Alive At Night (Wildflower Series Book 1)

MY FIRST INSTINCT WAS to push Julian away and pretend like we hadn’t just been making out. But my boyfriend was a stage five clinger who simply drifted his hands to my waist and pulled me in closer when I’d turned to face his sister and attempted my escape.

So instead, I tried to make my case while still in Julian’s arms.

“Gemma, I…”

The words weren’t coming to me. All the things I’d planned to say to her seemed pointless now that she’d seen what she’d just seen. And I was also struggling to compute how Gemma was…smiling.

“I take it everything’s okay?” she asked.

Around us, traffic whizzed by. Horns honked, and the wind howled, January air whipping my skin. The sun had lowered, creating a dusky hue in the sky. The streetlamps had just turned on, casting a glow over Gemma’s head.

“I—what?”

“I was worried, you know,” she went on. “When Julian called me screaming about how—”

“Gemma,” Julian growled. It sounded like some kind of warning, which only made me frown in confusion.

“—you were in trouble,” Gemma emphasized, “I got here as quick as I could. But I knew Jules would be here. He always is.”

Always.

“Everything’s okay,” I reassured. “Greg cornered me in the bar.”

“Seriously?” Her smile momentarily vanished. “Oh my God, Junes.”

“But Julian found me,” I quickly added.

“Of course he did.” Her expression grew playful again as her eyes shifted to her brother. “You know, Julian, when you said…what you said on the phone, I didn’t really think you’d get the nerve up…for this.” She gestured to Julian, still holding me in his arms, refusing to let go. “But now here we are, and I suppose you proved me wrong. About fucking time.”

“I got the nerve up a while ago, Gems,” Julian said dryly. “If we’re being honest about it all.”

“You didn’t even,” I scoffed, looking over my shoulder at him, “I kissed you first, remember?”

“You had liquid courage,” he countered after a soft chuckle. “Doesn’t count, especially since you tried to take it back with all that shit about getting swept up in our fake date.”

“Fake date?” Gemma interrupted, brows furrowing. “Sofia’s wedding? That was months ago.”

Guilt crawled up to my face; I felt it burning. “I know, but we had some road bumps. We’ve only really been officially dating since…” I paused, trying to pinpoint when exactly it was.

But Julian filled in the blank for me. “New Year’s.”

That had been the wrong thing to say. Gemma’s brows lifted higher and higher until they nearly disappeared, and then her eyes narrowed. “New Year’s, huh?”

A flush worked over me, heating me from the inside out, and I chose not to confirm or deny what she was thinking. “I was going to tell you this week,” I said, knowing I didn’t sound super convincing with how my words squeaked out. “I promise, Gems.”

She didn’t seem mad or even surprised, but that didn’t stop my stomach from somersaulting. I tried to step forward, wanting to go to her, but Julian’s arms tightened around me.

Gemma noticed, her eyes rolling up. “You know, I think Juni was right about you. You are a little…over-the-top sometimes.”

I felt the rise and fall of Julian’s shoulder as he shrugged. “You’re just going to have to get used to sharing now, Gemma.”

“Are you kidding me?” A disbelieving laugh burst from her lips. “I’ve been sharing Juni with you for years. You’re welcome, by the way. I made sure, even when you had your head up your ass, that she was always there. For you. Because even though you were too thickheaded to admit it, I knew you wanted her at your games. I knew you wanted her at your birthday parties and Christmas and every holiday in between. And I knew she wanted to be there, too.”

Her words bounced around in my head.

“You…knew?” I repeated, awe in my voice.

Gemma’s smile broadened. “I knew. I’ve always known. And I knew if someone shoved you two into a room together, maybe you could finally realize it, too.”

I was too stunned to speak, but Julian wasn’t.

“Good thing Cameron got me my job, then, huh?” he said hoarsely.

“Mhm.” Gemma lifted her hand and began inspecting her nails. “Good thing someone who knew both of you were starting on the same day suggested to him that you should share an office if he could convince someone to do it.”

“You didn’t,” I breathed. “Gemma.”

Gemma looked up, the warmth in her eyes trickling over at me. “You’re welcome for that, too.”

