Mortal Magic: Broken

After the whole incident with Atreus I was too over worked to relax and sleep to heal like that. My whole body was in an agitated state and I wanted, no I needed, to let off some steam. I tried pacing for a bit but I it was just making things so much worse since I could only walk five steps in each direction at a time and that wasn’t enough to calm me down. Then I tried to control my breathing and think of anything that would help me in this situation but I came up empty handed. So I had only two options left. I could either burn the excess mana I had since I was still producing massive amounts, by making projections over and over again. Or I could calm my nerves by punching something. Either was good to me.

But since I was supposed to fight the next day I couldn’t use my mana recklessly now. I had to be in my best to survive, if I was even allowed to use magic that is. So with my mind set I tore what was left of my shirt in a line like it was a huge bandage and then I cut the piece of cloth I was left with in half. The result was me having two bandage-like cloths from my shirt which I wrapped around my knuckles as to not injure myself more than I already have. I didn’t realize it when I broke the enchanted chains but I had actually cut myself quite deep. The bleeding had stopped but now that I could feel all the pain again it wasn’t pleasant to have the cuts. Also now that I could actually see my upper body I saw that I was bruised badly mostly on my chest, and I was sure that my face was a mess too.

I didn’t let that influence me though and I started punching the stone wall which was in fact the only thing I could punch. It still hurt to clench my fists too much but I was going to have to bear with it. My body was full of scars that I got from things that were worse than this, pain wouldn’t kill me. Then my mind drifted to the wild boar and the tusk that got stuck in my stomach, and my eyes lowered to that particular area. I looked at it for quite a while and saw that there was a scar where the tusk had penetrated my skin. I remember Maia saying that she healed me immediately but there was still a scar even with her powers. I was actually happy that I had this particular one. For some reason the thought of almost dying for them was worth it now.

Coming back to my senses I realized that my anger had faded into mere irritation. When I thought of Maia healing me I lost every ounce of my rage towards him, and that scared me a bit. I wasn’t supposed to be calm right now; I was supposed to be expressing my anger through something. Despite that I forced myself to focus on the wall and kept delivering hard and strong blows to it. Blow after blow, I felt my feelings resurface and I found myself drowning in emotions I wasn’t ready to feel yet. Pain and sadness were there all the time even before all this, but now it was overwhelming me. Why was I sad about this? I didn’t do anything wrong, and he had to face responsibility for his actions. I told him how I felt about him and that was the truth. I hated him as a person, a king like he apparently was, and most of all I hated him as a father. Even if our lives were in danger back then we didn’t deserve to be abandoned, we didn’t deserve to live like this.

My blows became stronger, raw need emanating from them, the need to make all this go away. I was breaking little by little; my sanity was leaving me as I was losing myself in this torment of emotions. I didn’t know what to believe any more. Was I supposed to believe him when he said he did it to protect me? Was I supposed to believe what Yuto had to say for himself when I confronted him? Was I supposed to believe he and Maia would be worried after they see what I do in the arena? And why wouldn’t they since I was certain that the person in the arena tomorrow would be nothing like they have ever seen in me. Not even I knew if it would still be me in there after I was done.

That was when my head started hurting so much that I screamed from the pain. The burning was almost like someone was putting hot iron inside my brain and I felt everything. Everything was spinning and I got dizzy and fell to the floor where I was writhing in pain, and it wasn’t just my head now. The pain spread through my body and was now coming from everywhere but the worst part of it was that it was just what I needed. I needed something to make me feel pain instead of getting lost inside what I couldn’t discern. And I was lucky enough for it all to be so overwhelming that I lost consciousness and the pain disappeared into nothingness.

I woke up by someone rocking my body and I slowly opened my eyes to see the man that had helped me with the guards before. He was wearing a worried expression as he was looking down at me and he helped me sit up before he brought his hand to my forehead. His touch was cool and I was now realizing that I was sweating and felt like there was a fire going on inside me. He turned around for a bit in search of something and when he turned around again he was holding a cup full of water in his hand which he placed to my lips. As I was slowly drinking the cold liquid I felt how dry my throat was and it was painful to swallow at first but I managed and it later became easier.

He got me close to the wall where he made me sit with my back supported by the bricks and then he started feeling my forehead again and then he felt the rest of my face. “You are burning up. You must have a fever and they want you to fight that beast? How can they be so cruel to a kid like you”? Cruel? He didn’t know cruelty. This wasn’t cruelty; it was their idea of punishment. It would be cruel to have me watch as those I cared about died first from the hands of what I was about to face and then fight like this. That was cruelty. “Just because I’m a kid to some people, or it is the right thing to do doesn’t make it right for me to try and assassinate a master magus you know. What they want is punishment not cruelty”.

