Wish You Were Here: A Novel

Helen and I left our apartment around four and headed toward Lake Elsinore, which is in the middle of fucking nowhere. We hit tons of traffic but managed to make it to the small, minor-league stadium by six. We were both in jeans and T-shirts, trying to play the part of a couple of girls going to see the game, although we did spend a little extra time on makeup and hair. Chucky would have been proud of how thoroughly I flossed.

As we made our way toward our seats, I kept searching for a dude who looked like Seth’s profile picture, but it was hard to pick out faces among the hordes of moms, dads, and little kids.

We found our seats but there was no Seth. There was no one else even sitting in the row with us. I felt my stomach sinking. What if it was a joke some tween, bored out of his mind, decided to play on my poor rejected ass, just to see if I’d be dumb enough to drive over a hundred miles to a baseball game. I could think of nothing but the worst. My only relief was that someone had purchased our tickets for us.

“Guess he’s not here yet,” Helen said. “Kind of lame to be late to a date after you stood the girl up the first time around.”

“Maybe he hit bad traffic? He was coming from the other direction.” I couldn’t believe I was making excuses for him.

“You’re too easy on people, Char. If he’s late today, you can pretty much guarantee he’s the perpetually late type. And a horrendous flake.”

I shrugged and focused my attention on the walkway above us, hoping to see a six-foot-two, handsome guy coming our way.

“You want me to go grab us some beers?” Helen asked.

“Okay,” I said. The game was under way. The Lake Elsinore Storm were out on the field, and some team from Modesto was at bat. Helen returned a few minutes later with two large draft beers and two hot dogs.

“Yuck, you know I hate hot dogs.”

“Fine, don’t eat it; I’ll give it to Seth if he ever shows.” Helen leaned into my face. “I can’t believe he’s not here yet. What a dick.”

“I’m gonna drink this whole beer in one gulp,” I said, staring off into space. Getting stood up twice by the same person was pathetic.

“Hold on. Don’t overreact yet.” She looked at her watch. “If he’s not here by six thirty, we can get up and leave.” The Storm was up to bat and there was a player warming up in the batter’s circle. He had a perfect ass and Helen was watching him. “Or we can stay and watch the game.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Ohhh, baseball pants. Sigh.”

“It’s only the bottom of the first inning. I’ll give him until six forty-five.” I looked at the flexing muscles in the player’s arms as he did a few practice swings. “Or maybe we should just hang out for a bit and enjoy the show, like you said.”

“The game, you mean?”

“Yeah, the game.” I grabbed my beer from the cup holder and began sipping when the announcer’s voice came over the speaker.

“Leading off for the Lake Elsinore Storm, number twelve, center fielder Seth Taylor!”

“WHAT?” Helen and I both shouted. Just before Seth left the batting circle, he turned around and glanced up at me. It was the first time I saw his face in real life. He grinned and then threw his hand up in a brief wave before turning back and heading toward the plate.

If I had to guess what I looked like, I would say I probably resembled one of those Chihuahuas with the abnormally large alien eyes that you see on greeting cards.

Helen elbowed me. “Did you wave, stupid?”

My jaw was on the floor. “Oh my god. He’s literally and figuratively out of my league.”

“Oh shut up! He was totally smiling.”

“Let me watch, be quiet. Oh man, look at his butt. This is so not fair. This is God’s comedy. I have a muffin top and look at him, he’s perfect.”

“Charlotte, you do not have a muffin top. Stop that.”

Seth was down in the count when he hit a blooper deep into right field. “It’s gonna drop, it’s gonna drop!” I yelled as I got to my feet. It did drop. Seth rounded second base and headed for third. “Go, Seth! Go!” All the fans in the stadium were screaming for him. The right fielder fired it to third base but Seth dove and was safe by what looked like an inch.

“That was amazing,” Helen said. “He looks so coordinated. I bet he’s good in bed . . . all long and athletic.” She shivered. “God! Gives me the chills.”

