Frontier Rats - Quest for Ratopia

The massive bulging hulk of the “PATRICK MOORE” intergalactic spacecraft is being fuelled in a huge dormant volcanic crater. Steam rises into a grey and moody dawn sky and low clouds obscure the tops of the four towering supports that keep the ship upright. The central body of the ship is a round cylinder around the inner core and is covered in white, heat-resistant tiles. A large rocket propulsion section sits under the central chamber. At the side of the ship is a sharp-pointed control cockpit that contains the ship’s bridge. There is a huge metal disc on the very top. This ship has everything needed for a long voyage in space on its seven levels: plantations for growing crops, science labs, crew quarters for three hundred and sports facilities to keep them fit. There are bathrooms, toilets and a sewage treatment plant. All the levels are separated by shallow cavities that contain the air ventilation ducts. At the base of the ship is the nuclear power plant that drives all the ship’s systems. Looking at it you might think that it would never get off the ground, weighing over a hundred tons when fully crewed.

Two tiny figures stand at the edge of the silo. Uphrasia and Konrad, hearts thumping in their chests admire the great ship. Uphrasia raises his bushy eyebrows. “A most impressive sight.”

Konrad looks up at him and blinks. “I can’t believe we made it this far. Us going into space after all we have faced. Will it fly?”

“I guess we are about to find out.”

“Cor! Do you think it’s true? Ratopia? Do you think we’ll find it?”

“True or not, we deserve our place on this mission. We have evolved to a higher level. There is a greater understanding between us and all other species. We have elevated ourselves from our grubby, sewer-dwelling ancestors.”

Konrad yawns a wide yawn. “Righto!”

They head down the slope and climb through a small hole in the base of the rusty perimeter fence. Then they walk along past fuel trucks and machinery when a technician in grey overalls spots them. He points and screams at the top of his voice, “Vermin!!”

“I believe some haste may be required Konrad!” Uphrasia snaps.

“Huh?”

“Run!”

They race across the silo as technicians try to stamp on them and wrenches and spanners clatter and bounce off the ground around them! They dart into a long copper pipe, hop out the other end and climb up a refuelling line. At the top Konrad hops about on the spot on the freezing pipe. “Oh, oh, chilly!” Uphrasia heaves him in through an open air duct. The duct is lined with heat-resistant silver foil. Wires droop down around Konrad’s head. He shakes sweat off his snout, huffing and puffing.

Uphrasia pants. “It seems not everyone is in tune with our forward way of thinking.”

“This mission seems to involve a hell of a lot of running around!” Konrad scratches behind his ear looking up at the mess of wires. “Is it safe?” He sniffs a bright red wire and licks it.

“Of course, technology has come a long way since the great disaster. But don’t nibble any wires today Konrad. Uphrasia heads off along the duct.

Konrad licks the wire again then trots after him. “You hear so many horror stories,” looking around nervously, “Ships exploding on take-off, asteroid collisions, ferocious aliens!?”

“Nonsense dear boy. They have high safety standards these days. Very high. This trip will be like a cruise ship holiday.”

Konrad catches up with him. “With buffets of delicious invertebrates and molluscs!”

“Comfy deck loungers where we will be served cocktails and cockroach canapés!”

“Waited on paw and paw! Do you think I could get a pedicure? My toe nails are in a terrible state.”

They come to a T-junction in the duct and bump into Thompus. They all stand looking at each other for a moment then Thompus heads off in one direction and they go off in the other. Uphrasia frowns. “Just don’t know what to say to him.”

Konrad wrinkles his snout. “Me neither. Awkward...”

“Mmm…”

The two climb out of a vent into a large junction of ducts where lots of other rats are milling around. General Scrod directs traffic. “Move along there. We have made makeshift quarters on this level. Family berths on the left, cadets on the right!”

Professor Abler walks along with Nute. “Now stay away from the nuclear reactor and keep your paws out of the sewer water. If you’re not sure about anything, ask me.”

“Oh Pappy, don’t fuss over me. I’ll be fine.”

Uphrasia and Konrad peek out from behind a wall, one above the other. Uphrasia creeps out and whispers “Come on.” As they tiptoe across the duct junction, Scrod spots them.

“You two!” They freeze in their tracks. “Yes, you! Over here now!”

Uphrasia puts on his most innocent look. “Who, us sir?” Konrad makes a loud gulp as they stand before Scrod.

“Ah ha! As I thought, the slackers! Private Teach and Private Konstantin!”

“Slackers? Us? No!” Uphrasia shakes his head.

Konrad shuffles from side to side. “Not us, sir.”

“Humph! And how are we enjoying our morning?”

