Chase: and the girl who came back

I lay awake for hours. My mind is on the certain blue-eyed girl. Talking to Arden, Ally, and Rhys didn’t help to ease the confusion she awakens inside me.

I needed to talk through some of the stuff in my head. To know that it was okay to have these feelings. Rhys mostly stayed quiet while Arden and Ally told me it was okay and threatened me if I fucked it up.

Arden, Ally and Rhys all crashed at my house, just like any typical Friday night. Arden and Rhys have a spare room set up, and Ally just takes the couch.

I roll over and can smell her shampoo on my pillow. I close my eyes and remind myself how her hand felt in mine, how much I liked having her cuddled up to me. I especially liked how her lips felt against mine. It was only a short kiss but in that moment her guard dropped, and I could see her. Only her.

I love my friends for going the extra distance and welcoming her in. I think that even if I didn’t have these feelings towards Yasmin that they’d still be recruiting her into the group. She fits with us. Her and Arden go head to head daily, and it is funny to watch.

The only person who still has their guard up around her is Rhys. I see him glare at her sometimes. He doesn’t trust easily. When Rhys first arrived at Canary Bay, he was quiet and angry. He still is. He carries so much anger around but it’s scary because he’s cold and calculating. Nothing he does is without reason. He just got better at hiding.

Two weeks after he started at school, he saw an older guy make a pass at Ally, had her pinned up against the wall trying to kiss her. Everyone was in class, so the halls were deserted. Ally was struggling in the guy’s hold. Rhys saw what was happening, walked straight up to them, pulled the guy off Ally, and then proceeded to let lose on him. By the time Ally could get a teacher to break them up, Rhys had broken his nose, fractured his cheek and broke two ribs.

Sexual harassment isn’t taken lightly here, and it turns out that the guy had a record for it. He was expelled and sent away by his parents. Rhys managed to walk away with a week’s suspension. Being the principal’s son has some advantages.

Ally told us what had happened. Both Arden and I were so pissed off that Rhys got to beat the crap out of him. Even though we were angry, we were grateful that Rhys was there to stop it.

The day he came back to school we asked if he wanted to sit with us. He’s been with us ever since.

He has moments when it seems like he is warming to Yasmin and then he pulls away again.

Unable to sleep, I throw back the covers and grab my favourite black hoodie from the chair in the corner of my room. The alarm clock flashes 6am. I missed my chance to meet Yasmin for a walk. I’m not sure she’d go that early on a Saturday. I really need to get her phone number so I can ask her to text me when she goes for a walk. I don’t want to miss out on just being able to be with her, even if we do walk in silence.

Voices in the kitchen automatically make me happy. It means Mum and Grandpa Wilson are home. It feels like I haven’t seen either of them this week.

I walk into the kitchen and head straight for Mum. I envelope her small frame in a hug.

Mum pours me a coffee while I quickly give GW a hug and then sit at the table to catch up with them both.

“I saw Arden before he left this morning,” Mum says as she places my coffee in front of me and sits as well. I wrap my hands around the cup, letting it warm my hands.

Since when is Arden awake before me?

“Where is he? It’s not like him to be up before me. Especially on a Saturday?”

“He said he had to do something. But he had a coffee with me before me he left and caught me up on what’s been going on this week.” She says narrowing her eyes at me. I know that look. I’m in trouble for not telling her.

It’s no surprise that Arden spoke to Mum. she’s pretty much the closest thing he has to a mum. His birth mum up and left after he was born. His dad is on wife number three, and the current stepmunster pretty much just pretends he and his sister don’t exist. She travels with Arden’s dad.

“He told me about Yasmin and Millie. But mostly Yasmin.” Mum pauses as if she’s choosing her next words carefully. “He told me what happened yesterday. Why didn’t you message or call me?”

For a minute, a wave of guilt hits me. I tell Mum everything. I just didn’t know how to tell her about Yasmin. Yasmin is different. Before I can reply, Mum continues, giving me a reprieve from answering a question I don’t know the answer to.

“Not Yasmin and Millie Turner?” GW asks over the top of his paper. My head snaps to face him.

“Yeah. Do you know them?” I ask curiously.

How would GW know them?

“I haven’t seen those girls in years.” Years??? What the hell is he talking about? I’m confused.

“Fourteen years. It’s been fourteen years.”

“What’s going on? I have no idea how either of you know them?” I say a little frustrated. I look back and forward from mum and GW waiting for one of them to clue me in.

Wait. I replay the conversation I had with her yesterday. She said Ms Turner was her grandmother, but said that she didn’t really know her.

“I looked after Yasmin and then Millie when she came along. You and Yasmin were inseparable.” Mum looks off into the kitchen and then back to me, she gives me a small sad smile before she continues. “Their dad David was your father’s partner. When Yasmin was born, everything was okay for the first week. Then one night David got called home by a neighbour. Yasmin had been screaming for hours. Debbie had gone off on a bender and left her at home alone.”

I watch Mum as she speaks, not completely understanding what she’s telling me.