I watched him get to his feet and brush his hands down the front of his uniform. He high-fived the third-base coach and then looked up at me with wonder, squinting. I wanted to know what he was thinking. I couldn’t wait to talk to him. He scored a minute later and jogged back to the dugout without glancing my way.

For the rest of the game he didn’t look up at me, but he did go four for four. He dove twice, fielding hits. He had an amazing game. He was easily the best player on either team.

“I can’t believe he’s not in the majors. He’s so good,” I said, right when the game ended.

A lot of fans started getting up to leave.

“What are you gonna do? He kind of tricked you. Are you okay with that?” Helen asked.

“I don’t know—hopefully he’ll come out. I feel stupid just sitting here. Though my profile did say I liked baseball.”

A second later he came out to the fence right near the on-deck circle. We were about five rows up. He clasped the chain link and leaned into it. “Hey, my little lucky charm. Get down here so we can officially meet,” he called to me.

I stood and walked down the steps, praying I wouldn’t fall, wondering what he thought of my body. “Hello,” I said when I reached the fence.

He was searching my eyes. “I’m Seth.” He wiggled his fingers through the chain link.

I reached up and shook one of his fingers like a moron. “I’m Charlotte.”

“You’re way prettier in real life.”

“I do look better when I’m not in anaphylactic shock.”

He laughed. “That’s right, the bee sting. I thought it was cute.” His mouth settled into a crooked smile.

“You’re a professional baseball player?”

“You found me out. This is the minors, though. It’s not that exciting.”

“I think it’s exciting. You told me you were in college.”

“I am.” He nodded, and then glanced back over his shoulder. “Backup plan. I could pull a muscle and this would all be over. Anyway, the pay’s not that great. Doesn’t that totally impress you?”

“You had an awesome game.”

“Best game of my life, seriously. I hereby declare you my talisman. You have to come to every game from now on and sit in the same seat and wear that shirt and don’t ever wash it.”

I laughed.

“I’m not joking. Baseball players are serious about their superstitions.”

“Maybe I will. I love talking to men through fences.”

“Ah, you’re a little live wire, aren’t you? I like funny girls. Hey, can you give me ten? I’m gonna go shower.” He pointed his thumb behind him.

“Sure, should we just wait here?”

He looked up into the stands. “That your friend?”

“Yeah, that’s Helen.”

“She’s cute.”

“You want to date her instead?”

“No, silly, I was thinking I’d bring my friend Roddy, the catcher. Introduce them, you know, so she doesn’t feel like a third wheel?”

“That massive, bearded bear of a man?”

“Yeah, that’s him. He’s a gentle giant. Except up to bat.” He rolled his eyes, understanding the double entendre. “I mean, in baseball.”

“I knew what you meant. So where are we going? We can just meet you guys there.”

“Okay, yeah. Pints and Quarts is our go-to. Let me get the address.”

“I can pull it up on my phone,” I said.

“Okay, cool. See you in a bit then.”

“Good game, Seth!”

“Thanks, kid.”

I headed back up the steps toward Helen, who was wearing one of those shit-eating grins.

“Well?” she said.

I pulled her by the arm to follow me. “Come on.”

We headed toward the parking lot. “Are you gonna tell me what he said? I’m dying here.”

“Helen!” I froze, braced her shoulders, and turned her to face me. “He doesn’t know how hot he is.”

“Oh, I love those types.”

“Right?”

“Are you gonna see him again?”

“We’re going to meet him and his friend right now.”

“His friend?” She raised her eyebrows.

“Yes, the catcher, Roddy.”

“That big guy?”

Helen had a type. I didn’t, except that most of the guys I dated were bad for me in some way. Helen had a very specific physical type, at least when it came to the guys she dated for more than a week. They were usually on the darker side, small, thin, and foreign. She liked exotic men. Roddy was an all-American, redheaded, freckly, three-hundred-pound, six-foot-two catcher from Nebraska.

“We’re all just going as friends. It’ll be fun.”

