Would You Rather: A Novel

“I can’t believe I agreed to this.”

“I think this is the best idea you’ve ever had.”

Mia looked at Claire, who was sitting in the passenger seat. “Even though you wanted Noah as your backup?”

Claire snorted. “Please. I’d never do that to you. I’ve always wanted you two to get together and I was just trying to get the conversation going. I didn’t know Noah had already popped the question by that point.”

Mia dropped her forehead to the steering wheel. “You’re talking about it like it was a real proposal.”

If he’d actually gotten down on one knee like he offered to, she might have legitimately swooned.

“Real proposal, real marriage,” Claire said. She pointed to her retro blue-and-white polka-dot dress. “Thank you for not making me wear a real bridesmaid dress, though.”

“That’s because this is a temporary marriage,” Mia corrected. She straightened and pinned Claire with as stern a stare as she could muster. “That part’s secret, though.” Adding that had been more for her benefit… She knew Claire would run down I-70 naked before ratting them out.

Claire pulled down the visor to fluff her blond curls. “Keep telling yourself that.”

“I will.” Little else had been on her mind over the last week.

Butterflies filled her stomach. She swept her eyes across the brick building, CITY HALL displayed in large letters above the door. The parking lot seemed empty for a Friday morning. Mia took the day off, but Noah planned to head to the office after. “Do you think he’s in there already?”

“Probably.”

Mia’s phone buzzed.

Noah: Stop thinking so hard. Get in here and marry me.

A laugh escaped her lips. It was humorous because their roles were reversed—Noah was usually the thinker—and it was exactly what she needed. “Okay. I’m ready.”

Claire met her at the front of the car and they took a few steps before Mia gasped and doubled back, flinging open the rear door. “I almost forgot the license.”

Claire snorted. “Get yourself together, Adrian.” She paused. “Wait, should I call you Agnew from now on?”

“No.” Mia slammed the door, paper in hand. She waited until she was next to Claire again, and whisper-yelled, “This isn’t real! I’m not changing my name.”

Claire shrugged. “Okay. Lots of people keep their names these days.”

They entered the courthouse and found Noah sitting on an old wooden bench along the wall, one ankle propped on the opposite knee. He was the picture of comfort, like marrying women by judge was something he did every other Friday.

He looked up as they entered, his red hair swept to the side in a style more polished than usual. He wore a tailored navy suit, white dress shirt, and a tie.

A tie.

Mia slowed to a stop a few feet away. She looked down at her simple pink dress, feeling her lips turn down at the corners. “I feel underdressed.”

He stood, his expression serious. “You’re beautiful.”

Her stomach dipped at the look in his eye as he said that. She had no idea why—Noah looked like he always did. Like some quiet, brooding hero from an angsty film.

But her reaction was different in that moment. Nerves, probably.

She supposed there was nothing wrong with a little flattery on her wedding day.

It’s Noah, she told herself. Your best friend. She put her hand on his arm, and he was hard and firm, just like always. Just like she needed. He’d been her rock through so many trials over the years, and she needed his calm presence. She went up on her toes. “Are you sure about this? Last chance to back out.”

His voice was as steady as his words. “I’m sure.”

The next ten minutes went by in a blur. They’d made an appointment with a particular judge and were called back immediately. The ceremony took place in a nondescript office that looked nothing like some of the grandiose churches where Mia had previously attended weddings. Claire hovered in the background, a witness and a friend, taking photos for the friends and family that would no doubt ask to see them.

Mia’s parents were gonna flip out when they found out.

“Mia?” Noah said, his brow furrowing.

She blinked. “Huh?”

He tipped his head toward the judge, who repeated what Mia had apparently missed.

“Noah and Mia, I pronounce you man and wife.”

Her eyes widened with realization, and she gripped his warm hand tighter, suddenly feeling light-headed.

It was over already? They were married?

Had she done everything she was supposed to? Said everything she was supposed to?

