Haelan’s Desire (Walk Through Shadows Book Four)

While everyone else spent the evening watching movies, enjoying the make believe struggles of silver screen heroes and their respective damsels, Em sat lost in thought. For hours she tried to put the pieces of the dream together to form a clear picture from the scraps that she could recall. But it was like trying to pull a spider web into a different shape. Every time she grasped some part of it, the gossamer filament snapped before she could pull more information to the surface.

She was the first to go to bed again, and when Haelan entered the room about an hour later; she was still trying to drift off. Not long after he settled himself next to her and bid her a whispered good night, she fell into sleep’s embrace. And her brain finally grasped the memory firmly. The first thing it grabbed were two words.

“Hey gorgeous.”

In a blink she was back in her apartment, alone in her bedroom. It was dark, the only light in the room came from the glow of the streetlights that streamed through the curtains in long lines of muted yellow that crept across the bare wood floor. An almost inaudible whine of painted wood against painted wood caught her attention. Her head turned as a gust of cold air whipped the curtains away from the window that led out to the fire escape. The window frame scraped as it was lowered. The curtains settled and Em’s heart leapt into her throat, stuck there, cutting off her cries of terror. She scrambled backward as a figure was revealed to her very wide eyes.

Her back bashed the wall with a thud as she ran out of bed to escape across. Panic clawed at her brain and infused her limbs with a tremble that almost shook the sheet, that she’d dragged with her and was holding against her chest, from her hands. She couldn’t look away from the figure, its big frame and broad shoulders blocked out the bit of light so she couldn’t make out the face of whoever it was.

“Who—who’s there?” Her voice wavered with fear. Instinctively she pressed herself back as it bent down, but it was just reaching for the lamp on the nightstand. Em squinted as the light blinded her for a moment. The figure straightened, and Em was sure that the world itself held its breath for a moment. She blinked a few times, but the image didn’t change. He smiled at her and her heart squeezed in response.

She tossed the sheet aside and crawled across the bed as tears streamed down her cheeks. When she reached him she paused for a second, then lifted a shaking hand to touch him, to be sure her eyes weren’t lying to her. Fingers that would never be free of their immortal chill pulled her against him. Her breath escaped in a sob as she was wrapped in the embrace her heart had been longing for.

He lifted her against his chest, turned to sit, and set her in his lap. “Hey gorgeous,” he murmured.

“I thought I lost you,” she whispered. His hands smoothed her back. “What happened?”

“I had to take care of something,” he said.

She leaned back to look at him, and her eyes narrowed. As she watched, his eyes seemed to shift from green to a light brown, then back. “What?” she asked.

He smiled, then reached up and brushed her hair away from her cheek. His hand slid into her hair to the back of her head and pulled her closer. As his lips touched hers, getting an answer to her question didn’t seem all that important. All that mattered was the feeling of Balthazar’s arms around her.

She laughed against his lips as he stood and set her on her feet. He let her go, but only long enough to pull her pajamas and his own clothes off. Then she was back in his arms, pressing her naked body as close to his as she could.

She was surrounded by the intoxicating scent of leather and spicy cologne as he lifted her up, turned, set her on the bed, then followed her descent. Her heart stuttered as the solid weight of the man she loved hovered over her body. No longer a dream of a memory, hazy and faded despite her attempts to hold on to them, but real and less than an inch away from settling against her.

She let herself enjoy that feeling of anticipation for a second, then slid her hands from his shoulders to push his hair away from his face. She used that hold to pull his head closer, her lips seeking his. And then she was lost in the incredible feeling of his mouth on hers. Tears slid from the corners of her eyes as her heart soared with the pleasure of his touch.

One of his hands slid under her shoulders, tucked her against his chest, the other slid down her side in a long caress. That hand travelled back up her body and he lifted his head, then gently wiped the tears dripping into her hair. She stared at his face as his gaze followed the motion of his hand.

Her breath caught as the image in front of her eyes shimmered. The lips became fuller then shrank back, green eyes switched to brown again. She blinked, and it went back to the face she remembered. His lips brushed her cheek, the feather like touch made it easy to push her misgivings aside, and just fall into the moment.

Em’s brain refused to focus on the sequence of events. Instead, it let her have vague feelings of anticipation as Balthazar trailed kisses down her body. Briefly, she could remember running her fingers through his hair, his sexy growl as his lips focused on her heat, his cool skin under her palms as her hands covered his where they were holding her thighs wide. Her world became a sphere of pleasure filled with the little gasps and moans torn from her throat, and the sparks of ecstasy his mouth ignited.

Her body twisted and undulated, almost of its own accord, under his touch. Till the sensations grew too big to be contained and they exploded into a million shimmering lights all around her. She fell back on the bed as he crawled over her again and looked down at her. His lips turned up in a little smile, a very familiar smile, and Em’s breath caught.

Since when did Balthazar smirk?

