Pedigree

No one was ready to talk about how hard it was for me to open up about the moments when I was sad, no one was ready to talk about how hard it was to explain to my friends and family that I had this heavy feeling in my chest. My world fell apart so many times and crumbled on my shoulders whilst the rest of the world moved on.

She looks at me, there is a mixture of anger and pain on her face. A part of me wants to feel sorry, a part of me wants to be guilty but unfortunately that part of me died a long time ago and none of them saw it. None of them knew that with each painful experience it killed parts of me that now pain doesn’t hurt me any more.

..

All three of us are in his office, I can feel my pits sweating. I didn’t see my life ending this way, all this is way too much for me to bear and worse off learning that the man I have grown up to know as my father is not as perfect a man.

The door opens and Aunt Ivy walks in, her eyes don’t even bother settling on any of us. She looks straight at dad who is holding the gun

‘Look who has joined the party, if it isn’t my mother.’ Nelson says sarcastically

‘Chisoni what is going on?’ she asks ignoring him

‘So you think you are going to walk in here and just ignore me right? The same way you ignored me all those years right?’ Nelson asks getting worked up but still she doesn’t pay him any attention

‘It doesn’t have to end like this.’ She says but her words fall on deaf ears

‘Chisoni please.’

Tears are now falling from her eyes but even with that and her begging nothing moves him.

He is calm, as calm as he has always been.

‘Please.’ She begs again but he just smiles and moves close to her before kissing her forehead.

‘Don’t do this, this is not you.’ She begs for the umpteenth time

‘I wish you had thought of this before all of you hurt me.’

She shakes her head

‘Yes Chisoni we were wrong, yes we could never make up for the times we hurt you but it is you who needs the help right now. Chisoni all the built up anger has caused you to turn into the person you are not and it is only right that you accept that you need help.’

‘I need help?’ he asks laughing

‘Your child is the one who needs help, look what you turned the boy into. Look at the kind of man you created.’ He tells her

She turns and looks at Nelson.

‘It’s just sad that you turned out this way, I gave you up because I was never ready to be the mother that you would have wanted me to be. Because your birth killed a part of me and if anything I did you a favor, I got the help I needed and I made peace with my God. I wish the both of you did the same too.’ She says looking at Nelson

‘Made peace with your God? What sort of mockery is that? Yes you got pregnant in a way that you shouldn’t have but this is still your child and you were supposed to be there through it all.’

I get tired of listening to all of them talk so I stand up.

‘You know what, you all are a bunch of messed up people and the greatest mistake made was birthing me.’

‘And where do you think you are going?’ Chisoni asks

‘Out of here, away from all of you. Away from your lives, forget that I exist and I pray to God that you never try to get any close to me. I hope you perish in hell and dine with the devil because all of you sure have a place there.’

‘Sit down!’ he yells hitting me with the gun

I fall to the ground, holding the part where he hit me as I taste the blood in my mouth.

‘You are not walking out of this room until that Isaac comes here, he needs to pay for everything because he is the reason I am where I am today!’

I stand up

‘Your battles are not mine and I am going to walk out of here whether you like it or not, dead or alive. You need to accept that you are sick in the head and you need a lot of help. And this your anger you are projecting right now, this just shows the kind of person you are. Yes the world did wrong by you but how you turned out is all on you!’

‘Shut up!’ he says holding his ears as if silencing the voices

‘You need help, a lot of help and you won’t get it by being vengeful. You, uncle Mphatso, Isaac, Ivy and Nelson are all the same. You don’t deserve any happiness, you just deserve each other and nothing more!’ I say turning on my feet

‘Another step and I am pulling the trigger.’

‘I died within a long time ago, do your worst.’ I say before the trigger goes off. Everything happens so fast, and before I fall to the ground all I see is blood everywhere.

..

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Winnie

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