Underneath the Christmas Tree

It was well into the afternoon by the time we arrived at Wynter’s Trees. The return journey had been hampered by heavy traffic and Maya and I had laughed conspiratorially that we had talked it up. We didn’t chat all the way back however, because she’d locked the truck radio to Heart Xmas, (which she said would annoy the heck out of her brothers), and we’d sung along, as hilariously out of tune as each other, to every festive track. I had forgotten my worries for a while, although Wren was never far from my thoughts, and it felt like a much needed and appreciated respite.

My time with Maya had been a real tonic. We’d laughed so much my belly ached and my brain was in much better shape than it had been the day before. Maya was the human embodiment of what was meant by ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’. She was tall, slim and breathtakingly beautiful, but she was also generous, intelligent, completely modest and a rubbish singer. She was also the perfect match for Ned, in all things, and as much as that still pained me, I knew I had to reconcile myself to it.

‘You coming in?’ I asked her, when we reached the gate which was locked because the plantation was closed on a Monday.

There didn’t look to be anyone working in the huts, but there was a light on in the barn and the doors were open.

‘I’m going to make some hot chocolate,’ I temptingly added.

‘As appealing as that is, I’d better not,’ she said. ‘Dad will be wanting the truck back.’

‘Of course,’ I said, gathering my things together. ‘You really got me out of a pickle today, Maya. Thank you so much for stepping in and helping out and please, thank your dad for the loan of the truck too.’

‘It’s no bother,’ she lightly said. ‘It’s actually been really fun.’

‘It has,’ I agreed, although I was well aware that it would have been better all round had I not made the mix-up in the first place, ‘and we’ve covered some miles. Make a note of them, won’t you?’ I added. ‘Because I want to reimburse you for the fuel.’

Maya wouldn’t hear of it and made a neat three point turn on the drive so I didn’t have to open the gate. I watched until she was out of sight and then climbed over, landed carefully on my healthy ankle and headed for the lodge.

My breath caught as I opened the door. The main lights were all switched off, but the whole of downstairs was bathed in the warm glow of twinkling fairy lights. I stepped further in and closed the door noticing that the new lights were all artfully wrapped around a potted Christmas tree which was sitting in place of where the television had been, a little distance away from the log burner.

The significance of the position of the tree wasn’t lost on me. It was where the family tree had always been displayed, although this of course, wasn’t the original family tree. Ned and I had planted that a couple of weeks ago. Ned…

Positioning this new tree and covering it in lights must have been the reason behind his insistence that Maya and I didn’t rush back. If he was responsible for the pretty sight, then I realised he had wanted to keep me away from Wynter’s Trees for as long as possible, but not for the reason I had originally thought. He must have been planning to surprise me, and if that was the case, he must have forgiven me for my mistake. But what exactly had prompted this dramatic turnaround and change of heart, I wondered, assuming I’d read the situation right?

My mobile bleeped as a text message landed and I quickly dumped my bag and pulled my phone out of my pocket.

Wren is doing really well. Sorry it’s taken a while to let you know. It’s been a bit touch and go but she’s much better and, she’s still pregnant! It’s early days and she’s got to be careful but we’ll be back at the huts soon. Thank you for all your help yesterday. Theo x

I must have read the message a dozen times to make sure I’d understood it properly. Wren was okay and, most importantly, she was still pregnant.

Maya’s kindness, coupled with the discovery of the beautiful tree had been enough to form a lump in my throat and a prickle of tears behind my eyes, but this much anticipated and reassuring message from Theo completely burst through my already weakening defences and my body was wracked with sobs.

They weren’t refined tears either, but the noisy, messy kind and I gave in to them completely. I felt so relieved for Wren, and so wrung out after undoing the mess I’d made over the trees, that a few tears would have been justified, but I knew the emotional outpouring I finally succumbed to was about so much more than any of those things.

The river of tears which soaked my face and neck fell not just for my new friends and a couple of trees, but for the whole of Wynter’s, along with everything it had come to represent. Ned, David, Maya, Chelsea, Liam and everyone else danced through my head on a sort of merry go round and I sobbed as I watched them all go by.

With Ned’s help, since I’d arrived back in Wynmouth, I had finally unpacked the multiple boxes of mental baggage I’d been carrying, but I hadn’t once allowed the dam to properly burst. Now my tears were washing everything away and I wholeheartedly allowed myself to be swept along with them. I sunk down next to the fire and finally gave myself permission to cry my heart out.

‘Liza! It’s me. Are you here?’

I was upstairs when Ned and Bandit eventually came in. I’d finished off my transformative cry out in the shower and was feeling a whole lot better. Granted, my eyes looked a bit red and swollen, but that was only to be expected given the gallons of tears which had poured out of them. I didn’t think I’d ever have another one to shed.

‘Yes,’ I called back, somewhat huskily but feeling light in my heart. ‘I’ll be down in a minute.’

Wren was pregnant, my tree muddle had been rectified and I was on my way to tying up the loose ends which would free me from Wynter’s Trees and set me off on my merry way. All was right with the world.

