We Are

I smirked evilly at Tina, when I saw that she’d caught her boyfriend Tezz kissing me, and instantly saw her get a confused expression on her face and hurriedly dash away.

Tezz hadn’t even noticed her entrance or exit (since he was facing away from where she’d been), and I decided that it would be fun to try n’ be a spectator when he and Tina next crossed paths.

I managed to accomplish that feat, but it didn’t end up being as fun as I’d thought because she simply broke up with him and didn’t even mention to him that she’d seen him making out with someone else.

Really?!? Where was the rage!?! Had she been cheating on him too or something, and was thus happy to have an excuse to end her little life of lies?

Tezz happily accepted her break-up, but was then not-so-happy when I informed him that I too was dumping his sorry @$$ when the two of us next crossed paths.

“Whaaaa?” he asked, confusedly, “So, you only like being with people who’re already in relationships or something?”

I was about to point out that he had been perfectly happy to be Mr. cheat-a-lot, when it hit me that (despite him being a massive pos) he kind of had a point.

My mind was racing through who the last few guys I’d gotten freaky with were, and all of them had been being unfaithful to someone by having a good time with me…

My thoughts were interrupted by me noticing that Captian dip$#!+ was still waiting for a response from me, and so I said, “The name of the game isn’t fm, it’s fu.” and I promptly walked away and flipped him off as I did so.

To his credit, he didn’t try to defend himself to me as I walked off, but that was probably because he was too busy staring at me. Not that I could blame him, mind you. If I were a dude, I’d be staring at me too.

Anyhoo, back to my depressing train of thought…

Ah, yes! I was quite the homewrecker, wasn’t I?

I mean, if I were to keep this up, I would probably eventually move from merely getting people who were dating to cheat with me to getting people who were married to cheat with me.

Was that who I wanted to be?

And some of those married people would probably have kids too…

Did I want to be gleefully getting fathers to sneak away from their wife and kids so that I could gain some sort of darkly proud satisfaction out of being someone who could get someone to break the rules with me?

Okay, now I was starting to scare myself…

It was time for a change of course! A new me! A fresh start! No more! heading down this path of darkness that I’d been so shamelessly traveling on!

This was my road-to-Damascus moment! My heart-being-moved-by-seeing-the-baby-Moses-in-a-basket moment! My rooster-crowing moment!

From now on, I would only get with guys who were single!, and the terrible future that I feared would be avoided!

Hmmm… Perhaps starting my big turnaround by apologizing to Tina would be a good idea.

I found Tina, and she heard me out and then forgave me and said that she was actually happy enough that Tezz had shown her his true colors before their relationship had advanced any further, and she asked me if I wanted to go hiking with her and some of her other friends once the weekend arrived.

I accepted her (pretty sincere-seeming) invite, and was actually looking forward to the hike, tbh.

This new me was a better me, and I planned to keep it that way…

The hiking outing with Tina and her friends turned out to go really well!

We all enjoyed being out in nature, were all being respectful and friendly towards each other, and even saw some deer who were also happily enjoying the wonders of forest life!

The little bump in the road (there always has to be one, doesn’t there?) ended up being that the sky suddenly darkened, and we looked up to see some sort of strange gooey-looking substance that was mostly blocking the Sun!

Then, a voice (that seemed to be coming from the sky) suddenly said, “My name is Blob!, and me and my minions (Jewel and Benji) rule this planet now!, just as we also rule several other planets and will soon rule the entire universe!

Those who accept my reign will be free to live their lives better than ever!, but those who resist will be imprisoned until they see reason!”

All of us were very confused, and one of Tina’s friends (who was named Bill) suggested that we should probably all go on the record as opposing this unelected Blob gaining more power than we’d be down to allow any elected person to have, just on the off-chance that this was somehow for real.

Tina, the others, and I all decided to go along with Bill’s proposal; and said things like, “No thanks, Blobby boy!” to the strange gooey mass in the sky.

Suddenly!, many many gooey arms shot! down from the gooey mass above us, and they grabbed us and flew us up, up, and away! from Earth!

We were moving so quickly that we weren’t even able to utter any audible sounds!

Soon, we stopped moving, and saw that we’d been placed on some grass that looked as if it was purple instead of green!

“Okay!, first batch of resisters!, you get to live on my prison planet until you see reason and can return back to Earth. Does anyone want to see reason immediately?”

I heard some voices answer affirmatively, but all of the people who I’d been hiking with stood their ground and did not accept Blob’s terms and conditions.

“I’m glad that at least some of you were so quick to see the light!” Blob praised, “I’ll be back again within the next few days to see if anyone else has decided to do the right thing by then.” and, suddenly!, Blob was off!; and we were all left to wonder whether this was some sort of strange dream (which seemed to me to be by far the most likely explanation) or whether we were actually on some sort of prison planet for refusing to bow down to a very powerful Blob…