CHAOS (Beneath The Secrets Book 1)

Jax has been here more than he hasn’t for the last few days and seems to be getting a little more comfortable with the new dynamic.

Being a daddy looks good on him.

Maeve seems to adore him already. She shrieks and giggles when he walks in the door, her chubby fingers clasping the air, begging him to pick her up.

But I haven’t seen him since yesterday.

It shouldn’t make me doubt anything, but it’s hard not to. So soon in all of this, my own worries seem to pop up so easily.

Maybe I should start doing things differently. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life flitting from one crappy job to the next.

What if this thing with Jax doesn’t work out? He’s a famous boxer. I know he has women throwing themselves at him.

How long before he gets bored?

He makes me feel so amazing.

But so did Brody, for a while.

A tendril of fear winds through me. I need to prepare myself. So, I spend the morning researching schools and financial options to see what I can qualify for to go back to and finish my degree.

With a bachelor’s, it will open the door to get a job in a clinical office while I work on my master’s.

There’s even a grant application on one site.

What the hell? Might as well fill it out.

It looks like if I take only a class or two per semester, I’d be done before Maeve is old enough to go to kindergarten.

I could give her a better life, even without Jax.

A heavy knock startles me before the door swings open.

His smiling face locks on mine before searching for Maeve, playing on her mat on the floor.

“Hi, my beautiful girls.” Jax reaches down and scoops his laughing daughter into his arms.

He’s every bit the perfect-looking dad.

It hurts to think this could be temporary. But when he leans over and kisses me, the fire that spreads through my body covers any doubts.

“I have a surprise for you. Well, two. I was wondering first if I could take my girls out on a date?”

His brown eyes light up as he watches me.

A butterfly of excitement flutters in my belly. “That would be nice.”

Maeve knots her hand in his hair, making him wince.

“Easy, baby girl. I’ll take that as a ‘yes’ from you, too.” He carefully untangles her fingers and slides her down so she’s sitting on his hip.

Getting off the couch, I start walking to my room. “I need to change. Where are we going?”

His gaze burns down my body. “You look amazing. We’ll be inside and outside. What you’re wearing is perfect.”

I glance down at my stained tank top and holey shorts. “Um. I’ll be right back.”

Swapping into a light green sundress, I brush out my ponytail and throw on fast makeup before meeting him back in the living room.

He’s sitting on the floor with Maeve, reading her a book. I think my mascara is running already. He’s so adorable.

“Oh, tigritsa…” he groans when he sees me.

A flame ignites in my chest. “Well, let’s go before she needs a nap.” I wink at him, hoping he gets my hint.

He clears his throat and stands holding Maeve. “Does she have a bag? I’ll grab it.”

When he slips the strap over his shoulder, I swear I’m dreaming.

A deep purple Land Rover sits in the driveway. It almost has an iridescent look when I walk closer.

Jax walks to the rear passenger door and opens it.

“Let me get the car seat out of my—” My words choke as I see him settling her into a brand new pink one.

He’s thought of everything.

“You won’t need that one anymore, sweetheart.” Jax sticks out his fist, knuckles up. “Hold out your hand.”

Hesitantly, I flatten my palm beneath his.

He drops a key fob with a tiny purple tiger charm. “It’s yours.”

I freeze, staring at him.

“Jax.” Words disappear.

His fingers curl mine around the black plastic before he gathers me in his arms. “I want to take care of you. Both of you.” His soft lips touch the tip of my nose. “Now, let’s get going. It’s already getting hot out here.” Spinning me, he guides me around the front to the driver’s side.

“Jax, I…” I’m still speechless.

He laughs and helps me slide into the cool leather seat. “Push the brake and hit the button.”

The engine purrs to life and cold air hits me in the face, shocking me back to reality.

“I can’t accept this.” My hands rest on the steering wheel.

Is it cooled?

“Don’t be silly. It’s the very least I can do. You gave me a daughter. You should have something safe to drive.” He shuts the door.

My throat tightens. I’m his baby-mama.

I guess he did want to be a dad. But does he want me?

