Would You Rather: A Novel

It took Noah three times as long to get from Calgary to Denver as it had going up there. The only available route on such short notice took him through Vancouver, and he wasn’t scheduled to arrive at the hospital until two o’clock the next afternoon.

It was a last-minute trip and a completely unlikely event that he’d be at the Vancouver airport on that exact day, at that exact time, which made what happened to him during the forty minutes he was in that building seem impossible.

Almost like fate.

He’d been rushing through Terminal B to get to his next flight, and as he errantly surveyed the gate numbers above the crowd around him, his gaze landed on someone familiar.

He froze in his tracks, half wondering if he was hallucinating because of exhaustion.

“Rachel?”

He would have stopped for no one else. She was the one person he’d pause for, though a tiny part of his brain continued to urge him to locate Gate 37. He didn’t turn toward her completely, in an effort to signal his need to continue on, but…she was the woman whose life he’d ruined, and who had never stuck around long enough for him to apologize. And there she stood, looking as shocked as he did, her hands gripping the handle of a stroller.

He stared at her for a second, then looked down at the baby and back to her face. Thoughts whirled through his brain, there and gone in an instant, too quick for him to grab one and hang on. He blinked, trying to make sense of what he was seeing. What it meant.

“Hey, Noah.” She smiled at him.

Smiled. Looked him straight in the eye and seemed…happy.

A man appeared at her side. “Flight’s delayed by an hour. Want to get some coffee?”

When Rachel didn’t immediately reply to the man, he seemed to notice Noah standing there.

“Um, Noah, this is my husband, Brian.” Something passed over her features. “Brian, this is Noah. He’s—was—Nathan’s little brother.”

Rachel was married? With a baby?

And she’d told her husband about Nathan?

Understanding dawned on Brian’s face, and he held out his hand. “Oh. Wow, it’s nice to meet you, man.”

Noah woodenly shook the other man’s hand, still in shock. “You too.”

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Rachel said. “What are you—”

In that moment a voice came over the loudspeaker for a boarding call for United Flight 3623 to Denver.

“Shit, that’s me,” Noah said, coming out of his stupor. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”

“Oh, of course,” Rachel said. “It was good to see you.” It sounded like she meant it.

“Yeah,” Noah said. “You too.”

She gave a little wave and Brian offered a head nod before Noah took off at a jog. He’d think about what just happened later. Right now, he’d focus on Mia.

By the time the plane landed his stomach was in knots. He’d grabbed an Uber, not even stopping at home first. He was tired, dirty, and had a massive hiking backpack on his shoulders as he walked through the hospital doors. He followed Claire’s directions to the family waiting room on the fifth floor. Claire was there with Mia’s dad, and they filled him in with as much as they knew. The procedure had gone well, she’d been out of surgery for several hours, and after briefly waking from anesthesia had been asleep ever since.

Hospital policy allowed only one family member in her room at a time, and Noah was relieved her mother allowed him to take her place at the bedside. He’d like to think he was above arguing with a woman twenty-five years his senior, but probably best not to test it.

Mia looked peaceful, lying there surrounded by white, her dark hair spread across the pillow. Her skin was pale, but her lips had color. He wished he could hug her tight and wondered how long it would be until he’d be allowed to.

He carefully pulled the chair as close to the single bed as possible and settled in, his eyes leaving her face only when the machines to his right occasionally beeped. Each sound caused his pulse to spike, but he rationalized if a nurse wasn’t running into the room with fear in her eyes, everything was probably okay.

Exhaustion pressed down on him, and he wondered how long he’d last. He held her left hand between both of his, feeling the warmth of her skin, and watched the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest.

Thoughts scrolled through his head, of his life spent with Mia and the last seven months as her husband. When she moved into his house, she’d brought a light he hadn’t known was missing. Or maybe he had known, he just hadn’t wanted to admit it. Hadn’t wanted to admit he’d been living his life as half a man, wallowing in the past and too afraid to step forward and move on. He thought of Nathan and the accident, and the discussion with Graham about that night. That plane ride had been fraught with revelations and discoveries that became clearer to Noah with each passing day.

