Underneath the Christmas Tree

By the time I’d poured my third glass of wine, the assortment of travel brochures and bundles of notes on the floor next to my laptop were more of an untidy heap than the regimented piles I’d previously organised them into. However, in spite of the mess, and the rapidly emptying bottle, I had finally made a decision about my future and succeeded in narrowing my favoured travel destination down to just two options. Feeling impressed, I downed another mouthful of Merlot to congratulate myself.

I sat cross-legged in my PJs on the sitting room floor and thought about the milestone I had just achieved. I had been putting it all off for far too long but I was finally going to see something of the world and then, the moment I landed back in the UK, I would set about launching my own business. All that was left to do now was instigate my plan to free up more funds and pick between the Japanese Tea Trail Tour and the Northern Lights extravaganza. Both looked incredible, but my savings would only allow for one epic adventure.

I leant back against the sofa and closed my eyes, exhausted as well as tipsy, but nonetheless feeling grateful for the six gruelling weeks I had just spent teaching art in a struggling high school. I had been devastated when I had been made redundant from my role of art therapist in another school the previous summer and had covered the last few weeks of someone’s maternity leave in a different school to tide me over. It had been hell, but it was finally over and I understood now exactly why the universe had stepped in to shake things up a bit.

Had my former job not become the victim of yet more funding cuts, I would simply have carried on in my original role and not made the brave decision to set up my own art therapy business, which was what, deep down, I had wanted to do for years.

Had Mum been around to counsel me, I knew that was exactly what she would have said too. She would have told me it was fate and that when I came out the other side, I would be able to see the real reason behind why it had all happened. That had been the sort of woman she was. A bubbly, glass-half-full personality, full of hope and optimism.

She had sadly passed just a couple of weeks after I turned eleven, her heart having given up on life long before it should, so she hadn’t been there to hold my hand through the turbulent time, but now I was through it and I could see the point, as well as my exciting new future. Setting up and working independently I would be able to support many more struggling youngsters than just those who had come my way in one school.

‘Better late than never, Liza Wynter,’ I told myself as I heaved my tired body on to the sofa and snuggled into the cosy nest of cushions I liked to cocoon myself in when I was feeling in need of a hug.

My mobile buzzed on the seat next to me and, without thinking, I reached for my ponytail and swept it over my shoulder. The familiar action offered some comfort, but not quite enough. I didn’t need to look at the screen to know who was calling and I sank further into the cushions, nudging the phone away with my foot.

True to form, David, my late father’s business partner, had rung every day of October. When Dad had died four years ago, David had kindly stepped up and taken over managing the Christmas tree plantation on the outskirts of Wynmouth on the Norfolk coast and his determination to coax me into showing an interest in it had never waned. As soon as autumn took hold and cards, lights and gifts appeared in the shops, he would instigate his far from subtle strategy to coax me back all over again.

‘Just come and take a look at everything,’ he would say. ‘It’s come on even further this year.’

I didn’t doubt it, but I had no desire to see it. I couldn’t stand the place.

‘Let me just get this term out of the way,’ I would bat back ad infinitum. ‘And then we’ll see.’

I hadn’t been back since the day of Dad’s funeral and there was nothing in my new plan that would change that. I knew David’s intentions were meant kindly and that if he’d understood the reason behind my reluctance to return, he wouldn’t have pushed, but that was one of the many conversations with him I had never felt ready to have.

I held sixty per cent of the shares in Wynter’s Trees but did nothing more than draw an annual bonus at the end of the tax year. David held the other forty per cent of shares and was legally obliged to keep me informed as to how the business fared throughout the year. I did take a cursory look through the books, so I knew Dad’s dream venture was thriving, but that was as far as my involvement went. As far as it would ever go.

Even though my negative feelings for the plantation and the business were justified, I still felt guilty that David, and more recently his son, was left to deal with it all. Consequently, I only ever took half of what we had originally agreed I should draw and the rest was ploughed back into the plantation. That was going to have to change now though, I realised with a jolt.

In order to fund my new business, I was going to need every penny I was entitled to. I didn’t relish the thought of telling David that I would be taking my full share and knew I certainly shouldn’t attempt it after drinking a bottle of wine. Therefore, I ignored my ringing mobile and snuggled deeper into the cushions.

‘Hello,’ I croaked, what felt like mere moments later.

‘Liza?’

‘Um,’ I winced, grappling with the phone.

‘Liza, it’s me, David.’

