Unmasked

The ringing of my phone is what wakes me up. I was fast asleep that waking up feels like I have just been run over by a train. I grab the phone from the small stool on my side of the bed.

‘Who is calling you this hour?’ Thando asks.

I sit upright when I see Zac’d name flashing on the screen. He would never call me this time unless something is wrong.

I pick up and I hear him crying on the other end of the line.

‘I am coming.’ I say rushing out of bed. I don’t need him to say anything because the brokenness in his voice tells me everything I need to know.

‘Where are you going?’

‘I won’t be long.’ I say as I grab a robe and put it on top of my night dress.

‘I am coming with you.’

‘No.’ I say strongly without even looking at him. I get into house shoes and rush out to the living room where I get my car keys and all the car keys for Thando’s vehicles and the gate keys as well. I might have told him that I want to do this alone but that doesn’t mean it will stop him from following me. I drive out and ignoring all speed limits I get to Zac’s place in the shortest time possible. His car and Celine’s are both parked in their spots, all through the drive I kept wondering what it is that has put him in this situation. Zac is not a softy like me and whatever it is, this is should be huge.

The living room is dark. I call his name but there is no response. My first instinct is to check the bedroom but then I hear soft sobs coming from the kitchen. I rush there and the light is off too.

‘Zac, I am going to turn on the light. Is that okay?’

No response comes through so I take in a deep breathe and turn it on. My voice gets caught in my throat. Celine is laying on the floor in a pool of blood. She has turned blue on her face and there is blood where her head is, there is more blood on her bottom I am not sure where she is bleeding from.

‘We will clean this mess up, you will get in the bathroom and bath and then we will get you in bed.’

He curls into a bowl.

‘I killed my child. She didn’t tell me that she was pregnant until it was too late.’

‘None of this happened. None of this happened.’ I say turning into my brother. Turning into the guy that has always protected me.

He shakes his head so I go and sit down with him, holding him in my arms.

‘I always thought everything I was doing was to protect you. I always thought if I could protect you from all the pain and hurt in the world then you wouldn’t have to be sad.’

I swallow hard.

‘When the same people who were supposed to protect you hurt you.’

He pauses.

‘Our parents were supposed to lead by example, but then they are the ones that hurt you. Mum watched on as dad raped you, she was behind the abortions and when they made you sleep with dogs.’

He pauses, tears falling from his eyes rapidly.

‘I blamed myself for the longest time. I felt like I had failed you and so I vowed, I made a blood covenant with myself that I would do anything within my power to protect you and make sure that you had a better life than the one that you were subjected to. I sacrificed my life, my happiness, my joy, my future, everything about me so that you could be happy.’

My own tears start to fall.

‘Zara the world dealt you a cruel hand and I didn’t know what else to do. I was just a boy who was reaching puberty and needed guidance myself when I found out about all you had been through. The only way I knew how best to protect you was hurting the people that hurt you and I was going to do it even though it meant that I had to lose myself or pieces of my life. I was going to sacrifice everything for you because I didn’t know how else to show you love or give you a better life.’

Both of us have tears running down our eyes. We are crying uncontrollable like two children who have been dealt a terrible hand by life.

‘I wish you didn’t have to do everything you did for me.’

He shakes his head.

‘I don’t have any regrets Zara. Given a chance I would do the same all over again because you are a good person and didn’t deserve anything you went through.’

‘Not at the expense of you making the decisions you made. Zac you were a child, influenced by pain and hurt.’

‘I had a chance to stop but I didn’t. Ths is not about you. Eventually I could have done better but this is the only life I have known. All the choices I made were of a sound mind and I would have accused Celine of oushing me too hard because she absurdly accused us of incest but we know my breaking point was just lurking and now its here.’

‘We can clean up all this, it will be like before.’

He kisses my forehead.

‘I am tired Zara. Of running. Of living this life. Of watching you lose all the good things and people because of my choices. I want you to create a better life for your child. Away from all this toxicity. I am taking the fall, because I am exhausted. I need to pay for everything I have done. Everything.’

‘Oh Zac.’

‘I love you little one, always have and always will.’

‘I love you.’ I respond violent tears still falling.

…

Kwenje’s Girl

Winnie

🙇🏾‍♀️