The judge, an older man with thinning gray hair, gave her a strange look, and Mia belatedly realized this was supposed to be the happiest moment of her life. She took a deep breath and pasted a smile on her face.

She must have looked convincing, because the judge happily returned her smile and said, “You may kiss your bride.”

Mia turned back toward Noah, and at his expression, her smile slowly faded.

His blue eyes were on her face, roaming across her cheeks, forehead, her lips, like he was memorizing her. His brows were together, a tiny wrinkle between them, almost as if he were concentrating on something difficult.

Was he already regretting this? It was on the tip of her tongue to ask if he was okay, but nothing came out. Her heart had stopped, and she seemed unable to do anything but stand there and stare at him.

He still held her hands in his, and tugged gently at the same time he took a single step forward. He released her left hand and put his on the back of her head, swallowing thickly before he bent to her.

Her eyes fluttered closed the moment he kissed her. His lips were warm and soft, his mouth slightly open. Her free hand lay flat against his firm abdomen, and the other trembled in his grip. He pressed closer, his fingers gentle in her hair, their clasped hands disappearing between their bodies, and an unexpected warmth coiled deep in her belly.

Hot damn, Noah knew how to kiss.

Then he pulled back, his gaze never wavering as he took his hands from her. Her fingers shook, worse now that she didn’t have him to hold her steady.

“Congratulations,” the judge said.

Mia startled, having forgotten all about the man.

Claire clapped and bounded up to them, a smile on her face and her eyes wide. “I can’t believe you guys just did that.”

Noah said nothing, and Mia knew the second his gaze slid away from her, like she’d been standing in the sun and a cloud had rolled in to block the soothing warmth.

The three of them walked out together, passing another couple on the way out. The woman was practically sitting on the man’s lap, and they looked on top of the world.

Mia glanced over at Noah walking beside her. His eyes were straight ahead, his hands loose by his sides.

Not touching her.

Why did that suddenly feel disappointing? Did she want him to hold her hand, or something?

The wedding—that kiss—had knocked her off balance. Get it together, Adrian.

Noah barely looked at her as he headed for his car. “See you tonight?” he called over his shoulder. When she didn’t reply immediately, he stopped and turned, his eyes meeting hers, a question in his gaze.

“Yeah,” she said. “See you tonight.”

“Let me get this straight.”

Mia kept her back to her new, now ex-roommate, Reagan, who lounged on her bed while Mia did some last-minute packing. She’d been too nervous about the wedding—wondering if they’d really go through with it—to get everything done beforehand.

But they had gone through with it.

They were married, and tonight she’d move into his house as his wife. His house was fully furnished, so all she needed to take were clothes, toiletries, and most important, her KitchenAid mixer.

“You and this guy Noah have been secretly dating for months, decided on a whim to get married at the courthouse, and now you’re moving out?”

“Yep.” Mia thought it best to give as little information as possible. It helped that she and Reagan had only known each other for a month—she could say almost anything about her and Noah’s history and Reagan wouldn’t know any better. But she had spent enough time with her new roommate that before last week, Reagan thought Mia was single. She was glad she and Noah had gone with the “secretly dating” thing. It seemed the most plausible.

The thing that would make things look less plausible would be getting married and not spending her wedding night with her husband. Without thinking, she’d suggested she make the move over the weekend, but he’d pointed out how odd that would appear.

He was right. The safest way to go about it was to treat this like the real deal from the outside.

What will it be like on the inside?

She had no idea what it was like to live with a man. With her firm “not looking for anything serious” outlook on dating, she’d never gotten that far. And while she enjoyed meeting new guys and casually dating some of them for a few weeks, she’d never been tempted to amend her rule.

It had never been hard to walk away.

Something told her it wouldn’t be so easy to leave Noah at the end of this ruse, but she would.

She had to.