‘David,’ I repeated, my heart sinking in my chest.

My mouth felt dry and my head throbbed as I hoisted myself upright, scattering the cushions and sending the pain level soaring.

‘So, you are still with us then?’ he huffed, sounding unusually put out.

‘Barely,’ I whispered, as I gingerly inched my way to the kitchen sink.

I tucked the phone against my neck, which had a painful crook in it thanks to falling asleep on the sofa, and filled a glass with water. I was amazed to see it was light outside and realised I’d been out for the count all night.

‘Well, I’m sorry if I’ve caught you at a bad time,’ David continued. ‘It is early, but as you no doubt know, I’ve been trying to get hold of you all month. In fact, had you not picked up today, I was going to make the journey to visit you this afternoon.’

That was a change to our usual back and forth. Ordinarily he just kept ringing until I eventually answered at a date so close to Christmas that it made travelling to Wynmouth for the festive season impossible.

‘You were?’ I swallowed.

‘I was,’ he said, more softly.

Listening to the change in his tone, I felt bad for screening his calls. Generous to a fault, kind, caring and hardworking, Dad couldn’t have picked a better partner to help run the business. I had been so shocked when I lost Dad that I never really took onboard just how selflessly David had stepped into the breach. That said, I still wished he hadn’t picked up the ‘make Liza fall for Wynter’s Trees’ placard Dad had never stopped waving.

‘I really need to talk to you, Liza.’

‘I’m sorry I haven’t picked up before,’ I apologised. ‘This term has been pretty awful.’

David knew I’d been made redundant and subsequently taken the maternity cover contract.

‘But it’s over now?’

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘School broke up yesterday.’

‘And you aren’t going back?’

‘God no,’ I blurted out, without thinking.

‘That bad, was it?’ he chuckled.

‘Um,’ I conceded.

I had no desire to relive just how bad it had been. Had I been in two minds whether a return to full-time teaching was for me, the students at Elmwood High had hastily settled the argument.

‘So,’ David carried on. ‘Have you applied for another post?’

It was tempting to lie to stave off his attempt to nag me into visiting, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

‘No,’ I said, ‘I haven’t.’ But then quickly added, ‘but I’m very busy. I’m planning a trip and after that…’

I let the words trail off. I still wasn’t ready to tell him about my business plans and the repercussions they would have for my Wynter’s Trees annual reinvestment.

‘After that?’ he asked.

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘Good,’ he pounced. ‘Great, because there’s something I need to talk to you about.’

I felt my defences crank up a notch in readiness to fend off whatever it was he was going to say.

‘You know there’s no point in asking me anything about running the place,’ I quickly put in. ‘It’s a Christmas tree farm and I don’t know a single thing about growing trees, do I? Whereas you’re a world-leading expert now. Just carry on keeping me up to date via email, and we’ll be fine.’

Of course, I knew that Wynter’s was so much more than a ‘Christmas tree farm’. It was an institution, a local treasure, a much-loved focal point of the county’s festive calendar, but it wasn’t a part of mine and it never would be.

Dad had moved me from my childhood home in the Scottish borders just a few months after we lost Mum. He was mad on Christmas, always had been, and when the opportunity to buy the plantation and site, which had never been properly utilised by its previous owner came up, he had jumped at the chance.

‘It’s the fresh start we need, Liza,’ he had told me as he loaded up boxes and bags into the moving van. ‘It’s what your mum would have wanted us to do.’

But I didn’t want a fresh start. I wanted to stay living in the house that was full of Mum, snuggle down in the bedroom where she used to read me bedtime stories, stay with my friends as we settled into the new routine of high school. Dad might have been, but I wasn’t ready to leave any part of my mum behind.

‘You’ll soon settle in,’ he had said, sounding optimistic and almost cheerful.

I resented him for that and if I was being brutally honest with myself, I don’t think I had ever stopped. In reclaiming his life, he had removed me from everything that I held dear. If I had found the words to explain that to David, then he would have understood why my feelings for Wynter’s Trees were never going to change, rather than clinging to the hope that one day I’d have this magical epiphany and move back.

Striving to find the courage to speak up, along with the words, the memories flooded in. I bitterly remembered all too vividly how, as the plantation became popular and I resigned myself to it, the new school bully realised it gave her all the ammunition she needed to single me out.

The ridicule and name calling had been incessant and I had hated Wynter’s all over again. At eighteen, I couldn’t wait to head back north to university and, aside from the day of Dad’s funeral, I hadn’t been back to Wynmouth since.

