FULL NOVELXO : Chapter 44
After the boys left, we went up to my room to do nails and practice makeup for the wedding. “I still think you should get your makeup done,” Taylor said from my bed. She was doing her toes a pale, chalky pink.
“I don’t want to spend any more of Mr. Fisher’s money. He’s spending enough as it is,” I said. “Besides, I hate wearing a lot of makeup. I never look like me.”
“They’re professionals—they know what they’re doing.”
“That time you took me to the MAC counter, they made me look like a drag queen,” I said.
“That’s their aesthetic,” Taylor said. “At least let me put false eyelashes on you. I’m wearing them. So is Anika.”
I looked at Anika, who was lying on the floor with a cucumber face mask on. “Your eyelashes are already long,” I said.
“She’s making me,” Anika said through gritted teeth, trying not to crack her mask.
“Well, I’m not wearing them,” I said. “Jere knows what my real eyelashes look like, and he doesn’t care. Besides, they make my eyes itch. Remember, Tay? You put them on me for Halloween, and I took them off as soon as you had your back turned.”
“A waste of fifteen dollars,” Taylor sniffed. She slid off the bed and sat next to me on the floor. I was trying on the different lipsticks Taylor had brought with her. So far it was between a rosy pink lip gloss and an apricot lipstick.
“Which do you like better?” I asked her. I had the gloss on my top lip and the lipstick on my bottom lip.
“The lipstick,” Taylor said. “It’ll pop better in pictures.”
At first we were just going to have Josh take pictures—he’d taken a couple of photography classes at Finch, and he was the official frat photographer for all their parties. But now that Mr. Fisher and Denise Coletti were involved, we’d hired an actual photographer, someone Denise knew.
“I might still get my hair done,” Taylor said.
“Go for it,” I told her.
We all changed into our pajamas, and Taylor and Anika presented me with a wedding gift—a lacy white babydoll nightie with matching panties.
“For the wedding night,” Taylor said meaningfully.
“Uh, yeah, I got that,” I said, holding up the underwear. I hoped I wasn’t blushing too red. “Thanks, guys.”
“Do you have any questions for us?” Taylor asked, perching on my bed.
“Taylor! I, like, live in the world. I’m not an idiot.”
“I’m just saying…” She paused. “You probably won’t like it that much the first couple of times. I mean, I’m super tiny, which means I’m really little down there, so it hurt a lot. It might not hurt as bad for you. Tell her, Anika.”
Anika rolled her eyes. “It didn’t hurt me at all, Iz.”
“Well, you probably have a large vagina,” Taylor said.
Anika thumped Taylor on the head with a pillow, and we all started giggling and couldn’t stop. Then I said, “Wait, exactly how bad did it hurt, Tay? Did it hurt the way a punch in the stomach hurts?”
“Who’s ever punched you in the stomach?” Anika asked me.
“I have an older brother,” I reminded her.
“It’s a different kind of pain,” Taylor said.
“Did it hurt worse than period cramps?”
“Yes. But I would say it’s more comparable to getting a shot of Novocain in your gums.”
“Great, now she’s comparing losing your virginity to getting a cavity filled,” Anika said, getting up. “Iz, quit listening to her. I promise you it’s more fun than going to the dentist. It would be one thing if you were both virgins, but Jeremiah knows what’s up. He’ll take care of you.”
Taylor collapsed into another fit of giggles. “He’ll take care of her!”
I tried to smile, but my face felt frozen. Jeremiah had been with two other girls. His high school girlfriend, Mara, and now Lacie Barone. So yeah, I was pretty sure he’d know what to do. I just wished he didn’t.
We were all lying in my bed, side by side by side. We were just talking with the lights off, and Anika fell asleep first. I’d been going over and over it, whether or not I should confide in Taylor, tell her about Conrad, how mixed up I’d been feeling. I wanted to tell her, but I was also afraid.
“Tay?” I whispered. She was lying next to me, and I was on the edge of the bed because I was going to leave and sleep in Jere’s room when the boys came back.
“What?” Her voice was sleepy.
“Something weird happened.”
“What?” She was alert now.
“Yesterday, Conrad cut his leg up surfing, and I helped him, and there was this weird moment between us.”
“Did you kiss?” she hissed.
“No!” But then I whispered, “But I wanted to. I was—I was tempted to.”
“Whoa,” she said with a little sigh. “But nothing happened, right?”
“Nothing happened. I just feel… freaked out because I kind of wanted it to. Just for a second.” I let out a big breath. “I’m getting married in a couple of days. I shouldn’t be thinking about kissing other boys.”
Softly, she said, “Conrad’s not other boys. He’s your first love. Your first great love.”
“You’re right!” I said, relieved. I felt lighter already. “It’s nostalgia. That’s all this is.”
Taylor hesitated and then said, “There’s something I haven’t told you. Conrad went to see your mom.”
My breath caught. “When?”
“A couple of weeks ago. He convinced her to come to the bridal shower. She told my mom, and my mom told me.…”
I was silent. He did that for me?
“I didn’t tell you, because I didn’t want it to get you all mixed up again. Because you love Jere, right? You want to marry him?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Are you sure? Because it’s not too late, you know. You could still call the whole thing off—you don’t have to do this this weekend. You could take some more time.…”
“I don’t need more time,” I said.
“Okay.”
I rolled over. “Good night, Tay.”
“Good night.”
It took a while before her breathing turned heavy and regular, and I just lay there next to her, thinking.
Conrad was still looking out for me. Silently, I got out of bed, crossed the room, and felt my way around my bureau until I found it. My glass unicorn.