Remembering You

So how does one explain the thoughts she has? The words that will not come out. A strange scene playing in her mind. Trying to tell a story of what she wants in life. Or possibly how she feels. It was as if the words she felt in her mind were stuck. Like a frog stuck in her throat prohibiting her from speaking.

But it is not about what you cannot say or why you cannot say it. It is not about how the words you are thinking of are formed or spoken. It has to do with more than all of that. It has to do with timing.

People constantly say timing is everything. From the moment we met, to the moment I forgot how to speak. I am constantly over thinking or so I have been told. I remember the day we me. Wow. It was strange. I never thought I would like you so much. I could never understand why I feel the way I do. Or why you for some reason cause me so much uncertain feelings.

But to me, we met at perfect timing. Because for once I have the strangest feeling. The feeling that I am too afraid to lose someone. And for the first time I am not afraid to let someone in. It seems like this is all perfect timing. Like it happened for a reason.

Three years ago, my life was turned upside down. I was constantly shutting people out. Constantly pushing people away. But three months ago, that changed. I met someone who for some reason, I cannot get enough of. For someone reason I am in uncharted territory when it comes to you.

So how does one explain the thoughts she has? The words that will not come out… I guess you can say I will start by writing them out.

I met you at the weirdest time for me. I never expect to meet someone like you. A person who instantly made me nervous. But overall just made me like you without even trying. I met you at the weirdest time for me. Because I was caught in a loop of self-loathing and self-doubt. I was caught in the moment of being happy for myself, but initially failing at it. Now I am caught in my thoughts. For some reason, I cannot say how I feel for you.

I have a theory as to why I cannot say how I feel. A silly theory, but a theory at that. See every person that I have love(d) has passed on. No longer here on earth. So, if I say how I feel… then what happens if you leave too? You will be gone... But I truly hope not because I am too afraid to lose the one person, I have ever felt this close to.

So, what happens after I say those simple little words? Will you still be there? Is the timing right for us? Or will my theory come true?

As a writer, you experience the ability to say how or what you feel. Not verbally but more literary. Where it comes easier to say in written form. So here are my words for you.