XOXO (An XOXO Novel)

The next day is Monday. I wake earlier than usual, rolling over in my bed to look across the room. Sori’s already gone for her morning workout. She’d been asleep when I returned last night, otherwise I’d have asked her to wake me up. I’m not a huge fan of exercise any time before eight a.m., but I need an outlet for all the adrenaline coursing through my body. I hurry up and change into my uniform, waiting in the long line for the bathroom to wash and examine my face in the mirror. Do I look like a girl who’d been thoroughly kissed the night before? I glance around at the other girls, but no one is paying me any attention, too busy pulling out their hair rollers and catching up on what they did over the weekend.

Homeroom is much of the same. The teacher takes attendance and then leaves for a faculty meeting. Jaewoo isn’t in class but he told me he wouldn’t be. Last night, we’d caught a taxi to the academy, and though we hardly spoke to each other, our faces turned toward opposite windows, we held hands the entire way. He’d had the taxi driver drop me off at the back of my dorm, not leaving until I was safely inside, before heading to his own dorm.

I spend homeroom chatting with Sori about our weekends. I want to tell her about what happened with Jaewoo but not in a place where others might hear. I haven’t told her before now because I wanted to respect Jaewoo’s wish to keep whatever we had a secret, but now things are getting more serious, and I’d love a friend to talk to, especially Sori, who understands what it’s like not only to be an idol but to date one.

Instead, I hold up her pink Kakao Friends mirror for her while she applies eyeliner and lip gloss.

“This is my morning workout,” I joke.

“Stop shaking. Keep it straight.”

Nothing can bring down my mood, not even Jina, who tries to take my head off in dodgeball.

At lunch, Sori joins Angela, Gi Taek, and me at our usual table. Neither Angela nor Gi Taek comments on this new development.

“You can sit next to me,” Angela says, pulling out a chair for Sori, who sits primly at the edge.

“Why is the lunch line so long today?” I ask when I notice the line stretching out the door.

“They’re serving macarons!” Angela exclaims. “It’s the most popular meal item at SAA. The kitchen only gives one per tray. I’ve known people who’ve purchased two meals just so they could eat two.”

As if to demonstrate, Sori picks up the tiny pink confection from her tray, placing it delicately between her lips. She bites down, chewing slowly, swallows, then sighs.

“You should do commercials for SAA,” I say.

“She has,” Gi Taek and Angela say at the same time.

“Is this seat taken?” Nathaniel pulls out the chair on Angela’s other side.

There’s similar movement beside me. I turn and gape. “I thought you said you weren’t coming to school today?”

Jaewoo takes a seat. “Change of plans.”

Last night we didn’t exactly discuss what that kiss—kisses—would mean for our . . . relationship. We’re no longer just friends—though it seems clear without saying that, whatever it is, we’ll keep it to ourselves for a while longer.

Though I already know I’m going to be so bad at this. My face is turning red with just the thought of his kisses.

“Did you cut the line?” Sori asks suddenly.

Like all of us, Nathaniel and Jaewoo have trays with the coveted pastry.

“It pays to be nice to the lunch ladies, Sori-yah,” Nathaniel says. Seeing as how last time they were in this lunchroom together they got into a huge argument, they’re acting fairly civil. Sori rolls her eyes, while Nathaniel plucks the macaron from his tray and stuffs the whole thing in his mouth.

When he catches me looking, he says, “What? I have four older sisters. When I was growing up, if I left the good stuff for the end, it was stolen right off my plate! I’d never get to enjoy it.”

“Our manager came early and waited in line,” Jaewoo explains.

Poor Nam Ji Seok. “Is that in his job description?”

“Placating needy and hungry boys?” Nathaniel answers. “Yes.”

Angela keeps sneaking glances at Jaewoo from across the table, probably assuming he’s sitting with us because Nathaniel and Sori are.

“We’re just here to eat lunch,” Jaewoo says, “then we have to go back to the studio.”

“You came all the way here to eat lunch?” This from Gi Taek.

“Today was macaron day,” Nathaniel says. “We wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

As Nathaniel engages Gi Taek and Angela in a conversation about the merits of dining-hall food, Jaewoo shifts closer to me.

“You haven’t tried the macaron yet?”