Aside from the fact that I still needed to convince my heart that my feelings for Ned weren’t going to amount to anything. Okay, so not everything was right with the world, but the keel definitely felt more even than it had before.

‘Hey,’ Ned softly said, when I padded down the stairs in my animal print pyjamas and dressing gown.

‘Hey,’ I said back.

We stood staring at each other for a few seconds. I was reluctant to come all the way down the stairs. It was nice to look him straight in the eyes for once. Actually, it was a bit too nice. I hastily skipped down the final two steps.

‘Come and sit down for a minute, will you?’ he asked. ‘I need to talk to you.’

The look on his face and the change in his tone told me I was forgiven and I realised I needed to keep busy around him. I knew that, having already looked deep into his eyes, a sit-down talk would be too much for my already rapidly thumping heart.

‘Aren’t you hungry?’ I asked, nodding towards the kitchen. ‘We can talk while I make us something to eat, if you like.’

Not that I had much of an appetite. I was still full from Maya’s picnic. I thought about the fun the pair of us had enjoyed throughout the day. It felt imperative that I should keep Maya at the forefront of my mind if I was going to take my heart in hand.

‘No,’ said Ned. ‘Food can wait.’

‘Food can wait,’ I gasped. ‘Crikey, this must be serious.’

He plonked himself on the sofa and I reluctantly joined him at the other end. Bandit quickly, and thankfully, filled the space between us, but Ned clicked his fingers and the dog obediently jumped back down and settled at our feet. I would have much preferred it if he’d let the pooch stay put.

‘So,’ I said, as I leant down to stroke Bandit’s head, ‘what’s more important than your supper, Ned?’

He let out a long breath.

‘I know about Wren,’ he huskily said.

I sat back up again and looked at him.

‘Theo called earlier and told me what happened yesterday.’

I nodded.

‘He told me it was chaotic when they left for the hospital and that they had to switch things around in the huts.’

‘I was going to tell you,’ I said, ‘but the timing wasn’t right. The beach hut team were brilliant. They had everything in hand even before Theo came to find me.’

‘They’re a great bunch.’

‘The best,’ I agreed. ‘I’m pleased you know now and I’m so pleased Wren is okay. Is that what you wanted to talk about?’ I asked, making to stand up.

‘No,’ said Ned, putting a hand up to stop me. ‘It isn’t.’

I sat back again.

‘I’ve had a look through the receipts from yesterday,’ he carried on. ‘It must have been bedlam, netting and selling that number of trees in that amount of time.’

‘It was busy,’ I conceded. ‘But we managed. Just about. Aside from my stupid muddle over the Stott and Scott trees of course.’

Why had I brought that back up?

‘Never mind that now,’ said Ned, fixing me with his beautiful eyes. ‘What I’m trying to say, pretty incoherently I know, is thank you, Liza.’

‘Thank you?’ I frowned. ‘What for?’

All I’d done was make more work for all of us.

‘For this,’ he said reaching down the side of the sofa. ‘Two whole pages dedicated to Wynter’s Trees and all down to you.’

He opened the paper and spread it across his lap.

‘Oh,’ I said. I’d forgotten all about the newspaper article. ‘It was nothing.’ I shrugged. ‘Pot luck, really.’

‘No,’ said Ned, ‘it really was something. You made the effort to get in touch with the paper, Liza and that in turn has already helped to make this year the most profitable the plantation has ever had.’

At least something positive had come out of the day before.

‘Well, in that case,’ I said, ‘I’m pleased. Shall we get some supper now…’

‘No,’ said Ned. ‘Hang on. I haven’t finished.’

I looked away from his face and down at my hands.

‘I want to say sorry as well as thank you.’

‘Sorry?’ I asked, my gaze snapping up again.

‘Yes,’ he softly said. ‘I should never have taken my temper out on you. Given how busy the place was, how short of staff we were for the visitor numbers and all the extra worry about Wren, it was no wonder there was a hiccup in proceedings.’

‘But even so,’ I put in, ‘I should have checked that label more carefully.’

Ned shook his head. ‘If I tell you something, will you promise not to go mad?’ he asked.

‘That will depend on what it is.’

He bit his bottom lip. It was an incredibly sexy look.

‘What is it?’ I demanded, willing him to talk again and stop turning me on.

He took a deep breath. ‘When I realised which of the trees had been switched,’ he told me, ‘I was as angry at myself as I was with you.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I’d been meaning to change the labels to make the names more obvious and I was going to mention to Dad that they were both due to be collected yesterday too, but I forgot.’

Without thinking, I grabbed a cushion and whacked him with it. Bandit jumped up, keen to join in the fun.

‘Are you telling me,’ I said, hitting Ned again, ‘that it was as much your mistake as mine?’

‘I wouldn’t go that far,’ he said, putting his hands over his head when I threatened to inflict another feather filled blow. ‘All right,’ he conceded as I lined up my aim. ‘It was about even.’

I dumped the cushion back on the sofa, much to Bandit’s disappointment.

‘Bloody hell,’ I muttered. ‘And to think I spent a sleepless night worrying about it.’

Ned had the grace to look a bit sheepish as he pushed his hair away from his face.

‘Sorry,’ he grinned.

