Wish You Were Here: A Novel

At some point just before dawn, I finally fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning, Chucky was already gone. He left me a note saying he would be training for the Iron Man triathlon the whole morning but had left the quinoa, feta, and olive salad for me in the fridge for lunch. I guess he really had changed. I was the only one who was still the same.

I decided that I would go to Seth’s game after all, but before heading to Lake Elsinore, I drove by Adam’s apartment and saw the same FOR RENT sign. I could also see through the window that the apartment was already vacant. I parked the car and knocked on his neighbor’s door, the one who had given Adam that Post-it note about Foxy, but no one answered. I got back in my car and tried Googling “Los Angeles muralist” on my phone. There were actually quite a few hits about his murals, but no one knew his identity. I guess I never really would, either. Maybe he wanted it that way.

AT THE GAME that night, I retrieved my ticket at will-call and found Helen in the same seats we sat in before. She looked up at me as I shimmied sideways down the aisle. “I guess this is the girlfriend aisle,” she said.

“Seth isn’t my boyfriend, Helen.”

“I know.” She huffed. “Never mind.” She was wearing a Storm T-shirt with Roddy’s number on the back. It was one of those jerseys made for women. They’re basically designed to make your boobs look big.

“Cute shirt,” I said, but Helen ignored me. “I’m glad we’re here together,” I finally said after several moments of silence.

She turned to me. “I’m glad, too.” She smiled. “I love you, Charlie.”

“I love you, too.” My eyes started to water.

The speaker crackled to life, announcing that Seth was up to bat. There were runners on first and third and one out. He hit a blooper to right center field that was caught pretty easily.

“Bummer,” I said.

“No, it’s good,” Helen said. “It was a sacrifice fly. The runner on third tagged up and scored.”

“Oh. Wow, Helen, I’m impressed. I was wondering why he high-fived the first-base coach before running back to the dugout.”

“See, I’m learning. I really like it!” she said.

“I’m glad.” I squeezed her hand.

Seth had another great game, and afterward we went to the same bar we had gone to before. Helen pointed out to me two Storm Chasers sitting at the bar. One was way too old to be a baseball groupie. She had to have been well over forty, with a soccer mom bob. Her cut-off jean shorts were rolled up her artificially tanned legs and she had a ton of Storm buttons pinned to her shirt. She was sitting with a smaller, dark-haired girl who could have been her daughter but was apparently old enough to be at the bar. They were glaring at us. Roddy and Seth tried to ignore them.

“They smell it,” Roddy said.

“Smell what?” I said.

“Seth’s move up.” He arched his eyebrows like I should know.

Seth looked away shyly. “What does he mean?” I asked Seth.

“There’s talk that I might get bumped up to the majors soon.”

Helen clapped excitedly. “Oh, that’s so great, Seth!” She was rapidly becoming a Storm cheerleader.

He smiled, embarrassed. “I don’t know if it’ll really happen.”

“Don’t be so humble,” I said, though I actually really liked that about him. “You’ve done amazingly well. I wondered why you weren’t in the majors the first time I saw you play.”

“He was,” Roddy answered. “He was with the Royals. You didn’t hear the story?”

“All right, let’s get this over with,” Seth said, shooting Roddy a mock glare. “I played one season with them. In a crucial game, I made an error on a routine fly ball, which allowed the other team to score three runs in the top of the ninth. Then I struck out with bases loaded and two outs in the bottom of the ninth. We lost the game and our chance to go to the playoffs that year. So that’s my fucking legacy.” He seemed more amused than pissed.

“But you might have a chance to redeem yourself,” I said.

“Maybe,” he said, looking away absently.

I didn’t know what to say, but Helen broke the moment of awkward silence. “What do the Storm Chasers have to do with him getting bumped up?”

“They follow our team and try to get in with the players who might make it onto the Padres,” Roddy answered. “I’d bet that woman is trying to find a husband for her daughter.”

We all laughed. “That’s pathetic,” Helen said. “And she doesn’t have to glare at us.”

“We should invite them over for a drink,” I said.

“No!” Seth shouted.

“Come on,” I pleaded. “I just want to know what their deal is.”

“No, I really don’t want you to,” he said.

I turned to him and in a quiet voice said, “Did you already date that girl? Is that why?”

He nodded.

Roddy jumped up from the table. “Another round, ladies?”

“Sure,” Helen and I both said quickly.

Helen, sensing that Seth and I needed a moment, followed Roddy to the bar.

“I know you’ve dated other people, Seth, and after last night, you know I have, too. I didn’t assume you were a monk. Let’s not make this into a big deal.”

He smiled. “I appreciate you saying that, Charlotte. But I didn’t want to invite her over here because she has an annoying voice. It’s grating—seriously.”

“How long did you guys date?”

“I took her out once. We didn’t even kiss.”

The girl seemed to sense that we were talking about her because, a second later, she was approaching us.

“Seth,” she said, drawing his name out in a long whine.

“Hey, Marley,” Seth said. I took a sip of beer and tried not to make eye contact with her. “This is my girlfriend, Charlotte.”

I coughed and felt beer shoot up my nose. Trying to catch my breath, I reached my hand out toward her. “Nice to meet you,” I said between throat clearings.

“Oh!” She shook my hand quickly but with a weak grip. She looked at Seth. “Move on fast, don’t ya?”

He stood from the table. “It was nice seeing you, Marley. Charlotte and I have to take off.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the front of the bar. We passed Helen and Roddy on the way out. “Bye, guys,” Seth said.

“Where are you going?” Helen asked.

“Home,” I said.

“Bummer—I wanted to party!”

