. Apostasy . A Luna's Struggle

Mature content 16+ for violence, abuse, rape aftermath

Her ragged clothes were torn to shreds, not even a piece big enough to cover her nakedness was left. She hissed in pain as she held a wadded ball of dirty cloth between her legs, she was bleeding from inside. Her face was so swollen with welts she could barely open her eyes. Bruises covered her thighs, breast, and hips. Claw marks and bites covered her body. Her shoulder pulsed and throbbed where he had marked her. It wasn’t the gentle bite of the loving mate she had always prayed for, but the vicious bite of an attacking predator mauling its prey.

The Monarch had looked into her mind and seen all that Beta Randolf had done to her and did the same and worse. She had passed out from the pain. Sometime before mid-morning, only to wake as he rolled her over on her back again. It seemed he was insatiable. She screamed in terror when he twisted her hip out of joint to spread her legs wider. He choked her into silence and she blacked out again from pain. He was gone when she woke.

The sun was sinking from overhead toward the west. She half-crawled toward the pool of tepid water, laying in the baked mud as she sipped it to quench the raw dryness of her throat. A sound made her look up, a reflection of scarlet on the water. A man and a woman stood in red cloaks. She whimpered and tried to crawl away as well as her battered body allowed. Her right arm wouldn’t work at all and she was sure the Monarch had broken it on purpose when he marked her.

“Shh, shhhhh, it’s okay, we won’t hurt you,” the woman’s voice was soft, gentle, like her mother’s voice had once been. It was the voice her mother had used to soothe Anulla’s nightmares. “Don’t run away, you’re hurt, we want to help you.”

The woman continued to speak softly as Anulla whimpered and cowered against a large rock, approaching her with the careful caution of one approaching a wounded animal.

Finally, she reached out and touched Anulla, the warm sensation of benevolence flooded her, “See, I’m friendly. Are you thirsty? I have some fruit juice.”

Anulla’s eyes blurred with tears. Kindness felt strange but so welcome. “Yes please, thank you.”

The woman twisted and pulled a small gold flask from her belt pouch, “I’m Brenna, a healer. Something chewed you pretty bad. This juice is from a high mountain plant, so it may taste strange to a flat-lander like you.”

“Anulla, my name is Anulla,” she whispered as she tipped up the flask just getting a small taste.

It was narcoberry extract, Anulla tried to put it down but Brenna suddenly grabbed her chin, and dumped the rest down her throat, as she gagged on the sickly sweetness. As her world faded to black, Anulla heard Brenna whisper an apology, “I’m so sorry to trick you, but the journey to safety will be easier if you are asleep, Anulla. You are gravely injured. Do not be afraid, you have found friends.”

-^^^^-

The Monarch Wolf watched the doe and two half-grown fawns enter the meadow cautiously. The wolf tensed ready to spring on them. The doe never made a sound as his jaws tore out her throat before snapping to one of the fawns. The other had bleated its distress and run into the tall grass. He didn’t care, it would be dead in days. He tore apart the doe, devouring the soft organs first, then tearing the meat from the bones. Sated and full, he trotted back toward his mate with the fawn in his mouth. She needed fed, she was too thin to bear his pups. The wolf was unhappy with the way his mortal treated their mate, using his greater strength to force submission. Their mate should want to submit. The wolf did not understand his mortal’s motives, he only wanted her wolf, but oddly she was asleep, almost comatose. And then there was that scent.

Their mate had the very faint alkali scent of silver, as if someone had tried to poison their mate. The wolf ran at an easy pace, stopping at the edge of the grotto. A growl vibrated off the stones and trees and rippled the water. His mate was gone. He search the whole shore area. She had crawled to the water and away again, then her scent just turned faint and vanished. The Monarch wolf let loose a great howl of rage that frightened the birds from their trees, but his mate did not appear. She had simply vanished.

-^^^^-

Anulla woke in the softest bed she had laid in in years, her wounds were wrapped, and her hair had been washed. She slowly turned her head in the hazy after-effects of narcoberries. Keira was asleep in a similar bed next to hers. Anulla wanted to sob, they must be at a hospital in the kingdom. She couldn’t remember how she got here. All she remembered was the Monarch raping her over and over in every way, beating and choking her. She had prayed for death every time she passed out. She turned her head and cried softly. A gentle hand took hers and a familiar pair of deep green eyes shared her sadness.

“Who...” Anulla whispered.

She smiled kindly, “Of course you don’t remember, the narcoberries cause short term memory loss. I’m Brenna, a healer. We found you terribly wounded, mauled, and brought you here. My brothers found your friend.” She accented her next words carefully and Anulla was reminded of the way the older females said things that were untrue but supposed to be repeated as truth. “We THINK you were mauled by a BEAR and your little friend got away. We FOUND her near the river.”

Anulla nodded, “Thank you for rescuing us.”

Brenna raised her eyebrow, so Anulla started over, “I mean finding Keira, and me, I’m Anulla. We got lost?”