“Oh it’s been very pleasant so far. Thank you for asking.” Konrad is always very polite.

“Well, isn’t that nice. And have you had a look over the lido, swimming pool and sauna section yet?”

They look at each other confused, Konrad sinks deeper into hot water. “No, we haven’t yet. Which way is that please? I wouldn’t mind a dip before evening rations.”

Uphrasia closes his eyes and shakes his head.

Scrod shouts at the top of his voice with such power that Konrad’s whiskers are blown back. “There isn’t one, you weevil-infested excuse for a flea rug! Get to your quarters double-time. You should have been here hours ago, rotten, smelly, lazy scavengers!”

They scamper off. “He was a lot friendlier back at astro school!” Uphrasia pants.

“That must have been the soft sell. We’re in for it now buddy!”

Scrod watches them go then smiles and nods. “I did not expect those two to make it. Well, well.”

Thompus shuffles along a shiny metal duct. He notices a light up ahead coming through a vent. Through the vent is a brightly lit laboratory with a table filled with test tubes sitting in racks and a number of electronic gadgets sit on a long bench. He is startled by the sound of voices so backs away from the vent. He moves on along the duct until his path is blocked by a wire cage door. He sniffs at the door and pushes it with his paw and it swings back and forth with ease. He peers through the wire to see a large piece of chocolate sitting in the centre of the cage. Saliva drips from his open mouth. “Could be a trap.” He pushes the door fully open and looks around inside it. It all seems safe. He edges into the cage and tries to reach for the chocolate. His paw is just a rat’s foot too short of the tasty treat. “Herm…” He ponders the problem. Then he lifts up his right hind leg to hold open the door and leans forward until his front paw just grips the chocolate chunk. He tugs on it but it is stuck. He pulls harder and harder and it gives a little. Just under the chocolate chunk is a tiny thread of cotton attached to a small pin that sits in a hole. Thompus groans and pulls hard on the chunk and it gives way. The cotton pulls the pin out of its place and there is a loud click! Thompus freezes, looking left, right, up and down. Nothing happens. He shrugs and puts the chocolate in his mouth and chews. He exits the cage feeling very clever. Then the floor under his feet drops and he disappears. He slides down a long metal tube that curves round and round then opens into a square Perspex box. Thompus lands on a soft pile of sawdust and the opening over his head snaps shut. “Oh crumbs!” He gets up and feels around the walls of the box. “I’m in for it now! Wait! Remember your Space Corps elite training. Don’t panic in any situation no matter how hopeless it may seem. Remain calm at all times.” Then he runs round in circles shouting. “Help, help, help, help, help!!!”

A technician counts down through a loudspeaker, his voice echoing round the space port. “Beginning countdown, beginning countdown in sixty seconds! All crew exit the launch area! All crew exit the launch area!” The staff load their equipment onto a long electric truck towing a row of low trailers. They all get on board and the vehicle exits the launch pad. The space port is silent apart from the creaking of metal and the sound of steam escaping the vents. “Commencing countdown! Twenty… nineteen… eighteen… seventeen...” In the packed launch control room men and women sit at consoles and operate the sensitive launch computers. On the large, oblong view screen, the Patrick Moore sits in the morning sun, steaming, silent, waiting. “Sixteen… fifteen… fourteen...” A deafening alarm horn blares out in the space port, warning everyone that the ship is about to blast off. “Thirteen… twelve… eleven...” Large sheets of ice begin to fall from the giant cooling pipes that pump freezing-cold liquid nitrogen around the engines to keep them cool. “Ten… nine… eight…” In the duct, the rats panic and dart off in various directions. In their new quarters, Uphrasia and Konrad strap into their posts on the padded floor. “Seven… six… five...” All the air vents on the outside of the ship start to close and seal with a hiss. All the interior doors swish shut and lock. Scout hops in through an air vent just before it snaps shut behind him! He collapses onto the floor, exhausted.

Konrad’s teeth rattle as he tries to close the buckle on his strap. “Gorgonzola preserve us!” Outside, the huge ship begins to shake as the huge round disc at the very top starts to glow. A multi-coloured beam, the space anchor, rises up into the sky in a rainbow vortex.

“Four… three…” The ship shakes violently. “Two… one!” The space anchor extends towards the moon and encircles it with a glowing multi-coloured sphere. The support towers fall away with a great crash! The engines blast white hot flames and a great cloud of smoke fills the crater until the ship is concealed in it. The engines make a deafening roar, rising in pitch higher and higher! The great rattling hulk of the ship groans as it lifts slowly up and out of the crater. Metal grinds and cracks! “Lift off! We have lift off!” The ship rises out of the cloud of smoke and up out of the silo increasing in speed as it climbs into the clouds. The space anchor beam pulls the ship up out of the clouds and drags it up into space towards the moon. The ship strains as it pulls away from the earth’s gravity. Then the engines cease and the ship jettisons the bottom half containing the lift-off engines. The beam pulls the ship faster and faster away from the Earth.

