CHAOS (Beneath The Secrets Book 1)

Song- Mine, Sleep Token.

While Sofia puts Maeve down for the night upstairs, I get busy with my ‘date night’ plans. It’s not so easy to organize this when you have a kid, so I thought I’d bring the experience to our home.

Sofia was upset yesterday. I’ve never wanted to punch a woman before. But hearing how nasty her roommate is, I’m glad she got away from that toxic bitch.

So I thought, tonight, once Maeve is down for the night, I’ll cook her a nice dinner and treat her like a damn princess. She deserves it. She might not like being spoiled, but that won’t stop me.

My girls will have everything they could ever dream of, I’ll make sure of it.

After lighting an obscene amount of candles to illuminate the dining room, I dim the lights and scatter yellow rose petals over the table, then place the chilled champagne in the center.

I clap my hands together, admiring my handiwork.

I want to know every single thing about her. Now I have her in my life, I can never let her go.

I’m plating up the pasta into fancy ass bowls as I hear Sofia creep down the stairs. I’m giddy excited, anticipating her reaction.

“Mr. Carter. What is this?”

“This, sweetheart, is our first official date.”

I sense her behind me without even turning. She slides her hands under my top, running them up my abs. I’m about ten seconds away from tossing the pasta across the room and jumping her. But I won’t. I want this to be special.

“We’ve done all of this a bit backwards, haven’t we?” she giggles.

I drop the spoon in the saucepan and turn to face her.

The smile that lights up her face makes my heart race. The entire reason for my existence is this moment.

“There’s no right way to do anything, baby. I’d say the way we’ve done it is pretty damn incredible, don’t you think?” I press my nose against hers and grip her hips.

“I think so. Being here, with you, makes me happy. You really are one of the good ones, Jax.”

My eyes close. I’m not. I’m far from it. I never will be. But I’ll try my hardest for her.

“No, tigritsa. I’m not a good person at all.” I glide my nose along her smooth cheek, down to her neck.

“But that doesn’t matter. I will always be your good boy.”

She giggles as I suck on her throat and pat her ass.

“Now, it’s your turn to be a good girl for me. Go and sit down. We eat. We talk. And then…” I trail off.

She plants her hands on my chest, and her dark green eyes meet mine.

“And then, what?” she asks, biting down on that full bottom lip.

“I fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.”

Her lips form an ‘o’.

“Or do you want it slow and sweet?”

She taps her chin, pretending to debate which one. I tug her towards me, flush against my body. “Let’s do both. Either way, I’m tasting every single inch of you tonight.”

She shivers against me as I release her.

“Sit.” I follow behind her with the food and pull out her chair for her and then sit in mine. After a day of training for my next fight, I’m starving.

I watch as she takes her first bite, letting out a little moan that has me shifting in my seat.

“Good?” I ask, taking my own mouthful.

My dad used to make this all the time growing up. I thought I’d get sick of it. But, as time has gone on, it reminds me of him, so I keep eating it.

“Mm, yes. Very.” She smiles. “So, you like to cook?” she asks.

I twirl my fork in the pasta as I contemplate the answer. “Not really. I was never really home enough to cook.”

She nods slowly. “Will you still be away from home a lot?” She starts poking at her food.

I lean over and place my hand over hers. “No. I have a reason to want to be here now. Although, my work does have some less than social hours. I can’t help that.”

“Boxing? You train in the day, right?”

Leaning back in my chair, I bite down on my tongue. I suppose now is as good of a time as any. Drop the bomb and hope she doesn’t run.

“The boxing, yes. I do that during the day. The stuff for the mafia can be any hour that Mikhail or Nikolai needs me.” I watch her closely.

She coughs, dropping her fork. “Excuse me? You are joking, right?” She fixes her gaze on me.

“No, baby. I am not joking. I’ve done this for years. Back in New York, I was with another family. It’s what I do, what I’m good at.”

She frowns. “Is that how you’ve got all of this?” She waves her hands in the air dramatically.

“No. Not all of it. My father died when I was younger. He left me everything he had. Turns out, it was a fuck ton. Between that, the boxing, and the mafia, I’ve got enough for anything we want.”

A few moments of silence pass.

I stuff in another mouthful despite my appetite leaving me rapidly.

“Well, fuck.” She blows out a breath and slumps back in her chair.

I can feel the cogs in her brain turning, and it’s putting me on edge.

“I don’t want to hide shit from you, Sofia.”

She fidgets with the hem of her blouse before looking up. “Is Maeve safe?”

“Yes.” I don’t hesitate in my answer. No one would get close enough to even breathe in her space.

“You promise me?”

“I swear it. Mikhail’s operation is solid here. I would never let anyone close enough to hurt either of you.”

I keep the issue of Brody’s biker gang to myself for now. It’ll be taken care of soon.

Picking up her fork, she stabs a piece of pasta and eats it. “What about you?”

I raise an eyebrow at her. “What about me?”