‘But you rarely respond to my emails,’ David fairly pointed out. ‘In fact, if it wasn’t for the end of year books, I don’t think you’d have a clue about how the place is doing at all.’

‘I’m not that bad,’ I said, trying to play it off, even though I knew he was right.

‘In that case,’ David shot back, ‘you know what I’m ringing to discuss, don’t you? You know exactly what it is I’ve been making multiple calls to talk to you about.’

I had assumed it was the usual, me going back to Wynter’s for Christmas, but his tone suggested otherwise.

‘Well,’ I said, craftily switching the call to speaker so I could access my emails and carry on with the conversation. ‘It could be any number of things,’ I blagged, furiously scrolling. ‘There’s the health of the trees…’

‘The trees are fine,’ he cut in. ‘It’s been one of the best years so far, growth wise.’

‘I was just about to say that…’

‘This is about me, Liza.’ He said, sounding frustrated. ‘This is to do with Wynter’s and me.’

‘You?’ I gasped, abandoning my inbox and taking him off speaker. ‘You aren’t ill or anything, are you, David?’

I knew my question gave away that I hadn’t in fact read whatever it was he’d written about, but I didn’t care. I just needed to know he was all right. I couldn’t lose him too.

‘No,’ he said. ‘I’m not ill.’

I felt my shoulders drop at least three inches.

‘I’m retiring.’

‘You’re what?’ I choked.

‘I’m retiring,’ he said again.

I pulled out a kitchen chair and flopped down on to it. That was the last thing I had been expecting him to say.

‘That’s the last thing I expected you to say,’ I blurted out, the words echoing my thoughts.

David chuckled. He sounded far happier about the prospect than I did. What was going to happen to Wynter’s? David was Wynter’s now.

‘And before you start to panic,’ he smoothly carried on as if it was all decided already, ‘I’m not leaving you in the lurch. I’m planning to sell my shares in the business to Edward.’

‘To Edward,’ I repeated.

Edward was David’s son. He’d worked alongside his father since returning from his aunt’s forest farm in New Zealand a couple of years ago. I’d never met him, but I knew he was as mad about Wynter’s as David was. In fact, I got the impression that the whole family, which was spread across the globe, had sap rather than blood running through their veins. I supposed he would be the right person to take the reins.

‘He’s been working with me here for almost two years now and he knows the business inside out,’ David forged ahead. ‘He’s more than ready to take it on. He’s got some great ideas about how to keep Wynter’s current and your dad’s plans moving along. He’s got far more vision than I’ve ever had. I’ve kept things ticking over, but Edward can see far into the future.’

I knew what he was saying made perfect sense, but it didn’t stop me having a moment of panic. David couldn’t leave. Dad and I might not have seen eye to eye about a lot of things, but David was my last link to him. I had lost so much of my parents; I couldn’t lose him too.

‘But you can’t retire,’ I blurted out. ‘Wynter’s Trees just wouldn’t be the same without you, David.’

‘I’m sixty-nine,’ he gently reminded me. ‘I should have gone years ago. I only stayed on…’

I didn’t give him the chance to finish his sentence.

‘Age is just a number,’ I forthrightly told him. ‘And what will you do with yourself? You’ll be bored witless.’

He was always on the go. He’d hate a quiet retirement.

‘No, I won’t,’ he said and I could tell he was smiling. ‘I’m going to see my sister.’

‘In New Zealand?’

‘That’s right,’ he said, sounding well pleased. ‘She’s handing over her farm to my niece and nephew and the two of us are going travelling together. We should have done it years ago,’ he absently added.

Well, that trumped my argument. Clearly David had no intention of settling for a quiet retirement.

‘I see,’ I said, forcing myself to not sound resentful. ‘That sounds wonderful.’

‘It will be,’ he said happily. ‘And I couldn’t have picked a better time to go. Wynter’s Trees is thriving, Liza. Your dad’s potted Christmas tree idea was a masterstroke and the same families are coming back every year to rent their trees and there’s going to be even more happening when Edward potentially steps up.’

‘There is?’

‘If you really read my emails,’ David tutted. ‘You’d know that.’

‘Yes,’ I agreed. ‘I suppose I would.’

‘So,’ he carried on, ‘I take it you will come back now, won’t you?’

‘Come back?’

‘To meet Edward. I need your approval before I can sell him my shares.’