In their quarters, the two rats’ faces begin to distort and flatten out. Then their bodies flatten too. Konrad’s body looks particularly odd as his tummy spreads out revealing the thin rat underneath. They both start to wail. “Ah...!”

The ship breaks free of the atmosphere and the space anchor vanishes. Rockets blast white fire and the ship slowly pulls away gathering speed until it arcs around the moon and darts off towards the Sun. The rats pop back into shape and Konrad holds his tummy. “Oh my lunch!”

Uphrasia looks shaken but pretends not to be. “Exhilarating!”

“I’m famished, let’s get some breakfast.” Konrad unstraps himself from his harness.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you buddy!”

Konrad floats up into the air. “Wee! I’ve always wanted to do this.” He somersaults and bounces off the wall. “Woo, ha!”

Uphrasia watches tiredly, and remains strapped in. “Hmm.”

Konrad cartwheels across the ceiling then bounces off the walls like a Ping-Pong ball. “He, he! Check this out!” He does a barrel roll then floats in the air doing an Egyptian walk.

“Konrad, seriously, you need to strap in.”

“Awe come on. Live a little.” He crouches down and does a funny walk along the ceiling. Uphrasia snorts with laughter.

The command bridge of the Patrick Moore is arranged in a semicircle with a view screen at the front. Above is the long cockpit window with a view out into space. There are eight humans on the bridge operating the various stations that include communication, navigation, weapons, long-range scanners and the ship’s life support systems. Captain Villeroy sits in his command chair, firmly strapped in. He is tall with a chubby face, thinning fair hair and eyes a little too close together. He wears his smart beige uniform and his captain’s cap. He speaks in a low, confident tone. “Ensign, activate centrifugal gravity!”

The ensign reaches over to his panel, his finger hovering over a round red button. “Activating centrifugal gravity, sir!” He presses the button and there is a loud rumbling sound. Outside jets of gas fire from the main circular section of the ship and it starts to spin slowly round and round the stationary central chamber.

Konrad slams into the floor head first with a mighty thud! “Ouch!”

Uphrasia shakes his head, then unstraps and looks out of the porthole. He smiles proudly and sighs. “Space! Our adventure begins!” Just then a large piece of metal floats past in flames. “That can’t be good.”

Konrad feels his round tummy and groans. “I’ve lost about four grams with all that rushing around. I’m going to need a lot of rations to make it all back up again.”

Scout slowly comes round, he sits up and rubs his eyes, then climbs onto his feet and stumbles along the duct holding his head. He finds his comrades milling about in the main junction and staggers out a few steps, then flops down on the floor. A small group of concerned rats gather round him. Rose pushes her way through. “Stand back, stand back!” She lifts his head up. “Poor thing, he must be exhausted and half starved. Help me carry him to the med bay!” She lifts up his arms and a couple of lab rats take his feet and they carry him off.

The next morning Scout sits up in bed eating a bag full of freeze-dried, crispy fried worms. Rose and Nute stand next to his bed looking worried. “How do you feel now Scout?”

“Much, much better thank you Rose. These are v-very good.”

“Would you like some more?”

He gives her the bag. “No thank you. I’m quite, quite full now. You have been very kind. I-I’m quite myself again.”

Nute smiles. “If you are feeling well enough there is a very important mission on the cards. Nothing too strenuous.”

Rose nods enthusiasm. “Yes and because you did so well finding your way across the wasteland alone.”

“And defeating all those fearsome predators,” Nute encourages.

Scout shakes his head. “All I really did was run away as fast as I could.”

“Well, there is a scouting mission. We’re all volunteering. The General wants a full survey done of the ship.

Rose puts her paw on his shoulder. “If you still feel poorly then you can rest up here for a few more days.”

Scout kicks back the bed covers and swings his legs out onto the floor. “I’m quite w-well thank you. Sca- Scout’s my name and sca-scouting’s my game!”