I’m a bit overwhelmed by his presence. The chairs in the dining hall are already pretty close together, and he’s leaning toward me. I can smell his cologne, a subtle, fresh scent, like a sea breeze.

“I was saving it for last,” I tell him, “but Nathaniel makes a good argument.”

I reach for the macaron and bring it to my lips. I feel self-conscious, because he’s watching me, but then I bite down and the sweet explosion of flavors in my mouth is incredible. The combination of the crisp outside and the soft and chewy inside, plus the raspberry buttercream in the middle.

I groan, “It’s heavenly.”

“Yeah?” Jaewoo laughs, a bit unsteadily.

With his chopsticks, he picks up his macaron and places it on my tray. “Have mine too.”

I beam at him. He’s giving me his macaron. It’s like he’s giving me his heart.

I look up to find Sori studying us, her expression unreadable.

“No, it’s fine,” I say. “You should eat it.” I return the macaron to his tray.

“If you’re not going to eat it, I will.” Nathaniel reaches over, grabs Jaewoo’s macaron, and pops it into his mouth.

That night, I’m sitting on my bed writing a paper for history class, when Sori abruptly turns toward me from where she’d been doing homework at her desk. I almost yelp in surprise because she’s wearing a bright-red sheet mask

“So, you and Jaewoo.” It’s a statement.

“Me and Jaewoo, what?”

“Don’t be cute with me.” She looks away, taps her heel against the bottom of her chair, then returns her gaze. “You’re not worried that I’ll tell my mom?”

“Will you?” Honestly, it never occurred to me. She might be the daughter of Joah’s CEO, but she’s also my friend.

Still, she takes her sweet time in answering, taking off her sheet mask and using the tips of her fingers to tap the essence into her skin. She’s wearing a Minnie Mouse towel headband to keep her hair from her face, which she adjusts.

“No,” she says, after I’ve pretty much watched her preen herself for a minute and a half. “Before I was your roommate or even Nathaniel’s girlfriend, I was Jaewoo’s friend. He deserves this.”

“He deserves . . . me?” I grin. “’Cause I’m so great?”

She rolls her eyes. “He deserves to be happy.”

“Wow.” I didn’t think anything so cliché could feel so good. She thinks I make him happy?

She continues, “I don’t want to say, ‘you don’t know him like I do.’”

“You just said it,” I point out.

“Because I’m sure you’re bound to know him way more intimately than I’ve ever known him . . .”

Oh. My. God.

“But his life hasn’t been the easiest. Not that wealth necessarily makes things easier.”

Spoken like a true chaebol.

“But Nathaniel’s always been vocal about what he wants, while Jaewoo’s more reserved, thinking of the group first before himself. Honestly, I’m surprised he even confessed to you, assuming that he has. It must have been hard for him, going after something he wants, rather than what’s best for the group.”

“Aww.”

“Though I don’t know why. It’s not like you’re worth it.”

“Wow, Sori. I thought we were complimenting me.”

“Oh, were we?” She grins.

“You don’t have to worry about Jaewoo,” I say. “I’ll be sure to take care of his gentle artist soul.”

“Yes, be sure to take care of his soul,” she says, then adds, “and his body.”

“Oh my God!” I throw my pillow at her. She sprints to her bed and grabs a stuffed animal. She has like a hundred. After we “became friends,” they all started appearing out of seemingly nowhere. I think she’d hidden them beneath her bed.

I’m pelted with a Pikachu.

“Not fair!” I throw my arms up over my head, taking cover.

Then she’s on my bed, pillow in hand. She goes for a headshot, but I tackle her and she collapses backward, with me on top. I can’t breathe, I’m laughing so hard.

“You’re heavy!” she complains, and I make myself like a log. “I hate this,” she says, though she’s laughing as hard as I am. And her laugh is louder than mine; plus she snorts. Our neighbors bang on the wall for us to be quiet, which only causes us to laugh more.

It takes another five minutes for us to catch our breaths, laying with our shoulders touching.

“Would you do it again?” I ask her.

I don’t have to explain myself. She knows what I’m asking. If she turned back time and she had the choice of whether or not she’d date Nathaniel, would she do it all over again?

“In a heartbeat. Even after the scandal, even after the accusations and the heartbreak and the pain. He was my first love. I wouldn’t give that up for the world.”