And because I couldn’t find any words as Julian hugged me closer, I mouthed, “Thank you,” at her.

To which she smiled in return. “Just do one thing for me, okay?”

I nodded. I’d do anything for her.

Her voice dropped to a stern tone.

“Next time you’re in bed together, do not pick up the phone when I call.”

“Can I get you anything?”

Julian’s gaze was nervous as he took my coat from me in the entryway of his apartment. We parted ways with Gemma pretty quickly, not wanting to hang around in case Greg made another appearance. And while Julian said he would understand if I wanted to go home with Gemma instead, I knew I needed to talk to him about earlier. And I knew he would have been reluctant to actually let me go.

“Maybe a glass of water,” I said, realizing how dry my throat was. “I want to change into something comfortable, too.”

Julian nodded before taking off for the kitchen. A few minutes later, I was curled up on his couch with a glass of water, wearing one of Julian’s old sweatshirts. He was so tense that even though I saw his gaze warm when he saw me walk out in his clothes, he didn’t say anything. Instead, Julian sat stiffly beside me, turning his body to face mine before resting his elbows on his knees.

“Juni…” He paused to run a hand down his face. “I—I need you to tell me what happened with Kennedy before I arrived.”

I nodded. I’d been prepared to talk about what happened at work, but I wasn’t surprised that Julian needed to get this out of the way first.

“He—” I hesitated, knowing how Julian would respond to my next words. “I think he threatened me. And you.”

Julian grew even more rigid as he studied me closely. “What did he say?”

I curled into a tighter ball, wrapping Julian’s sweatshirt around me. “He didn’t like that we’re dating. He said I owe him and that you need to experience what it feels like to have everything taken from you. He’s still mad about football, I think.”

Julian balled his hands into fists, his eyes squeezing closed as if he could shut out Greg Kennedy from his life.

“Fuck, I regret not kicking his ass now,” Julian said brusquely, opening his eyes again. They blazed bright blue.

“No,” I argued. “You made the right choice.”

Julian’s jaw clenched as he remained quiet, clearly not agreeing with me. Reaching out, I sifted my fingers through his hair, and he relaxed slightly at my touch. “Julian…” I whispered, wishing I could take all the tension, the worry, the responsibility from his shoulders.

As soon as his name left my lips, Julian scooped me up and pulled me onto his lap. He tucked his head close to mine, his lips grazing my ear. “He doesn’t get to do that,” he said, a soft growl. “He doesn’t get to threaten taking you away. Because when he says he’ll take everything, he’s talking about you. That’s what you are to me, Juni. You’re everything, absolutely everything.”

It was my turn to close my eyes, basking in Julian’s fierce grip and those words that sounded an awful lot like a promise. I should feel nervous or scared at what Greg had said, but when I was wrapped up in Julian, I couldn’t feel anything but safety and security.

“We’re getting that restraining order,” he added. “That kind of threat combined with his stalking tendencies should be enough to convince a judge.”

“Okay,” I agreed. “If that makes you feel better.”

I just wanted Julian to feel better.

“It does,” he grunted before burrowing his face deeper into the crook of my neck. “Does it make you feel better?”

I nodded, mostly to appease him. But I did like the sound of not having to worry about a repeat of what had just happened.

He squeezed me harder before mumbling the softest “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You wouldn’t have been there, wouldn’t have called Gemma to get a drink if I hadn’t been such an utter asshole today.”

The desperation in his voice made my chest feel like it was cracking. I had to catch my breath before words were able to come out. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel worse, but I knew I had to be honest about how he’d made me feel.

“It felt like you were pushing me away, and it hurt. It hurt, Julian.”

With a deep sigh, he pulled back to look at me properly. His eyes were sad and resigned, as though he already knew what I was saying was true.

“I’m so sorry,” he repeated. “I’m struggling to…find a balance. I got a text from Grayson—oh, fuck.”

He extracted his arm from where it was wrapped around my middle, checking his watch. And whatever he saw wasn’t good.

“Shit, I told him I’d call a half hour ago.”

“You can call him now.” I started to move off Julian’s lap, but he quickly replaced his arm around me.

“No, I’ll call Grayson later. I need this, you, right now.”