Space travel is long and monotonous. Months pass slowly by without anything remarkable happening. Even what might seem a boring task, like cleaning up rat droppings from the ducts, becomes a welcome event. The rats amuse themselves as best they can, playing games like leaprat, hide-and- squeak, and fairy’s-fair and fairy’s-grim-which-paw-is-the-breadcrumb-in? Nute spends many hours repairing and servicing the technical equipment with Professor Abler. Rose and Scout make several explorations of the ship and Scrod keeps everyone on their toes with marching drills and combat training. After several months of this they all get pretty restless. So whenever a real mission is rumoured to be on the cards all the rats get very excited; except for two particular rats that is. Uphrasia and Konrad are quite content collecting rat poo droppings in the ducts. They stroll along in their white overalls each with a brush in one paw and a long-handled dustpan in the other. Konrad hums happily to himself as he sweeps up a dry, round rat dropping into his dustpan. “The space rations are not bad, but the ‘Easy Squeezy Cheezy Peas’ are playing havoc with my digestion. Perhaps if they left out the cheesy part the squeezy peas would be OK. Or is it the peas?”

“You’re not supposed to eat a whole tube at a time. They are super concentrated. Anyway stop talking about food, you’re making me feel hungry.” Uphrasia looks up at the ceiling. “What the?! How on earth?” He scrapes a rat poo off the ceiling and it drops down into his dustpan.

Scout stands in a duct with a large sheet of paper in his paw. He draws a crude map on it with a pencil. Then he places the pencil behind his ear and marches off along the duct. Soon he reaches a crossroads and looks left, right, then straight ahead. He ponders for a moment then opts to go left after drawing the new place on his map. At the end of this long duct Scout spots a grille on the floor with light shining through it. He hops up close to find a metal gate and just ahead of it an inviting-looking chunk of chocolate. Scout pushes the gate open with his paw and nods. “Obviously a trap.” He makes a note of the trap on his map, then peers down through the vent.

The ship’s science lab is a pristine white room with shelves upon shelves stacked with high-tech gizmos, gadgets, bottles of chemicals, large jars filled with invertebrates, amphibians and a rat in green formaldehyde liquid. Textbooks and files line the top-most shelf. It’s a lot like Professor Abler’s lab but much tidier. A small room is visible through a thick glass screen where a human in a radiation suit inserts his arms into two holes on the wall. On the other side of this wall the man’s arms slide into thick rubber gloves. This is the ship’s nuclear reactor station. The man pulls on a lever and in the sealed reactor room next door, a long plutonium rod is slowly inserted by a robotic arm into a hole on the opposite wall. The rod glows and a throbbing noise emanates from the hole.

Below the man’s arms on the floor of the reactor, two rats, George and Agatha, sit on deckchairs wearing sunglasses, bathing in the heat of the reactor. “Awe, this is smashing George. Do you want me to rub some sun cream onto your ears?” Agatha holds out a tube of sun cream. The top is stained and has rat hairs all over it.

“No, I’m fine dear, just enjoying these rays. Better than the Costa del Sol, I can tell you!” George wriggles, adjusts his sunglasses and gets comfy, then smiles up at the reactor. “Better than the Costa del Sol.”

Back in the science lab on a worktop in the corner is a transparent box, inside which Thompus slumps against the back wall with his eyes closed. He has a large round biscuit resting on his tummy. There is a grey plastic dome on his head and a memory chip sits in a slot in the side. Three thin wires attached to the dome lead up through a hole in the top of his Perspex prison. They wind their way along the lab table and into a large console covered in flashing lights and buttons. There is a small view screen in the centre next to a large lever.

Professor Fenkle, with crazy grey hair that stands on end, wears a white lab coat with several pens and pencils in the breast pocket. He has a long thin face and a bent nose. He looks through a big magnifying glass at Thompus. Fenkle’s blue right eye is magnified to ten times its normal size. “The subject seems to be sedated. The formula has begun to work. Have you checked the box is secure Ilonja?”

Ilonja is pale and in her thirties and also wears a white lab coat. She has red hair tied into a neat bun on top of her head and large buck teeth. She peers over a clipboard through thick round spectacles. In an Eastern European accent, she says sharply, “I have checked and re-checked Professor; the case is secure! Nothing could escape from this box, not even a cunning, vile, sneaky, verminous little rat!”

“Excellent; then I think we are safe to proceed. Let’s see how much information his tiny brain can contain? Begin the file download!” Fenkle rubs his hands together and grins. “Start with the files on the ship’s schematics, then the complete works of Shakespeare. Oh and let’s throw in a few hundred recipe books while we’re at it.”

Ilonja pulls on a large lever on the console. There is a loud buzz followed by an electric hum. “Beginning the download Professor!” The grey dome on Thompus’ head starts to glow. His whole body begins to convulse and shake. Files and documents show up on the screen of the console. Then Professor Fenkle looks puzzled as some pictures of him doing a selfie appear.

“Ilonja, are those my private files?!”

