Alive At Night (Wildflower Series Book 1)

“HEY, GRAY.”

Grayson picked up his phone on the first ring, and I could practically hear the guilt in my voice when I greeted him. I stood at the far end of my apartment, looking out over the cityscape of Boston from the floor-to-ceiling window I had in the corner of my living room. Juni had fallen asleep about thirty minutes ago, and I finally convinced myself to leave her side to make this call.

“Hey, man. Everything okay?”

I wondered if Grayson could tell my mood from those two words alone or if my uncharacteristic lateness gave it away. I never let my friends down. If I told him I’d call him at six, I’d call him at six.

Except I didn’t, and he must have realized something was off.

“Yeah. At least now it is.” I cleared my throat. “Something came up with Juni after work, and I just…forgot about everything else.”

“Fuck, what happened?” Grayson’s voice tensed, and I heard a door click shut from his end of the phone.

“She called me from the bar where her ex had cornered her.”

“The one from high school? Please tell me you kicked his ass.”

“I’ve matured, Grayson.” I paused. “I threatened him with a restraining order. Which I fully intend to help Juni carry through with.”

“Good.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier, man.” A heavy sigh. “I’m really, really sorry.”

“You definitely don’t need to apologize, Jules.” Grayson’s voice filled with exasperation. “I should hope that Juniper is your first priority these days…right?”

He was fishing for some sort of confirmation, and I was all too happy to give it to him.

“She is,” I said firmly. “I’m guessing Noah filled you in on what happened after we came back from the wedding since you two are like gossiping children.”

Grayson chuckled, unfazed. “He might have mentioned that he took Juniper out to dinner and that your reaction was a bit…caveman-esque. We both assumed—or hoped—that the rest was history.”

“You’d be right about that. Juniper won’t be having dinner dates with anyone but me from now on.” I frowned as my thoughts drifted to Noah. I probably owed him a phone call, too. “He never had a football thing the weekend of the wedding, did he?”

“Noah?”

“Yeah.”

“Definitely not,” Grayson confirmed. “He told me it isn’t any fun taking out girls who are already hopelessly in love with other people.”

I rolled my eyes, ignoring how my heart tripped over itself while trying to maintain a steady rhythm at the reminder that Juniper loved me. Those words right there made me feel like I was fucking flying.

“So he’s still trying to do that thing where he tries to hide that he’s a good friend by exaggerating the whole playboy thing, huh?”

“Pretty much.” Grayson sighed into the phone, and it reminded me how late it was.

“We’re getting sidetracked. I’m sure you’re busy, and I should have called earlier.”

“It’s okay,” Gray insisted. “You were focused on Juniper. You think I don’t understand that? If Nessa called me because of that asshat ex of hers, I’d stop fucking everything I was doing. I could be about to win the Super Bowl, and I’d walk off the field.”

I closed my eyes, nodding. I knew that was true. For the last several years, I’d watched Grayson put his family first in every move he made. Of course he would understand.

That was the whole reason that all of this started. So I could help Grayson fight for his family.

“I’m struggling to find a balance,” I admitted for the second time today. “I want to give her everything—all my time and attention. But I know that’s obviously not possible. I don’t know how you do it. How do you be the perfect husband, dad, son, friend, and professional fucking football player all at once?”

At that, Grayson started laughing. Meanwhile, I frowned because here I thought we were having a serious conversation.

“What?”

“Bro, I’m not perfect. I’m far from fucking perfect, and it’s not easy. I have to make sacrifices all the time to keep all the balls in the air, but here’s the good thing.”

I waited, wondering where he was going with this. I hoped he’d just give me the magic answer, but that seemed far from happening.

“Juniper doesn’t expect you to be perfect, Jules,” he said after a dramatic pause. “Not any more than you expect her to be perfect.”

Goddamn him. “I’ve fucked up with her…in the past. A lot. I want to make it right, make it up to her. I want to be perfect.”

“Then just be there. It doesn’t need to be all the time or every moment of every day. But be there when it matters. Be there for the best parts of her day and the worst. And then—this part is even harder—let her be there for you.”