“You don’t need to pick between me and your friends, Julian.” I sighed. “I just need you to communicate. And I…I should have talked to you before leaving, too.”

He groaned inwardly. “I know. I know I do. I’m so sorry, baby. I fucked up. Grayson texted me this morning that he wanted to discuss the case.”

My stomach dropped, and I immediately knew everything Julian was about to say. Because he didn’t just fuck up; we fucked up. And Julian’s commitment to his friends and family meant everything to him.

“The case…” I breathed. “We forgot about the case, and then you shut yourself away to keep working on it so you wouldn’t let Grayson down.”

Julian’s expression was strained as he nodded. “I forgot about the case.”

“No, we forgot about the case,” I repeated. “We were working on it together, Julian.”

“He’s my best friend. Gabriel’s my godson. It shouldn’t have been up to you to remember.”

“We’re dating, aren’t we?” I whispered, brushing my lips over his cheek. “We’re colleagues, right? We’re a team in every sense of the word. You should have told me.”

“Dating. Colleagues.” He scoffed. “You’re right. I should have told you. But those words don’t feel like they even touch on what we are.”

“What are we, then?”

“We’re…so much more.” He rubbed a hand over his jaw and the five-o’clock shadow growing there as he found his words. And then his gaze found mine. “You’ve always been there, and you’re part of me in a way that no one else in this world is. I don’t know how to explain it, but you’re…you’re the person I think of when I think of home.”

“Julian…” Tears stung the back of my eyes as he said the words I’d always wanted to hear. For more than a decade, I wanted Julian to admit that I was something, anything to him, and he’d gone and admitted even more than that. Home. We were home together. But a question still lingered in the back of my head. “What did…what did you say exactly to Gemma? On the phone?”

His hand dropped, and he pressed his lips together momentarily. “She wouldn’t tell me where you were, and I…I lost it. I told her if anything ever happened to you…” He shook his head. “I just lost it, Juni.”

I snuggled closer to him, a shiver running through me despite his embrace and the oversized sweatshirt. “Nothing is going to happen to me.”

He nodded, his shoulders dipping as though he needed to hear me say that. “Are you cold?” he murmured, and I realized my little shiver had become shakes. I didn’t feel cold, but deep exhaustion had settled in my bones.

Julian rose from the couch before I could answer, carrying me across his living room and padding through the hallway. He finally let me slide to my feet in the bathroom and nodded at the pearly white free-standing tub I’d always admired. “What about a bath?”

I agreed wordlessly. That sounded heavenly.

Julian took action as he turned the knobs on the tub to find the right water temperature. Once he was satisfied, he pointed at the cabinet beneath his sink. “I’ll be right back, but I think some Epsom salts are under there if you want to check.”

I raised a brow, surprised to learn that Julian was a bath guy. “Epsom salts?”

He rolled his eyes. “They’re good for achy muscles after working out.”

Laughing lightly, I moved toward the sink while Julian ducked back into the hallway. But when I opened the cabinet door, I froze.

“Julian!” My voice was shrill as it echoed in the bathroom.

“What?” His footsteps quickened as he raced through the apartment, and I managed to unstick my feet and meet him in the hallway. He stopped short at the end of it.

Both of us were breathless, staring at each other. Julian’s expression was riddled with concern as his gaze flicked over me, undoubtedly assessing my well-being. But all I could do was look back at him, slack-jawed.

“Under your sink…” I started.

A bit of understanding dawned on his face. But he remained quiet, tense…waiting for me.

“There’s got to be at least a dozen bottles of my perfume under your sink, Julian,” I gasped, still struggling to comprehend what I’d just seen.

He nodded wordlessly. Because of course he knew that there were that many bottles of perfume under his bathroom sink. He raked a hand through his hair before correcting me. “It might be closer to two dozen.”

I swallowed. “Why do you have that many bottles of my perfume under your sink?”

“I told you I would buy out the entire stock.” He lifted one shoulder. “I’m sure I could get more, but that was as many as they had available at the store.”

“So I can’t torture you with it anymore?”

He grimaced at hearing his words repeated. “So you can’t ever run out, Juniper.”

“Why?” I breathed again.