She didn’t get more than a second to think about that little tidbit because he eased his shaft into place and started to push forward. His head dipped closer to hers, then he kissed her deeply as he worked himself into her heat. Once he was all the way in, he groaned. Em’s hands clutched at his shoulders as he rocked his hips. He pulled his lips away to track them across her cheek.

“Mmm gorgeous, I missed that,” he murmured in her ear then thrust hard. She moaned. Her hands slid from his shoulders and moved over her head to push her palms against the headboard as her hips lifted to his. As her head tilted back, she felt his tongue graze her neck right before he gave her an open-mouthed kiss right below her ear. She shivered, then turned her head, encouraging him to repeat his actions. He laughed softly and her eyes opened.

Something in that laugh felt off. It was deeper than she remembered.

The speed of his hips increased. She tried to match it. After a minute his chest lifted from hers as he pushed himself onto his palms, then onto his heels, all without slowing the pistonlike movement of his shaft. His hands curled around her hips, pulling her into his thrusts. Her hands left the wood headboard to grab for his wrists, then his thighs, her head tilted back farther as the pleasure of their connection welled up from her center. It moved through her limbs like barely controlled electricity, sparking fires as it grew. Her back arched as it stole her breath and her orgasm crashed over her.

He slowed his movements as it swirled through her, savouring the muscles dancing around his shaft, and smiling at the evidence of his skills. Em sank back on the bed and then opened her eyes. Her breath caught, he released her hips and leaned over her, bracing himself with his palms. His hips moved again as he sought his own release. The face above her morphed, like a picture going out of focus then back into focus, and she was staring up at Crimson.

His eyes closed, and he groaned in a rough guttural voice as he thrust into her hard, then held himself there for a moment, filling her with his harmless seed. Em sucked in a breath as his eyes opened. He smiled at her; the image did not change back to Balthazar.

His wicked serial killer smile didn’t budge from his sexy lips as her palms connected with his pecs. “How?” she whispered. “You’re supposed to be dead.” He winked at her. “Tell me how.”

Haelan woke with Em’s whispered cry of “How?” He turned onto his side while reaching for her. The attempted gesture of comfort did not have the desired effect. She heard his hand slide across the sheet and, in her not quite awake state, misunderstood his intent. Em did something she’d only done twice since Haelan had begun to sleep next to her. She tried to get away from whatever monster was trying to get her, unaware of how close to the edge of the bed she was, and tumbled off the side to land with a thump.

She let out a heavy sigh as her eyes opened and she found herself sprawled on the floor. The lamp on Haelan’s side of the bed flipped on while she was pushing herself onto her hands and knees. She didn’t even have time to curse before he was kneeling at her side.

“Lass,” he said as his warm hands cupped her shoulders gently. “What happened?”

“I think I was dreaming,” she said as she sat back on her heels. “And then I—” She looked at him. “I don’t know”

“Was it the beast again?”

She shook her head. “Crimson.” He lifted a hand and smoothed her hair. “He was in my apartment.”

“Are you sure?”

“No.” She closed her eyes. “One second it looked like—” Her lips curved in a sad smile. “Like Balthazar.” She took a breath that shuddered when she let it go. “But then it changed into—” She waved a hand, then let it flop onto her thigh. “I could smell his cologne.”

After a moment, Haelan drew her to her feet. “I suppose it’s possible that he survived though, it’s unlikely.”

“I felt him,” she whispered as she lifted a hand and touched the side of her face. Haelan’s gaze followed the path of her fingers, then focused on the smile that turned her lips into a rosy temptation. “It was weird. Not scary, just… odd.” She laughed softly, then sat on the bed and looked up at Haelan. He was staring at her mouth. “If it was someone else, I’d say it was—I don’t know—Loving.” When Haelan didn’t respond, Em waved a hand at him. He blinked, then shifted his gaze to her eyes. “Do you think that’s possible?” One of his eyebrows went up. “For him to be kind?”

“Anything is possible, lass,” he said. “A vampire and a hybrid fell in love with you.”

“Davros didn’t love me,” she said as she fell back onto the bed and swung her legs up. “He just wanted to breed with me.” Her lips twisted into an expression of disgust. “That’s not love.”

“You’re right,” he murmured as he pulled the blanket over her, then smoothed her hair. “But Balthazar certainly did, and even he admitted that was unusual.”

“What about Crimson?” she asked as he walked around the bed and flipped off the light. “Why would he act so nice?”

The bed dipped as he settled into his spot. “I think it was Celene.”

“What do you mean?” She turned onto her side to look in his direction.

“You said he started acting strangely after they captured you the second time,” he explained. “Isabelle said that while she was trying to gain his cooperation, he tried to convince her to have—” His voice stopped for a second as he swallowed the anger the thought of Crimson attacking Isabelle caused. “She mentioned that while that was happening, she felt the baby’s magic. It was only for a moment, but she was sure that he was about to force himself on her, then suddenly he stopped.” He pulled the blanket up and folded his hands on his chest. “Celene was blessed by a unicorn.”