“Why are you saying that like it’s an accusation?” I scoffed. “I’m not the one who didn’t tell his girlfriend that he had a congenital heart defect. I can’t remember…who, exactly, had to tell your future wife about that after you had a stroke and fell into a coma?”

Grayson started grumbling into the phone at that, and I laughed. “You,” he grunted. “Which is exactly why you should learn from me.”

“You’re right,” I agreed.

“I know I am.”

I snorted. Grayson would always be a cocky fucker, but he’d also always be one of the best guys around.

“So…the case,” I prompted.

“Yeah…about that.”

My stomach twisted at the odd note in his voice. He was pissed. He was pissed that I hadn’t taken care of what I’d said I would. Shit.

“Listen, Gray. I just wanted to say—”

“We decided not to go through with it.”

I froze, my mouth still gaping as I waited for Gray to say more. And I couldn’t believe what he said when he did.

“Look, I know you put a lot of work into compiling a case, and I feel like such a complete ass telling you this, but…Nessa wants to let it go, and I do, too. I thought going after this lawsuit would make me feel like I was doing something about what happened, but the reality is, it won’t change the past.”

I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. All I could see was my reflection in the window, intent on catching every word of Grayson’s.

“I realized it just isn’t where I want to put my priorities right now,” he continued. “It’s like we were talking—I don’t want to sacrifice the energy meant for my wife and kids to chase after this. And Nessa agrees. We’d rather focus all our energy on Gabe and Gracie.”

“Gracie?” I choked.

“It’s a girl,” he whispered. “We’re having a girl.”

“Fuck,” I breathed. “Congratulations, Gray. Gabriel’s going to be such a good big brother.”

“Yeah, although I don’t know much about being a good sibling.” Gray exhaled, sounding wistful. Like Juniper, he grew up as an only child. “I guess Gabe will have to rely on his godfather to teach him all about being the best older brother.”

My throat squeezed tight, and I wished to hell that Grayson and his family didn’t live on the other side of the country so I could see them all more.

“I’ll teach him everything I know,” I said, my voice catching.

“Thanks, man.” Grayson’s voice remained soft. “I’m really sorry—”

“It’s my turn to tell you to stop apologizing,” I interrupted. “Let’s face it. It would have been a really fucking hard case to win.”

He chuckled. “You could have done it.”

I shrugged. “Maybe. I was hopeful.”

“I know you worked hard on it,” he acknowledged. “I wish I had reached this conclusion earlier so I hadn’t wasted your time.”

I thought about working on the case with Juniper, all the nights we’d stayed late, all the dinners we ate together, all the little moments when I started to feel more alive.

“You didn’t waste my time at all,” I said finally and with complete confidence.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” I smiled to myself. “That case was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“You’re lying.”

Janie, my mini-me, was staring at me. She hadn’t said anything since I’d announced that I was dating Juniper, but Gianna, on the other hand, kept insisting that I was fucking with them.

“This is absolutely a prank.”

“Gi, it’s not a prank,” I said calmly. “Juniper and I are dating. I am dating Juniper. She is dating me. We’re together. Are you going to help me out here, Gems?”

Gemma shrugged. “I think you’re doing just fine on your own.”

“Don’t think I don’t see that little smirk on your face, Julian,” Gianna continued. “You’re pulling something, and I’m not buying it.”

“It’s not a smirk. It’s a smile,” I laughed.

The accusation didn’t leave her eyes. “I think both prove that you’re up to something.”

“Or maybe I’m just happy.”

“Wouldn’t that be something,” Genevieve muttered.

I couldn’t even get myself to glare in response to Gen. She was right. I’d spent far too much of my life being miserable without Juni, but I wouldn’t ever be going back to that.

“Look, you can find out for yourself in a few minutes. She’s on her way over.”

“Really?” Josie perked up. And damn, I loved how excited she was to see Juni. I loved how perfectly Juni fit into my life, but I hated that I never saw that it could be like this before.

“Really.”

For the next approximately three minutes and twenty-six seconds, my sisters volleyed questions at me while waiting in the living room at my parents’ house. After every question, they stared between me and the front entryway, waiting anxiously for someone to ring the doorbell.