She finished cleaning out the drawer and her gaze snagged on the sealed envelope sitting there. On the front was her name, printed in her mother’s neat handwriting. She should have read it well before now, but some mixture of fear, guilt, and anger had so far kept the letter unopened, contents unknown. She hesitated for a beat and considered leaving it, but grabbed it and stuffed it in with her socks.

“I heard you talk about him a few times. Did I ever even meet him?” Reagan wondered aloud.

Mia thought back. “I’m not sure he’s come over since you moved in,” she said. Noah had always been more comfortable in his own space. “But he and I work together. And we’ve been friends since we were seven.”

“That’s adorable. It’s like it was meant to be.”

She glanced back at Reagan, who had a wistful look on her face. Mia forced herself to smile like a newlywed should. “It was.”

“I wish I had a man.” Reagan tucked her feet underneath her. “What’s he like?”

Mia zipped the duffel bag and turned around. She put her hands on the edge of the dresser behind her and leaned against it.

There were so many words to describe Noah.

Protective.

Observant.

Gentle.

Disciplined.

Intense.

All things she loved about him, but for reasons that were hard to explain to someone she barely knew.

“Noah is…wonderful. He’s the definition of kind. Thoughtful. He does everything with intention and purpose. He’s a gentleman. Intelligent, and even though he doesn’t show it much, he’s funny.”

She thought back to the years before his brother died. He’d always been reserved, but there was a noticeable difference in his personality from that point on. Noah had a before and an after. One wasn’t better than the other, but “before” Noah had been a little more carefree and easygoing. “After” Noah took a little coaxing to relax and let loose. “He’s adventurous. Loves to go rock climbing. He used to go all over the country with his brother to climb mountains.”

“Used to?”

Mia dropped her gaze, wishing she hadn’t mentioned that. As little information as possible. “He doesn’t travel as much anymore. He still climbs, but mostly around here.” She grabbed the bag and slung it over her shoulder, frowning a little.

She hadn’t thought about that in a while, but occasionally wondered—why didn’t he go on climbing expeditions anymore? At first, she figured it was just because he missed Nathan, and didn’t like the idea of going without his brother.

But that was a long time ago. Graham still went out of state, sometimes on multiweek trips to Canada or Wyoming. Noah never went unless it was nearby and was never gone for more than a few days.

“I guess that’s a good thing,” Reagan said, jumping off the bed to follow Mia out of the room. “He’s a married man now. Can’t be going out of town every weekend and leaving you alone.”

It took a few seconds for those words to settle into Mia’s brain, but when they did, she stumbled a little.

Reagan steadied her. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Mia said distractedly.

Leaving you alone.

Noah’s brother had died the same weekend Mia was diagnosed…but no. Surely that—surely she had nothing to do with his change in his lifestyle.

She shook off the thought as they entered the kitchen.

Claire stood near the counter, her hand deep in a bag of chips. “Ready?” she asked, mouth full.

“I think so.”

Claire brushed her hands off and grabbed the KitchenAid box from the counter. “Damn, this is heavy.”

Mia had set two suitcases by the door, and she rolled one behind her while Reagan took the other. Her friends helped load the items into the car, which was already packed with hanging clothes.

“See ya later,” Reagan said, giving her a quick hug and heading back inside.

Mia turned to Claire, who leaned against the Subaru with a satisfied grin on her face.

“Are you not even a little sad to see me go?” Mia asked.

“Of course I am.”

“Your creepy, clown-sized smile says otherwise.”

“Okay fine, I’m not.” Claire laughed and stepped forward to hug her. “But only because I know I’ll still see you all the time, and because Noah’s house is where you should be.”

Mia chose not to respond to that. “Dinner at least once a week?”

“Probably more.”

“Deal. At least until the fall semester starts. After that I might be studying a lot.”

“Studying, having wild sex with Noah…po-tay-to, po-tah-to.”

Mia pulled back with a sharp inhale. “Claire! It’s not going to be like that.”

“Okay.”