“You wanna be friends with Seth?” she said behind me as we walked to the car.

“No, I want to be held captive by Seth. I want Seth to do very bad things to me,” I said.

When we arrived at the restaurant, the waitress seated us. We each ordered a glass of red wine and waited for the guys to get there. The door opened a few minutes later and in they walked. Several people at the bar clapped and cheered. It must have been a popular hangout for the players. Seth was wearing jeans and a plain T-shirt.

“Good lord, his forearms,” I said as he walked toward me. He had this goofy smile that made him completely approachable even though he was a god. It belied his boyish innocence; he was unself-conscious. His hair was longer on top and messy and going in a bunch of different directions.

He high-fived a couple of people on his way over. Roddy got held up at the bar behind Seth. Helen leaned into my ear and whispered, “He’s kind of geeky.”

“There’s nothing geeky about that body.”

“You have a point. Where’s the other guy?”

“At the bar.”

Helen looked over to where Roddy was grabbing two beers. “Oh, he’s not so bad.”

Roddy had a beard and a very serious hard-part hairdo.

“He’s like a giant hipster,” I said.

Finally, Seth made it to our table. When I stood up, he immediately leaned in and hugged me. “Hey, kid.”

“I should be calling you that. I’m older,” I said.

He let go and stuck his hand out to Helen. They introduced themselves and shook hands. Roddy came over with two beers and handed one to Seth. “Ladies.”

We all sat down and toasted. “To a great game,” Helen said.

“Cheers!”

After conversation picked up among the four of us and the drinks were flowing, Helen and Roddy were warming up to each other, and Seth and I were hitting it off, too. We agreed to come back that Saturday for a day game and then we would go out afterward.

At the end of the night, the guys walked us out to my little Honda Civic.

“You okay to drive?” Seth asked.

“Yeah, I only had a couple of drinks.” I looked back over my shoulder at Helen and Roddy, who were laughing at something near the restaurant entrance. Helen had matched tequila shots with her three-hundred-pound counterpart. After betting she could outdrink him, he finally made her stop after four shots. He was basically unfazed by the alcohol, but Helen was in goofy mode.

“She’s pretty hammered, huh?”

“Yeah, she’s okay, though.” We watched as Roddy bent and threw her over his shoulder like he was carrying a tiny sack of flour.

“They like each other,” Seth said as we watched them.

“Yeah, she’s great.”

Turning toward me, he said, “I had a good time.”

“Same here.”

He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. “So, Saturday?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you Saturday.”

Roddy came strutting over while Helen hung upside down behind him and punched his butt. “Let me go, you big oaf!”

“You like it, Tinkerbell.” He chuckled from his chest, and it sounded like thunder.

When he set her down, she leaned up on her toes and kissed him on the mouth. Then they started making out right in front of us. Oh god, Helen’s in love.

I whistled “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay,” while Seth stared at the ground with his hands in his pockets.

“Come on, Helen, wrap it up,” I said.

Finally, they pulled away. “Okay, boys,” she slurred. She walked to the passenger side and pointed at Roddy accusingly. “You’re like a ginger Thor! That’s who you remind me of.” She was hysterical.

Roddy and Seth laughed. “See you later, ladies.”

I got into the car and started it, then saw Seth running back toward my window. I rolled it down. “Hey.” He took a deep breath. “Can I call you tomorrow, just to chat?”

“Sure,” I said.

“Cool.” He smiled.

My hands were gripping the steering wheel as I watched him jog away. “Go,” Helen said.

I didn’t move. “Go!” She repeated and then looked over at me as I watched Seth. “Ooh, you’ve got it bad,” she teased.

“Me? You were the one twisting tongues with Roddy.”

“I like that big bear. He’s brawny.”

“Brawny! Ha! You amaze me.”