Juni and I had come home for the weekend to celebrate my birthday with my family. Our families. Juni’s parents would be coming over later, and even Sofia and Marc planned to swing by.

That was sort of a happy coincidence; Sofia had reached out that she was going to be in the Boston area this weekend, and Juni was really bummed to have to tell her that she was going to be in Whitebridge. So I told Juni to invite Sofia tonight, too, and Juni was so adorably excited that Sofia said she’d love to join for a bit.

When the doorbell finally rang, I walked to the door, feeling irrationally giddy at knowing Juni was behind it. I could feel the eyes on my back, but I ignored them and focused on greeting my girlfriend.

I opened the door to a tentatively smiling Juni and raised a brow.

“I’m a little nervous,” she explained under her breath, understanding my look perfectly.

“Don’t be,” I chuckled, sweeping her into the house. I shielded her from my sisters, wanting a moment with just the two of us before I lost her attention to them.

She’d walked through those doors thousands of times, but I hoped it felt different today. I hoped she felt the shift in the air that I was experiencing. Just to be sure she understood exactly why that was, I cupped her face between my hands, tipped it back until I saw the sparkle in her eyes, and leaned to kiss her soundly.

Juniper’s lips parted with a gasp, and I took that opportunity to taste her, sweeping my tongue in to stroke hers. Juni responded with the tiniest, sweetest moan that made it clear I needed to pull back before losing it.

“Julian…” she muttered against my lips as they broke from hers. She said my name with a slight admonishment, but it didn’t sound serious. She couldn’t even try to make herself sound serious when she reprimanded me these days.

“Oh. My. God.”

I couldn’t tell which one of my sisters that was. Actually, it might have been two of them talking in unison. They did that sometimes.

“Again?” Juniper kept her eyes on me, sounding panicked. “We have to find a better way to announce this than just kissing in front of people,” she hissed.

I laughed, pulling away. “I already told them, baby.” I turned to see my four slack-jawed sisters. They were all perched on the edge of their seats in various states of shock. “They just wouldn’t believe me.”

Gianna glanced sideways at the other three and whispered, “Did he just call her baby?”

“Oh my God,” Janie choked. “He was telling the truth.”

“No shit, he was telling the truth.” Genevieve laughed. “I’m pretty sure Juni would have already smacked him for that kiss if he weren’t.”

“Juniper,” Josie said, beaming at my girlfriend. “We’re so, so happy that you aren’t smacking Julian, even though I’m sure he probably deserves it.”

Juni cleared her voice, shifting as she smiled back at Josie. She wound her arm beneath my back, sliding into my side, and I couldn’t contain my excitement at the simple gesture.

“Don’t worry.” Juni’s voice was so fucking sweet. “I make sure Julian gets exactly what he deserves.”

She winked at me, and then, as if on cue, my four youngest sisters all jumped out of their spots simultaneously, squealing as they ran straight past me to Juniper. Unsurprisingly, they stole my goddamn girlfriend from me, dragging her into the living room in a fit of screaming and laughing. A look of slight bewilderment danced across Juni’s face, but she was smiling. She was smiling so incredibly wide.

Meanwhile, Gemma sat on the couch, watching the chaos. She wore a grin nearly as wide as Juni.

“Julian!” Janie screamed as if finally remembering that I was also there. “Why the hell did it take you so long to come to your senses?”

“We’ve been waiting for so long,” Gen added dramatically.

Of course. Of course they only acknowledged me just to yell at me.

I rolled my eyes. “You’ll all be happy to know I’m done wasting time, then. Juniper’s moving in with me by the end of next month.”

She was already starting to bring her stuff over gradually, and my apartment was becoming more and more Juni-like by the minute. I was obsessed with it.

“Oh, thank God,” said another dramatic sister. I honestly didn’t catch who because my eyes were currently trapped in Juni’s brown gaze.

But then, movement to her left caught my attention, and I blinked away to realize that Janie was walking toward me. My mini-me slipped under my arm, hugging me.

“I’m happy for you,” she whispered.