Ilonja squints at the screen. “Oh! It seems I have accidently added your personal files. And what are these? They appear to be some images from a vintage lady’s fashion journal on lingerie. I can’t think why this has happened.”

Fenkle clears his throat. “U-hum! Well never mind that. Let us see how much of his brain has been filled up so far. He quickly flicks a switch and the picture on the screen changes to an image of Thompus’ brain. The bottom half is coloured red and the top half is grey. “Well it seems to be working. We will let him assimilate the information he has so far and then fill up the memory card with even more files this afternoon. This is so diabolical it makes me proud to call myself a scientist!”

Ilonja wipes a tear from her eye and blubs. “So proud! So very proud!”

Thompus groans with his eyes tightly closed he mumbles. “But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?”

Scout watches through the ventilation grill above. “M-m-must report this atrocity to g-g-General Scrod at once!” He stuffs his mao in his rucksack then skitters along the metal ventilation duct on all fours.

In a distant part of space, a small alien spaceship floats serenely through a cluster of planets. It is black and pointy with three large, curved and jagged fins on the back end. There is a small round hatch on the top behind a clear dome that is lit from within. At the back three conical rocket engines are fixed to a round platform. They glow red as the ship cruises along. On the side is a crudely painted name, “THE VANDAL!” The bridge is cramped and made out of metal with red iron beams perforated with holes which curve up and join at the centre of the ceiling. Nets hang between the beams filled with red and yellow fruit, green vegetables and large round nuts. Four control consoles are arranged in a square, with one large screen at the front showing a view of space. Stars whizz past as a small planet gets closer and closer. Five round aliens operate the controls. They have multi-coloured stripes on their gelatinous bodies, no neck and a single antenna on the middle of their heads above three large round eyes. They pull levers and press various glowing buttons on their individual work stations. Their voices are loud and raspy as they chatter to each other.

First Mate Carak has white stripes on his bright orange body. He grunts and grinds his teeth as he operates the controls and levers of the weapons and long-range scanning station. Gark and Tark are identical twins and have black stripes on their white bodies. They operate the ship’s navigation station together. They constantly argue with each other despite being inseparable. Spigot, who is slim and has yellow stripes all over his green body, manages the ship’s life support systems and catering station. He is always on a diet and is the only one who can be trusted not to eat everything.

Carak spins round. “Captain, I have detected a planet with a small number of emerging life forms.”

Captain Bibulous, the largest of the aliens, has blue stripes on his light-grey body and a broken antenna with a bandage covering the break. His face has scars on it and he has a very large mouth. He swings his command chair round and grins, showing a row of yellow-stained pointy teeth. He glares with his three fierce eyes. “Show me! On the main view screen! Now!” He turns back to look up at the big monitor as a planet much like Earth appears. He taps away at his console and the planet gets bigger on the screen. Again he taps and the screen zooms into the planet’s surface. Luscious green meadows, lakes and forests appear. Bibulous taps again and zooms in to view some creatures drinking water from a small stream. They are mammals with soft grey fur, short snouts, small round eyes and long, thin, hairless tails. One of them nuzzles its snout into the side of the other. Bibulous drums his fingers on the console and purses his lips. “Hmm…” All the other aliens look at him expectantly then at each other. Will he, won’t he? Bibulous stands up and paces back and forth across the bridge. “A planet full of new and innocent life forms just on the brink of reaching their full potential. Such a beautiful place. One could imagine living there, raising a family. Summer holidays at the seaside.” He rests his hand on Carak’s shoulder and smiles serenely at him. “Telling bedtime stories at the fireside with the children. Ah…” He jumps back onto his chair and spins back round to face the main view screen, eyes wide and teeth clenched. “Activate the Obliterator!”

They all cheer.

Carak presses a button on his console. Outside on the top of the ship the clear round hatch slides open and a giant laser mounted on a transparent turret full of coloured wires rises up. The laser glows with a bright white pulsing light that moves along the long, pointy barrel to the tip where it vaporises in space with a loud zap, zap, zap, zap!

Bibulous’ eyes widen and he grins an evil grin. “Charge the Obliterator!”

Carak giggles. “I love it when he says that.” He presses another button and pulls down a long lever. “Charging the Obliterator!” The laser glows brighter and brighter. With a loud, pulsing throb, the zaps repeat faster and faster. Carak stares at a meter as a needle moves slowly from left to right and enters a zone marked in red. “Obliterator charged at full power, Captain!”

Bibulous stares wide eyed at the big monitor, his tongue hanging out. “Are we ready?!”

They all shout together. “Yes, Captain!”

Bibulous grits his teeth. “Obliterate!!!”

Carak slams his fist on a large, round, red button! “Obliterate!” he screeches!