“Me and you can party, sweetie,” Roddy said to her before leaning down and kissing her right below her eye. She giggled.

“All right. See you later then. Charlotte, are you coming to the game tomorrow before they go on the road?”

“Go on the road?” I asked.

Seth squeezed my hand. “Yeah, we’ll be out of town for a couple of days.”

I was the only one acting awkward about the whole situation and everyone else could tell. I wasn’t going to be Seth’s girlfriend for real or pretend to get a couple of Storm Chasers off his back. I didn’t like the feeling that I was being subtly manipulated into having a relationship with this dude because it would seem cute to go on a bunch of double dates with Helen and Roddy, and talk about how we’d be at home waiting while they were on the road. I hadn’t even gotten to know Seth yet, but suddenly my world was revolving around his, around his schedule, and what he wanted.

“Oh well, you boys enjoy your time on the road. I won’t be able to come tomorrow. I’m sorry.” I was trying to be gracious and not lead Seth on, but I thought the three of them were being ridiculously pushy.

“Why?” Helen said.

“Because I have plans, Helen.” My smile was gone and so was Seth’s. He was squinting at me, trying to read my expression while he still gripped my hand.

“What do you have to do on a Sunday, Charlie?” Helen raised her eyebrows.

“It’s okay,” Seth said, shaking his head. “There’s no pressure. It’s a long trip to make two days in a row.”

“Thank you.” I was sincere. I looked him in the eye. “I really appreciate that. My brother just moved in and we’re getting settled.”

“What? Chuck the Fuck moved in?” Helen shouted.

We were standing near the entry of the bar. We kept having to dance out of the way of passersby to talk to Helen and Roddy, who were now perched on barstools.

“Well, I told you I can’t make the rent on my own. Plus, he’s changed. Kind of. I mean, he’s still Chucky, but he’s grown up a lot.”

“Oh yeah, I could tell from that profile he wrote about you on Match.com,” she said.

Seth and Roddy were quiet during my back-and-forth with Helen. “That was funny,” I said.

“I didn’t think so.” Helen rolled her eyes and looked away.

“I thought it was funny,” Seth added. “That’s why I contacted her. Sense of humor goes a long way.”

“Well, you guys have fun tonight.” I detected a twinge of jealousy in Helen’s tone. She was probably hurt that I had found a roommate so quickly, never mind that it was my own brother.

Seth pulled me out the door. “Bye,” he called out.

He started heading toward his car, which was on the opposite side of the parking lot from mine. He was holding my hand and leading me along, like it was the most natural thing in the world. “My car is over here, Seth,” I said, gesturing toward my Civic.

“Oh, you don’t want to go back to my place tonight? I can bring you in the morning to get your car.”

“No, thank you. I need to get home tonight. I’m fine to drive.”

He turned and we walked in the other direction. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see his chest heaving. When we got to my car, I unlocked the door and leaned against it to face him. “I’m sorry, Seth.”

“It’s okay, Charlotte.” He sounded annoyed.

“I’m not going to sleep with you after a couple of impromptu dates and ball games where you have to concentrate on playing and I’m sitting there watching you.”

He squinted and I wondered if he was thinking about my one-night stand with Adam. “Do you even want me to call you anymore?” he asked.

My stomach dropped. “Well, yeah, of course I do.”

“I’m not convinced.”

I shook my head. Now I was annoyed. “I’m not sure I’m your type, Seth. I mean, I’m not going to get into wearing Storm garb with my daisy dukes, like Marley.”

“That’s not my type—otherwise I’d be dating her. I just wonder if you’re hung up on that guy.”

I shot him a look. You know I am.

I didn’t say anything in response. Seth was almost a foot taller than me in flats. I had to look up at him and he had to drop his head for us to make eye contact. The parking lot light shone behind him, shadowing his face, making it hard for me to see his expression. I waited for him to say something else.

“I think you’re beautiful. I know you have a sense of humor, yet I haven’t seen much of it in person, and I don’t know why. I can tell you’re smart and savvy and you know a lot of things about the world, but you have such a low opinion of yourself. It baffles me.”

What the hell? “Thanks for those observations, Seth.”

“Wait,” he answered immediately. “I’m just saying I find it odd. You don’t seem to understand how people see you. How men see you. I think that guy might’ve made you feel bad about yourself.”

A lot of guys have made me feel bad about myself.

“I don’t want to make you feel bad about yourself.” He stepped back into the light where I could finally see his face. His smile was tight but sincere, and I realized it was because he could see my face. And he knew I wasn’t having it tonight. “Okay. Drive safe, Charlotte.”

As he turned to walk away, I reached for his hand. I stepped toward him. He was hesitant, waiting for me to make a move. “When will you be back?”

“Thursday,” he said, his tone softening.

“When is your next day off?”

“Thursday.”

“How are you going to school with such a schedule?”

“I do online stuff during the season and then go to classes in the off-season.”

“Where?”

“UC Davis.”

“Really? What are you studying?”

“Veterinary medicine.”

“Huh,” I looked into his gray-green eyes. “That’s sweet.”

He laughed once. “Thanks.”

I leaned up on my toes and touched my lips to his, but he was holding back; I could tell. He was only matching my own motions, too afraid to push for more. We kissed for just a moment and then I pulled away. I could feel him leaning into me as I pulled back. He didn’t want it to end but he was trying to have some self-control.

“How about Thursday then?”

He nodded. “I’d like that.”

“I can meet Obi-Wan.”

“He’d like that.”

“Okay, then it’s a date.”

“Okay, see you Thursday.” He leaned down and kissed my cheek.

“Good luck on the road.”

I opened my door. Seth waited until I got in and started the car. He took a step back and waved as I drove away.