I looked down at her. “You’ve known forever, too, huh?”

She shrugged. “We all suspected and hoped it would happen eventually. And we thought it might be soon, considering how you acted at Christmas…but I’m mostly happy because you seem happy.”

I glanced up to find Juniper still watching me, her eyes growing glassy.

“I’m so happy, Janie,” I said quietly, as though it was a secret between the two of us. In reality, it was plain as day for anyone to see.

“Is Juniper staying over tonight?” she asked, eyes flicking between Juni and me as she slowly released me from her tight hug. “After the party?”

Not liking the distance between Juniper and me, I strode back into the living room, directing all my attention toward her. “Do you want to stay the night?” I asked.

“Depends…” Juni cocked her head to the side. “Are you going to get mad if I miscount the doors in the hallway when I’m finding a place to sleep tonight?”

“Only if you end up somewhere that isn’t next to me.”

“Okay, okay,” Gianna broke in. “That is enough cute stuff for now. You’re going to make me wish you’d go back to arguing.”

I stifled my next words, chuckling as I pulled out my phone to text them to Juni instead. Her cheeks were pink as my sisters enveloped her in their conversation, and I couldn’t wait to make them even pinker.

JULIAN: Cute is not how I would describe what I plan to do to you tonight.

I could tell when Juniper felt her phone go off because her eyes immediately darted to me. I restrained a laugh as she struggled to resist the temptation of checking her phone when she knew all my sisters’ eyes were on her.

But eventually, there was a lull in the conversation, and she gave in. Her cheeks dimpled as she read it, and her eyes shone as she rolled them at me.

My parents arrived home with pizza shortly after the big reveal to my sisters, and I didn’t even have to say a word to my mom. She looked at me and then at Juniper, who had crossed the living room to snuggle on my lap, and simply passed me a quiet smile.

My dad must have already told her, but I loved that my mom would never be one to give me the kind of grief that everyone else did. She didn’t know how to do anything but show her love for her kids, and I would forever appreciate that about her. Especially because I knew she’d always loved Juni in the same way.

Katherine and Brooks St. James arrived next. Juniper immediately popped up from her spot and pulled her parents aside. They formed a little huddle in the front entryway, and her dad leaned in conspiratorially, always eager to hear the gossip.

The gossip was about me; that much was easy to tell. I debated whether I should go over there but decided to let Juni have this moment with her parents. Their expressions told me that while they weren’t expecting the news of their daughter dating the guy she’d always claimed to hate, they definitely weren’t shocked. More so surprised that they hadn’t sniffed it out sooner—especially on Brooks’ part.

Katherine gave Juniper a wide, knowing smile before pulling her into a hug, and Brooks’ head swiveled to find me. After giving Juni’s shoulder a squeeze, he sauntered my way, shucking his hands in his pockets.

“I’d give you the talk, but…” He laughed softly. “I know you’ve been looking out for her for nearly as long as I have.”

“I’ll always look out for Juniper,” I said, meeting his gaze so he knew it was true.

But he already did. “I know. But now I need you to make her happy, too.”

“I’m trying my best,” I said honestly.

“And he’s doing a very good job,” Juni cut in, slipping back onto my lap. I wrapped a possessive arm around her. I probably should keep my hands to myself, considering how her dad flashed me a critical eye, but I didn’t care enough to let her go.

Luckily, Sofia and Marc’s arrival cut our conversation short, and Juniper once again hopped off my lap. This time, I followed her to the front door, wanting to greet the couple whose wedding invitation had helped me realize that being Juniper’s boyfriend was a role I never wanted to give up.

Sofia, as bright and cheery as ever, pulled both Juni and me into a hug before turning and doing the same to Juniper’s parents. I watched Juni as she introduced them, catching every bit of her reaction. Her misty eyes and fidgeting hands, which I enveloped in mine. Her smile—such a big, beautiful smile. I regretted all the years and all the things I did that made it disappear.