Not knowing is hard.

“There’s a big kid zone in the casino next to where you work. I thought we could go there?” Jax slides his seat back and stretches his legs out.

“Okay.” This thing drives so smoothly. I don’t have to slam the shifter into reverse twice to make it stick.

There aren’t any warning lights on in the dash, either.

It is a lot better than my car.

I’ve barely parked when Jax hops out and opens the back, pulling out a new stroller that fits the car seat.

“That’s fancy.” I sold the one I had to move to Vegas and haven’t had the money for a new one.

He grins as he pushes Maeve. “Only the best.”

I’m overwhelmed when we get inside by the whirring lights and tinny music playing from every arcade game.

Jax buys a fistful of tickets and pushes us through the crowd to a merry-go-round.

I’ve heard about this place, but have never been here before. It’s too expensive on a waitress’s salary.

Maeve is one lucky little girl.

Watching her legs kick out in joy as he holds her on top of the bobbing horse makes my heart feel full.

She’ll have everything she wants.

It’s uncanny how much they look alike. Same curly brown hair and eyes. Even their smiles are identical.

I do feel a little more at peace now that they are in each other’s lives.

Whether or not I’m in his doesn’t matter.

“Hey, check it out!” Jax weaves Maeve through a group of people and stands triumphantly in front of a punching game. “I’m gonna win you a prize.” He tugs the rings off of his right hand and shoves them into his pocket before handing the man working the booth his ticket.

Jax gives me a wink, pulls his arm back, and hits the bag so hard it sounds like a gunshot.

Maeve startles and starts to fuss, so I hoist her out of her pink ride and hug her to my chin.

A loud buzzer and lights erupt from the top of the machine, pushing her into a full-blown meltdown.

Cradling her teary face into my neck, I coo her as Jax rushes over.

“Shit. I mean, dang it. I didn’t think of it.” His brow furrows as he rubs her shuddering back. “I messed up. I’m sorry.” He clenches his jaw when she pulls away. “Is she okay?” he asks softly, dropping his hand.

“She’ll be fine. She’s just tired. Nap time comes often when they’re little.” My lips press against her temple.

Maeve rubs her nose into her hands and across my collar until her sobs lessen into small whimpers.

Jax watches, a look of helplessness on his face.

“Sir? You won. Did you want to pick your trophy?” A bored looking older man with a thick beard calls out to Jax.

Jax reaches out and strokes Maeve’s head before walking over to the operator.

Who proceeds to pull down the biggest teddy bear I’ve ever seen in my life.

It’s taller than Jax. His sheepish smile peeks out beneath the giant fluffy nose. “Think this will make her happy?” He raises one oval paw in a wave.

Maeve turns to look, then buries her face back against me.

“She’s just tired. That’s enough bear for the whole neighborhood!” I tease him, hoping to lighten his mood.

Frowning, he gathers the stuffed arms around his neck like a backpack, and pushes the stroller with his other hand. “Let’s go. I have that second surprise, anyway.”

By the time we get back to the Range Rover, Maeve is asleep. She shifts easily to her car seat.

This time, Jax takes the wheel.

He’s quiet as we wind through the streets. I can feel the Nevada heat pushing through the tinted windows of the mid-morning sun.

Another hot one.

“I feel crappy for scaring her,” he mumbles. His knuckles pop as he squeezes his fist on his lap.

“It’s fine. She’s only one. That’s what they do. They startle, they cry, they forget. Next time, it won’t be so bad.” I’m not used to seeing him brooding.

We haven’t really spent a lot of time together. Seeing him withdrawing makes me wish I could comfort him, but I don’t know how.

This is all new for him. He’s being thrown into parenthood.

I’ve had a lot longer to get used to it.

A heavy gate blocks our path. Jax pushes a button near the mirror and it slides open before us.

“Where are we?” The house is almost the size of one of the casinos. There’s a sprawling yard with a dark modern building placed stylishly in the middle.

“My, I mean, our house.” He presses another spot, and a wide bay door garage opens.

