Un2talented (Book 3 of the Un2 Series)

Cate stood with her front paws on the tailgate and guided Dorian into the stream. Red ribbons reflecting from the taillights danced atop the ripples created by the water rushing around the tires of the Aquamino.

“A little more to the left. Perfect. Hold right there.” She ran back to the slider window and leaned in to give final instructions. “When you are traveling across life streams you may experience some turbulence. Keep your hands on the wheel and keep it as straight as possible. You must keep the Aquamino in the stream. If you steer out of the waters, you will find yourself in the year appearing on the odometer at the time you left the stream.”

“Turbulence, wheel straight, stay in the water. Got it,” Dorian repeated. “What should I do if something causes me to run aground?’

“Do everything within your powers to not crash into anything. You’ll be traveling in reverse at a high rate of speed so if your ass end swings left, cut hard to the right and visa-vera. If you manage to stay intact, get back into the stream and continue.”

“I am the worst at driving in reverse. The only thing I suck at more is parallel parking.” The color drained from Dorian’s face. “I won’t have to do that, will I?”

“Fortunately, no,” Cate chuckled. “What you will have to do once you arrive at your destination you will need to drive the Aquamino over and into the waters headed to the future. It’s a dry streambed now, but there will be a river there once you are in the past. Things will look different. Hundreds of years of architecture will be stripped away, but all of the main structure will remain intact and function as we have described.”

“I can do that. Anything else I should know?”

Cate thought a moment. Her three heads closed in and conferred with each other. The first head disagreed with the other two but agreed to relay a final message.

“We do have one tiny bit of information that two-thirds of us think you would want to know. It may hurt a bit.”

“Go ahead, I think I can handle it,” Dorian urged.

“That’s it. This may hurt a bit. Well, it’s going to hurt a lot for a second or two.”

Dorian swallowed hard. “Um, what?”

“There’s an issue with multiple instances of any entity being at any point in time concurrently. As soon as you start moving backward your existences will overlap. The faster you can move through your past the shorter the duration of your pain, but the pain will be more intense. It’s like ripping off a cosmic band-aid. It’s a minor inconvenience considering that you’re tearing yourself free from the constraints of time.”

“My Mom used to kiss-a-boo-boo before putting the band-aid on. She said it would hurt less when it was time to pull the band-aid off.”

“Unless your mother kiss-a-boo-boos your whole body, this is going to hurt like a bitch.”

Dorian and Cate both recoiled at the imagery.

“I didn’t need that picture stuck in my head!” Dorian gagged.

“We regretted it as soon as it came out of our mouths. We’re not very good at injecting humor.”

“Ain’t that the truth!”

“As we told you we speak!”

The two looked at one another knowingly.

“I guess it’s time, huh?” Dorian posed.

“You would be correct,” Cate nodded.

Dorian checked his surroundings one last time. He mentally recounted the steps he would need to complete upon his arrival, looking from landmark to landmark as he did. He scanned the dashboard, miming the required motions. He even mocked reaching for the radio and then slapping his hand away. He looked at the odometer and mouthed “automatic stop”. He firmly gripped the steering wheel and mouthed “turbulence, keep it straight”. He turned to look out the rear slider window and came face to faces with Cate. Her three heads licked his face in unison.

“It’s not a kiss, but lick-a-boo-boo is the best we can do.”

Dorian blushed and teared up a bit.

Cate was surprised to find herself welling up as well. She cleared her throats.

“You better get going. Your antagonists are waiting.”

Cate leaped from the truck bed and turned to face the Aquamino.

“Remember, use your skills rather than that sword if possible. It’s better to remain alive in a different life stream than die and end them all.”

“I’d sure feel better if you came with me,” Dorian pled.

“You need us here. We’ll eliminate any obstacles we can between here and the portal. As soon as you cross into the current life stream you must close the portal behind you by any means possible.”

“What’s to stop Charlie from just popping up in his big black elevator?”

“He can’t. Charlie can only come when called. That’s why he wants free of the Chronostream so badly.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s right. What if I say his name five times while looking in a mirror?” Dorian joked.

“Why would you ever do that?” Cate furrowed all her brows.

“It’s an urban legend. You repeat a certain phrase or name whilst in front of a mirror and that entity appears. They usually kill you.”

“Why would anyone want to call forth something that will potentially kill them? That seems, well, stupid.”

“I really don’t know. Kids do it at sleepovers as a dare. I always preferred doing that ‘light as a feather, stiff as a board’ thing or putting someone’s hand in warm water so they pee the bed.”

“Humans play odd games,” Cate sighed.

Dorian stared silently ahead.

“Is something wrong?” Cate asked.

“All of this rushing water.”

“What about it?”

“It’s having an effect on me.”

“Which is?”

Dorian sighed. He leaned toward the passenger side window and whispered, “I’ve got to take a leak.”

“There isn’t any place for you to do that here. You’ll have to hold it.”

“I don’t think I can. You don’t want me to yellow the waters of time, do you?”

“There might be a jar or something in the garage.”

Dorian jumped out of the Aquamino and hustled into the garage. He returned a few moments later looking more embarrassed than relieved.

“Everything okay?” Cate asked, concerned.

“I think I held it using Cadence’s hand.”

Cate laughed so hard she could barely contain herself.

“Makes our kiss-a-boo-boo thing pale by comparison!”