Jen's Legacy.

She repeated herself, not sure he had heard her. “I want you to make love to me, Royce, please. I need you to do this for me.” She still held him firmly. She knew then that it would not be that ‘f’ word act (that all too raw, reality), it really would be ‘making love’.

If she had to be more obvious and ask him to do that more vulgar thing to her, please, and to get on with it, she would, but she knew that it would not be needed.

How many men ever get to hear those words from the woman he’d known just one day?

He was a few moments recovering from that initial shock; sighed, then leaned in to kiss her as she continued to touch and hold him more confidently now as she learned more about him and this, and how this was the real source of her power over him, as it would be the source of his power over her. This rigid item was aptly named the ‘tree of life’ in some earlier prose and poetry, and it was truly a life-giving member. Without this, there would be no human life. She, had even come out of one of these as a single sperm in a flood of them, just as everyone alive had.

He was helpless, and could not easily refuse her, though he was afraid of hurting her both physically and emotionally if he did as she wanted so soon, and even if he didn’t do it.

There would have to be a compromise that she could accept, but her determination was obvious so he would go along with her for the moment and let her see that it would be too much, too soon.

Royce moved to between her legs where she directed him, placing her hand beside his waist, encouraging him to come down on her, closer to her, and to direct him where she wanted him to be, feeling him begin to push at her (almost there, but not quite) as she concentrated on moving some hair out of his way and tried to open herself up to get him started into her, if she could. This was all so new to her; and she was apprehensive about how it would be accomplished without her ‘climbing the wall’.

Stop worrying. It will soon be over.

He held back, not helping her other than minimally, not wanting to hurt her. Puzzled, but not puzzled.

Why was she so determined? What was driving her to do this? Surely, she must know how difficult it would be for her this first time?

She would soon change her mind when she felt what was involved this first time; the raw animal lust; the unstoppable, frenetic activity, the inescapable sexual violence once it went beyond a certain point. This was the first time for her and she could not know what to expect. But what if she didn’t change her mind? It could take a woman, days, to begin to feel comfortable doing this; having a man enter her body in this way.

He tried to let her know what would be the likely outcome of this initial stage.

“I will not be able to complete what you want the first time, Claire.”

There! Yes, exactly there! Now don’t you dare back away or come out of me, Royce. Though he was barely into her, not even the entire ‘head’ of his penis.

She was still trying to get him started into her, wondering why he did not push, to help her and get it over with.

“Why won’t we complete it?” As if she needed to ask? Though she was sensing, why. She already knew why.

Did she really not know? She felt him back away (damn!), then reach in to her to touch her and explore gently into her to show her. Even the tip of his finger was very tight going into her, causing her to flinch, and his finger was only a fraction of the diameter of this that she was holding; afraid to let it go.

It was a sobering and frustrating recognition.

He kissed her; all over her face and then upon her breasts; another first.

“You are not familiar with this most demonstrative aspect of love, Claire, as you should be, before we go to this ultimate step of my going into you. It can take days to get to where you want me to be, and for you to feel in any way comfortable with it. We have not worked to this point, gradually, as we should have, by playing with each other, teasing, touching, titillating (beautifully evocative word, so full of hints of torment), and getting familiar with each other’s bodies as we laugh, touch, and play together, working slowly toward this more serious end.”

He kissed her on the end of her nose. “You are too tense, and very constricted; tight, even on my finger (she could feel that), and you will not be able to accommodate this other part of me just yet, which is so much bigger. I will be far too much of a challenge for you at first, and I must not hurt you.”

She knew what she could feel, and knew that he was telling her the truth. She wondered how other women dealt with that; or was the decision suddenly taken from them?

He continued to try and deal with her gently. “Give it a day or so. Even a few days, and we’ll get there. We’ve already made giant strides forward. Look how comfortable we both are with being naked together now, and with touching and caressing each other. Everything is moving forward as it should. There is no need to be impatient.” He tried to sound reasonable, even though he so much wanted to make love to her.

What he said was true, but she had no patience with that. From what she’d heard, men were always the impatient ones, and once given an open invitation were always eager to get it into that target he was fixated upon, no matter how uncomfortable it was for the woman. But Royce was not like that. He still thought of her.

“It will only be difficult for me the first time, Royce. I do know something about it from the girls at my former school. They said that, given a little encouragement a man never will never hold back.”

That encouragement, was usually when the man took immediate advantage, unable to believe his luck with this stupidly-naive young thing, and ignored her feelings, or the obvious discomfort he would cause her as she pleaded for him to go slowly and to be gentle with her. Ha! Nothing could be slow or gentle after that invitation.

That was when she would realize how she had encouraged a raging demon as he took cruel advantage of her, pushing all of him into her... every last, throbbing, hard, forceful inch... without pause or consideration, and unbelievably hard, before she could take another breath, or change her mind. And that was what it would be, and had been; brutish, animalistic, raw, inconsiderate lust. It had not been making love.

She didn’t like to think of that ‘f’ word, or those less than admirable feelings as those girls had been cruelly taken advantage of, several times over. Some of those boys had even threatened them with telling everyone; showing photographs of them naked and being screwed, graphically showing what had happened to them; unless they let them continue to do this to them whenever they wanted to. The girls had been trapped in more than one way, though it had taken them some time to get to that admission. They had been made to feel cheap, and used.

“That’s not how it’s done in my world, Claire. It took Jen and me, hours, days of intense play before we were able to make love together easily, the first time, and it was still difficult for her; for us both. But it was worth it. It took us several weeks to be fully at ease with each other that way.”

He didn’t mind being conservative with the truth if it would save her from being hurt.

It sounded like they’d had a wonderfully considerate relationship.

Claire was pleased that he could mention Jen to her in such an open way. She did not regard Jen as a rival for this man, but as an ally who would help her, and work with her if she did it right.

He explained further. “I knew that I must not hurt her by being too eager, no matter what she insisted, just as you are insisting, and I will not hurt you. It was Jen who made it happen after that, when she became frustrated enough for herself. She was the aggressor and came onto me, above me, taking the initiative out of my hands as she drove me into her, taking me by surprise. She took charge, as you may have to do with me, but I... I will try not to hurt you.”

If she chose to hurt herself, to get it done, then that would be different. That, would be her choice.

“We could still try, Royce. We must try.”

It was his turn to ask now.

“Why?”

“Because we must. We may not have enough time together to do this in a more relaxed way if we don’t do it now. Others will be looking for us soon, and when they find us….” She left the rest unsaid. If it didn’t happen now, soonest, it might not happen at all.

He kissed tears of frustration from her eyes.

He knew that she was desperately serious about what she wanted, even though he detected her underlying concern about him, still holding him firmly, though perhaps not conscious of doing that.

He sighed. She was Jen, in every way. He gave in, knowing how this had to progress with her being so determined. He would do what he had done with Jen, as a way to show her that it was something that had to be done slowly, but at least they would get a start.

“Then we will try.” That was all she wanted to hear.

He leaned in to kiss her. “We can at least, try.” He could not bear to see her hurt or disappointed.

He did not understand her dogged insistence about this, or what was driving her in this way. Young women were usually much more cautious about this ultimate step in any relationship, and usually had to discourage a man from being too forward, trying to put that difficult moment off for as long as possible rather than inviting it, as she was doing.

“Are you really sure about this, Claire?”

She nodded. “I am sure, Royce. I really do want you to make love to me.”