FULL NOVELXO Devoted: Chapter 35
Swirling around the champagne in my hand, I can’t lift my gaze from the bubbles. I haven’t touched a drop in almost six months now. In that time, I’ve lost my father, gained an uncle back, and lost my heart.
But, I’m surviving. If being with Luca taught me anything, it was my own strength. Deep down in there somewhere, I am alive. He’s the only reason I haven’t taken a sip of this drink. I can hear his husky voice telling me I can do better.
“Rosa!” Eva flips her red hair as she walks in, breaking me from my trance.
Snapping my head up to meet her bright blue eyes, she looks to the glass in my hand and back to me with a frown forming. She might be my younger sister by two years, but right now, she’s the one holding us both together.
“I thought you’d quit drinking, Rosa?” Her hands now on her hips, she is the spitting image of our mother. I, however, have my dad’s Italian genes.
“I have.” I shrug.
I don’t have an excuse. It’s the only way I know how to stop the pain. The day after I left Luca, I opened a bottle of vodka. It’s like he knew. Before I could even take a sip, Dr. Jenkins knocked on my door and we had a two-hour session.
Even when Luca’s not with me, he’s always watching out for me.
Eva gives me a sad smile and closes the distance between us, reaching for me on the barstool.
“We don’t have to go tonight if it’s too much?” She clasps my hand and squeezes, so I set the wine flute down on the marble countertop.
“Uncle Frankie expects us there. He made it clear yesterday. Remember his whole speech about putting up a ‘unified front’?” I huff. There are days I really hate being a part of the lifestyle.
“Well, I’m sure he would understand. He loves us like his own.” She pushes the glass a little farther from my reach.
I raise my eyebrows. “Pfft, that’s why he lodged a bullet between Dad’s eyes?” I mutter.
“Seriously? We both couldn’t stand him. You wanted to be as far away from him as possible, remember? Uncle Frankie was always there for us as kids. Well, until Dad sent him away. Give him a chance, sis.” She bats her lashes. “For me.”
“Fine.” I can pretend all I like that I’m holding a grudge because he killed my dad. But it’s not why I’m bitter. It’s the fact he abandoned us all those years ago. He was the best uncle, the fun one. The uncle that would have burnt down the world for me if he knew what Dante had done.
“I mean, he’s paying for this pretty sweet mansion for us. And he’s taken care of re-enrolling you at college. He wants to make amends.”
Sliding the champagne further away from me, Eva’s eyes light up as she flashes me a big smile. Every day, it’s a choice whether I drink or fight. So far, even without Luca, I’m managing. I don’t ever want to go through the torture of withdrawals again. She pats my hand. “I promise I won’t leave your side. It’s just one night, well, then the wedding to get through.”
A pit forms in my stomach.
As if attending Luca’s engagement party to the gorgeous Italian mafia princess, Maria Capri, wasn’t enough, Uncle Frankie also insists on taking us to his wedding. I don’t know what the date is; I threw that invitation straight in the trash.
“I’ll be fine,” I lie.
It’s going to break my heart all over again. In the three months since I last saw him, he’s been on my mind every single moment.
I can’t shake the memory of his intense green eyes, or his deep voice as he calls me his treasure.
I miss him.
He was the first man to ever really hear me. I told him my deepest, darkest secrets and he just listened. He made me believe in myself again, just by being there.
His patience is the reason I’m turning my life around.
Now I have to sit there, plaster a fake smile on my face, as I watch the only man who’s ever made me feel worthy parade his new fiance around. When, deep down, I wanted that woman to be me one day.
But he let me go. He abandoned me, too.
“I’ll go grab our jackets. Frankie will be here any minute,” Eva calls out as she darts towards her bedroom down the hall.
Sliding off the barstool, I take the full glass of champagne over to the sink and watch as the contents pour down the drain.
Shit, do I need that drink. But I’m not the same Rosa anymore. I don’t need that to feel. My destructive coping mechanisms will never fully leave me, but I can learn to curb them. I understand there is no right or wrong way to deal with trauma. But drinking myself to death probably isn’t the answer.
Scanning my outfit in the full-length mirror in the hallway, I’ve dressed the way I feel–like I’m going to a funeral.
My tight black dress hugs my slim figure perfectly, resting just above my knees. I love how the low plunging neckline shows off my full breasts. And I’m wearing the highest pair of gold killer heels I could find. If I have to do this, I want to be able to look him in the eyes and make sure he sees me.
Eva comes barrelling red-faced from the hall and shoves a black leather jacket and clutch in my hand.
“Come on, we have to go. He’s outside!” she says, then disappears out the front door. God, I love her, but she is chaos.
“One sec!” I rifle through my clutch and dig out my signature deep red lipstick and swipe it across my full lips.
I might feel like crap on the inside, but I look damn good on the outside. A part of me wants Luca to see what he’s missing.
He might not be mine anymore. But that doesn’t mean I can’t push his buttons from afar.
I sigh and head towards the front door. I bet he is dreading this as much as I am.