Helen could love. Yes, she had a type but she found something intriguing in everyone she met, no matter what they did, how they acted, or what they looked like. She took all of these people that entered her life and she let each one touch her heart in some way. It made her beautiful because she was able to see the beauty in others. She took chances, she loved hard, and sometimes she fought hard and cried hard in the end. I had never been willing to let anyone see the real me until Adam, in that one night, under false pretenses. The one night I was just me. Maybe because I knew how that would end. But Helen was living her life and having fun, and I was just watching mine pass by from a safe distance.

Helen passed out twenty minutes after we left, so I blared the radio all the way home. As I drove, I tried to think of one negative thing about Seth but I couldn’t. Still, I didn’t feel that insane connection to him. I didn’t feel the same as when I was with Adam that night, so many months ago.

IN THE MORNING, Helen dragged her feet into the kitchen. “You look pretty,” I said. She had drool crusted on her face and mascara smeared down her cheek. Her blond hair was matted in the back and she was wearing flowery granny panties I recognized from when we were younger. “Why do you still have that underwear?”

“I don’t know,” she said through a yawn.

A minute later Roddy came out of her room, wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs.

“Oh . . . um . . . what the hell?” I said.

He walked up to Helen standing at the counter, wrapped his arms around her from behind, and rested his chin on her shoulder like they were a comfortable married couple. “Morning,” he said to me.

“Morning,” I replied, dumbfounded. “When did . . . I’m so confused.”

Helen smiled. “We were on the phone late last night and I was like, what the heck, come over.”

“Do you live near here?” I asked him, still in shock.

“About two hours away.”

“That’s not near here. You drove two hours in the middle of the night?”

“Totally worth it,” he said, instantly. Helen giggled.

“I don’t understand anything anymore,” I said as I walked toward the door to leave for work. “Have fun, you guys.” They didn’t respond because they were already sucking face in the kitchen.

ON MY BREAK at work, I checked my phone and saw a new text from Seth. It was a screen shot of the Lake Elsinore Storm’s game schedule.

I laughed and then dialed his number.

He answered by saying, “So you’re coming to every game, right?”

“Why don’t we start with Saturday?”

“I have a game tonight, though. What will I do without my talisman?”

“Keep your eye on the ball.”

“Good advice. Are you working?”

“Yes, I work at a restaurant. More like a diner, actually.”

“Sweet. I’ll have to come in sometime.”

“So Roddy was at our apartment this morning,” I said.

“I know. He really likes Helen.”

“I guess Match.com works in mysterious ways.” I didn’t want to draw attention to the fact that we were supposed to be on a date, and nothing had really happened for us, but he smoothed it out before I could even say anything.

“I like to take things slow,” he said in a sincere voice.

“That’s unusual for a guy.”

“Not when he’s tired of being single,” he said.

“I don’t understand.”

“I mean, I don’t know how to put this without sounding kind of arrogant but—”

I got where he was going with the conversation. “Getting laid is easy for you, is that what you were going to say?”

“Well, there’s this group of women who come to the games.”

“You have groupies?”

“Sort of.”

“They must know you’re on Match.com,” I said.

“I did some mild Instagram stalking of you to make sure you weren’t one of them. There’s a necessary screening process before I date anyone.”

I laughed. “And I passed the screening?”

“I did question that photo of you at the fair wearing a cow costume.”

“Oh yeah, that. I worked as a cow at the LA County Fair last year,” I said. I failed to mention that I was also a giant Hello Kitty that stood outside the Sanrio store at the mall. I almost died of a heatstroke because of the costume’s improper ventilation. I’ve had a lot of jobs. Sanrio paid my medical bills, so that was good.

“Do you still have the cow costume?”

“No, I had to give it back.”

“Bummer,” he said.

“I know.” Jon-Jon was glaring at me from behind the pie case. “Well, I have to get back to work. Not everyone can be a major-league baseball player.”

He chuckled. “It’s just the minors.”

“See, I would have known that if I were a groupie.”

“They’re called Storm Chasers.”

“Shut up.”

“I swear to god.” There was a second of silence. “I’ll let you go. Can I call you after my game?”