Juni directed Sofia, Marc, and her parents further into the house, where most of my sisters were huddled around the food. I hung back, watching as Juniper played hostess in a house that I realized was every bit hers as it was mine. I was too in my head as a kid to realize that by constantly reminding Juniper she didn’t belong here, that she wasn’t a part of this family because we didn’t share DNA…it only reinforced that she was alone. Because she didn’t know anyone who shared her DNA.

But now all I saw was family. This was her family—our family. And she belonged here, always had.

“And finally, everything was right in the world.” A voice sighed, and I knew who it was.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to make it right, Gems,” I said without looking away from Juniper. She had a plate full of pizza, laughing as she chatted with Sofia and Marc.

“As long as you don’t fuck it up, I forgive you.”

“I won’t.”

“It’s funny…” Gemma started, her tone of voice making me look at her. Gemma’s eyes shifted to mine before she shrugged and left her thought incomplete.

“What?” If it concerned Juni, I needed to know.

“Oh, I just hardly ever see Juni eat in social situations like this.”

“And why’s that?” I jumped on the opportunity to ask the very thing I’d wanted to know for months.

Gemma bit down on her lip, debating whether or not to tell me. But after a few seconds, she gave in. “It’s mostly anxiety, nerves. Makes her lose her appetite. I think she gets so in her head about not fitting in or being wanted, about people not liking her…”

Her words drifted away, letting me figure out the rest on my own. And I did, my thoughts chasing down memories of all the times I’d urged Juni to eat something. At the football game when I’d introduced her to Noah, on the way to Sofia’s wedding, at Sofia’s wedding…

The early days in the office with me.

I made her nervous. Sharing an office with me made her nervous because she thought I hated it, hated being around her.

But I only hated it because I knew I wouldn’t fucking survive being that close to Juniper day in and day out. I knew all our walls would come crumbling down, and they had been the only thing keeping the status quo intact.

“I thought she’d be really nervous about Sofia coming or about the relationship reveal,” Gemma mused. “But I guess not.”

“I guess not,” I muttered, my eyes tracking Juniper’s movements and her bright smile again.

Later, after dinner and drinks and a round of long-winded goodbyes, I had to snatch Juniper from the upstairs hallway. She kept hovering in the doorway to Josie and Gianna’s room, chatting endlessly with them, and I was tired of waiting.

“Say goodnight,” I whispered in her ear before barely giving her a chance to do it and whisking her away.

Juni protested weakly as I brought her into my childhood bedroom, leading her to my bed. She wore the same pajamas that she’d packed when we went to New York for the wedding, and the memories…well, they were good memories.

“It was nice of Sofia to come,” I said, wanting to hear more of Juniper’s thoughts about the night.

“It was.”

I scanned Juniper’s face, hoping to glean more from her expression. But it was neutral. Calm.

“Would you ever want to reach out to your birth mom?” I asked. “Maybe if she came with Sofia sometime?”

Juniper sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, thinking before she shook her head.

“I don’t think that’s something I need. I think I remind her of something painful, of my birth dad, maybe. I don’t know exactly, but it’s okay. She has her family, and I have mine. It’s been so nice getting to know Sofia, to finally have a sister of my own, but earlier today, my mom reminded me that blood only counts for so much. And I have more than a few people in my life who would consider me their sister.”

“Yes, you do,” I agreed. “A lot of them are in this house.” And in case there was any confusion, I added, “I’m not one of them, though.”

Juniper laughed. It sounded lyrical, magical. “What do you consider me, then, Julian?”

“You’re the love of my life, Juniper,” I answered without thinking twice. “And you are a part of this family, my family. You always have been, and you always will be.”

I didn’t miss the shine in her eyes as she crawled across the bed, cupped my face, and kissed me. She kissed me, and it wasn’t gentle or sweet. She might have smelled like roses and tasted like tears, but there was a fierceness to Juniper that I adored. She would love me as fiercely as she kissed me, and I knew that to be the absolute truth.

“I have to grab something,” she murmured against my lips once her kisses had grown soft.

Before I could protest, Juniper jumped off the bed and crossed the room to rummage in her overnight bag. She pulled out an envelope, bringing it over to me.

“What’s this?” I asked, taking it from her.