And what the hell had he just witnessed in the Vancouver airport? Rachel had apparently moved on, too. She hadn’t run away crying, too full of misery to even look at Noah and his likeness to her dead fiancé. She’d smiled and introduced him to another man she’d come to love.

He tried to process everything, but wasn’t sure how. Could the human brain deal with so much information in the span of five days?

Mia shifted in her sleep, bringing his focus back to her.

“I have so much to tell you, beautiful,” he whispered. “I love you so much.”

He pressed his lips to the back of her hand and gently laid his head on the mattress beside her arm, keeping one hand wrapped around hers as he drifted off to sleep.

Noah woke to the soothing sensation of someone running their fingers through his hair. His eyes blinked open and when the machine behind him beeped, he remembered where he was.

He sat up to find Mia watching him, her lips spread in a soft smile. She dropped the hand that had been stroking his head, her other one still clasped in his.

Leaning forward, he lifted her arm and pressed the back of her hand to his lips.

Her eyes followed his movement, and thank God she didn’t chastise him or pull away. “Hi.”

“Hey. I’m sorry I fell asleep.”

“Don’t be.”

“How do you feel?”

She took a deep breath and winced.

He straightened. “Does it hurt?” He kept her hand in one of his and searched for the call button on her bed with the other. “I’ll call the nurse.”

“It’s not so bad,” she said, but didn’t decline the offer.

He reached up to brush hair back from her temple.

She leaned into his touch. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Me too.”

He arched his back in a stretch, stiff from being bent over her bed, and looked at the clock. He’d been there a little over two hours. Her attention was on him, her cheeks pink and her eyes alert.

“What a whirlwind, huh?” he asked.

“I’m still stunned, I think. I vaguely remember talking to the surgeon after the procedure, but I was pretty out of it. I’m guessing everything went okay?”

“Far as I know,” Noah said. “Your mom said the doctor would be by this evening.”

“Are they still here? My parents, I mean?”

“Yep. Claire, too.”

She nodded.

Maybe she’d finally accepted that everyone wanted to be there for her.

The door opened and a young blonde woman in scrubs walked in. “You’re awake,” she said with a smile. “I’m Abby, your nurse.”

“Hi,” Mia said.

That was enough pleasantries. “She’s hurting,” Noah cut in.

“Noah,” Mia chided.

He ignored her and addressed the nurse. “Is there something you can give her?”

Abby cast him an amused glance. “Absolutely. Can you tell me where it hurts?”

Mia answered the nurse’s questions, including where the pain was, that it was dull and aching, and ranked at a six out of ten.

When Abby left, Noah bounced his knee up and down, starting an internal countdown until he’d call the nurse again if she didn’t return quickly with the meds.

Six out of ten? He’d accept nothing less than a one. Maybe a two.

“How was—”

“Shh,” he interrupted. “Let’s wait until you feel better. We’ll have plenty of time to talk about it.”

“The pain meds will probably knock me out again.”

“That’s okay. You need to rest.”

Her dark eyes caressed his face, and she smiled wryly. “Who do you think you are, charging in here and being all bossy?”

“Your doting husband.”

“Overbearing, more like.”

His mouth twitched. “Protective?”

She pursed her lips. “Fine. But if you won’t tell me about your trip yet, figure something else out to distract me until she brings the drugs.”

He thought for a second, then pulled his phone from his pocket. He opened the music app and set it on the blanket just as the first few notes of “Chasing Cars” drifted through the speakers.

She closed her eyes and mouthed the words, entwining her fingers with his.

Noah let his heart fill to the brim with the knowledge she was here and awake and content to let him stay here beside her.

As his favorite lyrics from the song played, he realized he’d never agreed with them more.

Those three words weren’t enough. They didn’t even come close to describing what he felt for this woman, but maybe that was okay.

Because if it wasn’t enough to say it, he’d just have to show her.