He froze with his hand on my right temple and he looked at me confused. He can’t be that ignorant can he? Everyone must know by now why I was here, what my charges were. And I was guilty I wouldn’t deny that ever. But I’m not going to rest until I finish this. “You didn’t know. I’m here because I tried to kill Lars for what he did”. When I said those words his demeanor changed but he wasn’t looking at me with resentment or disgust. He was skeptical and still tried to grasp the situation but still frozen in place. He looked at my wrists then and saw the marks from the chains I broke and then saw the chains themselves before he looked at me surprised and horrified. “Did you pull on the chains to break them? You could have cut your wrists off you idiot”. He took my wrists in his arms and I felt my skin moving once again as the wound that had stopped bleeding was closing more but never disappeared completely.

He was using magic on me, like Maia’s but different in many ways. He was helping with the wound not healing it all the way. He might just be able to influence the skin and the body in general to do this and much more. I wouldn’t want to be this guy’s enemy at all. “Whatever you did you don’t deserve to do this in this condition. If only I could heal like my daughter I could make you brand new but I can only do so much”. He whispered that last part but I still heard it as he was so close to me. “Doesn’t matter. Is it time”?

When his face grew sadder and he lowered his gaze I knew that it indeed was. I had passed out until he came and woke me up it seems. I had to go out there and earn my freedom so that I can go after him, if I don’t actually die. I know I said that I would get out of here but I was tired and weak, so I might not be able to do so. But I have to at least try, if not for Ashe then for me. So that I can at least know I tried my best.

I shakily got up on my feet earning a scold from the man as I was clearly in no shape to go, but I kept pushing. I felt my legs shake and my strength was nowhere near what I usually have. My head was spinning but my headache had passed for now and I felt for my mana to find that I had enough if I had to use Mana Overdrive again, if only for a few moments. I only needed to survive with every means necessary. “You are out of your mind. You can’t do this like that”. I knew he was saying this because he knew what I was about to face. I personally had no idea but I didn’t care now, I just wanted this to be over with. “I know, just take me to the arena. I can do this”. He hesitated for quite some time but in the end he reluctantly helped me down the corridors to the arena above. The stairs were a pain in the ass though, they were many and I was sick. But after that it was only a few meters to the gate. He let me stand on my own as he was opening the massive iron gate with the mechanism on the wall. When it was finally open and my sight wasn’t obstructed by the bars I saw that this arena had sand on the ground. It must be to help with the footing as a marble would be slippery and stone would just not be elegant here.

I slowly took steps out of the corridor and saw the many aisles above the walls filled with people cheering and yelling. The noise was so much that it was annoying and painful but it was the least of my problems right now. The when I got to the center a minute later I looked at the strange part of the seats where there was something like a stone roof or something with a balcony from the same material, and there was only one seat there guarded by two people. There I saw Atreus with Yuto and to my surprise Maia as well. I didn’t spare a glance towards them but my eyes never strayed from her. Her face was twisted in worry and she looked like she didn’t have any sleep at all since the last time I saw her. Her eyes were red and she was visibly trembling from her worry, I could see it all from all the way here. I didn’t like seeing her like this; she should be taking better care of herself, at least better than how I care for myself anyway. When she saw me looking this bad her wailing grew even stronger and they had to keep her from coming to the sand.

Just then I heard a metallic door opening from the wall my back was facing and when I turned I saw huge golden eyes looking back at me and a growl sounded from the black crevices of the corridor. Slowly an animal that resembled a lion appeared from the darkness, bigger than the boar that almost took my life and definitely more frightening. Its main body was covered in smooth golden fur and it adorned proudly a thick dark brown mane on its head. Its eyes like amber gemstones in the cat shaped pattern of feline animals were making me sweat as they seemed to look into my soul. Black claws the size of small knives were attached to its paws that seemed sharper than all the knives I’ve created and huge predatory canines protruded from its mouth. It was like a lion from a species long past extinct was now in front of me, ready to make me its next meal.

I saw the chains on its front paws open and then the lion started circling me and evaluating if I was a threat. Growls filled the arena as the crowd stopped cheering and shouting and absolute silence was emanating from them. My focus was solely on the beast in front of me as I turned to have it always facing me, waiting for its move as I wasn’t going to make the first move. I was at a serious disadvantage here. I was not in any condition to fight recklessly and the world was still spinning a bit from before but the sense of danger was giving me strength to move faster and better, not like I usually do but still better. Before I was able to come up with a way to fight and survive the feline beast pounced from its place meters away from me and closed the distance between us. It came to me fast and its intent was to skewer my skin with its claws but I couldn’t allow that. In the last moment I projected swords in front of the attacking paw to act as sort of a shield to lessen the force of the impact and make the paw turn and miss my body. But that wasn’t enough to make the danger pass.