“Sure.”

Helen came in just before her shift started. She walked up to me in the side station and said very nonchalantly, “He asked me to move in with him.”

“Excuse me. What?”

“Yeah, he asked me to move in with him.” Her eyes darted to the ceiling and then to the floor before coming to rest on her fidgeting hands.

“What kind of person asks a woman to move in with him after one night? What did you tell him, Helen?”

“I told him yes.”

“Are you out of your mind? You have seriously lost it. You met Roddy less than twenty-four hours ago, you psycho!”

She finally made eye contact. “I know, but I really like him.”

“This is wild. Even for you, Helen.”

“If it doesn’t work out, I’ll just move out.”

“Well, don’t expect to have a room in my apartment waiting for you if your little experiment blows up in your face.” I started to walk away. I was so pissed.

“You’re such a great friend, Charlotte,” she snickered. “Just because you wouldn’t do it, it’s impossible for you to be happy for me?”

I turned around. “I think you’re making a mistake. That’s all. And I can’t afford your half of the rent while you play house with Roddy, whom you met less than twenty-four hours ago!” I glared at her.

“You said that already.”

I stomped my foot. “You don’t even like baseball.”

“I do now,” she said defiantly.

“Well, I guess we’ll see each other at the games then.” I headed back into the kitchen and into the walk-in refrigerator to look for mayonnaise.

“Wait, Charlie. I’m not moving out today.” Helen followed me in. I was standing precariously on a keg trying to reach the mayo on the top shelf. Helen was a bit taller than me and had longer arms. “Let me do that,” she said.

“No! I have to learn to do things without you now.” When I started to lose my balance, she braced my legs. “I got this, Helen!”

I jumped down with the mayo in hand and headed for the door.

Why did things have to change?

“Can we talk,” she said as she blocked the exit.

“It’s freezing in here. We’re in a refrigerator.”

“Is that why you’re being so cold to me?”

Just then Luc, the pie guy, walked in to get something. “Charelette and Huh-leen, hello.”

“It’s Helen and Charlotte, Luc. You’ve been in this country long enough to know how to pronounce our names.”

Helen was still very resentful. The walk-in was not a good place for her to be face-to-face with Luc. They had had sex in there, like, fifty times.

She was glaring at him as he searched for the butter.

“Let’s get out of here, Helen.”

“Fine.” Once in the kitchen, she said, “You should go to the game tonight.”

“Why?”

“Don’t you want to see Seth?”

“I can wait,” I said.

“That’s the thing with you. You’re always waiting. Waiting until something lands in your lap.”

“I’m not going to stalk him. I don’t want to seem desperate. You do whatever you want, but you have to understand that what’s going on with you is not normal for most people.”

“It’s because you’re insecure,” Helen said.

“Quit fucking insulting me! It’s because I don’t even know if I like Seth yet.”

“You slept with Adam after knowing him for five minutes.”

“This isn’t about sex. And Adam was different.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then why don’t you go look for him?”

“I’m done talking about this, Helen. Go to the game, I’ll cover you. Move in with Roddy, I don’t care. Do whatever you want, but you need to give me a month’s rent to find someone to take your room.”

“Do you really think I’m crazy, Charlie?”

Helen still had an adorable sprinkling of freckles on her nose leftover from childhood. I looked at her and thought about how soft and pure and sweet she was. How her innocence and faith made her beautiful. She still believed in fairy tales. And because of that, she would get hers.

“Honestly, yes, it’s crazy. But I guess it’s also a little brave. I just don’t like to see you get hurt.”

She looked down and then up again thoughtfully. “It’s worth it to me, though.”

“I know. I get it. Go, go to the game and see your man.”

She skipped out of the kitchen and I was stuck slinging fries with Jon-Jon. “Thanks, Charlie,” she called out.

I WALKED BY Adam’s loft on the way back home. His car was gone and there was a FOR RENT sign in the front window. I guess that was that.