The weapon fires a bright bolt of white light that widens and fans out towards the planet. The planet explodes into a mass of tiny bright pinpoints and then vanishes inwards with a loud pop! A small pinpoint of light glows, then brightens, then BOOM! A mighty explosion is followed by a massive energy wave that spreads out across space.

The Vandal is shaken, spins round like a twig in a whirlpool, then settles. All the aliens roll around on the floor laughing hysterically. Carak climbs up onto his chair and spins round and round. “That was so cool!”

Gark and Tark lean on each other laughing hysterically and Spigot lies on his back drumming the floor with his feet. “Let’s blow up another, another!”

Bibulous stops laughing abruptly. “No! I have had enough of obliterating meagre planets. I want something more!” He stands up, waving his chubby hands in the air.

Carak’s face turns serious. “Yes, evil prankster?! What do you want to obliterate?”

Bibulous paces back and forth. “More!”

All of them suddenly show keen interest. “Yes – yes!”

He flops in his chair. “I do not know.” They go back to their seats, disappointed. Bibulous holds his head in his hands. “How can I maintain my reputation as the great Bilothian, Bibulous, destroyer of the innocent, harbinger of death, despondency, desolation and despair! The voluminous perpetrator, the globulous galactic?” He clicks his fingers looking for a word. “Thingemygig! Basically the evillest being in the whole universe!”

Carak interjects. “Known universe.”

“If I can’t find something meaningful to destroy, something wicked? Something…” Bibulous’ eyes go wide. “Stupendously diabolical!!”

The Bilothians are a troubling species. They love to make war on each other and really love seeing things blow up. It all began as a practical joke when one Bilothian dropped a giant blancmange on another’s head. It all escalated until several years ago two warring tribes blew up their home planet. Now the remnants of their race are scattered about the universe, stealing, vandalising and destroying whatever they can find. Especially if it makes a very large explosion; the larger the better!

The others huddle together and chatter, then push Carak forward “How about a nebular?” he suggests. “They are full of explosive gasses I think?” He puts his forefinger into the hole in his antenna; a common thing Bilothians do when thinking hard.

Bibulous paces back and forth. “Been there, done that!”

Carak tries again. “What about a red dwarf, a sun?!”

They all grunt their enthusiasm for this idea, and Gark screeches, “Or a black hole!”

Tark disagrees and they start to argue. “Black holes are boring!”

“They are not! They are brilliant!”

“How can they be brilliant if they are black? Numbskull!”

Carak starts throwing in quick-fire suggestions. “A pulsar! “A quasar! A Spiral galaxy! An asteroid cluster!” He punches the air. “I’ve got it: a micro universe!” He holds his finger and thumb together and stares at the tiny gap between them. “They are very, very small but make a ginormous ka-boom!” He slams his fist onto his other hand “Boom!”

Bibulous cuts him off. “No, no, no! I want to blow up something special.” He sighs looking dejected. “Planets and celestial bodies have lost their charm for me. Where is the thrill of the chase? They just sit there. They don’t flee or defend themselves. Where is the fun in that? No! I need something…” He moves his hands around searching for the word in his mind then slams his fist on the console. “I don’t know! But we are searching the universe until we find it! Back to your stations. Activate long-range scanners Carak!” He rubs his hands together as they all rush to their posts. “I have a feeling in my swollen, rancid gut that the perfect thing is heading my way.”

The Patrick Moore drifts past a cluster of asteroids then reverse thrusters fire and it slows down to a stop. At the front section, just below the cockpit on the non-revolving part of the ship, a large cargo bay door opens. A giant robotic arm rises up and extends out towards the asteroids. Its massive claw-like hand opens. Then three fingers and one opposing thumb close around a small asteroid with a loud crunch. It retracts back into the cargo bay and places the asteroid on the deck. The doors creak closed and seal with a loud hiss.

In a small, cramped room, Uphrasia and Konrad sit among a group of uniformed rats on a row of long benches while Scrod briefs them. He uses a long pointy toothpick to indicate a crude diagram of Thompus in his Perspex prison.

“This is our lost comrade and the target for this extraction mission. He doesn’t seem to be in too much distress but be on guard. The subject may be mentally scarred by the constant and cruel experiments carried out by these evil and ruthless human scum!” Scrod places the toothpick under his armpit and gives them all a hard searching stare. “I will need brave volunteers for this heroic and highly dangerous mission.” He diverts his attention to Uphrasia and Konrad, staring hard with his round black eyes.

Uphrasia whispers through the side of his mouth. “Don’t move a muscle or he’ll pick us.”

Konrad pipes up. “Pick us?!”

