Un2talented (Book 3 of the Un2 Series)

The mist swirled around his ankles and then rose knee-high as Dorian approached the staircase. He slid his foot forward, searching for the first stair. He shuffle-stepped until his toe stubbed into something solid. He stepped up and immediately slipped on the mist-moistened marble surface. He caught himself but let out a whelp as he did.

“You okay?” Phil called from behind.

“Slippery steps,” Dorian replied

“Sorry, I’ve been meaning to install a handrail! I’ll get to it one of these days.”

“Those grippy bathtub stickers would work, too.”

“Good idea! I can’t install them until they’re invented a few centuries from now, but I’ll keep them in mind.”

Dorian continued carefully up through the mist whilst trying to rationalize the paradoxical nature of time travel. Fortunately, it was a short climb because his brain was beginning to hurt.

The top of the staircase no longer opened to a sea of cubicles but to a cobblestoned market square replete with canopied stalls brimming with items Dorian had seen at the local renaissance fair. A few noticeable differences were there weren’t any cosplayers visiting from inappropriate periods and there wasn’t a stand selling cheese curds. Turkey legs, yes. Cheese curds, no. His attention was drawn to someone humming in the stall to his right. A small white-haired woman wearing comically large eyeglasses and a grey fur vest bopped about behind a table lined with ale-filled mugs.

“Granny?” he called.

She didn’t respond.

“Numia?” Dorian tried again. He could tell that she heard him, but she didn’t answer. A realization washed over him.

“Knock, knock!”

“Who’s there?” the old woman said, then winked knowingly.

“Anita.”

“Anita who?”

“Anita plan because I’m in way over my head and if I screw up Charlie is going to do horrible things, not only to me but to all of the others!”

“Whew! That’s a mouthful!” Granny motioned for Dorian to have a seat in the booth. “You might want to consider shortening that to something like ‘Anita hero’ or. . .” she handed him an ale, “Anita drink”.

Granny rubbed her hand across Dorian’s shoulders as he took a swig.

“You’re doing okay, kiddo. You’ve managed to get this far, which is a feat in itself.”

“The only reason I made it this far is named Cate. She steered me to the portal and put me in the Aquamino. Sure, I got here, but now what?”

” Jigsaw puzzles or chains?”

“Excuse me?” Dorian blinked.

“I’m giving you a choice as to what metaphor I use. Either you’ll be a piece in a very large puzzle or a link in a very long chain. Well, I guess it doesn’t matter at this point because I’ve used them both!” Granny laughed.

“That really doesn’t help me much,” Dorian lamented.

“Linchpin! You’re more of a linchpin than a puzzle piece! It was right on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t spit it out. You are the linchpin!”

“Oh, yes, of course. WHAT?” Dorian whined, exasperated.

“You are more than just a piece, you’re the piece. You are the piece that holds everything together! From the moment you acquired the ability to mirror people’s talents, you have been on this path. Your abilities made you the perfect rescuer for Cadence and enabled you to win the breastplate. You then came here so that Beak Boy could kick your ass and take the armor. He was then able to help me to rectify another dire situation while you traveled here courtesy of Cate and the waters of the Chronostream. You may not think that you are cut out for this but know deep within your heart that you will emerge from this a hero!”

“Thanks, Granny.”

“Do you feel better now?” Granny brushed back the hair from Dorian’s eyes.

“I guess so.”

“Great, because I just pulled that straight out of my ass. I mean, I had absolutely no idea where I was going with it, but once I started it just came gushing out!”

Dorian’s face dropped.

“But I meant every word of it. You will be everything that you need to be, and you will prevail! That’s not just my sweet ass talking, I promise!”

Granny cradled Dorian’s chin and looked into his eyes.

“That’s all well and good, but between you, me, and your ass, I still don’t have a plan!” Dorian sighed.

“Sweet ass,” Granny corrected.

“You, me, and your sweet ass,” Dorian restated.

Granny winked.

“Now, tell me what you’ve got, and I’ll give you some suggestions,” she urged.

“Plan A was to find Cadence by tracking her bracelet using the breastplate. When I found her, I would have hit the reset button on the armor and popped us back to the present day.”

“Bold, yet flawed,” Granny commented.

“What do you mean?”

“The breastplate only relocates you in time, not place. Considering that Cadence has been held near the portal since her abduction you would have jumped into the same situation only at an earlier point in time.”

“Ugh! I realized that a bit too late.” Dorian facepalmed.

“Don’t you think snatching Cadence breaks the contract initiated by the ritual? Charlie would have a reason to retaliate.”

“The contract was fulfilled as soon as Cadence arrived in fourteen ninety-nine. Charlie is trying to work a side hustle, so I’m not concerned about his so-called contract. If the contract meant anything DeLeon would be back in his mansion already.”

“I can support that. It doesn’t matter, your sucky Plan A is out the window. What else do you have?”

“Plan B was to engage DeLeon in a duel over control of the breastplate. Cadence would have a shot at getting back through the portal while they were focused on me, but . . .”

“But you no longer have the armor so there’s no armor to battle over. Is there a Plan C? Please tell me it isn’t armor-centric.”

“Are you kidding? I’m surprised that I even had a Plan B!”

“Knock, knock!” Granny replied.

“What?”

“Knock, knock!”

“Who’s there?”

“The granny with a plan.”

“The granny with a plan, who?”

“Do you really think that there’s more than that? The granny with a plan. I’m telling you that I am the granny and that I have a plan in the cute little way that we interact regularly.” Granny shook her head in disbelief.

“Oh.” Dorian blushed.

“I’ll let it slide. You’ve had a busy day,” Granny winked. “Follow me.”