“Isabelle told me about that, but how does a blessing figure into it?”

“Magic lass,” he said. “Unicorns have powerful protective magic.”

“That’s why they couldn’t compel her,” Em whispered as she shifted onto her back to stare up at the shadows dancing across the ceiling.

“Perhaps Isabelle was a bigger influence on him than he realized.” Haelan turned his head on the pillow. “Did he say anything in your dream?”

Em took a breath as she thought back. “It’s hard to remember,” she murmured.

Liar. One side of her brain said with a snicker.

Shut up. There other side replied in a huff.

“If you can, it might help to figure out what he was doing there.”

“I’ll try.”

You shouldn’t lie to him.

We are not having this conversation right now.

“Lass,” Haelan said softly. “I owe you an apology.”

The frown that had knitted her brows faded quickly as she looked over at him. “For what?”

“I have been complacent this last while,” he answered. “Perhaps the excitement of Celene’s birth or my desire to help Alasdair and Isabelle clouded my judgment—”

“You did nothing wrong,” she said in a rush.

“I left you alone—”

“You had other things to do.”

“Your safety is my priority—”

“Haelan,” Em said as she scooted closer to him. “You’ve spent months looking after me, by yourself, in a strange realm, left your family and friends—”

“And yet I failed you.”

She paused for a moment as his words sank in. Something in the tone of his voice tugged at her heart. She reached out and laid her hand over his. After a second, he slid one free and placed it on top of hers. “You didn’t fail at anything.”

“Lass—”

“No, you didn’t.” She moved closer, then laid her head on his pillow next to his shoulder. “You’re the best personal guard a girl could hope for.” Her hand pressed against his.

“That is kind of you to say.” He took a breath, then smoothed the back of her hand with his thumb. “I will be more vigilant in the future.”

“If you think that’s best,” she said with a grin.

“I do,” he said, and the smile in his voice was clear. “Go back to sleep, lass. We will discuss the rest of our future tomorrow.”

“Yes, milord,” she said through a shy smile. His innocent statement had caused the butterflies in her stomach, who had been silent for most of the evening, to wake up with a start and fly up to her chest. They danced around her heart for a moment then, as the silence between them grew, slid back to their nest and quieted down.

What did he say? The annoyingly pushy side of her brain asked.

You know exactly what he said.

Ya, but tell me anyway.

Fine, here—

Em pulled up the image of Balthazar as it somehow changed into Crimson. Before she could pull away from him or even scream, he had taken her head in his hands. His eyes glowed, and she whimpered. He smiled at her. It held a warmth and a gentleness that didn’t seem to have a hint of mockery in it. The fear that Em knew she should be feeling didn’t appear.

“In the morning you’ll wake up believing you had a dream about—” He stopped for a second, as though he was struggling to get the words out. “Balthazar. You won’t remember that I was here. You won’t be scared, you’ll just go on with your life.” His thumbs swept along her cheekbones. “Em, don’t grieve for him forever. You should move on, it’s okay.”

There, are you happy?

I will be when you do what he said.

She listened to Haelan’s breath and opened her eyes to peek at his profile. Shadows covered most of his face, but she could still make out the straight line of his nose and part of his cheekbone. As she watched, he turned his head on the pillow, and she smiled when his relaxed features were illuminated by a stray moonbeam.

Hey, would you look at that, someone to move on with.

No, he’s not.

But—

Shut up. He is not the type you take your feelings out on—

Oh, but—

No, you bad influence. Now knock it off and let me go to sleep.

Her breath caught as he turned onto his side and they were almost face to face. She eased her head back, so she wasn’t breathing right into his face. Her gaze slid down to the blanket over his chest. Under it, he was still holding her hand between his.

She swallowed around a lump that had lodged itself in her throat. The more reasonable, standoffish side of her brain was right. Haelan wasn’t a rebound kind of guy.

He was the type of guy a woman shared a life with, mated with, had babies with. The kind that a woman could give her heart to, knowing that he’d do everything in his power to keep it from being broken. The hero in him would lay down his life for her. Em closed her eyes as that thought stuck in her head.

He’d already done that without even meeting her. He’d gone with his brothers to face the beast simply because it was the right thing to do. Haelan was a good guy.

Hell, he was THE good guy. The brimming with honour, hero, love interest that she’d read about in a ton of books but never run across in real life. A living, breathing ideal.

He shifted in his sleep, rolled away from her a little, then his hand slid from under hers. The only thing between her palm and his skin was the thin material of his shirt. His free hand settled on top of hers, the added weight pressed her fingers against the warmth of his chest, and the steady beat of his strong heart.

I’m not ready for a guy like him.

She sighed. Haelan’s hands pressed hers against his chest.

But damn, I really wish I was.