“David didn’t know what to do, so he asked if I’d babysit. I was pregnant with you and wasn’t working so I didn’t mind. We thought it’d only be temporary. Because when Debbie finally came home, David checked her into rehab.” Yasmin told us that her mum had died, but never went into detail, I wonder if it was an overdose? I wait for Mum to continue speaking. GW has put down the paper and is listening.

“Rehab didn’t work. She got out and fell back into old habits, so I looked after Yasmin pretty much fulltime. Your dad and David were trying to work their way up, so they took as many shifts as they could, which left me at home with two babies once you came along.” Mum wipes away a tear. I can tell this is painful for her. I don’t know why she hadn’t told me about all this before.

“You did a fantastic job Natalie,” GW says as he gives her hand a slight squeeze. Encouraging her to continue.

“Only because I had you to help.” Mum says to GW and offers him a small smile before continuing. “For three years, I raised you and Yasmin with GW’s help. Neither your father of David were much help. It got to the point that David just left Yasmin here and occasionally came to visit. Your father started spending more and more time at David’s so he could sleep without being disturbed.” More tears stain Mum’s cheek and she no longer wipes them away. I reach out and hold her hand. I don’t know what else to do to comfort her at the moment.

“I’m sorry Mum.” I offer her an apology. I’m sorry for what she went through.

“You have nothing to apologise for. You children were innocent in all of this.” She tells me reassuringly.

“What happened? Why did they leave?” I ask. I need to know what happened. I knew when I first laid eyes on Yasmin that there was some familiarity there. That part of me knew her. I just couldn’t figure out how or what.

“Debbie and David were on again, off again until she got pregnant with Millie. She stuck around during the pregnancy but the day she had her, she checked out of hospital and disappeared again. We were use to her disappearing for days or even weeks at a time. David brought Millie around and then that was it. I had two three year-olds and a newborn. GW moved in to help because your father chose that week to officially move out.”

What? Mum and Dad separated? How did I not know that? Mum would just tell me that Dad was at work.

“You and Dad separated?” I ask shocked that I didn’t know.

“Yeah, I chose not to tell you. I wanted to wait until you were older and would understand. He was never here anyway and while Yasmin was around, nothing else mattered to you. It was sweet watching you together. She’d wake up screaming at night and wouldn’t stop until I put you in the bed with her. You were the only person able to calm her down.”

I think back to earlier in the week. I think I might still be that person. Just neither of us knew it.

“You, Yasmin and Millie were all that mattered. I had known your father and I were over for months. Neither of us wanted to admit it.”

“Then what happened? Why did they leave?” I wait for Mum to finish telling me the story. I have a feeling I know what’s coming, but I need her to confirm. A few years back, GW finally caved and told me how Dad really died. Mum would always just tell me it was on the job.

“Just before you turned four, your father died. He and David were called to a disturbance at a local drug dealer’s house. Debbie was there. Things happened and your father was shot. Died almost immediately. Debbie was sentenced to six months in rehab and David chose to have her do it up North. He decided a change of scenery might help. He showed up one night, put the girls in the car, and I never saw them again.” Mum starts sobbing and GW gets up to comfort her.

“Why didn’t you stop him? Did you try to contact him?” I’m angry and I know at the moment it’s misplaced. It’s not Mum’s fault.

“He was their father, I didn’t have any rights to the girls. I tried to call him for weeks, he never answered. Eventually he changed his number and that was it. I didn’t even know where they moved to. I tried to find them.”

I look around the room with new eyes, trying to remember something about Yasmin, anything. We’ve lived in this house my entire life. Looking around at the pictures on the walls, I voice my thoughts. “Is that why there are no pictures of me as a baby?” I remember Ally asking Mum when we were younger and for the life of me, I can’t remember what excuse Mum gave.

Mum nods her head and wipes her eyes. “Yes, it was to hard to look at all the reminders. You were devastated when ‘Your Yasmin’ was gone. It wasn’t until you met Arden and Ally that I got to see you happy again.”

“Why don’t I remember them?” I knew when I first saw Yasmin that she was familiar, and I was drawn to her in a way that I couldn’t explain.

“It’s called childhood amnesia. I had taken all the photos down as suggested by the child psychologist, she thought it would benefit you more if you weren’t constantly reminded of the person you were missing. Especially because I thought we would never see them again. Over time, you stopped asking about Yasmin.”

“Do you still have the pictures?” I ask.

Mum nods and gets up to leave the room. “I’ll get them.” Her voice is quiet and sad.

“Losing those girls devastated your mother. More than your father leaving did,” GW says and I look up at him. I’d forgotten he was here.

“You stayed even after Dad left?” It’s more of a statement than a question. I already know he stayed; I’m hoping he’ll tell me why.

“I did. I didn’t agree with your father and your mum needed my help. You are my family. I’ll do anything for my family. Your mum has tried over the years to tell me I could leave, that she’d be okay. But honestly Chase, this is my home,” GW explains. I overheard a conversation he and Mum had once about it.