“Well done Konrad and Uphrasia! You brave young chaps are real gung-ho heroes.”

Uphrasia puts his head in his paws. “Not again?”

Scrod points at Rose with his stick. “Rose can give technical support.”

Rose smiles and bats her eyelashes at Uphrasia.

Uphrasia groans under his breath. “Add to my humiliation.”

“Scout will guide you to the extraction point!” Scrod puts the toothpick back under his armpit and grins. “Good luck, and if you don’t come back alive we’ll honour your memories with a huge feast.”

All the other rats cheer and applaud.

Scout leads the way as Uphrasia, Konrad and Rose shuffle along a narrow duct wearing simple leather tool belts, carrying ropes, block and tackle. Konrad carries a large red drill with a spinning disc. “It’s just not fair. If we don’t come back alive we’re going to miss out on a huge feast in our honour. Why us, what did we do?”

Uphrasia grits his teeth. “I think we made a bad impression.”

Rose halts. “That’s it! If we make a fine job of this mission, we are sure to get into Scrod’s good books.”

Konrad plays with the drill, spinning it twice. VRUM, VRUM! “Yes, all we need to do is rescue Thompus. How hard can that be?”

As Uphrasia walks along the drill buzzes again. VRUM!! He stops abruptly. “Ouch!”

Konrad hides the drill behind his back. “Oh cripes!” A tuft of fluffy brown hair is stuck to the drill disc. Uphrasia cranes around and looks at his backside where a perfectly round patch of bare pink skin is exposed. He scowls at Konrad who forces an innocent smile. “Sorry. It just, sort of, went off in my paw.”

Rose sniggers. “Oh Gorgonzola, that’s so embarrassing.”

“Give that to me!” Uphrasia snatches the drill. “I will handle the power tools from now on!” He stomps off along the duct.

Konrad looks back at Rose and they giggle.

They arrive at the vent and Konrad notices the lump of chocolate a few inches away. “Couldn’t we just go over and have a nibble?”

Scout pulls the metal gate closed. “It’s a trap! No touching the chocolate Konrad!” They start work drilling out the screws that hold the vent grille in place. Konrad keeps glancing back at the chocolate chunk and his tummy rumbles.

The lab is deserted. Thompus sleeps soundly in his plastic prison. The ventilation grill rattles and creaks, then swings aside revealing the four rats’ faces looking down. Scout lowers two ropes and Uphrasia and Konrad abseil down onto the lab table while Rose attaches the block and tackle to the top of the ventilation grille. Uphrasia hops along the lab table and peers in at Thompus. “The fool. How did he get into this mess?” He sets to work drilling a large round hole in the side of the box. Konrad looks at Thompus through the Perspex. “Is he dead?”

“Let’s hope so, then we can get the hell out of here.”

“Don’t you find this ironic?”

“Ironic how?”

“Well, us two ne’er do wells rescuing an elite Zucker rat.”

“I don’t think this one counts as elite.”

Konrad sniffs the air. He looks over to his left and spies a sandwich on a plate a few rat paws away. He scampers over and sniffs the neatly prepared meal. His mouth waters and his tongue hangs out. He can’t resist. Just as he takes a bite, Ilonja picks up the sandwich and also takes a big bite. She freezes, seeing Konrad’s face close up, his teeth gripping the other side of the sandwich. Ilonja’ stares at him for a moment, a long, long, frozen moment. Konrad raises one eyebrow. “Hmm.”

Ilonja screams at the top of her voice. “VERMIN!!!” She flings the sandwich with Konrad still clamped onto it across the room. Konrad spins through the air and lands on top of the plastic box and the sandwich hits the back wall and sticks fast.

Uphrasia is tugging Thompus out through the small hole. “Konrad help me!”

Ilonja jumps up on a chair and pulls up her lab coat around her knees. “Ah! Vermin, vermin, vermin!!!” She looks up at Rose and Scout who are heaving Thompus’ limp body up with the block and tackle. “Ah!” She watches as Konrad and Uphrasia quickly climb their ropes and clamber back up into the duct. Dr Ilonja’s knees shake and knock together. Then she faints and falls off the chair and says weakly “Vermin…” She hits the floor with a thud!

On the bridge all is calm. Captain Villeroy sits dozing in his command chair. An intercom on the arm of his chair beeps, startling him. His chubby finger presses a button and he speaks wearily, “Hello. Is that the kitchen? Is my hot chocolate ready?”

The thin panicky voice of Ilonja comes out of the tiny speaker. “Sir, this is Ilonja! Science officer! We have a vermin problem. An infestation!”

“Vermin?”

“That’s not all, sir; they have taken our experimental subject.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Affirmative sir. It’s a very bad thing!”