“Are you safe? Should I be worried about you not coming home to me?”

“I’m fine, baby.”

“Make sure it stays that way. Jax, I mean it. If I, at any point, feel it’s unsafe for Maeve, I’ll have to take her away.”

I drop my fork and it clatters against the table as I stand.

“No.”

“No?” She pushes out her chair and stands in front of me, a grin twitching on my lips.

“It’s my job to protect you and our daughter. Let me do it. You don’t run from me, Sofia. You know that I will chase you. I’ll never stop. But you need to understand something⁠—”

“Oh, do I?” She tips her chin up to me and I lace my fingers around her neck, my thumbs framing her jaw.

“Yes. That I’d give up my own fucking life for you and that little girl upstairs. Without even blinking, I would do that for you. I’ll keep you safe. I’ll give you everything. Just never, ever, threaten to leave me like that again.” It would break me to pieces. I’ve just found them, yet they consume my every thought.

They are providing me a lifeline I never knew how badly I needed.

“I’ve lost people who meant everything to me before. I’ll never let that happen again.” My voice almost shakes as I say the words.

I couldn’t protect Kai. People I love die.

But this, I won’t fuck up. I can’t.

“I hear you, Jax.”

Relief washes over me. I release her and step back.

It’s not until I look up that I find passion in her eyes as she stares back at me.

“I trust you. Don’t break that.”

My heart is pounding in my chest, my brain spinning at the dark places it just sent me to.

I run my hand through my hair, trying to regain some sense of control over my own damn mind.

“Never.”

She loops her arms around my neck and drags me down, pressing her lips against mine. “Now eat. You promised me a date night.”

Stealing another quick kiss, we sit back down and finish off the rest of our food. It’s followed by strawberry cheesecake and the rest of the bottle of champagne.

I sit back in my chair, just taking in her beauty as she speaks. Her favorite color is yellow. Her dream is to be a psychologist. Her parents died in a crash when she was eighteen. How can she talk about it so easily? I’m almost jealous. I can barely say Kai’s name still. She craved cherry yogurt when she was pregnant with Maeve. She used to do ballet, which explains why her stripper moves were so damn good.

She pauses in her talking and looks down at her hands. “I was thinking, we need to get Maeve’s last name changed–to add Carter.”

I open my mouth to speak, but the words don’t follow. I hadn’t even thought about that. Ideally, I want them both having my last name.

“I-I didn’t know your last name, so I gave her mine.”

She’s nervous, shifting in her seat. I nudge closer and rest an arm over her shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’d love that, sweetheart.”

“Maeve Garcia-Carter.” Her gaze rises to meet mine with a hopeful look. “I kinda assumed you’d have a Russian last name, seeing as you seem to speak it? Tigritsa and all that?”

“Want to know a story?” I whisper into the top of her head.

“I do.”

“My real last name is–well, was–Kuznetsov. My dad was Russian, my mom, as you know, half Armenian. So I was Jax Kuznetsov. When my parents split and my dad took me to live with him, he told me I needed an American last name. It was safer that way. So I became Jax Carter.”

“Legally?”

“Yep. So Maeve will be a Carter, too.”

“A proper family.” She looks up at me and beams. “To think, all of this started with a game of never have I ever.”

“Best game ever.” I lean in, my fingers digging into her exposed thigh. That little black nightdress has been teasing its way up every damn time she crosses her legs.

“Never have I ever eaten out a woman on my dining table.”

“Oh, that’s good. Seeing as I’ve been having dinner off of it.”

I smirk at her, running my tongue along her jaw. “I’ve got a better one.”

“Hmm, hmm.”

“Never have I ever had a woman back in this house.”

She pulls back, eyeing me suspiciously. “I don’t believe you.”

I hold up my hands.

“Truth. I haven’t slept with another woman since New York. Two damn years ago.”

She blinks at me in disbelief. “There is absolutely no way. You’re gorgeous. You’re, well, you. Girls must be falling at your feet for the King of Chaos.”

“Well, the King had a pretty high standard set by this beautiful, unattainable little redhead. Who left the next morning and took part of his broken heart with her. I’ve simply been existing. Those women, they didn’t spark me back to life like you did. So, I didn’t want them.”

That night was the first time since Kai’s death I felt anything. I clung onto it. I’ve tried to get this woman off my mind. I’ve fucked around, but I never go through with it. They do nothing for me. That night with Sofia was all I needed to get myself off.

“No wonder you chased me if I had that effect on you.” She sips her champagne, hiding her smile behind the rim of the glass.

“Life changing and unforgettable, sweetheart.” I wink.

“It is starting to blur in my mind, Jax. I think I need⁠—”

I don’t let her finish her sentence. I knock my chair over in my haste to stand and lift her into my arms, dropping her down onto the table.

“I’ve had your taste on my tongue for two years. Spread those legs and let me hear how much you love me eating you,” I growl in her ear and step between her thighs.