“I’m serious.”

“Sure.”

Mia closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “I’m leaving now.”

“’Kay. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

When they first visited CU’s campus as high-school seniors, Mia had been uncommonly nervous. It hadn’t made any sense, because she’d been so excited for college. So ready. Still, the sweeping campus, with all the buildings separated by lush lawns and mazes of walkways, had felt overwhelming. After the formal tour, Mia’s and Noah’s parents had left, but Mia wasn’t ready. Noah had walked with her around every inch of that place, ever patient as she explored and found her bearings.

That same feeling of uncertainty filled her just twenty minutes later, as Mia stood frozen in Noah’s entryway.

“Why are you looking around like it’s your first time here?”

She swallowed. “It sort of feels like that.”

“Nothing has changed.” He stood beside her, letting her have her tiny freak-out moment.

“Marriage is a pretty big change.”

“Nothing else has to change.”

“Promise?”

He paused. “No.”

She frowned, keeping her gaze on his couch. Their couch. Her eyes settled on the right side, where she usually sat while she was here. Did she want that to be her permanent spot? It was fine when she was here for an hour or two…but every day? Was it really the best seat in the room?

Maybe she’d claim the armchair.

Noah’s voice was warm, and closer to her ear than before. “Hey.”

She looked up to find his blue eyes assessing her face.

“Would you rather be a ninja or a pirate?”

She grinned. “I’m pretty sure you’ve asked me that one before.”

“When?”

“High school, maybe.”

“You’re different from the person you were in high school. What do you say now?”

She pushed her lips out as she thought. “Ninja.”

“Why?”

“I’d rather be a stealth fighter than someone who goes around stealing other people’s stuff.”

Noah grinned. “Remember when you stole Claire’s diary to confirm her crush on Damien Harris?”

“She didn’t talk to me for a week after she found out.”

“But you discovered her crush was actually on Bobby Buskins, which made it all worth it. That reminds me, we haven’t teased her about that in a while.”

“It’s been at least two weeks.”

“Let’s remedy that next time we see her.” He slid one hand into his pocket. “You also stole my favorite coffee mug last year. I had to use Styrofoam from the break room that day,” he said with a shudder.

“But it spurred you to convince the office manager to start ordering biodegradable coffee cups.”

“Man, she was hard to break. She really didn’t want to switch.”

She grinned at the memory, already relaxing, which she suspected was Noah’s intent. She was lucky to have him as a friend.

No, as a husband.

And just like that, it was weird again.

“Mia.”

“Noah.”

“Stop.”

“What?”

“Stop making it awkward. This is fine. It’s us.”

She met his gaze. His expression was serious. Steady.

Comforting.

“You’re right. It’s us.”

He smiled at that and grabbed a suitcase in each hand. “Stay there as long as you like. I’ll put these in your room.”

That triggered something in her mind, and she frowned. “My room?”

He stopped and turned, the luggage dangling by his sides. “Yeah. I figured you’d take the guest room…?”

She nodded. “Oh, okay. That’s fine.”

He didn’t move. “Were you thinking of being in my room?” His voice sounded a little rough when he added, “With me?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just thought… Graham comes over sometimes. What if your parents stopped by? Would they see all my stuff in another room and wonder what was going on?”

One corner of Noah’s lip disappeared between his teeth. “I didn’t think about that. We’ll already be sharing the bathroom and I just assumed you’d want your own space.”

“I do. But I’m also afraid someone will figure this all out, and we’ll find ourselves in a mess. I can barely pay my medical bills—I definitely can’t pay fines. Or your salary if you get fired. I just want to be careful, I guess.”

He nodded. “How about we put your stuff in my room, but you can sleep in the guest room?”

She thought about that for a moment. “Okay, yeah. That works. I mean…if you have space in your closet.”

His gaze passed over her, and he started down the hallway again. “Don’t worry. I’ve got room for you, Mia.”