Un2talented (Book 3 of the Un2 Series)

Cadence lay motionless at the water’s edge staring at the reflections dancing on the cave’s ceiling. A ripple of water tickled her ear, causing her to shiver and try to sit upright, but the basket of rocks stopped her short. She wriggled free from her belt and basket sling and scooched back from the water. Bowoo watched and wagged his tailfins.

“Thanks, buddy!” Cadence coughed.

“Bo woo,” The giant koi replied.

Cadence retrieved her belt and ran it through, with some difficulty, the loops on her wet jeans.

“If you’re not injured, I need to get back to the portal before someone comes looking for me. Are you okay?”

“Bo woo,” said Bowoo.

“I’m going to take that as a yes.”

Bowoo swam up to the water’s edge and batted his eyes. Cadence patted him on his head. He closed his eyes and sighed. Little bubbles formed and popped in the water near his gills.

“I’ll see you in a couple of hundred years. Take good care of yourself.”

Cadence kissed his snout, finding it surprisingly warm.

She waved goodbye as she exited the cave, saddened knowing that centuries would pass before she saw her friend again. Cadence circled the torch-lit compass rose, gathering some bread, fruit, and cheese as she headed back through the grotto. She tossed them into a basket with a bota of wine. The foodstuff would serve two purposes. First, it would explain the additional time taken for her trip to the powder room. Second, she was starving.

“Hey, boys, look what I found!” Cadence proclaimed as she descended the ramp to the gazebo. “The bread is a little stale, but if you dig out the center it’s still soft.”

“Where did you get that?” Charlie squawked.

“In the grotto. I wanted to see what this place looked like before it became the lair of a supervillain.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere!” DeLeon laughed. “Are there any grapes in there?”

“Both solid and liquid!”

Cadence unconsciously reached for the wineskin with her missing hand and noticed little nubs protruding from the gauze wrapped around her stub. She was able to wiggle them. Falling into Bo Woo’s pond had initiated the start of new fingers.

“Solid,” DeLeon replied.

“What?” Cadence responded, distracted.

“Grapes. I’ll take the grapes!”

“Oh! Sorry.”

Cadence moved the basket to her other arm so she could toss DeLeon a cluster.

“Hey, Chuck, how about you?” Cadence called.

“Nothing. Don’t call me Chuck.”

“Not even a bit of brie? A crust of bread, maybe? How about a sip of wine? There’s bound to be something in here for you to chew on.”

“How about a human soul?”

“Nope, but I think we have a couple of figs,” Cadence replied without giving Charlie the reaction he was shooting for.

“Hah!” DeLeon burst out. “I like this girl! You know what, Chuck? When I get the armor and we get back to the mansion, I’m going to replace this lady’s hand. You know, the hand which you so unthoughtfully removed from the end of her arm.”

“Oh, she isn’t coming with. She’s your proxy. She’s staying here!” Charlie insisted.

“Oh, Chuckles, you know as well as I do that the proxy thing is bullshit. You’re using it to facilitate a rouse. If we stuck to the ritual, I would be sitting pretty in my mansion watching reruns of old game shows on a hi-def flat screen by now and she would be stranded here in the past, probably as a courtesan to a wealthy land baron that has a thing for pretty girls that are missing body parts.”

“Hey!” Cadence interrupted. “First thing, mister, I’m more than just pretty! I’m a damn fine musician. Second thing, Eeew!”

“Okay, you can be a songbird or a scullery maid or some such thing. There aren’t many career options for women in my century.”

“Better, but not great.”

“It’s all hypothetical because you’re coming with me.”

“She’s not going anywhere!” Charlie maintained.

“We both know that if I have the armor the ritual is pointless. You propositioned me with a side deal where you bring me the breastplate and I pull you free of the Chronostream. I control the armor. I decide who stays and who goes. If I say she goes, she goes.”

“Fine!” Charlie begrudgingly consented. “But if there is only one bracelet, it’s mine!”

“Bracelet!” Cadence thought, remembering the one wrapped up neatly in her pocket.

“What’s all this about breastplates and bracelets?” Cadence asked as if she didn’t already know the answer.

“Wearing the breastplate allows me to travel through time. Wearing a bracelet allows you to join the party,” DeLeon explained.

“Can two people use one bracelet?”

“Sure, but I wouldn’t advise it,” DeLeon laughed.

“Why?”

“The armor and bracelets are amazing. They disassemble the wearers in one life stream and reassemble them in another. They’re great at distinguishing between elements, but they suck at keeping people separate. They can keep a crease in your jeans, but the two of you are going to end up a Picasso!”

“Noted,” Cadence groaned. “One more question. Why would you put a crease in your jeans?”

“It was a seventies thing. Jeans so tight you had to lay on your back and use pliers to pull up the zipper. A name stitched on your butt, a crease in the legs. It was very fashionable.”

“That sounds very uncomfortable!” Cadence winced.

“It was,” DeLeon sighed. “They should bring them back.”

“You know what else is uncomfortable?” Charlie chimed in. “Listening to your chit-chat. I wish I had some pliers to zip those mouths shut!”

Cadence and DeLeon looked at each other, eyebrows raised, mouths agape.

“Wow, Chuckie! You need to chill out! I am, however, impressed with how you carried over part of the conversation into your little spasm. That’s something new for you!” DeLeon chuckled.

“Charlie. My name is Charlie.”

“Okay, Charlie. We could end all this chit-chat if you would simply deliver the breastplate. Or maybe you would prefer to just send me home as per the ritual.”

“I vote we wait for the breastplate!” Cadence shouted.

“I’m working on it!” Charlie assured them. “I want out of here more than you do!”

Charlie turned his back on the pair and whispered into his lapel.

“Cate, what’s the holdup? Where’s the boyfriend?”

“We can hear you and he’s not my boyfriend!” Cadence corrected.