Mum tried to tell him that he needed to go out and have a life. He didn’t need to worry about us so much. He pretty much told her to stop being silly. He had golf, me, and her. He didn’t need or want anything else.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me Mum and Dad separated?” I ask. I haven’t really had time to process it, but I don’t think I’m upset by it. More confused. I vaguely remember Dad never being around and I know I wasn’t really upset when he died.

“He died not long after he moved out. We decided not to taint the image you had of him further. I know he wasn’t father of the year and I’m more than disappointed in him. He missed out seeing what an incredible young man his son grew up to be. I’m proud of you. You didn’t need more reasons to resent him.”

“I never resented him.” I didn’t. I didn’t miss him because I didn’t know what life was like with him in it. How can you miss something you never had?

“You didn’t and I’m so proud of you for that,” Mum says making me jump. I didn’t realise she was standing there.

How long has she been listening?

I offer her a smile and she responds with a small smile of her own. She places a box on the table and stands behind me as I start to look through photos of myself and little girl with bright blue eyes. Ones that now seem so familiar.

“That photo was taken the day that Millie arrived. You two were playing mummies and daddies. It was the most adorable thing ever,” Mum explains as I look at a photo of Yasmin and I as toddlers fussing over baby Millie.

“You two wouldn’t leave the poor girl alone. I even caught you waking her up just so you could give her a bottle,” GW says with a laugh.

I flick through more photos. Almost every picture has Yasmin and I together. Mum was right, we really were inseparable.

“Arden wants to have a barbeque here this afternoon. Do you think Yasmin will come?” Mum asks, hopeful.

“I can ask her. I don’t know how to tell her about all this. I don’t think she knows.” I’m worried Yasmin won’t take the information well. How will she feel knowing her dad took her away from us?

“I can tell her if you’d like? Why don’t you invite them over for breakfast?” I’d feel better with Mum being here when she finds out. She was here last night and didn’t seem to remember anything but maybe seeing Mum and GW might trigger some memories.

“Okay, I’ll shower and go see her.”

I look out the window in the living room and notice her dad’s car isn’t in the driveway. Slipping on a pair of shoes, I walk out the front door, not bothering to lock it, and make my way to her house.

I appreciate her Bug, Wander. I know she restored the vintage car herself; this girl is full of surprises. Mr Williams told me on Friday that he would like Yasmin to join Arden and I with the cars we work on. I have a feeling it’s because he knows that Arden has no intentions of helping.

I knock on their door quietly, so I don’t wake the girls if they are sleeping. I can hear Daisy on the other side of the door. A few minutes later, Yasmin answers. She takes my breath away. Her hair is in a bun on top of her head. A few strands have fallen lose and hang around her face. Her cheeks are slightly flushed, her lips the perfect shade of pink. Her eyes are the brightest blue I have ever seen. I take my time admiring her. She’s wearing her Disney princess pjs, multi-coloured toe socks, and a baggy Mickey Mouse T-shirt with her dressing gown pulled over but not tied at the waist. Obvious that she threw it on to answer the door.

“Good Morning.” I say finding my voice.

“Morning.” She grumbles. Daisy dashes out from behind her. She nuzzles my leg so that I will crouch down to pat her.

“Arden wants to have a barbeque at my house this afternoon.” I cut straight to the point.

“I know, he text me earlier to ask me. Actually, he more demanded that I must attend, no excuses and that Millie is also required to be there.”

I let out a laugh. Sounds like Arden. He forced Yasmin to give him her phone number in case she ever had another episode and needed help.

“That sounds like him. I have another request. I was talking to Mum this morning. She’d like you and Millie to come for breakfast.”

“What? Why?” Yasmin starts to freak out.

I reach out and grab her hand. Anchoring her to me. It works; she stops freaking out.

“It’s not what you think. She isn’t going to interrogate you. She wants to talk to you. She knew you when you were a baby. I can’t say much else. I only found out this morning. I think it’d be best coming from her. Please come to breakfast. It’d really make Mum’s day.” The last part comes out like I’m begging.

I felt Mum’s pain this morning when she was telling me the story. I don’t want her to feel like that. I would do anything to make her smile, even if it means begging the girl I like to come and meet the parents.

“What, how is that possible?” Yasmin is obviously just as confused as I was. Well, still am.

“Just come to breakfast. Mum will explain.”

She thinks for a minute. “Okay. Let me get Millie up and we’ll come over.”

I smile at the thought of possibly getting to spend some time with her alone. “Thank you. Stay in your pj’s if you want. Mum will be in hers until at least lunchtime.”

Her soft laugh washes over me. I need to make her laugh more often. The sound is like music to my ears.

“You don’t have to tell me twice. We’ll be over in about twenty minutes. The mention of breakfast should get Mills up and moving.”

“See you soon.” I start walking back down her driveway. Daisy is following me.

“Daisy back here!” Yasmin calls from her door. Daisy doesn’t listen, just stands beside me where I’m stopped.

“It’s okay, she can come for breakfast as well.”

“Okay, Daisy be good for Chase,” she says as she closes the door. I lean down and pat Daisy again before walking home.