I can feel the temperature change as he pulls into the dim space.

“Who else lives here?” There’s at least six cars here.

Is that a Lamborghini?

My heart races. I didn’t know a boxer could make this kind of money.

“No one else.” He gets out quietly and pulls a sleeping Maeve out in her car seat. “I want to show you something.” He clicks his tongue piercing against his teeth.

I’m learning he does that more when he gets nervous.

What does he have to worry about? By the looks of this place, he has everything he could ever want.

Or, whoever.

My stomach knots.

He leads me into a foyer that ties in with the front door and into a spacious living room.

Is that a playpen? And a toybox?

“Jax? Why is there foam on all the corners?”

His smile grows as he sets our sleeping baby on the floor and pulls her from the seat. “It’s for her. Nikolai helped me make it safe for her.”

I spin around, taking it all in. “This is very sweet, Jax.”

He reaches out and takes my hand, pulling me with him down the hall.

A nursery, decked in pinks and purples, is filled with a new crib, a changing table, even a rocking chair.

This is too much.

“Oh, wow, this will be great when she stays with you.” I withdraw my hand and hug my belly.

“‘Stays with me’? Where do you think you’re going?” He lowers Maeve onto the crisp sheets of her bed and turns to me with dark eyes.

“I don’t think it’s right that I’m here. What if you meet someone else? You want your baby mom cramping your style?” I try to wave nonchalantly, but the emotions are getting too hard to hold back.

His palms wrap around my upper arms and he makes me face him. “Why the hell would I want to do that? And you’re not just my baby momma, you’re mine.”

“Am I really?” Searching his eyes, I can’t find any shred of doubt in them.

“Damn right. Mine, all fucking mine. I told you, I wasn’t letting you get away this time. I meant it.” His lips crash against me, silencing any argument I may have had.

It’s strange going back to my place, knowing I’m emptying it out.

Jax offered to come with me, but I thought it was better for me to go alone so I could talk to Anna.

“So, that’s it? He shows up and you just run to him?” She pushes her blonde hair behind her shoulder.

“You know it’s more complicated than that. He’s Maeve’s father. He needs a chance to get to know her.” The good thing about being broke, there isn’t much to pack. “Besides, I thought you’d be happy I’m leaving. You’ve been, well, distant lately.”

Anna leans her tall body against the counter and crosses her arms. “Well, I think you should take him for everything you can. Sue him for child support and run.”

It’s like I don’t even know her anymore. “Why would I do that?”

“Just think of everything you can do with his kind of cash? It’s the perfect situation. You don’t have to stay with him.” Her eyes widen and a smile spreads over her face. “Remember, we always talked about buying a villa outside of Cabo? We could do that now, with his money.”

I shake my head.

“It’s more important that Maeve gets to know her dad. For me, too.” Pushing the last of Maeve’s toys in my stretched duffel, I set it next to the door.

“You know, it was supposed to be my shift that night, Sof. If I had ended up with him, I would have made sure you were taken care of. I’ve supported you through your wedding disaster, your pregnancy, and now this?” Her hands land on the back of the couch as she lowers her face to be even with mine.

“He has a Lamborghini. He can afford whatever you ask of him.” As if to emphasize her word, she peels a torn corner of fabric from the upholstery to reveal a spring sticking out. “This is what you’re leaving me with?”

I shouldn’t have told her about his cars. But I had to when she asked about the new Land Rover I drove.

I’ll have to ask him to come over with me next time to pick my old car up.

It will be almost embarrassing parking it with his other expensive vehicles.

“Fine. Whatever. Just don’t forget your friends, Sof.” She holds out her hand, palm up.

“What? I don’t have any cash.” Does she think he just threw money at me?

“The key, Sof.” Her blue eyes narrow. “I have to find another roommate now.”

Shit.

I hadn’t thought of that.

“I’m sorry. I’ll make sure I cover my share through the end of the month.” My lip trembles.

Is this the end of our friendship? Over a guy?

“That’d be nice. You can just cash app.”

I drop the worn brass key into her hand and leave before the tears start to fall.