“Juni…” I realized for the first time that Julian was holding a glass of wine. But then it disappeared as he shockingly tossed it back and retreated into the kitchen to set the glass down. Afterward, he turned and stalked toward me. His steps were slow and measured, and his voice was even more careful. “Do you want to know what I really told Gemma when I lost it earlier?”

“Yes.” Of course I wanted to know.

My feet wanted to move, to walk toward him, meet him halfway. But his eyes, all dazzling and sharp, held me captive. I’d seen Julian on his worst and best days, but I’d never seen him look anything like he did now. Like he didn’t give a damn what kind of day he had…as long as I was in it.

“I told her I’m in love with you,” he confessed with bone-aching clarity. “I told her I love you more than I even know how to comprehend.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, still taking slow, even strides toward me, not breaking eye contact. “I’m in love with you, Juniper St. James. I know a lot of things have changed between us recently, but the one thing that has never changed is how much I love you. I have always…loved you.”

I didn’t realize I was crying until I opened my mouth and tasted salt on my tongue as I licked my lips.

Julian was only two steps away now. And then one. And then his hands were sliding onto my face, cupping my cheeks, wiping the tears away. His lips took over for his hands next, and he chased tears away with kisses. A light one brushed over my lips, and I held on to it, prolonged it, turned a little something perfectly sweet into something wild.

This man drove me wild, and I was so profoundly in love with him.

“I love you,” Julian gasped again between rough kisses and exchanges of heavy breaths and longing sighs. “I love the way you smell and the way you smile. I love your laugh and your lies. So many, many lies we’ve told, Juni.”

I pulled back slightly with a nod, both elated and heartbroken simultaneously. “I know. I know, Julian. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head, nose brushing over mine. “Don’t apologize, baby. Just tell me the truth now. Just one single truth.”

“I love you.” The words fell out on a sigh. “I love you, Julian. I—”

The rest of my declaration was cut off with a kiss as Julian dragged us back together.

“Do you need proof?” I asked when I had the chance to get a breath in. “I’ll give it to you. Anything.”

“I don’t need anything but you,” Julian replied forcefully, leaning back to look down at me. “But I want to take you home and tell the rest of my family that you’re mine. I want to officially make you into a Briggs one day. I want to make more Briggs with you. I want to sell your goddamn apartment, Juni, because I don’t want any fucking space.” He took a steadying breath. “But we’ve only been dating for two weeks, and I don’t need you to do any of those things. I don’t need proof, Juniper.”

His words shattered every hurtful thing that had happened between us in the past and made room for a future that I could hardly even wait to have. I loved him. God, I loved him and the picture he was painting.

“My apartment is leased.” I spit the words out, knowing they were the right ones. “The lease is up in two months.”

“Two months…I can do two months.” Julian smiled as he traced his thumb over my lips, his eyes dropping to watch my mouth. “Say it again.”

“My lease is up in two months.”

“No, the other thing.”

My lips spread into a grin. “I love you.”

Julian’s gaze burned as he absorbed my words. “I love you, too, Daisy.”

We stood there, basking in the glow of the moment. It felt like nothing could break it, break us, but then I heard the trickling of water on tiles.

“I think the bathtub is overflowing.”

Julian laughed before reluctantly releasing me and urging me toward the bathroom again. “Then you’d better get in it.”

“Will you join me?” I looked hopefully over my shoulder and held out a hand. “I don’t want space from you, Julian.”

He took my hand, following me into the steamy bathroom. He stripped my sweatshirt over my head and tugged my pants off before beginning to shed his own clothes. And once we were finally settled beneath the suds of the water, he breathed, “I don’t want space from you, either.”

I settled back, leaning against his chest with the warm water swirling around me. Meanwhile, I stared straight ahead at the blank, white wall.

“Will you let me decorate?”

“It’s a requirement, actually.” Julian’s deep voice rumbled through my body. “I’ll need help picking out houseplants, too.”

My smile stretched painfully wide. “I’m going to fill your living room with moonflowers.”

“Our living room, Juni baby.” He kissed the top of my head, his hands stroking up my naked sides. “You’re going to fill our living room with moonflowers, and I can’t wait.”

I couldn’t wait, either.