Brenna nodded, then looked over her shoulder. “The Alpha is here, I am glad we FOUND you both, I am sorry your other friend fell in the river and drowned.”

Anulla didn’t know why it was so important not to tell anyone what happened. She was sure that Brenna knew what had happened to her and she wondered how they had gotten away from the Monarch and his warriors. She didn’t have time to wonder about it because a large male with a small amount of silver in his blond hair and beard, and concerned jade eyes approached her cautiously. The way one would approach a wounded animal, and she had the oddest sense of deja vu.

“Hello little wolf, I am Alpha Troy of the western alliance pack, Central Mountains. It seems like you had quite the adventure. Can you tell me how you came to be so close to our lands?” His voice had a gentle rumble and slight twang.

Anulla wanted to trust him completely, he reminded her of her father and grandfather. “I.. uh we... uh...” she started then blurted out. “There was a fire in the fields, wolves were fighting, so we ran away. Mother told me to run three days until I made it to the mountains, then to ask for the Moon’s temple and for sanctuary.” She almost told him the rest but Brenna’s apprehensive face behind him made her hesitate. “We got lost,” she finished quietly.

“And you were attacked by a bear?” the alpha asked gently.

“I... I don’t remember, Alpha,” Anulla looked at her bandaged arms, white gauze dotted with red covered the places her mate had clawed or bitten her like an animal.

“I’m sorry Alpha Troy, I gave her narcoberry elixir for the pain, she may not remember the attack at all. It is almost time for her next dose,” Brenna said quickly.

Anulla was grateful to her, “Thank you, Healer Brenna.” Taking the small vial and drinking it quickly. The vial was filled with colored water.

“Of course, sweetheart. You rest, I’ll bring you some food later.” The Healer patted her hand as she led the Alpha out.

Anulla listened as they talked in low voices outside the room.

“Tell me the truth, Brenna. What happened to those girls? Where did you find them and why would you bring them here?”

“Troy, you know what the Monarchy does to females who flee. That girl is maybe forteen and the other no more than ten but they are so malnourished I can’t tell you their true age. Both had silver slivers wedged under their skin to keep them from healing and shifting. Both show signs of years of sexual abuse, and Anulla was raped recently. I don’t know why they ran away but I can guess. We were across the river because we were gathering herbals when we found the first girl’s body on the riverbank. Then we found these two nearly dead. There was a large fire in or near Wheatlands, now we know there was some kind of attack. These girls took the chance to escape their torturous lives and seek sanctuary and I will take them to the temple when they are healed,” Brenna insisted.

The Alpha made an unhappy sound, “Things must be worse in the kingdom than our spies tell us, if they are now molesting under-aged girls and silvering them to keep them from healing and shifting. I don’t want you crossing the river for any reason.”

“But what if there are more, what if others make it this far?” Brenna demanded.

“Healer! I said you and your brothers will stay on this side of the river. The alliance is worried, the Monarch might order his warriors to seize females from us. Only one in six females born survives. Their pack and its conquered packs are dying. Accept that the Moon has cursed them and be patient.”

“Yes, Alpha,” Brenna acquiesced but she sounded angry.

“Brenna, no one has forgotten what happened to your sister and the pack she mated into. But we are not dealing with sane wolves. You are a great healer, I need you to stay safe or your cousin will kill me,” the Alpha sounded like his patience was wearing thin.

Brenna laughed, teasing, “Is Mira being mean to the big, bad alpha?”

“Every Alpha fears his pregnant mate more than any enemy. Our wolves turn us into loonies when our mates are pregnant, and a pregnant female is the most vicious creatures know to wolfkind,” he groaned.

“Give her my love, I’ll see her when the girls are strong enough to come to the temple. May the Moon light your way, may Her countenance shine upon you,” Brenna said happily.

“May the Moon bless and protect you and give you Her peace.” Alpha Troy responded as he left..

Anulla wondered about all she heard, especially the last part. She knew those words, she had heard them spoken in the past. She tried to remember everything her mother had told her about the temple of their Goddess and the Prayers, but she couldn’t. She only remembered the night the Beta had caught her saying her prayers, that was the first night he had molested her. Her mind wondered back to the last few days. Her mother’s last words haunted Anulla. Some day she would meet her mate and he would be a powerful wolf. Bitter tears ran down her face, because her mother was dead and her mate was a monster.

A/N:

Trauma recovery therapy is one of the most important things survivors of child abuse can do for themselves or have given to them. No one’s experience is the same, but if you are one of us, you are not alone.

Here are two articles from Psychcentral.com

https://psychcentral.com/blog/recovering-from-childhood-abuse-the-past-keeps-getting-clearer/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/trauma-informed-care-how-cbt-mindful-awareness-are-key-factors-in-repairing-the-brain/

You are not alone. You have nothing to be ashamed of because what happened to you was wrong and not your fault. Seek help to heal and change your thinking.