Cold Feet

RICK

I look at Viola on the other side of the room.

"What happened?" I ask.

"I can't... we can't do this. Please go," she says. Then, as if realizing for the first time that she's topless, she covers herself with her arm and moves back to the sofa where she snags her top off the floor and pulls it over her head. I watch her as she lifts her hands over her head to put her top on. The movement lifts her breasts and accentuates them and then she's finished.

"Please go," she says again.

Viola, c'mon. Let's talk..."

"Get out!" she shouts.

I get up and make my way to the entrance hall. I open the door and let myself out. She follows me at a distance still covering her breasts even though she's wearing her top again. I look back at her once I'm outside the apartment.

"Let's just talk," I say in a calm voice.

"There's nothing to talk about," Viola says and closes the door in my face. I stand there for a few moments feeling anger and frustration. I want to kick the damn door down but I finally turn and head for the elevator lobby. I hope against hope that she'll come running after me but when I step into the elevator and she doesn't come running after me I know it's not going to happen.

I exit the building downstairs and flag a cab. When it arrives, I give the driver my address and head home.

More than ever, I can't get Viola out of my mind. I remember everything about our time in her apartment. What the hell happened, I wonder?

This time however she sends me a message after I've arrived home.

I'm sorry about this evening. I was wrong.

It's okay, I reply.

I'm sorry. I can't see you again.

Why?

I don't need to explain. You're in a committed relationship. I don't get involved with people in committed relationships. I lost control tonight and I was wrong. I may not like Christine but I won't break up even my worst enemy's relationship.

Okay. But why can't we see each other again?

You know why. Look what happened tonight.

We can behave, I argue.

And someone WILL get hurt, she replies. I'm guessing it will be me. I think it's best if we don't contact each other again.

That's a bit drastic don't you think?

No. Goodbye Rick. All the best with your wedding.

I dial Viola's number but it just rings.

I send a message. Pick up the phone and talk to me. Please.

There's no answer. Eventually I drop my phone on the sofa in frustration. I take a shower and get into bed. I think again of what we did and I feel guilt for Christine. It's damn hard to put Viola out of mind now but I finally manage to do it and drift off to sleep.

The next morning, I wake up and the first thing on my mind is Viola. I get up and retrieve my phone from where I left it on the sofa. I check for messages from Viola but there aren't any. I have to hand it to her. When her mind is made up, she sticks to her decision.

I feel guilty again when I think of Viola. I should be thinking of Christine. I didn't even send her a good night message and the first thing I'm doing this morning is looking for messages from Viola.

I tell myself to forget about Viola. I know there's simply nothing I can do about it. She's made her decision.

I tell myself to put her out of my mind for once and for all.

Focus, look to the future and move on. Get married and put this behind you, I tell myself. It's not as easy as that though and by late morning I decide I need to talk to someone. I contact my friend Lewis and he agrees to meet for lunch at a sports bar where we always go to watch our favorite teams play.

"What's up?" Lewis asks.

Lewis is a successful real estate agent. He's married with two kids and he has a knack of seeing things from a different perspective. He's always helpful that way. I've never leaned on him for help but now I do. We went to law school together but after we graduated he decided he didn't want to fight other peoples battles and chose to go into real estate.

I tell him that I'm getting married and I tell him about Viola.

His first reaction is shock.

"You, getting married? We really should see each other more often," he jokes. Next time I see you, you'll be telling me your first baby is on the way." "Very funny," I say drily.

"Well, I think you should stick with Christine. You've made the decision to ask her to marry you and that's a huge step for you. Have you considered though that this is your first serious relationship and you're getting married?"

"What's your point?"

"Well, normally people go through a few relationships before they decide to get married."

"So you think it's too soon for me to get married?"

Lewis held up his hands. "No, no, no. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that's what most people do. Some people marry their high school sweetheart and stay together for all their lives. Everybody's different. I'm just trying to put ideas out there that might help you."

"Okay," I say. "What made you and Jenna decide to get married."

Lewis thinks a while and then shrugs. "We were together for so long that one day we just spoke about it and decided to do it. It felt right. Neither of us wondered if it was the right thing. We just felt it Whether we'd married or not married didn't matter. We'd still be together today. We're comfortable with each. other. We know each other inside out and back to front. When we make decisions without the other, we know we're making decisions for the other one as well and we know

what the other one's decision would

be."

I'm quiet, as I listen. I've always admired Lewis and Jenna as a couple. They've been the epitome of a married couple. They're everything I never believed marriage could be.

"But hey, we didn't know each other that well when we got married. We knew each other well but got to know each other better. It takes time and work."

I nod. I'm still thinking. I feel like Christine knows me. I know her and I do my best to listen to her and give her what it is I believe she wants.

Lewis sips his drink. "Look, I don't know either Christine or Vi... Violin... or what's her name..."

"Viola," I correct him smiling.

He continues, "... but I think you should stick with Christine. You've seen enough in her to make you want to get married. From what you're telling me, all you do with Viola is fight. If you're doing that and you haven't even been on a date yet? Maybe you should walk away."

I'm silent as he listen to Lewis' advice.

"How many women did you date before Jenna?"

'One," Lewis replies. "I just knew Jenna was the one when we met."

"Don't you think you learn more, the more you date?"

"You're never going to learn more about women the more you date. You can't figure them out. They're a breed apart: You'll learn as much

from one as you will from manyet

Besides, you must have learned quite a bit even if you've never dated seriously before. All those one night stands you've had in life. At least you must have learned what pisses them off."

I laugh. "That I have."

"Well. There you go then. You've had your share of learning. The fact is this, you met Christine and felt enough of something to ask her to marry you. You never felt that before. Follow your heart. Playing with the Violin, that way lies trouble," he finishes nodding his head at me knowingly.

"Thanks," I reply. Lewis remarks make sense. I knew I could rely on him for some clarity.

"One more thing," Lewis says, "It's

been your life policy to love 'em and leave 'em. Now you've decided to change that. That's good. It's only natural to want to go back to what you had before. So when the Violin showed up you began to doubt your decision. Stick with your decision. Believe in yourself. Believe in love. Not all marriages go the way of divorce."

"Thanks, Lewis. I really appreciate your advice," I say.

"Great, you're welcome. Any time brother. Now what's happening on the TV?" Lewis asks and we turn our attention to the baseball game on the TV and order another round of drinks.0000