“Oh bother. Tell Professor Fenkle to exterminate them! I’m very, very busy here.” He switches off the intercom, folds his arms and closes his eyes. “Relax. Positive thoughts, positive thoughts.”

Professor Fenkle enters the lab carrying a large box. He opens it taking out three smaller boxes, each with a logo of a rat with a lightning bolt going through it. “I suspect that we are dealing with a group of very intelligent rodents.”

Ilonja’s eyes are wide and her hands shake. “Do you think they’re dangerous, Professor?”

“Most definitely! They represent a major threat to the success of our mission!” He cuts open a box with a scalpel.

Uphrasia, Konrad and Rose pant as they drag the unconscious Thompus along the duct. Rose huffs. “Phew, he’s a heavy load! Is it possible he’s gotten larger since we boarded this spacecraft?”

Uphrasia heaves. “Probably force fed by those sick fiends! I can smell success. I feel a medal coming my, I mean, our way.”

Rose frowns. “You don’t think we caused a bit of a stir back there? I mean, you know, that sandwich incident?”

“No… I doubt if they even noticed little old us.” Scout remarks.

Konrad licks his lips. “That lady on the other end of my sandwich seemed pretty upset. She used the ‘V’ word.”

Uphrasia shakes his head. “I doubt if they will worry about a few rodents rescuing this worthless heavyweight rat. I bet they are laughing about it all right now.”

Professor Fenkle looks very serious as he opens one of the smaller boxes. “There you are my dear.” In the darkness of the box, two red glowing eyes peer back. He reaches in, lifts out a robotic cat and looks it over. Its body is bright shining metal alloy with overlapping layers on its back like an armadillo. The head is like a cat’s but has a strong brow with a hatch on it and a pair of red glowing eyes below. The legs are moved by pneumatic pistons and the tail is made of a long, flexible chain link. “Now, where is the ON switch? Ah, here.” He flicks a switch under its neck and places it on the table. It starts to rattle and shake. Its sharp, serrated metal jaw snaps three times and it talks with a robotic voice. “Exterminate all vermin! Exterminate all vermin!”

Ilonja grins. “Will it kill all the rats Professor? Every single one?!”

“Not exactly Ilonja, I have programmed the Cybormoggies to use an immobilising laser. It will stun them, capture and bring them back here so we can experiment on them at our leisure.

Ilonja claps her hands. “An excellent plan, Professor. So wonderfully wicked! Although, after our terrible mistake with that subject earlier, should we continue with our horrible and vile experiments?”

“Well, we are scientists Ilonja. What else do we do if we don’t make horrible, hideous life-threatening errors?” Ilonja nods her approval. Fenkle continues, “I can safely say that within twenty-four hours all the vermin on this ship will be dead or in a serious amount of pain! Ha, ha, ha, ha!”

Ilonja joins in, “Ha, ha, woo-ha, ha, ha!”

They both laugh demonically but Professor Fenkle gets carried away. “He, he, woo-ha, ha, ha, he, he, he, woo-ha, ha!”

Ilonja slaps him hard across the face and he stops laughing and pants. “Thank you, Dr Ilonja!”

“My pleasure, Professor Fenkle!”

“I appreciate your dedication.”

“But it really was my pleasure.” She looks at him with narrowed eyes.

Fenkle switches on another Cybormoggy. He places it on the floor. “I am a little worried, about all the sensitive information we downloaded into that rat’s tiny brain.”

Ilonja shrugs her shoulders. “So he knows how to find his way around and can steal a few rations. What harm can he do?”

“With the help of that chip in his head he can locate every morsel of food on this ship; plus, ship’s schematics, security codes, weapons’ operation and other rather sensitive information!” He frowns.

“Ah! That is serious.”

Fenkle opens the third box. “Do not worry my dear Ilonja. I have unleashed the Cybormoggies. They will soon gather up all the rats. Then we will quickly dispose of them. Or worse!”

He gives Ilonja a sly, sideways look. She snorts and sniggers.

Ilonja rubs her hands together. “Professor, what will we do now that we have nothing to experiment on?”

The professor rubs his chin, then looks at her hands. “Hmm. How about your left hand?”

Ilonja claps her hands grinning. “Oh, an excellent idea! I’ll fetch the sulphuric acid!”

Fenkle gets carried away again. “Ha, ha, ha, woo-ha, ha, he, woo-ha, ha!

She slaps him across the face again.

“Thank you, Dr Ilonja.”

“My pleasure, Professor Fenkle!”

“Yes, I know, you are so very helpful.”

“No, but it really was my pleasure.” She narrows her eyes again and he frowns and looks left and right nervously.