She shrugged. “For your birthday.”

“You didn’t need to do this,” I sighed. This was already the best birthday I’d ever had, simply because I had her.

“You don’t even know what it is yet,” she argued with a smile.

“I know it’s something you didn’t need to do,” I said before pulling out the card inside. A folded sheet of paper fell out, and I went for it first, opening it only to realize what she’d given me. Plane tickets. Plane tickets to…

“Grayson told me there’s an alumni game in September,” she said tentatively. “I know I’ll never be able to go back in time and watch you play in college, but I thought maybe you’d be willing to play for me now. Plus, Nessa will have had the baby by then, so I thought you’d probably want to go and visit them, and—”

I cut her off with a kiss because I didn’t have any words. Juniper giggled against my mouth as I whispered thank you between kisses. My thoughtful girl.

“There’s nothing more I’d love than to play for you,” I said honestly. Just thinking about seeing Juniper in those stands, wearing my jersey, had my heart beating faster. “And share my friends with you.”

Juni pulled back, her gaze roaming my face to judge whether or not I was being serious.

“I don’t want to share you, but I’ll share them,” I clarified with a grin, brushing a piece of hair out of her face.

She rolled her eyes before leaning in for another kiss. “You said you weren’t going to be cute,” she murmured.

“This isn’t what I had planned,” I said honestly, taking that moment to sweep Juniper’s body beneath mine, pinning her to the bed.

“What did you have planned?” she asked, all breathless and pretty.

My lips pulled sideways in a smirk as I looked down at her. “Now that you’re finally in this bed, and we’ve established that it is exactly where you are supposed to be, I fully plan on going down on you until you need to scream into my pillow to stay quiet.”

“Julian,” she gasped before giving my shoulder a little push.

I didn’t budge. “That was a pretty weak protest, love.”

“Who said it was a protest?” she said hotly. Juniper rolled her body beneath mine, reminding me of that morning I’d woken up to find her tangled in the sheets with me.

I grabbed the hand that half attempted to push me away and threaded my fingers through hers. Then I used my grip to anchor that hand and the other above her head.

“You’re so needy for me, and I love it,” I said, lowering my voice to a husky pitch.

She raised her hips, rocking against the obvious bulge in my pants. “Look who’s talking, baby.”

“You’re right.” No point in arguing the truth. “Fuck, I’ve definitely imagined you in my bed like this before.”

One of her brows lifted. “Is reality meeting your expectations?”

“Exceeding.” I dropped to kiss her exposed neck. “Definitely exceeding.”

Juniper sighed as I continued to kiss across her soft skin, lowering until I had the swell of her breasts beneath my mouth. But apparently, I wasn’t moving fast enough.

“I want your mouth on me, Julian,” Juniper groaned, wiggling against my body.

“My mouth is on you,” I pointed out.

“That’s not what I meant,” she said through clenched teeth.

“Oh, really?” I smiled, releasing her hands as I inched down the bed, slowly taking her pajama bottoms with me. Then I dropped my face between her legs, nipping at her inner thighs. “Think you can stay quiet?”

She sucked in as I grazed my tongue over her underwear, precisely where I knew her clit was hiding beneath. “I’ll do my best.”

“That’s my girl,” I murmured, and I caught a glimpse of her smile growing out of the corner of my eye. It bloomed, spreading over her face.

“What?” I paused because I needed to know exactly what caused that expression to come over her.

“I just like that,” she said with a shrug. “I like being your girl. I’ve always wanted to be your girl.”

That was the best answer she could have ever given. My heart soared as I let my own smile blossom. “You always have been mine, Daisy. And you always will be.”

Her eyes flashed, sparkling with the Juni-like wonder I knew—and loved—all too well.

“Say it,” I prompted, knowing she had something on the tip of her tongue.

She shook her head. “I don’t need to anymore. I know you’re telling the truth.”

“Say it anyway.”

“Fine.”

Juniper’s eyes rolled up, but then they returned to mine, and I felt sucked in—trapped by the magnetism between us. When she spoke, it was in a sultry, toe-curling whisper.

“Prove it.”

So I did.