‘You don’t look it,’ I tutted. ‘But at least it’s all sorted now. Thanks mostly to Maya.’

Ned nodded.

‘We had a real laugh today,’ I told him, remembering our out of tune rendition of Mariah’s most famous festive tune. ‘She’s a wonderful woman. You could certainly do a lot worse than her, you know?’

‘She’s certainly good for business,’ he said, properly running a hand through his mussed-up hair and making it look even worse.

‘That wasn’t what I meant…’

‘So,’ he said, swiftly changing the subject. ‘What do you think of this tree?’

Knowing he wouldn’t be pushed, I let him get away with the switch of topic, but I was determined to track back to it at some point.

After a Nigel Slater supper of honey and mustard covered sausages and a mug of mulled cider apiece, we set about decorating the tree using the boxes I’d stacked in the utility room on Dad’s birthday.

‘I’ve been looking forward to this moment,’ said Ned, liberating my primary school angel from the box. ‘This is definitely going on the top.’

‘Well,’ I said, ‘you’d better put it up there, because I certainly can’t reach.’

‘Oh no,’ said Ned, pulling me to my feet and then picking me up in one swift and smooth movement. ‘You have to do the honours.’

My breath caught in my throat and my heart started to canter as his arms tightened around me.

‘Go on then,’ he said, when I didn’t move. ‘Or do you need to be a bit higher?’

I quickly reached up and plonked the angel on the highest branch.

‘That’ll do,’ I said, trying to wriggle free.

‘It’s a bit wonky,’ Ned laughed, as he set me on my feet. ‘Let’s have another go.’

‘No,’ I said, backing off as he reached for me again and Bandit barked and skittered around our feet. He was having a whale of a time. ‘You do it,’ I insisted. ‘You can reach easily enough.’

With the angel finally positioned, we set to adding everything else. Lots of the baubles had belonged to my grandparents and there were a variety of handcrafted and sewn decorations too, all of which I knew Mum had made.

Dressing the tree took much longer than it used to, but that was because I wanted to examine everything. I wanted to savour every treasure and lock the sight of them, proudly displayed on the new tree, away in my memory for safe-keeping. I found the process far harder than I had expected to and it was a struggle for my head to acknowledge that this was the last time I’d ever decorate the lodge for the festive season.

Next year, I forced myself to think, it would be Maya and Ned standing together and doing this. Although they wouldn’t be using the same decorations. I had already made up my mind to pack them up and take them with me when I left after Christmas.

‘So, what do you think?’ Ned asked, looking about him.

It must have been hours after we’d started but he hadn’t rushed me once. In fact, I got the impression that he’d enjoyed listening to me explain the origins and anecdotes attached to each and every decoration.

‘Do you think it’s finished?’ he queried.

I took a step back and drank the vision in. It was perfect, utterly perfect. Exactly how Mum and Dad would have wanted our family tree to look. I felt a fresh supply of tears rush to my eyes. So much for my earlier assumption that I was all cried out.

‘I take it you like it?’ said Ned, picking up one of my hands and giving it a squeeze.

‘Yes,’ I sniffed, wiping my eyes on my sleeve. ‘I love it. It’s beautiful. It looks very much like the tree Dad and I used to have.’

Ned nodded and pulled me into his side. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he kissed the top of my head. In spite of the difference in our heights, it felt so right snuggling into him. Surprisingly, we felt like the perfect fit.

‘There’s something I have to tell you about this tree, Liza,’ Ned said.

‘What is it?’ I asked, looking up at him.

He led me back to the sofa and we sat down, closer this time. Our knees were almost touching and as soon as we were settled, he picked up my hand again.

‘Your dad always had an eye on the future,’ he began. ‘You’ve said that yourself, haven’t you?’

‘I have,’ I agreed. ‘Many times. We’ve all of us said it, I think.’

Ned smiled. ‘Well, this tree is proof of that,’ he told me.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Your dad potted this tree up years ago, specifically for the lodge.’

‘He did?’ I choked.

‘He did,’ Ned confirmed. ‘And there’s another smaller one too, barely bigger than a few branches right now, which will keep the tradition going for years to come.’

‘I had no idea,’ I smiled, through a haze of yet more tears.

‘I can show you it, if you like?’

‘Yes, please,’ I sniffed. ‘I’d love that.’

‘I thought you might,’ he said, leaning over and gently brushing my tears away. ‘And you can take it with you of course, but I can’t tell you how much I wish you were going to be here to watch it grow.’

I couldn’t find the words either, but in that moment, I found myself wishing for exactly the same thing too. The thought of decorating Christmas trees that Dad had potted up for years to come, here in the lodge and with Ned by my side, felt like a bewildering, but very appealing prospect.

As one we leant towards each other and for the third time since I’d arrived back at Wynter’s Trees we kissed. This time there was no alcohol involved and no bump on the head and it felt all the sweeter for that. Or it did until I remembered my dear friend, Maya. The sight of her beautiful face, and the thought of her generous spirit filled my head and my heart and I pulled away. Ned looked every bit as guilty as I felt as I muttered a hasty good night and rushed upstairs to my room.