Unfortunately for me my projections are not strong enough to block, especially something with so much force behind it. So they broke like glass and the paws found their way to me and I leaned forward to at least avoid the claws. I was hit by the paw and thrown away like I was nothing more than a simple kid that it pushed away. I rolled on the ground and I felt the pain from my left arm that suffered the most of the blow’s power and when I finally stopped rolling I was almost at the wall of the arena. Then I heard Maia’s voice screaming my name with all her might. I opened my eyes and looked at the place the king’s seat was under the open shed and there she was, barely being restrained by Yuto to keep her from jumping to the sand. Our eyes locked and that was when I lost what little control I had over what I felt and what I was thinking.

My mind went blank and as I was looking at her that same feeling that was out of place consumed me. She was the only thing my eyes registered at the moment, how much more worried she was and how much it showed. The way her eyes were tearing as they never left mine. How she kept fighting and crying and begging for them to let her go. How she had screamed my name moments ago, fearing for my life. Something inside me was finding all this disturbing and oddly satisfying at the same time. Disturbing because I didn’t like seeing her like this, her perfect face stained with tears and fear, and satisfying because I liked how I was the one she was worried about. It’s been a long time since I had someone caring for me in that way, too long.

That was when I heard the lion’s purring growl and my mind was overcome by anger, rage and then the only thing I could think of was survival. It was like the only thing I could think was based on my instincts that kicked in. Mana started radiating from my body and I kept producing more and more as my body started heating up and it felt like I was on fire, but it wasn’t painful. It was in fact rather pleasant. Slowly I got up and stumbling here and there I made my way to the beast that hadn’t moved from where it hit me and was now looking at me with keen curiosity.

As I got closer the mana that was escaping my body started becoming visible waves coming out of my body. With every wave the world was starting to get warmer and darker, but then everything was being slowly painted in a crimson light with every passing mana wave. The closer I was getting to the feline beast in front of me the more my panting breaths were becoming more and more animal like. Suddenly the lion seemed scared to me, scared of me like everyone else here. Primal instincts were taking me over and the cat was about to get what it deserved.

In that moment the lion sensed my intention and terror was etched into its eyes as it turned around to flee, but there was nowhere to hide from me. It leapt gracefully in the sand in search of shelter but I was faster than it. I focused some of my mana to my body and with a single leaping stride I was thrown in front of the beast and I raised a pile of sand in my passing from where I was standing like an explosion took place. The beast startled fell to the ground and whined and trembled feeding my intentions. Then I heard a loud male voice from the shed, familiar and at the same time foreign to me. “Erza stop, you know not what this is doing to you”.

I ignored the voice and kept my focus on the dreaded beast and leaned closer to it. It dared not move as I got close to its ear and spoke loudly instead of whispering for all to hear my words. “Remember you are the one who tried to kill me first. So you will get what’s coming to you, when I kill you instead”. My voice came out altered, like I was some kind of monster or demon speaking and I liked it. I sounded like someone you should be afraid of, and everyone should fear my wrath if they so much as threaten those I care about. Then I straightened back up and without even blinking I projected dozens of swords knives and daggers above the beast and fired them at the same time, covering its body with them as it died in an instant. Blood was spilled everywhere from everywhere my blades penetrated the beast and a great deal of it found its way to me, painting my body in red at various places.

I heard the gasps and fearful sounds from the people all around me and I realized that I was close to the shed where the so called king was leaning on leaning on the stone balcony and looking at me scared and worried at the same time. Staring at his eyes I knew that he wasn’t afraid of me but everyone else was. I looked at the people around the shed and as I took in their expressions a phrase came to my mind before I looked at their king again. “This pitiful world deserves to die. Cursed be fate that I was born to set it right”. I had no idea why those words popped to my mind or why I said them out loud but after they came out of my mind my head was in so much pain that I screamed again until my voice turned normal and the world lost its red color once more.

I grabbed the sides of my head and then kneelt to the sand trying to contain myself from screaming once more before the pain disappeared and I lost all the strength that I had found. I fell to the ground and everything was a blur to me as I lay in the ever expanding pool of blood. Every sense was dulled and my skin was burning from the fever. I felt no mana inside me and I could not feel any being created and it scared me. Even unconscious I was able to create mana but now I seemed to have lost that ability, and I feared the worst. If I had lost it permanently then I was as good as dead. A human cannot live if his core doesn’t feed his body with mana, and I can’t absorb the mana around me to do so. I felt my body sore and in pain from all the beating I had received before and from what the lion did to me. The cuts from my wrists must have reopened as I felt the liquid on my skin and I smelled the iron in the air.

Then I heard Maia’s voice calling my name and footsteps as people were coming closer. A crying person kneeled beside me and I tried to open my eyes even a little to see who it was, and I saw Maia using her powers on me, desperate to save me once more. I felt at peace with her. She was making me forget who I was and what I have been through. She was making me happy. That was what I took with me as the darkness of what I assumed was death coming to take me away.