me strangely when we got out of the car. “Max...?”

I looked up.

“Do you...like Kleio? I mean, it’s fine if you do, I just...just tell me. Please.”

“Yes, I like him. He’s a good friend, a good person. Wait...do you mean...? Are you asking me this because I was concerned about him? Like I would have been for anyone else?” I eyed him in defiance, for the first time. I was taken aback by my own feelings.

He backed off, and said: “Fine, it’s just...well seeing you caring for him and everything, it made me...a little jealous to be honest. But you know, K’s a good guy, and, well, he saved your life, so...I would understand...” He stopped short. He was staring at the floor. I couldn’t believe that he had just said that. He didn’t know that I wanted him so much. I couldn’t tell him I loved him, because I wasn’t sure I really did. But I had to at least try to explain how I felt about him.

“Elis, like you said, Kleio’s a great guy. He’s patient and kind, he’s funny and lively, but I don’t think I like him like that."

“You don’t think?” he said.

“Let me finish,” I decided to go for the whole truth, but I couldn’t look at him while I worded any of it, “I can’t say I don’t enjoy K’s presence, he makes me laugh and I have a good time when I’m with him. But with you, it’s almost like gravity; I really think I feel something for you; I can’t help it. When I’m around you, you make my head spin and my heart want to jump out of my chest. I feel like I’m going to faint every time you come close, or you touch me. Look, to be honest, all of these feelings are really new to me. I don’t know you that well, and yes I am a little confused, and yes, this is a dream,” that last part had slipped out of my mouth—when I looked up, he didn’t seemed phased, so I continued, “but when I’m able to hold your gaze long enough, I realize without a doubt that what I feel for you, whatever it is, it’s stronger than anything I’ve ever felt for anyone else in my life.” I lifted my head high and held his eyes for a minute, trying to use that time on concentrating; concentrating on making him feel the same way. It was my dream. I could control it. But he turned his eyes away.

We were standing in the threshold of his main entrance, and as I opened my mouth to speak again, he turned to face me with smoldering eyes. He closed the door slowly, never taking his eyes away from mine. When I tried to look down, he put his hand under my chin and lifted my face back up. His face was an inch away when he whispered: “Don’t pass out on me.”

He grabbed the back of my neck with one hand and my waist with the other. He pushed me softly against the door, brought his face back an inch from mine, and I could feel his warm breath on my face. He had a longing gleam in his eyes that was completely different than the tenderness K had when he had tried to kiss me. He finally closed the rest of the distance until his lips parted and his tender mouth fused completely with mine. It was at a sweet rhythm that our lips moved, his hands gripping my waist tighter, and mine clenching his hair. I pulled him closer to me, but even if our bodies were almost one, it still didn’t seem close enough. I shuddered.

Then, everything stopped abruptly. I felt like something had been ripped away from me, and I thought I had waken up. I opened my eyes and saw Elis’s anguished face. He stared at me for a second, and let go of me as if I were live fire. He gently but fiercely pushed me away from the door, opened it, took a step, and before shutting it behind him, said in a husky voice: “I’m sorry, Maxine, this was a bad idea; I barely know you, anything about you. I should have left you with K. I’m...sorry.” He threw me one last look and left, closing the door behind him.

I felt myself falling before reaching unconsciousness, and as I fell, I saw him turning around, stumbling on the stairs in front of the door, trying to come back in time to catch me. But it was too late to catch me now.

“He doesn’t want me, he doesn’t want me...” I repeated to myself, tortured between a mix of shame and pain. I felt like he had kissed me only because I wanted him to. It was my mind that was making this dream up after all; I took a little part in everyone’s decisions. Against what their will would be if they were real.

I went under.