‘There’s no need for that. I trust you David, I don’t need…’

‘Yes,’ said David. ‘You do. We’re not going to do anything until you’ve had a look at the place and got to know Edward, and not only because that’s what the legal terms of the business dictate.’

‘I could video call him,’ I lamely suggested, desperate to put the inevitable off.

‘Look,’ David snapped, sounding cross, ‘I can’t book my flights or make any proper plans with my sister until this is sorted, Liza. Do you really want to be the person responsible for stopping me from going?’

I shook my head.

‘Do you?’

‘No,’ I croaked. ‘I was shaking my head, but I’m still happy to sign my approval online. Surely your solicitor can settle it that way, can’t they?’

‘This isn’t about settling, Liza.’ David insisted. ‘I want you to meet Edward. I think it’s important that you get to know him. Going forward, it’s going to be just you and him and I’ll feel better about leaving if I know the pair of you already know each other.’

I was beginning to feel desperate and there was a tight band of pain slowly wrapping its way around my chest.

‘Given that you’re not working at the moment,’ David pointed out, ‘the timing really couldn’t be better, could it?’

‘But I need to make my plans for this trip,’ I feebly said.

‘That’s as maybe,’ David astutely responded, ‘but you have unfinished business here, Liza. You know you do. And until you face up to it, your life is never going to work right. It won’t matter where in the world you run to; the loose ends you still have to tie up here will always be at the back of your mind, waiting to trip you up.’

It was a low blow, but a perfectly placed one.

I had unplugged the landline and turned off my mobile after David’s call, but I needn’t have bothered because when I reconnected everything a few days later, there were no waiting texts or messages. There were no further emails either.

The silence was a surprise, but the quiet had given me the time and space to mull everything over and within that time, I had made another big decision. A huge one, actually. I wasn’t going to tie up the loose ends David had flagged up; I was going to cut right through them.

If this Edward was as ambitious as his father suggested, then he would doubtless jump at the chance of buying my shares too. He could become the sole proprietor of Wynter’s Trees. And, as a result, I’d be free of my father’s unwanted legacy and I’d have even more money to dedicate to setting up and launching my art therapy business. It was the perfect plan.

‘David, hi.’ I said, once I’d plucked up the courage to call him back. ‘It’s Liza.’

‘Liza,’ he said, clearly surprised.

‘This might come as a bit of a shock,’ I quickly said, before I could change my mind, ‘but I’ve been thinking about what you said and I’ve decided you’re right. I do need to come back.’

‘You have?’ he asked. ‘You do?’

He sounded flabbergasted, but given that he’d been trying to coax me into returning for the last four years, that was only to be expected.

‘Yes,’ I reiterated. ‘I have and I do. I’m coming back to Wynmouth and I’m going to get to know Edward.’

‘Well, that’s wonderful!’ He sounded absolutely over the moon, but I knew his good mood wouldn’t last once I arrived and explained what I had in mind.

Had I been able to sort it all online I would have been tempted, but given the care David had lavished on the business and the way he’d tried to look out for me, even though I hadn’t let him, I knew I owed it to him to give him a face-to-face explanation.

‘This really is the best news,’ David gushed on. ‘I’m so pleased and I know Edward will be too.’

I hoped he was right about that. I hoped Edward would be so pleased he’d jump at the chance of investing further and taking Wynter’s Trees on single-handed.

‘That’s great,’ I said, staving off the pins and needles of guilt my ulterior motive induced. ‘I’ll be arriving next Thursday.’

‘Marvellous.’

‘And I was wondering,’ I carried on, ‘if you might be able to find me somewhere cheap and cheerful to stay in Wynmouth. I’m still saving for my travels, after all.’

‘It would be easiest to stay in Wynter’s Lodge, wouldn’t it?’ David suggested.

That was the name given to the wooden house built by my father on the plantation site driveway. A lump lodged in my throat as I thought of the pretty porch swing and wraparound veranda. It had been a beautiful house, but I’d never felt at home there.

‘I suppose,’ I frowned, as I imagined myself opening it up and dusting it down.

‘No point spending money when you don’t need to, is there?’

‘I guess not,’ I conceded, but even as I agreed, I knew I was going to be confronted by more than the ghosts of Christmases past when I crossed the threshold.

‘That’s settled then,’ David happily sighed. ‘We’ll see you on the fourth. You’ll be here in time for the fireworks.’

I knew there were going to be fireworks, just not the sort he was expecting.